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Grief in the News

Grief and the Air France Crash

I still miss those I loved who are no longer with me but I find I am grateful for having loved them. The gratitude has finally conquered the loss. — Rita Mae Brown

My husband’s chartered flight kept circling around last friday for an hour. Visibility was zero at 4:00 PM. Lightning struck at that very moment amidst the dark gloomy weather surrounding the plane. His co-passengers freaked out and remembered the Air France crash. Fierce thunderstorms, lightning or a catastrophic combination are possible theories of the crash.

My husband is safe in my arms and I can’t help feeling grateful for his safety.

Yet I can’t help feeling sad for the Air France victims and their families.

Air France through a grief counselor told families of passengers on Flight 447 that the jetliner broke apart and they must abandon hope that anyone survived. Tearful relatives received counseling from a team of psychologists and doctors from Air France. It’s great that Air France provided grief counseling. Death due to a sudden or traumatic accident or disaster can raise a number of complex issues for the survivors. The grief process is often very different from an expected or anticipated death. An unexceptionally tragic event like the Air France crash can cause reactions such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder on the part of the family members and many of these problems compound the grief response.

Miguela Jugueta, a seaman’s wife here in the Philippines is grieving and in denial which is a normal reaction to such a sudden death. ‘I won’t believe he’s dead until I have his body.’ Bong (Jugueta) is a good swimmer. He might have survived,”

She continues to add “I cannot do anything if this is the will of God, but I continue to hope he is still alive.”

I wonder if Air France provided Miguela and her family the resources for grief counseling as well.

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How would I know if someone I care about was contemplating suicide?

Suicide is very much in the news these days. A forensic expert who conducted an autopsy on Trina Etrong, wife of Ted Failon said that the contact wound on her temple indicates suicide. (Edit on April 22– A second autopsy points to suicide)

I ‘d like to point out that the Compassionate Friends refer to the death as ““died by suicide” or ““died of suicide” to replace the commonly used ““committed suicide” or ““completed suicide.” The phrases “Died of suicide” or “died by suicide” are accurate, emotionally- neutral ways to explain the death.

Suicide, no doubt, is the most misunderstood of all deaths and leaves behind a residue of questions, guilt, anger, second-guessing, and anxiety which, at least initially, is almost impossible to digest. Even though we know better, we’re still haunted by the feeling that suicide is the ultimate act of despair, a deed that somehow puts one outside the family of humanity, the mercy of God, and (in the past) the church’s burial grounds.

Let’s not be judgmental on people who died by suicide.

Read More »How would I know if someone I care about was contemplating suicide?

Death of Ted Failon’s Wife: Suicide?

(Update May 21- Trina Etong committed suicide–NBI )

It was just a matter of time yet the news of Ted Failon’s Wife death came as a shock. Trinidad Arteche Etong or Trina , died tonight at 8:50 PM. She died of cranial injury but was it due to homicide or suicide? Her daughter thinks that her mom tried to commit suicide. To lose a loved one to death is painful, to lose a loved one to suicide is also disorienting.

If it is suicide, it is a particularly cruel form of death for the surviving family and friends. Questions like : How could she have been so full of despair that she felt that death was preferable to life? Additionally, the family has to cope with the police, an inquest, and possibly the media, as well as the ever-present and unanswerable question ““Why?”. Suicide is a complicated loss.

Read More »Death of Ted Failon’s Wife: Suicide?

It’s Been 40 days since the Death of Amiel Alcantara

Dying is a wild night and a new road.
~Emily Dickinson

Remember Amiel Alcantara? Well, it has been 40 days since his sudden death?


One of the things so astonishing and costly about losing a loved one is that, while the sun continues to rise and set, newspapers continue to be delivered, traffic lights till change from red to green and back again,our whole life is turned around, turned upside down.

And life does go on but we can still continue to remember our loved ones on special days through candle lighting, rituals, customs, simple rites or ceremonies. Today, on the 40th day since his death, a marker was blessed on the spot where Amiel was struck by a van.

