A Filipina Mom Blogger

Just as I take care of my body through diet and exercise, my mind and soul is nurtured through meditational readings. When Butch arrives home from work, I know he wants to “enjoy the scenery of the pasture” in the family den. While he’s in his quiet time mode, I retreat to my sanctuary for my daily tranquil solitude, to reconnect with my mind , soul and body.

I light the candles and bring out 4 meditational books and pick one randomly..

The The Language of Letting Go : 366 New Daily Meditations is designed to help me remember each day on what I know. My moods on each day vary and the daily reading assist me on self care and health, grief, spiritual & co-dependency recovery : Like yesterday’s (March 13) reading was on clarity and direction.

In spite of our best efforts to work our programs and lean on God’s guidance, we sometimes don’t understand what’s going on in our life. We trust, we pray, listen to people, listen to ourselves, and the answer still does not come.

During those times we need to understand that we are right where we need to be, even if we know that place may feel awkward and uncomfortable. Our life does have purpose and direction.

We are being changed, healed, transformed at levels deeper than we can imagine. Good things, beyond our capacity to imagine are being prepared and brought to us. We are being led and guided…..

How reassuring to know that I am being guided on what’s good about life especially when I feel confused and without direction. Such reading tells me that I have to trust enough to wait until my mind and vision are clear and consistent.

Then I take this next book…

Haha I know it’s weird. But the Food for Thought : Daily Meditations For Overeaters helped me during the first few weeks of my weight loss program. It gave me the insight and encouragment to continue on during those times when I didn’t lose a single pound. This book is an inspirational guide for Overeaters Anonymous, a 12 step recovery program. There is an OA anonymous here in Manila but the schedule conflict with my Friday activity. One reading strikes me:

In the past, we used excess food as a crutch, and we developed a false dependency on it. We turned to unncessary food to calm us down, to cheer us up , and to avoid facing our problems. As a cure-all, food let us down. Rather than solving our problems, overeating multiplied them…

Accepting the fact that we are dependent…is the beginning of recovery. We need to be humble, open and willing to be led by those who have replaced their false dependency on food with a healthy dependency on God.

Masarap kumain eh.

Yes comfort food. How I used to snack or binge on unhealthy junk food! The habit to binge hasn’t waned but I’ve replaced it with a healthier alternative like nuts which have a lower glycemic index.

I’ve had the Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief since 2000. This was the only book I could read without breaking down in tears and putting it away in haste. My sister in California (bless her kindness) sent me a lot of grief recovery books but I couldn’t read them. I only got to read them after 3 years during my healing stage. The brief readings of “Healing Loss” are ideal for those early in their grief since their attention span is short and a seminal thought serves better than an extended discussion.

The attempt to “be brave,” to “keep a stiff upper lip” and otherwise be
controlled and poised in the face of grief, is a false god. How are we
supposed to feel when our heart is broken?

And yet we continue to extol those who do not show their grief in public,
who receive condolences as though the occasion were a pleasant Sunday
afternoon exchange. “She was so brave. I was proud of her. She didn’t
break down, not once,” we hear people say.

For whose benefit is this ironclad hold on the emotions? For the griever’s
sake? For the sake of the consolers, who may be fearful of being swept
into the grief, unsure of how they will handle it when their time comes?

It’s alright to cry. I used to think that crying is depressing to others so I hide my tears. Now I know that if someone cries in front of me, it’s a gift. It’s a privelege. That person trusts me.

The last book I read is “Everday with Jesus” by Selwyn Hughes. It’s a one year devotional given by Cathy, my co-founder of The Compassionate Friends Philippins. This particular reading, “Would you love life?” affirmed my love for hubby when he was difficult to love during the early stages of our grief.

Love ever gives, forgives, outlives
And ever stands with open hands,
And while it lives, it gives,
For this is love’s prerogative:
To give and give and give.

I’ve learned to know the difference between love with and without boundaries.

After reading all the books, I allow my thoughts to drift and reflect on the present. There are no regrets of the past. It’s the present that matters now. I will allow the future to settle in its own course through the will of God.

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