Where to Seek Help: Domestic Abuse & Violence Against Women in the Philippines
HOTLINE FOR ABUSED WOMEN is +632-922-5235 or +632-926-7744
Donations in cash and kind are welcome at the Women’s Crisis Center, 3F ER-Trauma Extension, Annex Building of the East Avenue Medical Center in Diliman , Quezon City
Also check Senator Pia Cayetano’s What Everyone should know about Violence Against Women and Children where she also provides places to go for help.
This is an an old entry in 2006 which I rehashed because I want to give updates on domestic violence against women. Here in the Philippines, a total of 6,679 cases involving violence against women were recorded in 2007. If you know an abused friend or relative or if you yourself are abused, please be empowered. Read on. Contact numbers to seek help below the entry.
“You provoked me”, the wife-beater smugly said.
“It is still no reason to hit me” protested the wife.
This is a common conversation that occurs between the wife beater and the abused woman. Wife beaters have a specific pattern that can be seen early in a relationship.
Abusive men often are highly romantic, sweet and protective early in their relationships. They lavish their women gifts during courtship. For them, women are trophies to be won over and objects to possess, and not people to enter equal partnerships with.
This cycle of abuse can be broken if women know how to empower themselves. The new law, Republic Act (RA) 9262 “Anti-Violence Against Women and Children is not against men. It is against men who treat their women as property.
The following is a true story of how Republic Act (RA) 9262 is working for a battered wife, a close friend who narrated the following events to me (names and certain situations changed):
Maria, a businesswoman has been a battered wife for 15 years. She’s married to a successful engineer who is soft-spoken and a Sto. Nino devotee. Who would have imagined that she silently suffered from physical and verbal abuse all these years? I would have never thought and even her own family. Her sister knew of her predicament just recently and got referred to GABRIELA, the same women’s group that lobbied for the law to be passed. GABRIELA, in turn advised her to help Maria file for a protection order. But Maria would hear none of it.
Nooo. It was my fault anyway.
How embarrassing.
What will the neighbors think?
I’m a failure.
I can still take it.
Maria coined a lot of excuses.
The battered wife thought that the law will never work but she promised her sister that if her husband resumes his abusive behavior, she will consider the filing of criminal charges.
Everything was nice and dandy for almost a year until her husband succumbed to work-related pressures. That night , he drank way too many beers and just threw a fist at Maria’s head without provocation.
Maria saw stars spinning as the blow hit her. Steadying herself, she stood up and ran out of the house. Her husband repeatedly hit her in the arms as she vainly struggled to set free from his hold. In her hurry, she forgot to bring money and her cellphone. She also left her teenage daughter. In desperation, Maria dashed to the barangay office to file a complaint. She remembered RA 9262. Immediately after hearing her complaint, three barangay tanods accompanied her to the house.
“They responded to my plea” she thought.
The barangay tanods negotiated with the husband to allow Maria to enter the house peacefully and get her things.
The next day , she filed for a Barangay Protection Order (BPO) and got it within the hour. Maria went to the East Medical Center earlier and acquired a medico -legal certification which she showed to the barangay captain.
The BPO was served to the husband. Enraged, “How dare she do this to me? How dare she destroy my good name?”
Fearing the wrath of her husband, Maria worried for her future safety. That’s when she decided to file for Temporary Protection Order (TPO). Maria was accompanied by a barangay worker to the Women’s Assistance Desk at the Police Station where the policewoman (in civilian clothes) prepared her statement. She was told to reproduce 10 copies of the complaint, together with the medico-legal findings, the BPO, the barangay blotter and submit it to the Fiscal’s office.
Would you believe it? She was granted her TPO within the day.
Together with a court order, law enforcers visited their conjugal home and ordered the husband to pack up his things and leave the house. After being reassured that her husband already left peacefully, only then did Maria re-enter her home.
Criminal proceedings will follow suit. The protection orders are not a guarantee that Maria will be safe but it will be a deterrent for the husband. Violation of the TPO is punishable with a fine ranging from Five Thousand Pesos (P5,000.00) to Fifty Thousand Pesos (P50,000.00) and/or imprisonment of six (6) months.
Aside from physical abuse, the law also protects women from , psychological or emotional, sexual violence and economic abuse.
