A Filipina Mom Blogger

Very brave post,this Not many Pinoy parents are comfy talking about sex, let alone their own sex lives, more so on whether their own kids might be hearing it. Bravo! We do need to be more open in discussing this so that we can be more equipped in teaching our kids about sex. My husband and I have always thought that we prefer our kids first learning about sex and all related issues from us rather than have them hear distorted versions elsewhere. We began as early as when they were taught body parts as toddlers and added to the info as they grew. Part of effective sex education ismaking them feel they can discuss everything with us - yes, including knowing that their parents have a healthy and happy sex life and that it contributes to having a loving and happy family. Have they heard us ever? Actually, I can’t say I know the answer for sure. I can just hope we have prepared them well enough so that their reaction would be more of amusement rather than horror

@maia- this post was inspired by a talk I had with Dine at the iblog 3. We often wonder at the limited topics on “sex” in our country. No wonder my entry “sex education in the Philippines” rank quite high in Google search.

this is why I Love you..

my hubby and I have a very active sex life(http://feistymomma.com/WP/?p=11), read the very last part ;). that’s why our bedroom doors are shut and we’ve made it perfectly clear to our son to knock first before coming in.

@dexie- hehe. Good thing you taught your son early on. I never taught my kids to knock. We just lock our rooms.

Incidentally, when I was house hunting, I made sure our room was not beside the kids room.

I have always been an open-minded person and I believe (though I didn’t learn from home), that sex education should be taught from home. I never did heard my parents (when my mom was alive) have sex. Though my sister said that she remember walking on my mom and dad when she was little having the o*** performance. She cried when she saw that. Anyway, I will try to remember this advice when the time I have my own kids. I will definitely have to lock doors as my husband and I are very “loving” persons.

Noemi, such an interesting post. I don’t know what my own kids have to say on this topic. I don’t want to find out especially my little one’s room is adjacent to mine. i know she can hear even our lighthearted conversation. Ahhh, few more months and she is off to college.

This is interesting! I think it’s time that Filipinos become open-minded about sex.

Very interesting post Ate Noemi. Ah! That’s why my parents taught us how to knock and they have a very good lock on their bedroom door. hehehe ;). My daughter is only 5 years old and she sleeps so soundly. Thanks to your post I will be more careful to make sure the door is locked in the future.

I never heard. But I know. >:)

I think it’s about the children’s understanding regarding sex that makes them interested in knowing. The one who started the forum probably thinks that hearing her parents having sex means that they still love each other.

LOL, Ms. Noemi,this is such an eye opener. I once read a magazine article in which parents went to such lengths to have their intimate moments but still get “caught” doing it by their children.haha.
That thing about knocking first we’ll have to teach our daughter when she’s old enough.
Great post as usual, Ms. NOemi.

@lemon- the best way is when they are not around or at the dead of the night.

as I was reading this post, i remembered Connie’s post on co-sleeping with the child because this is our current situation at home.

i have a 3-year old who co-sleeps with us (and we still prefer that he sleeps with us until he’s old enough to be in a room of his own). though we know he has no understanding yet on matters relating to his Mom and Dad’s intimacy moments, we thought it’s best that we should not be caught because when he is old and knowledgeable of sex already, baka, he would recollect and say “ah, yun pala yung ginagawa ng Mommy and Daddy ko!”.

so in short, at this point in my married life, having those intimate moments were really a challenge.

Childrens, especially teens have knowledge about sex which they get from school and thier peers. I think it’s better to just tell them about it first, than let them hear it.

HILARIOUS!!! how else could i have had 7 children? and yes, dear readers, young and old…there’s mighty S after 40. i may be room hopping from night to night (sometimes i end up sleeping in any of the kids’ rooms), but there’s always time for S, there would always be other places apart from home for S. as Noemi said, it is an expression of love. S is positive!

this is a liberating post, dear Noemi

Haha. I’ve never heard my parents talk about or have sex. I’m thinking they never did it as they grew older. Interesting topic! Surprised someone blogged about it–a mother at that! Kudos

@feng- cosleeping is a birth control measure which works .

@bob- I wanted my kids to hear it more accurately from me.

@sexy mom- Very liberating.

@tiffany- you never know. I’ve always been very open about the topic. I grew up with a mom who was just as crazy as I was.

wow! crazy post! haha… when i was young i did suspect when they were doing it but im sure my folks are still at it! they love each other really.

