Photo from gjaysworld.org

A reader sent me the link to GJay’s blog, which was started by his uncle Raffy dela Rosa. I thought at first Gjay (Jose Gabriel Dela Rosa) was injured and may have hope of recovery but…

It’s been a month since 7 year old Gjay passed away. The nature of his death was a freak vehicular accident in Pasadena, USA. Imagine this , a loving family arrives in the USA expecting to have fun during a summer vacation and a few hours after their arrival, this tragic accident happens to them…

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To my visitors who watched the blogging episode of Kapuso Mo Jessica Soho, welcome to my blog. I already wrote about the taping of this episode…but I want to clarify portions of the show.

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At 7:00 PM, The Compassionate Friends held the 11th Worldwide Candle Lighting event at the Ateneo Loyola Schools.

Our Candle Lighting Service is done with love,
A tribute to our children who have gone on above.
We light our candles so others will know,
We remember our children and we still love them so.

We will continue to cherish our children so dear,
Through this service of remembrance we have every year.
We validate the high place of honor our children still claim,
As with acclamations of pride we honor their names.

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I first read Megan Meier’s suicide from my husband’s entry Online Hoax Leads to Suicide of Teenage Girl. The sad story starts with an online friend, Josh Evans who Megan never met in real life. Josh became mean to Megan and told her “The world would be a better place without you.”. Sobbing, Megan ran into her bedroom closet. Her mother found her there, just 15 minutes later, hanging from a belt, another fatal teen statistic.

Six weeks after Megan’s death, her parents learned that Josh Evans never existed. He was an online character created by Lori Drew, the 47-year old mother of Megan’s former best friend, who lived four houses down the street from the Meiers. Mrs. Drew created the character “Josh Evans”, according to a neighbor, because she “going to mess with Megan” for apparently breaking up the once-close friendship with her daughter. Lori Drew did more than that. She drove Megan Meir to kill herself.

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I am disappointed in the lack of balance on how media (and some blogs) are treating Mariannet Amper’s death. Even the Catholic Church, for goodness sake. Today is Mariannet’s burial but our beloved Catholic Church in St. Francis of Assisi Parish Church in Barangay Ma-a is in a dilemma. She might not be given funeral rites despite being a devout Catholic because of some old-fashioned priest.

Is it because he or some of us are still living in the dark ages where suicide is taboo? Or are we in denial, uncomfortable or just limited in our knowledge that some young kids like Mariannet may suffer from depression or chemical imbalance which may have pushed her to die by suicide?

Much of this stigma is is a carryover from the Middle Ages. Victims were forbidden traditional funerals and burials, and suicide was considered both illegal and sinful by the laws and religions of the time.

Today, we understand that most suicides are the result of biochemical illnesses such as clinical depression. Yet, the stigma associated with suicide often forces family members to choose between secrecy about the death and social isolation. Even media avoids talking about it except for a few radio stations that invited a doctor to speak on depression and suicide.

I will emphasize my points below:

1. Focus on poverty situation is one-sided. Almost all the news and blogs talk on poverty or blaming the government (except for news reported here and here). What about the suicide awareness and prevention? We do not know for sure what caused Mariannet to die of suicide. For all we know, Mariannet may have suffered severe depression, which is not the same as merely sad or something that you can snap out of it in a second. Depression affects both the wealthy and economically disadvantaged individuals.

Media needs to address a balance of both the poverty and Suicide Prevention and Awareness as well.

2. Suicide is an illness, not a sin.. Fr. Zenon Ampong, their parish priest in Davao is uncertain about the request of the family of Mariannet for her to be brought to the church for funeral rites citing the policy of the Catholic Church on suicide. Not all Catholic priests are like Fr. Ampong. I bet he is the same type of priest who refuses to bless the dead if the death is caused by suicide but bless cars, pigs, houses…what hypocrisy! May Mariannet rest in peace even without that priest’ blessing.

(Update: November 11, 2007: Fr. Ampong’s gives funeral rites but his sermon shows his ignorance on depression and suicide.. How simplistic his reasons are! But then understanding suicide is not an easy matter either.)

He said that the Mariannet’s death was the result of the sins of other people….The world has been overwhelmed by the sins of the people against others, and this has been paid by Mariannet’s own life, he added.