So battered or abused women, married or single, don’t despair. Be empowered. There is hope. My friend , Cathy recently wrote a column on Are you a Rihanna? She relates that batterers do not look like batterers at all. So don’t be fooled. Cathy has more to say on domestic violence:
The road to this “empowerment” however, is long and narrow. Often the battered spouse takes the abuse for many years before she finally wakes up. There is the cycle of violence to grapple with. As Nina put it so aptly – “Batterers do not look like batterers. They are often very charming and look like they can do no harm.” In her case, she said that often, after her husband would abuse her, he would transform into the sweetest, most apologetic person in the world. “I thought then that since he was sorry with my love would be enough able to change him…” Rihanna issue with her. “It’s a vicious cycle, and after a while, the battered wife or partner begins to feel like she deserves the beating, and so she continues to believe him and take him back after every apology. It’s like an addiction of sorts.”
There continues to be a very strong stigma attached to domestic abuse in this country. Either the women refuse to speak up because of “hiya” or because they feel they have no place to go and are more often than not, financially dependent on the abuser. Other family members may refuse to step into the problem because they feel it is not in their place to do so. Other women are told by elders who know no better, “just bear it, he will change.” Martyrdom is not a virtue especially if you have children who see the violent acts taking place. Violence should have no room in any family, and it must never be tolerated. As one other battered friend who had found the courage to break out of the cycle once told me, “What will your “hiya” do, if the violence escalates and one day all that is left is a lifeless you?” If you find yourself in this situation or know of someone who is, speak up for yourself or speak out for your loved ones.
This also holds true even for unmarried couples. Speak Out Against Domestic Violence!. Under the Republic Act (RA) 9262 “Anti-Violence Against Women and Children , the victim need not be the one who applies for the protection order. There are roughly 20 victims in one day. Domestic violence is not limited to one social class. Many of the unreported cases belong to women belonging in the upper class of society. The figures could be higher than 20 victims a day.
Violence against women in any form is a crime. But you are not at fault. You did not cause the abuse to occur. You are not alone. Break the silence.
There are laws to protect you. Get help now.
Where to get Help
HOTLINE FOR ABUSED WOMEN is +632-922-5235 or +632-926-7744
Donations in cash and kind are welcome at the Women’s Crisis Center, 3F ER-Trauma Extension, Annex Building of the East Avenue Medical Center in Diliman , Quezon City
In Manila, call these numbers to ask for help:
DSWD Crisis Intervention Unit (02) 734-8635; 488-3199
Women’s Crisis Center East Avenue Medical Center (02) 926-7744; +632- 922- 5235
NBI Violence Against Women and Children’s Desk (02) 523-8231 loc 3403
Also check Senator Pia Cayetano’s What Everyone should know about Violence Against Women and Children where she also provides places to go for help.
Download The Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children Act of 2004 (Republic Act No. 9262) and other Resources
Republic Act (R.A.) 9262: Law for the Protection of Women and Children
-
Even if skeptical of the law or afraid of your abusive partner, be prepared for a SAFETY PLAN.
- The Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children Act of 2004 (Republic Act No. 9262) – Salient Features Published in The Practice.
- Know the Law – A Primer on Republic Act No. 9262
- Martel vs. Martel – Petition for Review in the Department of Justice.
- Safety Plan for Abused Persons – The plan shows steps for increasing the wife’s safety and preparing in advance for the possibility for further violence.
Here are valuable resources from Atty Bing Guanzon and Atty. Adrian Sison:
Judge Rebecca Mariano issued a Temporary Protection Order on May 4, 2005, the first Protection Order to be issued under the Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children Act of 2004 or Republic Act No. 9262.
Say “NO” to violence against women. Sign up at www.saynotoviolence.org.
PBA09srr7714
This is about me ( a 
It’s heartbreaking how a person you love and you think, loves you is the same person to inflict you with injuries physically and emotionally.
Physical wounds heal faster but emotional and psychological damages last forever.
I hope all women will find strength to end an abusive relationship and I pray for a miracle that abusive partners may one day change once and for all.
The battered woman can choose to leave that unhealthy relationship. That’s empowerment. Why stay in a relationship that is just full of abuse even if the abusive partner is remorseful after the abuse. It is a vicious cycle common in abusive men.
