Sometimes you never know where friendships lead you to. My friendship with Pia started when my husband and I went on a date with Pia and her then boyfriend/future husband, Butch (now legally separated), who happened to be my husband’s best friend during their Law school days. I never dreamed that the four of us would sit down literally under the mango tree and conceptualize the law office of Sebastian , Dado, Cruz and Batalla (now CASElaw). I was their first accountant while Pia was the Office Manager during the first months of operation as our husbands struggled to make ends meet. Our husbands were busy being the lawyers , of course.

Though we were not exactly as close as our two husbands were, Pia consoled me during the wake of my son and gave me grief reading resources. You know, there were not many people who were tactful and compassionate during those days. I felt comforted by her words. Who would have thought that two years later, our husbands would now share a maddening experience of losing an only son? And both us would have two surviving daughters. Gabriel, Pia and Butch’s son had a rare chromosomal disorder called trisomy 13.

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I have not read Harry Potter Book 7 ( Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows ).

There are rumors suggesting that one or more main characters will die. A grief counsellor claims that these deaths could cause a serious impact on children.

a “certified grief counselor” is using the release of Harry Potter’s final book to pimp herself to the media, under the guise of helping parents and children deal with grief over the death of fictional characters. Because deaths are rumored to happen in Book 7, the press release states “This could have a serious impact on children, millions of whom have grown up reading, watching and profoundly enjoying the characters and storylines of the Harry Potter series.”

Source: via Harry Potter Grief Counseling?

and this bit of news from the UK

Meanwhile, parents in Britain have been told to prepare for grief counselling. The media is warning that for many young readers, Harry’s death could be as devastating as the death of a best friend, pet or even a relative. The Daily Telegraph reported last week that even child psychologists are getting into the act. It cited American child psychologist Michael Brody who has come up with a three-point bereavement plan to help parents comfort their mourning children.

Source: Will Harry Potter live or die?

Really now? I read the news out loud to Marielle and she just laughed. “Mom, I cried when the mommy dinosaur died in The Land Before Time movie. I was way younger . I turned out fine.”

I can only roll my eyes at the obvious marketing ploy of some enterprising grief counsellors. Children are very resilient. Children who have gone as far as Book 7 know the characters are just make-believe. They can re-read the book over and over again to digest the loss of their favorite character .

The question is when does a child need a grief counsellor or any kind of professional help? or what are the signs that a parent need to watch over their child when they are faced with a loss of a favorite story character, a pet or a friend or family member?

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Technorati Tags: Harry Potter Book 7, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

They kept referring to him as “the child”.

I wanted to scream at them that “hey, the child has a name!”

That beautiful child’s name is Luijoe.

But I did not yell at them because…

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One of my fondest memory of Luijoe are the wild flowers he gathered from the park . With eyes twinkling as he held out the flowers, he scrambled up to my lap , gave me a hug and smacked a wet kiss on my cheek while uttering I love you so very much, Mama. Today it’s my turn to get flowers for my boy because July 13 is his 14th birth anniversary. But who says there can’t be a birthday cake, birthday present, or a birthday party?

Death ended my child’s life but not his relationship with my family. Even if there is no birthday boy to celebrate his 14th birthday with, I know that a spritual bond exists between us. As I gaze at the lovely flowers I bought at the Market! Market!, I marvel at God’s creation on the beauty of life. It’s good to be alive and to have survived the past 7 years of this grief journey. True, my son might not be around but his memory lives in my heart. We can still celebrate his birth anniversary at home.

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“Are you paranoid , mom?”.

One of my daughters noticed the red and green colored fire extinguishers I placed in every room of the house. I ignored her question as I pointed to the fire exits in their respective bedrooms and gave a quick lecture on how to use the fire extinguishers.

Lauren added “if we’re gonna die, we’re gonna die”

I merely nodded.

One effect of losing a child , particularly if death is sudden and unexpected , is that we become newly aware of the fragility of life. If this tragedy can befall us, what next? We can become fearful, almost paranoid.

I became “slightly” paranoid after Luijoe’s death but I just kept that to myself in the early days of my grief journey.

I cannot bear it if the girls don’t send me a text message on their whereabouts. “Text me where you are. Call me if you’re on the way. Make sure the driver was not drinking .” are text messages that constantly barrage their cellphones. Thank goodness, these girls humor me all the time by reassuring me they are fine.

Yet I believe that I am not overdoing it as I still allow them to go out and have fun.

So to answer that question. Am I paranoid?

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It is hard to imagine when we are in the midst of heavy grief that any good will ever come out of it. What we have lost is not replaceable , any more than the loss of a child is made up for the birth of another child. I have been witness to the unimaginable pain of four bereaved mothers who lost their only child/children. When the Compassionate Friends launched formally in January 2006, a sudden dearth of parents wanted to meet up for coffee. Those who were not within Metro Manila , just wanted to talk over the phone. And so this was how I met four courageous women who were in their mid-thirties. (Some events were changed to protect their identity)

Mom no. 1 lost her only child, a 6 year old girl through leukemia
Mom no. 2 lost her two children (a girl and boy) in the same year.
Mom no. 3 lost her eldest and only son/child through stillbirth
Mom no. 4 lost her eldest and only son after a failed congenital heart operation.

(Now don’t think this is all depressing… let me just finish)

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