On second chances

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A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. ~Anne Taylor Fleming

The news did not surprise me , that James Yap will fight for his marriage and even tells Kris not to give up . He read his statement in Filipino and in a humble demeanor ““I believe in the importance of having an intact family…That’s why I will fight to keep my family with Kris intact whatever happens.

““I know that every family encounters tests like these,” he continued. ““Kris and I have made it through such tests before and I don’t think that this would be the right time for us to surrender [to such tests].”

So why was I not surprised? I have told you before that just like Kris, I too gave up on my marriage. Really, I would not have taken a second chance if my husband didn’t work things out. Uh, he literally wooed me back.

Five years ago, grief had overtaken us so much that we were virtually strangers to each other. Never in my wildest dream did I imagine myself with a broken ankle as I stepped inside my new pad. I had no choice but to live with him and work things out. Truly God works in mysterious ways. It was as if God said ” you can’t run away from your marriage. Try to fix it. Give it a second chance”.

I have written about it before, that second chances are possible if….

1. The person who has caused you hurt is willing to make amends and to sit down and compromise.

2. Boundaries are set. One can’t repeat the same mistake all over again but at the same time one must be aware that we should also give allowances for recovery to take place.

3. You love yourself. I’d like to believe that “You cannot give what you do not have.” I find that I am a better wife, a better mother, a more compassionate friend, after I have spent time nurturing myself.

4. You are open to the positive possibilities of the future instead of limiting the future by today’s feelings and circumstances.

5. You forgive. When we hold on to pain, old grudges, bitterness and even hatred, many aspects of our lives suffer. Through forgiveness, you choose to no longer define yourself as a victim.

I speak only for myself from lessons learned. The scar from the operation is a reminder that second chances are possible.

Noemi Lardizabal-Dado (1386 Posts)

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.

  • abbie

    My husband and I were only married for 3 years. But I was on the brink of giving up on our marriage after two emotional affairs on his side and one emotional affair on my side. We were on the point of asking ourselves “what happened to us?” We were together 7 years before we got married. I don’t remember during those time that we fought like this. And it hurts. We were best friends and lovers. We were filled with resentment and hate. And somehow its comforting to know that what we are going through is “normal”. I appreciate the advices, ms. Noemi. I pray that we get it through like you and your hubby did. Now i know why I like your blog from the start. It’s so transparent that you cannot help liking the person even if you don’t have much something in common.

    More power to you.

    • thanks for the affirmation. I had to ask my husband if I could share some of our stories. I don’t want to embarass him but since it is all water under the bridge (even if we still have moments of silence. haha), he thinks it is okay if it will help. If I only knew about the things I have written earlier, then I would not have experienced this later in our marriage.

      Hope things work out.

  • Thanks for this. We (most staff in the research center) were really touched but JYap’s words too and wished all men would be as willing to fight as he is… True enough, those 5 requisites for possible marriage-healing hit the nail right on the spot. Love to you.

  • Good advice here Naomi! (May I call you Ate Naomi? Or Tita Naomi is more appropriate ba?! Hahaha Joke lang po). 🙂 Keep on inspiring with your blogs! 🙂
    .-= Tina´s last blog ..Monster-in-law or Martyr-in-law The Mother-In-Law issue =-.

  • Marriage is all about teamwork, respect, and trust. Love the advice you listed in your post. I do believe in second chances…but only when the other person is sincere and deeply regrets the mistake made.