The abusive partner may have hope to change but he has to undergo counseling, first. Battered women should NOT wait for their partners to change. Help themselves first.
The best weapon of any woman against domestic violence is empowerment. Love oneself first.
my husband verbaly abuses me and it is driving me crazy. I can’t leave him because I need his medical insurance. I have given up my profession and now I am not updated and would have to be retrained. I woke up this morning to being told to shut the fuck up. Help
how can I keep withstanding this psychological and emmotional abuse with out loosing my self worth? I can’t leave him because I need his medical insurance and have become his maid giving up my career which will be difficult to get back into. He has driven me to do crazy things that he later uses against me. I must be strong. How do I do it?
im now staying overseas with my hubby and baby,but i can’t help myself to to worry about my love ones in Philippines especially my mom..Recently,around 19 or 20th of january,2010,sinaktan na naman ng daddy ko ang mama ko.Gusto kong magsumbong at ipakulong na sya para matapos na ang paghihirap ng mga kapatid at mama ko doon..All these years,pinapanalangin ko na sana magbago na daddy ko,pero hinde,paulit ulit pa rin nyang sinasaktan kundi mama ko ay mga kapatid ko.Isinusumpa ko sya,at talagang gusto ko na syang maparusahan..Magmula pagkabata,namulat na kaming lahat sa panggugulpi nya,kaya ng makatapos ako ng high school,mas pinili kong mag trabaho na agad para makalayo sa bahay at malayo sa pananakit nya..Akala ko magbabago sya,pagkatapos kong gawin lahat para makatulong sa pamilya namin,mapunan ang mga pagkukulang na sya ang dapat na gumagawa,pero hinde pa rin pala,kahit siguro sa huling sandali nya,di pa rin sya magbabago..Sa inyo po,tulungan nyo po ako,diko napo alam gagawin ko,di ko napo kayang manahimik na lang at hintaying may masamang mangyari sa pamilya ko. Ang di ko lang po kasi alam ay kung payag din po ang mama ko na isumbong na sya at maipakulong,dahil sa ngayon po,ang tanging sahod po ng daddy ko ang inaasahan nila..Please do help me,what should i do???
I have been battered for 10 years, physical, verbal, emotional, psychological, economical, name it…i ended the relationship 5 years ago but the verbal, emotional, psychological and economical abuse did not stop until now. He slowly killed my personality, I really thought that I was a useless, pathetic person (as he oftentimes called me) but my kids are growing and 2 of them are boys, I dont want them to grow in that hostile environment, so I took the courage to leave him with the help of my friends. Now I remain to be strong for my kids. I filed a case against him (RA9262) but that did not stop him from abusing me verbally, pyschologically, emotionally and even economically at that.
But I know I will survive this, I have the truth in me. He has his alibis.
How awful it must have been. You took the first step by saying NO. It must be hard being on your own but see, you don’t want your kids to live in that violent environment.
You will survive this.
thank you thank you for the info.
do you know any resources to help file child support from deadbeat dads too? since women who are battered are sometimes also mothers. and realistically it takes 2 incomes to support a child. is there some organization that could help out in this one.
and how much the lawyer fees are.
i’m really curious since there are a few people that i care about that are in a position like this.
issais last blog post..Metreon
I will ask around. YOu have a good point there. A lot stay in violent relationships because for fear of loss of income.
why don’t they allow divorce in the philippines? this nonsense continues.
issais last blog post..Metreon
No divorce but there is annulmemt which the rich can afford. It takes around 200 thousand pesos to get an annulment.
just a tip: bryanboy is chikatime:
http://donavictorina.blogspot.com/
BrianBs last blog post..First-Gen iPod Nano Owners on $25 Settlement
Brian Gorrell as the source? He should tie this up with another source or else that post is libelous. Where is his proof?