Well, I had walked in on my mom and dad several times when I was a child. It felt weird, considering I had no inkling what sex was all about. But when I grew older—and wiser—I thought about those incidents and found myself more troubled. If having sex supposedly leads to intimacy (or is it the other way around?), why did my parents separate?

hahaha! this post is soo true!
filipinos should be more open-minded when it comes to sex!

i never heard my parents doing it - but i heard my aunt and uncle doing it (before) and i was like
toog toog-a-toog!

Oh geez. I caught my parents last week for the first time. All I was doing was getting toilet paper and I even knocked. Nobody answered. Horrible experience. They’re like 40-50, they’re too old, they should be like not able to move or have the energy to do that….

I AGREE WITH “ScarredForLife”

I am 17 years old, my parents just turned 60 (both of them) and I am DYING right now… I told my parents I’d stay at my friend’s house for a little while( it was getting late)… a little while passes and I walk into my house quietly (didn’t want to wake anyone up) and the next thing I hear is “maybe it’s better if I go on top”
D:
D:
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I am seriously scarred for EVER. I keep telling myself, “it’s just a dream, it’s just a dream, it never happened..” BUT I CAN’T GET IT OFF MY MIND. I tried to take my mind off of it by playing video games and watching a movie..but i still can’t stop thinking about it… ugh it disgusts me!!!!!!!

It’s weird because this is the first time I have ever heard of them doing it, EVER. The worst part about it is, I thought maybe my mo m was giving my dad a massage or something, and as I walk up the stairs, I hear some scurrying and my dad runs out with nothing on but a pillow covering his crotch saying “But you said you were coming later on!!!!!!” OOOOMG… OMFG I CAN’T stop thinking about ittttttttttttt.

well anyway, I thought maybe if I let it all out it would pass quicker so I can forget about it… overnight, hopefully??? SHIT.

Realy i enjoyed it

Kavitha

omg i walked in on my mum n dad doin it other nite i saw both of them naked n in n out of each ova n stuff..it was like eew.my mum looked at me and my dad stood up and said OUT OUR ROOM they havnt mentioned it since.=/

hi my name is alana and just to say i have sex and im 22 and theres nothin wrong with havin sex…..

when i was 17 i was at my friends house my parents call and said that i had to go home the next day and i said okay………..so later in the night i realize their is school and i had a test that day so i had to go home and get my stuff for tomorrow……..and i got in the house and i heard a bed shaking and i was getting scared and then i was looking for my bookbag and i fond it and i heard[ohhhhh baby faster faster]and then i heard that and i knew it was my parents and i was laughing cause my dad is 39 and my mom is 38 so i was sitting on the steps by my parents door and i was hearing them and i saw my dad putting his **** in my moms ***** and i walk in and said STOP in a loud tone and they said get out and then i got my stuff and left after that night i was scarred till now cause im 18 now

It’s common that sex is always taboo in the filipino family. Its the kind of upbringing that we had from the spanish times but gradually up to the present sex is already an open topic but still not within the family. I would say there is still conservatism in the filipino family in general especially in the Philippines but there are other filipino families outside of the country where probably its more liberal but i would still think its not many. Just an opinion from rodaflip http://flipantasticweb.blogspot.com

My wife and I are sure that our oldest teenage son must hear us because our room is right next to his. Neither he nor our younger teenage son complain like some of the posts here do. At home and on vacations in timeshares, we don’t feel like we have to hide our sex toys, special lotions, or glow in the dark bubble bath. It is no big deal to us that our boys know that married people in their 50ties still enjoy doing it. They did walk in on us when they were little, but we have made sure to lock the door since then.

omg i can totally hear my parents having sex in the next room its so NASTY i just want to peel my ears off at first i thought my dad was hurting my mom b/c i couldn’t really tell of she was crying or what so i almost walked in until a realized that they were do’in the do i quietly went back to my room and acted as if i heard nothing the next morning i was trying so hard to avoid my parentsit was so weird but they didn’t know that i heard them it was gross
its sweet that after all these years people can still have the hots for each other but when its your own parents its just creepy

I am 24 years old and I have heard my parents have sex many a times. I recently got married and our sex life is suffering because I cannot get the mental picture out of my mind that I am doing the exact same thing my parents did. I have been to therapy over this, I have even gone to church, I’ve not said one word to my husband about it though. What is a girl to do??? I never thought my sex life as a married woman would suffer because I heard my parents have sex. And when I don’t have the episodes and we do have sex, then I’m ok until the next time we visit my parents. And then when we go over to their house to visit, in the back of my mind I know that my parents know we’re a married couple and we have an active life. And then when my husband and I go back home, he wants to make love and I am sooooooooo not in the mood. Parents: You guys HAVE NO IDEA what it does to a kid when they hear you have sex. You guys have got to be careful. It sucks and it’s disgusting and it’s crude. Don’t let your kids end up like me! The only reason I came across this forum is because I am thoroughly concerned for my own well being. And this post actually helped me to cope a little bit about what I had experienced as a child. Thank you!!

