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My Family

A daughter is life’s greatest gift to me

lauren-and-meMy beautiful girl turned 24 years old, three days ago and I didn’t get to share it with you. I should have written about it but I was too preoccupied with my surgery the following day. Every time I go to the hospital, I always prepare a notebook that lists passwords and the location of important documents. You never know, right? I first discovered this round lump on my right shoulder when I was in Boracay. I was told it was lipoma but that it was deeply embedded on my muscle. Doctors said I can choose to wait for the operation but I didn’t want to prolong the date for fear the lipoma would grow bigger and encroach on my nerves thus causing me pain.
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How deep is your love?

silver-wedding-shots

And I know your eyes in the morning sun
I feel you touch me in the pouring rain
And the moment that you wander far from me
I wanna feel you in my arms again

And you come to me on a summer breeze
Keep me warm in your love and then softly leave
And it’s me you need to show ….
How deep is your love?


Oh yes love, we celebrate love every way we can. Milestones are valued.

“How deep is your love?” by the Beegees hit the airwaves in 1977 but it was the song of the season when Butch and I became steadies on March 7, 1978. I played the music on our way to our photo shoot with the best wedding photographers, Mimi and Karl. It was just natural that we chose the UP campus (where we met) for our silver anniversary photo shoot and the celebration of our 32 years as a couple on March 7. Dragging my two girls to join us, the two hour photo shoot was sweet and poignant. I love my husband for being such a good sport knowing he poses stiffly for photos. That’s how love works, I guess.

As he wrapped his arms around me, I loved how the soft breeze cooled the scorching sun hitting us between the branches of the tree. I clutch on to my heart-shaped pendant where a photo of our beloved Luijoe is engraved. “Luijoe is with us, too…in our hearts”. We smile at each other. We are a complete family as we pose, laugh, twirl around and smile for the cameras.
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Love in the time of election

The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character. ~Peter Devries

At the heart of this farm, there lies a gazebo and lovely patios where my husband I sat under the gentle canopies of stately mango trees, some of which are over 50 years old! We revel even more at the elegance of this veritable tree garden, teeming with a multitude of capiz drop lights and strategically placed spotlights that dramatically emphasize the features of mango trees.

Holding hands, we strolled the farm and stopped under a mango tree. I laid my head on his shoulder, “This is it”.

“Let’s celebrate our silver anniversary here”. My ever romantic husband pressed his lips at the back of my palm and agreed, of course. That was two years ago with a budget fit for semi-grand anniversary celebration. We had also moved in to our new cozy home near this farm.

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Our roles change

I enjoy puttering around the house , being a neat freak dictatorial mom or Mrs. Handyman. Butch enjoys strolling at the grocery or supermarket ensuring our cupboards are filled to the brim. The weekly grocery used to belong to my territory until four years ago. For some reason, grocery shopping is therapeutic for him. I just let him be because I don’t enjoy looking at high priced consumer goods.

While I ordered construction materials at the neighborhood hardware store, Butch is doing the groceries.

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Honoring Christmas in My Heart

He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree. ~Roy L. Smith


Our Christmas day in a slideshow. Background music is “Christmas in Our Hearts” (Click here to download– 3.0 MB)- Jose Mari Chan , arranged by Carmina R. Cuya

Not all is calm. Such is life. Things do not happen as planned but it does mean that the Christmas spirit will be affected. Today, I found out that Christmas truly reigns in my heart for all time.

Christmas began in the heart of God. It is complete only when it reaches the heart of man. Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts.

Despite the challenges, I honor Christmas in my heart. Never mind if the outside appeared chaotic.

I am gentle with myself and I take care of my tender heart.

The gift we give ourselves is a gift we give to our children what they would want for us: for us to find as much peace in whatever way that we possibly can. If I could give each of you a gift I would want to give you the gift of peace, as much peace as you can possibly find.

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Dear Diary…

I want to bring out all kinds of things that lie buried deep in my heart. Anne Frank

The aftermath of the Best Friends Forever Reunion left me in a contemplative mood for days. Friends remarked that I was quiet, conservative and feminine in the past so the revelation of “a true confession” caused jaw-dropping looks. At a high school reunion, I laughed when former teachers thought I was Lorna, my elder sister. What a forgettable student I was! I don’t blame them. It was true anyway. Looking at myself today, I don’t recognize the person I once was. Still, I thought of checking out that forgettable person and affirm the good that is happening in my life today.

best-friends-forever
Best Friends Forever Reunion 2009

I unearthed my “baul”, a box full of treasured memories like old photos, memorabilia and diaries written since I was 10 years old. During the reunion, I confessed to the ex that I still kept the diary during the years we were together. Horrified, he told me to dispose of it. I shrugged. It was the past, nothing incriminating and everything written was pure and innocent. For some reason, I should have thrown it when I got married. I dumped all the letters, gifts and photos in the trash bin but I kept the diaries. Now I know why I didn’t throw the diaries. No, it was not to reminisce the memories of first love and that of my ex-boyfriend now my husband.

