I know my children shut their feelings towards the death of their brother perhaps because they didn’t want to be a burden to us or they didn’t know how to process their feelings. However, I talk about their brother once in a while so they can talk about their feelings too. I was told by grief counsellors that my children’s grief might not surface now but later. Like, milestones when they have a child or get married.

This is what Lauren wrote about her grief in an article for The Compassionate Friends:
http://compassionatefriends.info/content/view/64/45/

Grief is a never-ending process. The beautiful thing about grieving is that even though you will never get over the death of your loved one, you will learn to move on and live without that person. Death like any great wound leaves a scar that will heal with time. But the mark will always remain, and so will the memories of your loved one.

Perhaps you meant “transform the pain into a positive resolution”. If you read the “about me” page, it mentions that I transformed my pain by starting a grief support group for families in the Philippines.

We learn to live with the pain in a more positive way. The pain of losing someone is very raw during the first few years but it’s easier to live with as time and healing process goes on. Grieving is a lifelong journey.Does it help to know that if we didn’t love so very much, it would not hurt so badly? Grief is the price we pay for love. And as much as it hurts, I’m very, very glad I loved. So please, understand that getting over the pain is not possible. It’s living with the pain which is possible.