Ladies, your parents are human beings. Their having sex co-created you with God.. Did your mom ever talk about sex with you? Andrea, I’m glad you are concerned about your own well being. For the well being of your marriage, please discuss this with your husband and see a marriage therapist together. I think there is more going on here than just hearing your parents have sex which is evidenced by shutting down sexually after visiting at home.

im 15, i hear my mum and dad every night
every night i canot sleep because of this i have had sex befor and it is the best thig ever but i dont want my um and dad to do it
i have also found toys and lube in there bedroom
i one walked in the just looked at me and then my mum kept blowing i will never regret them for runing my childhood
sdex is the best fealing try it if u havent but where a condom

One time i was about 8…or 7 i think and back then i did kina no what sex was but i dont even remember how i new what it was..and now im 13..but anways

i was going to my freinds house withc was like across the street and i whent there i was gonna stay for the night but then around 1 hour later i 4got to bring my toothbrush and i just ran back home to get it i came in the house and started calling my mom and she wouldnt reply do i got scared cuz the door was open so she couldnt have gone anywhere then i was like whatever ill just go get my toothbrush,key to lock the door when i got upstairs to my room witch is night next to mine i saw across the hallway my mom and step dad(EWW) having sex and it was so gross and then i was like yelling at my mom i was like MOMMM WHY ARE u screaming(lol) and then i just went and sat on the bed and taked for like 15 mins to prevent them to start again when i left ..then they broke up and my mom found this new guy witch they got married together for 5 years now but i always hear then have sex all the time its so gross…but really i think perants just..shouldnt have *loud* sex like be quit cuz when ur loud this is kinda weird but the kids wanna no more about it and like.. u wanna have sex faster then ur sapose to like when ur just a teen so perants DONT HAVE SEX IF UR KIDS OUR HOME JEEZ!

um… ur only 15 holly and u had sex thats fucked man ur so stupid u shouldnt have sex when ur 15 ..and now ur telling other ppl to do it too…thats messed…and tell me is the guy u had sex with still with u ? let me guess not…ur gonna go to hell

Always brings back memories for me, when I was about 12 I cound never understand all the noises comming from my parents room, it used to wake me up many times, some times I thought my father was really hurting my mother she made so much noise. I even started to notice them going upsairs in the afternoon for ‘a liitle lie down’ mother always used to turn the tv up before going upstairs which always baffled me! One day the bed was squeaking so lound one afternoon that I wentt upstairs to investigate, big mistake by me, saw parents naked on bed, father on top of mother with his head down, he didn’t see me and caried on, mother did but couldn’t stop him straight away so I saw everything, totally puzzled by now until mother shouted “GET OUT” I ran downstairs and was followed by mother in her gown, well I was told the facts of life there and then by mum, talk about being embarrassed and even worse she even went back upstairs and the noises started all over again so I got the theory and the practical at the same time!I was a shy 12 year old and could not look my parents in the face for months on end, it also started my life of masturbation the very next night and I eagerly awaited night times so I could indulge my habit, indeed I used to be very, very dissapointed if there was no sex going on during the night! Grew out of it eventually to the point where I found it gross in the exreame, guess my parents were just highly sexed!

ew, ive walked in on em once.
but i was like 8, and ever since i walked in on em i’d always be paranoid.
and ive heard them a few times..sick, i feel disscusted.
but i guess ive gotten over it. i just turn on up the tv really loud !

I recently heard them…I’m 17 and so it’s not like I’m not used to the idea of sex. Friends, tv, etc, I mean. But when I heard them, it was the first time ever that I heard them in my life. And I wasn’t surprised, I know older people get it on. But I was really…unhappy. Disgusted even. To hear my mom make those sounds…I heard it a few days ago and I’ve gotten over it, but occasionally my mind recalls hearing it, and I get sick. I felt so weird. Probably because I didn’t think it was them. It was semi late at night and I heard something when I was brushing my teeth (the bathroom is right next to their room) and I heard it while the water was running. I turned off the faucet and listened more to see what it was…then I heard it and thought it was a neighbor or something from downstairs (apartment building) through a pipeline. I was still unsure and curious so I listened even further, until I realized it was my mom moaning! It’s really bad to hear that. No matter what anyone says, it’s natural, it’s accepted, they’re old, whatever, but still — no child should ever hear or see that. Parents, please think of the trauma you can cause. Wait till no one’s in the house, okay?