I pulled my diaries out from the cobwebs of the musty “baul” and began to leaf through the pages, now yellowed after 34 years. For the next few days, I poured over the poignant memories. I’m not a very profound writer and I scribbled about things I did that day or week with my family, my boyfriend or my groupies. Both things of significance and not. My diary detailed the life of my family when we were still complete. My mom, already sick of breast cancer in 1975 suddenly came alive in the stories I wrote about her. My departed siblings, Oscar and Ruben ,the clowns of the family and my dad sprang to life as I read the “Dear Diary” entries. I felt a tugging in my heart,a deep longing for my departed loved ones as I got transported back to 1975. For one brief moment, images of their smiles and antics kept me in a cheerful mood.

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Reflections on the Best Friends Forever Reunion

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. ~Elisabeth Foley

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UP College Cebu , 1974

My mediocre grades in high school were not enough to qualify me to the UP Diliman Campus. I was determined to take up college in Manila to gain independence from my sheltered life in Cebu and of course, get the BS Food Technology that was only offered there. I studied in UP College Cebu (UPCC) in 1974 for one year before moving to UP DIliman campus in my sophomore year where I finally got a 1.75 grade to qualify. I look back to my freshman year with a smile and a soft spot in my heart. Indeed a memorable year for me because it was the first time I gained a little freedom to be with friends and to socialize with guys after graduating from an all-girls school since kindergarten. I felt I finally belonged to a group that truly cared and loved me and by fate (via Dicoy’s Cupid machinations), my best friend became my first boyfriend, my first love for the next 3 or so years.

Reunions are inevitable and I declined the invitation just as I did with my high school reunions. My attitude towards reunions changed in the recent years after I evolved into a better person. I then became curious of my friends. What had become of them? I felt something missing in my life and wanted to reconnect with my past. This change of heart did not augur well with my husband. He didn’t understand why I needed to see my old friends (when he himself does not attend reunions) and in the process, “meet” my ex-boyfriend. Hugging my husband, I reassured him that it is all in the past. I cannot help it if he was my classmate, part of my barkada but I am there for my other friends. For goodness sake, it’s been like 31 years? I rolled my eyes as “Batman” retreated to his cave.

upcc74
Freshman Year, UP College of Cebu 1974. Guess where I am?

I know it sounds like a cheesy Sharon Cuneta movie, but our group coined “Best Friends Forever” as the group name for the UP Cebu College 1974-1978 alumni.
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My First High School Reunion After 35 Years

“I bet in high school, everybody made somebody’s life hell.”
Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (1997) – Michele Weinberger (Lisa Kudrow)

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View of St. Theresa’s College (STC) Cebu grounds

Is there life after high school? Truth is, I hated high school and because I hated it so much, I made sure that I would turn my life around and be a better and confident person in college. I exuded negativity. Oh my gosh, I was ecstatic when the high school graduation ceremony ended. I jumped up with joy. I couldn’t wait to fly and spread my wings. In high school, I was painfully shy and a mediocre student with average grades ( as in 83 to 85). I felt intimidated by the mestizas and the smart and outspoken girls. You know how it is in high school, you find the popular clique and the invisible clique. I was basically invisible. Thanks to my best friend Teresa, Patsy, Linell and a few others, I think I belonged somehow to a group. Without them, high school would have been one hell of an experience. Thanks buddies.

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Hugs to my bestest of friends in High School who took me in their clique: Patsy, Linell, me, Teresa

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Love Never Dies

Wasn’t it just 10 years that I last hugged my beautiful boy on a breezy, sunny day at the beach? Though the searing pain in my heart is not as sore as it once was 10 years ago, the scab sorts of falls off on anniversary dates. Luijoe should have been 16 years old today. I created this video tribute of his life and last birthday celebration 10 years ago when he was just a cute 6 year old boy.

(Video Link)

I often wonder how he would look like today. Would he have been taller than my husband? Would he have the same gleaming smile? Would he have many girlfriends? Would he be close to his two sisters? Would he have a messy room? Will he still give me a bunch of flowers with an “I love you” note? I can’t imagine because I will always remember him as an innocent and beautiful 6 year old boy whose death changed my life in positive ways I never could imagine.

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