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Technorati Tags: Mariannet Amper, Catholic Church, suicide, depression

If you read today’s papers, Mariannet Amper, a 12 year old girl from Davao died of suicide out of despair for her family’s impoverished life. Yesterday, Nel, a 14 year old boy climbed a flyover in Iloilo in a suicide attempt apparently fuelled by rugby. A few weeks back, Julie wrote about Kristen Ariane Cuenca, a third grader who jumped off from the fourth level of a building of Malate Catholic School because of depression. She was only 9 years old.

These stories are alarming since these kids are so young and they all happened in a span of less than one month. To think that in my radio interview last Monday, I received 3 phone inquiries about suicide and depression. I was unprepared to handle suicide questions because I am not an expert in suicide though I have read a lot of materials on the subject matter in the course of my research on grief education. I have also talked to a few parents who lost their child by suicide. Instead, I referred them to a psychiatrist so a diagnosis could be made. There could be more childhood suicide, adolescent suicide or even suicide attempts that are not reported in the news.

Who is to blame? What causes these kids to turn to suicide as the answer to their pain?

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Technorati Tags: Mariannet Amper, childhood suicide, adolescent suicide, suicide

The dark gray clouds was all I remembered that day as a 5 year old girl running around the garden in our old house in Cebu. In the eyes of a child, it was just an ugly dark cloud not knowing that the gas depot was burning a few meters away. I recall the evacuation, scurrying away to the front gate into the safety of my grandma’s car. I didn’t know the gravity of the situation then but I could sense the relief of my parents as we went back to our house. There in the front yard were all our furnitures and stack of boxes. Apparently, my mom stayed behind to pack up some of our stuff and even managed to haul off the furniture. She had the luxury of time to pack up unlike the victims of the Southern California Fires. We were probably lucky because our house didn’t catch fire. Our neighbors lost their homes. We were saved. No one died though.

Losing a home is not just losing a material possession. It’s losing the memories attached to the home. And like any loss, it’s a painful process. There is grief too. Any major event in our lives affects every aspect of our lives. They don’t know what is “out there” or how they’re going to be affected by this change somewhere down the line.

I have a friend who lost her 15 year old daughter in a fire. Unimaginable grief. Inspite of the horror of the tragedy, she chose to rebuild her home in the exact same lot. The loss of a house can easily be rebuilt but the loss of a child is permanent. I am not minimizing the victims who have lost their homes. True, they will face the same grieving process as bereaved parents face but there is hope. There is hope that they can rebuild their lives.

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(Cris Anthony Mendez via his friendster account)

For the past days, my rollercoaster emotions got caught up with my own Justice for my son crusade. I will write about this soon. The news on the Hazing eyed in death of graduating UP student outraged and saddened me because it was a senseless death. (more news in here, here and Cris Mendez Dead, Justice for the Boy When?).

I knew the name of the fraternity even before the mainstream media picked it up. How? My husband is a frat man at the same campus and text messages circulated freely that Sigma Rho is suspected to be the fraternity behind the hazing. I asked my husband how could fraternities use this type of violent method to determine their qualified brods. Why can’t they just have non-physical initiation rites like implementing worthwhile projects? . My 2 girls overheard my suggestion and laughed “mom, this is a frat. It is not a macho thing to start projects”. What baffles me , how come, in this day and age, fraternities still find it necessary? It is barbaric.

Justice might have to wait as the Quezon City Police District Criminal Investigation and Detection Unit (QCPD-CIDU) claimed that Dr. Francisco Cruz who reportedly brought Cris Mendez to the Veterans Memorial Medical Center (VMMC) had gone into hiding.

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Technorati Tags: Cris Anthony Mendez

My heart goes out to Anna Nicole Smith. In death, she is still in the spotlight. Anna Nicole Smith’s Death remains a mystery as of press time. The medical examiner says her death was “sudden, unexpected and unexplained. Upon hearing of Anna Nicole Smith’s death, the first thing that entered my mind was her grief over the loss of her son, Danny five months ago. The reality of child loss is devastating to a mother. There are overwhelming feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and most often feelings of failure. These feelings can overwhelm a mother for several months following the death of a child, and it can be quite difficult to build a support system to carry a mother through this roller coaster of emotions.

I have known bereaved parents who numb their pain through alcohol or drugs. So the second thing that entered my mind was did she die from drug overdose, alcohol or both?

Though Anna Nicole monopolized the gaudy, gossipy celebrity stage in life and in death, I can truly relate to her pain.

I don’t drink alcohol but during the early months of my grief, I just wanted to numb the pain. My doctor recommended anxiety pills but I refused. All I could think of is ” Stop my heart from hurting, please. ”

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Technorati Tags: Anna Nicole Smith, Anna Nicole Smith’s death