Amandas last blog post..Scholastic, NY Public Library unveil original Beedle

to john: your sons wouldn’t open up to that. i’ve heard my parents and there is no way I can say to my mom “hey i heard you last night”
pleaaaaaaaase take us into consideration: kids are understanding…we just don’t wanna hear the deed!!! that’s like if you were in a room with your friends or even your teachers having sex…please please please make sure ur kids dont hear u…u wont know the effects, they won’t say, its embarrassing

Amandas last blog post..Scholastic, NY Public Library unveil original Beedle

Maia Jose, your post sounds one from a person whose children lack the type of parents of as I read many of these other posts.

Andrea,frankly your not being able to your husband in your parents house sounds like someone who is still a little girl who has not left home and not a grown woman.

Holly, at 15 your knowledge about sex and the place of sex in a marriage is not even out of kindergarten and you are playing with dynamite which you want to do but want your parents to stop, I guess for the reason as one person put it they should know they are too old for that or they should not have that much energy, but when you are that age you might well wish you did. You would not be able to have sex today if your parents had not had sex 15 years and 9 months ago.

Frankly, I think no child little or grown and particularly 18 as any business to tell or even worse walk in and tell your parents to stop making love.

It is unreal to me how many people and even many church people who view sex which God made as something nasty, dirty, only done in the dark and quietly. One extremely sad thing today is many teens are having sex but have no idea what making love is which is really what makes sex great and cannot always be planned.

Come on John,…you mean to tell us you don’t feel nervous with your heart racing with excitement whenever you hear the sound of moaning, screaming, and the bed screeching in rhythm which can lead to climax, let alone embarrassing because of the pleasure it brings at such a young age. It can be traumatic for such a person. And I wonder if it doesn’t effect the quality of sleep, which can lead to lack of consentration and poor performances in school for a child? That’s what a lot of us kids experienced growing up. I did. Why do you think sex sell ? Sex is tooo exciting for anyone…and it will be constantly on our minds…no one is exempted from it. Children our sexual beings too. I remember experiencing orgasms before the age of 5..when I heard my parents…although I did come from an abusive upbringing…Not sexual abuse, but mental and physical abuse.
Please understand that I know sex is not bad and dirty. Sex is beautiful, a gift given to married people by God. So parents shouldn’t stop making love, but should take into account their child cognitive development, because it can lead to sexual addiction. Remeber none of us is alike, nor is our experiences and feelings.

i just hate it when i hear them my fucking dad always has sex no mater hat

Michelle,

My parents divorced when I was 3 and we went to live with her mother and my great aunt. We did not move until I was twelve and was very glad to get a step-father and two step-brothers. Thus, I never heard much noise as you describe. My wife and I have never been as loud as
screaming, and the bed screeching in rhythm for one thing we have a very good and solid bed.

We’ve never had the option of having a house in which our bedroom was not rather close to our boys. We do try to be quieter than when they are not home, but I’m sure they hear some. At 51 and my wife at 53, we are no longer late night people. Our boys get plenty of sleep, the 16 year old is academically gifted and our 18 is very smart with great relationship skills and writes with a depth of insight very much beyond his age.

I do think possibly one reason a friend of mine’s younger sister never married was she complained about hearing their parent’s bed springs almost every night so Denise was glad when David moved out to college because then she got the basement bedroom.

On the other hand, my uncles and aunts on my dad’s side all have between 8-13 children in which often almost all of the girls are in one bedroom and all the boys in another bedroom with a room or two for those older teenagers. I’m sure their kids heard them and I saw my aunts pregnant so often that even now I can often meet a pregnant woman and guess how far along she is in her pregnancy.

Concerning sex addiction, I think there are many factors in that one being poor or no teaching from churches and often fundamentalist churches at all. It is not surprising that in the USA Bible belt more porn and adult toys are sold than anywhere in the USA. A high school classmate of mine told me that as a social worker the highest number of incest cases were among the fundamentalists. I live in a very fundamentalist county with huge fundamentalist churches and a fundamentalist college, but we also have three strip clubs, several porn shops, and I’ve heard quite a number of sex clubs for various interests along with one of the highest HIV infections and unwed mothers of the state.