Aside from the violence, I know a lot of working women whose husbands stay at home (housebands) not necessarily as they are jobless, but because they choose to do the seemingly uncomplicated house-tending duties. I once worked with an agent under my group, who really excelled at work and was getting promoted here and there, would go to (or skip) work black and blue, only later I found out she’s beaten up because she’s the ‘better’ half (and the stupid houseband has nothing to be proud of except keeping her pregnant). Pushed her (the agent) to speak up but I would get the same reason over and over again (that she loves the father of her children yada…yada…). Not only women but (concerned) men can actually do something about it…
Carl Lozanos last blog post..New iPod Shuffle is talking
Thank you Carl for your compassion to your co-worker. I don’t know the extent of the law on how friends can help the abused woman. From what I know, one can report the abuse to the barangay of residence
I think no matter man or women, Violence is always wrong, and should always be said “no” to, and be dealt with!
it’s a sad reality that there are thousands of pinays out there that are victims of domestic violence. i think it’s very important that as a woman, you have to show your partner that you’re independent and has a mind of your own. i noticed that in most cases of domestic violence, the victims are inherently submissive to their husband and are easily influenced by them (husbands).
men are inherently dominant and sometimes, when they are confident about the loyalty and unconditional love of their partners, they tend to abuse it. men that beat their partners usually have temper and/or psychological problems which they are not aware of. some have family history of domestic violence (dad-beats-mom type) and they subconsciously apply the same to their partners.
women should be able to detect the signs that their partners are potential beaters early on in their relationship. i still believe that prevention is always better than cure.
My mom is a victim of marital infidelity, repeated verbal abuse and public humiliation. This happens whenever my dad is drunk which is practically everyday. We seek help from his relatives (hoping he will be enlightened to what he is doing to my mom and his own family)Baranggay, Police, Hall of Justice in our place. She finally filed RA 9262 last year but withdrew it because we put our dad in a private rehab in the hope that he will change. He did not. He got out last week of March and his behaviour is worst. He verbally and psychologically abuse my mom and our maid now, saying all words to belittle them. Baranggay and police officers told us we cannot issue BPO or put him in jail not until he lay hands on them.
Is this really accurate? So what’s the point of putting verbal, psychological abuse in the list? Please help.
(I told my mom to get out of the house and live with me away from my dad. But she does not want to leave their house because my younger brother is still there and her children invested a lot to give her that home. She is giving a lot of reasons why she wants to stay but I know that at the back of her mind she is still hoping my dad will change…i already told her she is the only one to put an end to it. She has to say realize enough is enough.)
Next time, print the law and show it to the barangay. Maybe they don’t know the law.
I still think you should continue to encourage your mom to live with you. She may change her mind. by living with your dad,she is enabling the alcoholic.
do you know any NGO or support group located south of manila?thank you.
hi ,, my sister is battered wife in fact last night her husband bit her and she almost died. we called barranggay tanod and no one help. the next day we report barraggay captain file an abuse to her husband and , they said it is not granted juz becoz its not my sister who filed personaly please help..
my sister cant live the house becoz he lock her and treaten her that if she live he will kill her if she seen her… where to ask to help in misamis oriental mindanao.? what group that are in mindanao who help battered woman?
You should now go to the women’s desk of the Police station because they know the law and will probably guide you. This is a serious matter.
hi my name is rose and im actually undergoing this kind of situation,,,,
and im filing a case againts him and im having a hard time since her mom is working for BJMP here in pampanga
im not a rich person and im really seeking for an help and seeking for my protection because he might go back and do something worst
as of now he stay in jail till june 30 for the petition of his resolution
he already have an attorney which i still don’t have and im looking for a protection coming from the police but they said that i can only ask for BPO(BARANGAY PROTECTION ORDER) which i don’t trust alot,,,,
we all know how barangay works in philippines plus knowing that the barangey i would ask was same of the barangay he lives…
so kinda like a BIAS
im seeking for an help since i don’t have that too much money to get an attorney and i need it badly because june 30 is too near …
i hope you could help me with this matter
plus i don’t know where to start and what to do…
the guy knows all my where abouts and plus i wana have the custody of our kids which is 6 and 2 y/o
or maybe file for their custody,,,
please im seeking help as soon as possible thanks
My husband and I just had a fight as usual the same story you all posted here- domestic violence. I’ve been thinking of how to end this misery but I can’t find people to approach to and where to go. Upon reading your site and knowing the right of women against violence I think I have now the idea. I still have a problem though- financial support from him. We both are willing to separate but the problem is he wants to see me helpless without his financial support and I don’t want that to happen since I have 3 kids to raise. Is there a way that I could ask for financial support from him legally? Where do I go? I hope that I can get answers from you soon and I would really appreciate it. Thanks and best regards.
how about battered husbands? women beating their husbands are somewhat rarer cases than vice-versa but are their any laws protecting battered men?
