A Filipina Mom Blogger

I was laughing when I saw a comment on my entry, Computer Game and Internet Addiction

i also believe that you are a old-fashioned and controlling parent. times have changed.

The above comment is partially true . I am an old fashioned parent, a child of old fashioned parents but the difference is I have adapted to the times. Old fashion parenting style never goes out of fashion. Part of the parenting style needs some control of the environment our children live. Can you imagine if I allowed my children to be online 5 hours a day or watch TV all afternoon? Call me an old fashion parent if that’s the case. True, times have changed and I have my own definition of “what’s in” and “what’s out” in parenting style.

What’s in or what’s still in

1. Instill parental guidance and discipline of young kids age twelve years old and below. This is true for TV, movies, internet, games, books. Unfortunately, not all of what children learn from TV is beneficial. TV programs often present a very selective view of life, with glamor in stark contrast to the real people children come into contact with. Remember that 7 year old boy that shot his yaya (babysitter) a few years ago? The young boy was watching his favorite TV show depicting violence when the caregiver told him to turn it off. In the kids rage, he got his dad’s gun and shot his babysitter.

2. Raise children with imagination and curiosity. Nowadays, when we enter the toy store , we see an array of toys that require batteries, have flashing lights or look like your child’s favorite movie character. We still need to fill our houses with some of the following old-fashioned items like : books, felt boards, musical instruments, blocks and legos, art supplies, kitchen play, puppets to mention a few.

3. When children hit adolescence, we should allow them to express their feelings and reach a compromise. They also need to know this is the rule today and it’s not going to change tomorrow. Consistency is really important to our children. With our girls, we set rules on party curfew times, the age when they can go dating (age 16), telephone limits, study time and household responsibilities. My husband had some difficulty adjusting to the teens fashion. Anything without a sleeve was deemed “slutty”.

Now what’s out?

1. Punishment is out of fashion. During my childhood days, my mother planted a guava tree for the purpose of using the guava branch for whipping us when we were naughty. According to her, a guava branch is resilient. Ugh, I remember those days when mom would holler to the maid “Get the guava branch.” I remember trembling like a quivering guava leaf whenever I’d hear those harsh words. I can’t remember our offense now but the welt marks often left blood streaks on our legs. I could barely walk when that happened. It is a cruel punishment and even as a kid, I found no logic in this. Sometimes mom would pinch us for minor offenses. Another variation is using the belt or slipper. This type of punishment is terribly old fashioned. I don’t know if parents of my generation use this type of physical punishment.

2. “Children are meant to be seen not heard” is outdated. During parties or occasion, some old folks separate the children from the adults. On one occasion, one of my daughters fumed after an uncle kept asking her opinion on a local star’s talent. She wished that her relatives would ask more thought-provoking questions on current issues, on her studies, hopes and ambitions.

There is more to this list of good old parenting style. I’m sure you have your own list. One thing remains: Old fashioned parenting style of love, guidance and discipline never changes with the time.