I read this whole article, and I felt very Identified with Michele´s comment. please read this if you are interested in knowing how all this can affect your child and how traumatic it can be for us to the point off affecting our everyday future life.
I`m an 18 year old girl and I still can´t forget the disturbing image I saw at the age of 5.
At the time we we`re kind of poor, so mymom, my steofathr and I lived atmy aunt`s house and all three of us slept on an iron bunk bed whixh was already kind of rusty. one day by dawn i was sleeping and i startes to feel the whole bedmove , at first i didn´t pay much attention, for i had a pure mind and never even thought about sex, so i just shoputed, stop m,oving, oi said it for about 3 times. after rthat i was so pissed off that i just got up and i was about to yell at them for waking me up..but iwasnñt able to do it ..it was a shocking image what i saw ..my dad sittin on top of my mom both moving, moaning and gasping ..they were just as shocked as me , and froze.. i just ran out of the room yelling and crying towards my aunt´s room. afterwards my mom came and talked to me and told me they did it so that i could have a little brother(whiswas actually a sister).. from this moment on , i developped some kind of resentment and disgiust towards my stepdad… but the worse part is that i got specially interested in sex..by the age f five can you imagiune?! ..i once almost tried to do it with my cousin , but we were caught so nothing happened, well, at least not till i was 12. when we moved to a bigger house and everyone had their room , i used to spy on them and would hear every noise on purpose, and felt excitation and disgust and hate towards them, specially my step dad , everything tthe same time..i ´m not sure where this sort of hate comes from, iñm not even sure if it is hate but,..it´s still scary to talk about it…i would also look at porn , something that became adictive at some point..but that with some will i managed to control , and got over it… afterwards they got divorced..and i actually felt relieved with the fact
anyways this kind of experience is really traumatic..for the sake of your kids mental health be very careful of them noticiing about your sex life..i know everybody says it shouldn´t be taboo..even though i´m no psychologist or anything, somethimes i think it should..

It happens so often now that I’m used to it, but it was a major problem when I first heard it as I thought my dad was really hurting my mom, it got to the point where I was going to ask her about it, THANK GOD I did’nt because I managed to work it out for myself and I would have been SO embarresed asking about the noises I heard most nights, could’nt work out why they arguyed so much during the day and then had sex at night, did they love each other or not? I know parents do have sex but I never thought they did it so often, and why the noise? don’t they know people might hear them?

Lizzy,

Maybe your parents argue during the day because they are honestly discussing important issues instead of keeping everything bottled up then later make up by having sex. Until you have sex and sex with deeper and deeper personal intimacy, you will not quite understand the noise. I tend to be nosier than my wife, but my wife cannot hold it in when she has one of those really powerful orgasms. The non physical part of sex over the years makes you want to feel that close to your spouse very, very often. It ain’t the main thing about marriage but it does reflect the intimacy of the relationship. Be glad they are still active because the health benefit from this is very good for men for those who remain active over the years have a far lower rate of prostrate cancer.

I understand that parents of all ages have every right to sex. I am 20 and last night I came home unexpectedly early and thought I heard my dad throwing up upstairs. I got about 3/4 of the way up the stairs when i saw my dad screwing my mom doggy style. I wish I could say that i was only a little disturbed and that i’m now ok with it but that would be a lie. I dont know why it’s affecting me this much but i can’t get the image out of my head and everytime i think of it i just want to cry. My whole life my parents have made sex into a horrible, dirty act and although i know that it’s a natural and necessary part of life, to see them doing it was just horrifying. I think it would have been different if it looked like they were ‘making love’ but they were full on fucking and it was gross. Like i said, i KNOW that this is normal and that sex is part of a healthy lifestyle but the fact that they were doing it that way just made them seem like hypocrites. If i was brought up in an atmosphere that acknowledged sex for what it is and accepted that it was natural and normal, i don’t think this wouldve been a big deal. sure, it would have still been unpleasant but at least it wouldn’t have been psychologically damaging. Seeing them made me feel like a helpless little kid which is crazy…….i feel as if i am overreacting but seeing them just troubles me so much. My brother is even more upset than i am - and he didnt even see what i saw.

As I write this they, my parents are at it again! I think it’s getting worse, every night this week and twice in the afternoons, no way I can ask my friends over to visit me as I wuld just die of embarresment! it’s a wonder the niegbours don’t complain about the noise..Hey it’S STOPPED!! pity now that I’m wide awake, might just just put ny music soo f^^cking load it might keep them awake.