I have a close friend who is experiencing the same. Marital rape, physical abuse, name it. We have already reported the case to the nearest police station and have called them once. However, when they arrived at the house, they can’t seem to do anything but watch while the husband act like everything is alright and nothing has happened. They even said that they can’t do anything about it since it’s already their marriage problem. Now my friend has lost her confidence with the police. I want to help her out but I really dont know how. Please help. Thanks.
hi. just wanna ask what if the beating is initiated by both? cos wen the husband beats the wife the wife beats him back as well cause of too much pain not only physically but also emotionally. would the violence that the wife gets from her husband is still gonna be considered under RA 9262? would the wife still gets protection against this kind of situation. i actually speak on behalf of a friend who badly needs help. she doesnt know if she’s gonna get the right to be protected and to file a case against her husband? cos she got herself so confused about everything that happened. there is also a history of having a third party on the husband’s side. they broke up for almost 5 months got back together now for almost a year but of course, they’re in this shaky and “trying-to-work-things-out” kind of relationship. problem is instead of working things out together, it turned out that they’ve entered another level of marriage issue which is much more complicated and worst. pls help. it would be very much appreciated. tnx
hi. ive never been hit. but i feel that i have died inside for all the verbal and emotional abuse i got from him. from being useless and shallow and being intimidated to leave the house…. i got it. and people laugh at my sentiments for he is a perfectly responsible father..
1. where do i go for verbal abuse? the silent yet more painful abuse…
2. i loved him but i am so tired now. tired of pleasing him so he would simply say that im not stupid.
3. i want to know what i can do… i.e. i already tried talking to him a hundred times only to be told that it was all my fault.
Hi,
It’s kindda a strange question, but what if instead of a woman, a man is a victim of domestic abuse what can he do?
The situation is :
he is verbally, emotionally, psychologically, and to some lesser extent physically abused.
now he is also receiving most of the treatment his mom used to receive.
he has to justify almost all of his actions, decisions…
they manipilate the situation so they have “reason” to get angry
eg.
he is ask to give instructions to a worker, but only given vague
details, then before he can clarify, he is requested to summon the
worker and give the instructions….
then when he does not instruct properly –due to lack of info– he is
then scolded for being unable to give instructions clearly….
He is not banned technically from working for others, but their actions, temperment,etc. suggest such… thus he is financially dependent to a certain extent
eg.
Last time he tried, his dad visited his workplace every evening….
and was always bombarded with “we need peaple in our family
business…. why do work here” etc. he had to stop after a month at
work
there seem to be all or a lot of signs of an abusive relationship
*belittling
*insensitivity– when he protested about not being able to eat healthy he was told that he(dad) had lived long enough already and if his(dad) life is shortened to 10 more year he would not mind– he (dad) would like to enjoy the food
another time: he told him(dad) that asbestos powder can cause cancer, coz he(dad) was working with it in the office– he(dad) answered, we need the money and if I live just a little longer that’s okay with me…— but what about the other people with him(dad)
*blaming
*apologizing then repeating again
*insults
*misinformation and trying to drive him crazy
*making him appear wrong/bad
*etc
trying to talk to them seems to be of no use– they will not talk about it, kindda…
Where can he seek help?
He tried a psychiatrist, helped a little but enraged his brother, so now he keeps on boasting that he’s going to undo what the doct did for him( the abused) and makes life harder for him( the abused)….
my father is a typical abuser, he will verbally abuse (curse us) and the next day, He gave us money for shopping and so whatever. My Mom also a battered wife, the same thing he do to us, abuse then be good on the next day. My mom keep this for almost 3 years, and lately My father show physical abuse in front of us (children). I was so shocked, and so afraid, i always cry everytime he abuse my mom. to make my story short, My father chocked me and i told my mom that we will file case against him. Violation of RA9262 and Attemptd Parricide. i dont know what will happen next? Serving Justice in Philippines is so slow. anyway, please Pray for us, we need strength and presence of mind because this may take a long time. thanks RA9262. ^^