Hayden Kho and the Illness Defense

““Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but stigma and bias shame us all.” Bill Clinton

Perhaps my husband is right after all. Hubby says in his blog entry, Dr. Hayden Kho Needs Help that “it’s undeniable that Kho is sick and needs professional help from his peers.” Atty. Lorna Kapunan, Hayden’s feisty lawyer mentioned something about Hayden’s admitted “perversity” is a sickness of which he is undergoing ““therapy and spiritual counseling.”

Well, Miriam Santiago isn’t buying that. She says that to prove insanity, you have to prove that a person is so far removed from reality that he no longer has a clear grasp of reality as all the rest of the community sees it”.

I don’t think Hayden is pleading insanity. Is it personality disorder (which may not be the same as mental illness)?

American Psychiatric Association, defines a personality disorder as an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectation of the individual’s culture, is pervasive and inflexible, has an onset in adolescence or early adulthood, is stable over time, and leads to distress or impairment.

Based on the above definition, I encounter mild cases of personality disorders with some people every now and then. Let’s see…

Concerned over a friend who can’t seem to keep a relationship? Shrinks say it’s some kind of borderline personality disorder.

What about that stark, raving mad driver that overtook your vehicle the other gave and gave you a dirty finger? Ooh road rage! And what do you know? It’s called “Road Rage Disorder” or intermittent explosive disorder.

mental health

Or that husband, an adult little boy that constantly acts out a need for mothering like he never grew up . Just like Peter Pan. Yes, it’s called the Peter Pan Syndrome, a pop-psychology term used to describe an adult male or female who is socially immature.

I read somewhere that Kris might have some sort of histrionic personality disorder . Why so? Individuals with Histrionic Personality Disorder exhibit excessive emotionalism–a tendency to regard things in an emotional manner–and are attention seekers. Ah the reality TV drama!

My cousin had the shock of her life when she sat next to a guy jacking himself off in an FX as he smiled sheepishly at her direction. What a sicko. Doctors call it Frotteurism , a sexual disorder and a compulsion to rub ones self against strangers others in a sexual manner. Like exhibitionism and other impulse control disorders, frotteurism tends to involve a cycle of tension buildup that is relieved by acting out in ‘exciting’ ways.

There is practically a label for every strange personality disorder or mental illness out there.

It is not my place to speculate or diagnose Hayden’s “illness”. Kho’s camp said that the doctor was having some mental problems and was being treated by five psychiatrists and a psychologist since December 2008. While he is internalizing his own pain, Hayden realized that he caused unbearable shame to his ex-lovers through the secret recordings and proliferation of the sex videos. He regrets “everything that happened because of my poor judgment” apparently blaming drug addiction.

It’s difficult to feel compassion for a man who took sick pleasure in filming their sexual acts. I don’t really know what Hayden feels at this point but it’s never too late for him to change and make amends to those people he hurt in the past.

When one chooses to be in control of their lives and are committed to changing their lives, healing is possible. Therapy and medication may help, but it is one’s decision to take accountability for their own life that makes the difference. To heal, one must first have the desire to change in order to break through that enduring pattern of a personality disorder.

Whatever Hayden is feeling right now, this “illness” shouldn’t keep him from answering for his misdeeds in the courts. He should at least be made well enough to understand the gravity of his acts and be accountable for his actions. His “illness” is not an excuse to steer away from the law.

Noemi Lardizabal-Dado (1346 Posts)

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.


About Noemi Lardizabal-Dado

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.

The comments posted on my blog are moderated. I reserve the right to remove comments, words or phrases that are defamatory, abusive, incite hatred and advertise an email address or commercial services or just plain spammy. I also reserve the right to remove posts that to my opinion are off-topic, irrelevant, ad-hominem, personal attacks and or just plain rude.
  • Mervs

    The things is whether he recovers or not, a lot of his supposed clients in the medical field wouldn’t be comfortable being consulted by him. That is if he doesn’t get his license terminated. Bad thing is, the public can be very unforgiving. As I would always say, “It’s easier for the majority to spot the flaws and shortcomings than to appreciate the good attributes of an individual.”

    • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

      well maybe he might not practice medicine. But if he ever recovers, he can become some therapist for whatever illness he suffered.

      True, some people can’t appreciate change when it happens and tend to look at the past and stay there.

      • Mervs

        Yeah. But to be honest, I don’t know how that would be to a doctor. Not unless he was just forced to take medicine and he really wanted something else. (I’d pity the patients as well.) Otherwise, I think it’d be pretty difficult to recover from not being able to practice what you have studied for more than a decade. I don’t know, it’s just that for me it would be unbearable… Anyhow, your right. I suppose he just has to make the best out of his situation which is probably the one you’ve suggested. Argh. This situation is just sad..

