When you remember me, it means that you
have carried something of who I am with you,
that I have left some mark on who I am on who you are.
It means that you can summon me back to your mind
even though countless years and miles may stand between us.
It means that if we meet again, you will know me,
and hear my voice and speak to me in your heart.
For as long as you remember me, I am never entirely lost.
~Frederick Buechner
Oh you’re not six years old anymore. I gushed over my boy. Luijoe, you’re so handsome! . I kept on hugging and kissing his sunburnt cheeks. Luijoe smiled and looked embarassed. Haha, maybe he didn’t want to be fussed over that much. After all he is now a young man not a little boy. Now I know how you look like as a 13 year old, I whispered to him, as I untangled the twisted knots from his long hair. Luijoe appeared to me in my dreams. In my dream, we were back at our old house in Pasig, the house where he was born. I was aware that he died already so I wasn’t broken-hearted when I snapped out of lala-land.
A few days ago, I’ve always pondered on how Luijoe looked like as a teenager. I always think of my son as forever “six years old” . I can’t help thinking of his looks since a 13th birthday marks the milestone for any child. Early this month, my husband had dreamt of him as a tall, lanky and handsome boy almost his height at 5 feet 9 inches. I wished that I could also see him in my dreams. Even just in a dream. And true enough, last night my husband and I dreamt of him in different circumstances. Dreams and memories are all we have left of our beautiful son but that’s enough to get us by till we meet again.
It’s July 13th but there is no birthday cake, no birthday presents, no birthday party and no birthday boy to celebrate his 13th birthday with. Inspite of these limitations, we will celebrate Luijoe’s day with a simple dinner since the girls will be home from their dorm (No classes).
Keeping Luijoe’s memory alive is a very important part of who I am now. I want his memory to live on forever and for Luijoe to never be forgotten.
PS. Eden’s son, (a member of The Compassionate Friends) has the same birthdate (July 13, 1993) as Luijoe. To Carlo, hope Luijoe and you are having a great time in heaven.
This is about me ( a 