The marker reads:

The Ateneo de Manila Grade School Members
MASTER JULIAN CARLO MIGUEL “AMIEL” ALCANTARA
who was called to the Lord on February 24, 2009.
We Thank him for the gift that he had been to all of us,
for teaching us to love, and cherish life, and
for bringing us all together as a community in prayer ,
with a renewed promise to nurture and care for each other,
as we journey for persons for others.
Blessed on the 40th day of his entrance to glory

April 5, 2009
Palm Sunday

Read More »It’s Been 40 days since the Death of Amiel Alcantara

Beheaded But Always Remembered

Breaking News: Mary Jean Lacaba, the Filipina Red Cross Worker Freed.

I don’t feel the same outrage towards the Chip Tsao slur compared to the possibility that the Red Cross workers could get beheaded. Everyday as I watch the news, I feel helpless as threats to their lives escalate. Breaking news is that Mary Jean Lacaba, Filipina Red Cross worker has been released after more than 70 days in captivity. She was found near Indanan town and is now being transported to a trauma treatment center in Jolo. Swiss Andreas Notter and Italian Eugenio Vagni continue to be held hostage by the Al Qaeda linked terrorist organization. The threat to the remaining two Red Cross Workers remains.

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Francis Magalona Succumbs to Cancer


Photo Credits to Francis Magalona’s Multiply Site

Francis Magalona Succumbs to Cancer at the age of 44 at the Medical City Hospital after a 7 month battle with AML (Acute Myelogenous Leukemia with Mixed Lineage) or MLL. Francis died due to multiple organ failure ““secondary to severe sepsis and secondary to pneumonia,” according to a doctor who was not authorized to talk to media.

Rest in Peace, Francis. I somehow know the battle with leukemia as I witnessed my brother’s struggle with leukemia for three years.

Read More »Francis Magalona Succumbs to Cancer

Pepe Alcantara, Amiel Alcantara’s Dad Delivers 4 Messages

My husband refused to listen to me the night I first learned of Amiel Alcantara’s death. As I narrated the sordid details on how Amiel Alcantara died, Butch clamped his ears, “Stop it, I don’t want to hear anymore. It is just too much” All he knows is that Amiel got ran over by a van inside the Ateneo campus. He couldn’t take in the violent nature of Amiel’s death. (Edit March 8: My husband wrote A Grief Beyond Words) .So, when I visited the wake of Amiel Alcantara on February 25, I was all alone. No worries, I was there to offer comfort that a grief support group such as The Compassionate Friends is around if they needed it one day. Good thing Cathy was around too. I kept staring at Pepe Alcantara. He looked familiar to me but I couldn’t place his face. That night, I told Butch that I met the father, Pepe Alcantara. The name rang a bell to Butch but it was only the following day that we got confirmation in the papers that he is the same Pepe Alcantara he knew back then in his UP student days. Pepe was the UP Student Council President in the early 80’s with Lean Alejandro as his vice. Pepe and Butch belonged to the same student organization in the UP student days. Surely now, Butch will want to see Pepe.

Read More »Pepe Alcantara, Amiel Alcantara’s Dad Delivers 4 Messages

Prayers for Julian Carlo Miguel (Amiel) Alcantara, Grade 4 Student who died from a Car Accident in the Ateneo Campus

Edit (February 27): Links on news updated below

View Photos of Amiel Alcantara’s Balloon Release
Pepe Alcantara’s Eulogy


Candles and flowers on the spot where Amiel Alcantara’a head got pinned by the van’s tire

Read More »Prayers for Julian Carlo Miguel (Amiel) Alcantara, Grade 4 Student who died from a Car Accident in the Ateneo Campus

Light for Life, A Candle-Light Event for Peace on the ongoing Israeli-Palestinian War

From the Light for Life

On January 25
Light 1 candle
Offer 2 minutes of silence
And raise 5 fingers for peace!

We may not agree with other people’s stands on the war.
Perhaps the one thing we all acknowledge
is the fact that there has been unnecessary bloodshed on both sides,
blood of women, of children, and of those who fought in the war.

Join us on Sunday, January 25 at 8:00pm your local time
as we remember the victims of the ongoing Israeli-Palestinian War.

Read More »Light for Life, A Candle-Light Event for Peace on the ongoing Israeli-Palestinian War

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