  • BrianB

    You can’t trust the public to be fair to this guy. the men are envious and the women feel cheated. On one video, his girl came three times in 20 minutes. I can’t stand that, it’s quite scandalous. I expect two things from a man who can make a woman happy like that. A good size tool (which Kho doesn’t have) and endurance (though Kho seems well aware of what women like, he just doesn’t last) and maybe a third… let’s just call it love.

    Maybe the politicians should take a step or two back before going after him. Bong should be careful. If Kho is sick in the head, then his own father is absolutely insane for making so many women pregnant.

    • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

      Bong of all the people in the world should clean his own backyard first.

      • mishca

        It’s true. He seems to be so excited convictibg hayden kho. He failed to scrutinize his own doing before. But there is nothing they can do about it anymore. The damage has been done. The hearing can’t bring back what has lost.Besides there are more important issues and problems in the country that they need to tackle. So why fuss over something that wont help alleviate the economy?

  • james

    Hayden Kho should go directly to Bilibid and experience another kind of sex life inside the prison.

    By the way the guy has a small penis.

    • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

      well let’s see what the courts say.

  • Bong

    when all is said and done, the man is still guilty by videotaping their sexual act. he did not respect those girls considering that those girls give their trust to him. Dr. Kho (ex-doctor i presumed) uses his profession and his charms to lure those girls and and then videotape as a trophy.
    he needs jail time… maniac…

  • http://sideshow76.blogspot.com Sideshow

    I guess everything that Hayden Kho (minus Doctor) is saying right now are all self serving and somehow are nothing but escapes to ease up the shame that he feels for having his perversion open for public scrutiny. If he really intended to keep those videos as souvenirs he should have used a high quality video camera like a high end full HD one. I just wonder why Filipinos enjoys watching that crap video. If I’ll be capturing a video of my self doing such act, I’ll probably used the best device and I’m gonna do it in the most artistic way. I just hope that responsible people in the blogosphere opt to trash this issue, instead every body should focus on the more alarming problem the H1N1 swine flu virus that could pose danger to our children’s and our lives.

    Sideshows last blog post..Twitter in Plain English (Subtitled)

  • http://rizalist.wordpress.com/ djb

    Hi Noemi,
    It appears that Katrina Halili knew about these videos since Hayden Kho was really into taking them. As a bold starlet she knew about cameras and was not shy around them. She makes a living at titillation. Don’t you think she was also in the thrall of some kind of mental illness having sex on camera? Surely something as serious as we all now seem willing to believe Hayden Kho suffered from. Just because she never thought they would become public doesn’t diminish the quiet depravity of it. So the Baker takes a bite of the Cheesecake. Both are sickos of some kind. Live by the pudenda, die by the pudenda. I’m cold to them both and confess to feeling little more than schadenfreude.

    djbs last blog post..Why 20,000 Optical Test Marks Is Too Few

    • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

      based on her emotional outburst on TV, she didn’t expect that the video would be made public. I don’t actually feel that much for both of them. There have been other victims of this video uploading and I am hoping their case prospers and some laws are in place to protect future victims.

      • http://rizalist.wordpress.com/ djb

        Actually, we don’t know how the videos came into the public domain. Surely blaming Hayden Kho for their release is illogical. Is he so sick and perverted as to release videos surely damaging to his own reputation and career? Is it not obvious that someone else wanted these videos release? Someone who wanted them both in this boat for his or her own reasons? Why should we the public take sides at all or believe either is morally, ethically or in any way superior to the other. If they are victims, they are victims of their own lifestyles and choices. What example ought we be holding up for the future generations? Katrina Halili? Hayden Kho? These are scum of the eartth both of them aren’t they?

        djbs last blog post..Why 20,000 Optical Test Marks Is Too Few

        • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

          from what I read/heard in traditional media, the videos were definitely not coming from Hayden Kho. However, the suspect, Eric Chua (in The Buzz today) through a friend told Kris Aquino that he has a lot to reveal but will take his time because a lot of people will be involved. In Kris words “maraming madamay”

          I agree they are the victims of their own choices. The example we can give to future generations is not to emulate this type of behavior. Be careful in the company of people who might take videos of them and later subject them to anything that is offensive and embarrassing to that person. Instill values and morals in our children and when they grow up to be adults, they are aware of the consequences of their actions.

          I don’t really know what to feel for them. Nothing. I am more interested in the anti-voyeurism bill that would prevent a person from videotaping another person, and distributing such a video, without the other’s consent.

        • http://rizalist.wordpress.com/ djb

          Instead of focussing only on the two principals, expand the aperture to include the Media too. I was listening to the Startalk editorial that claims to “burden Hayden Kho at the stake”. It’s unctuous, sanctimonious tone in defense of women’s rights sounds strangely more like Vatican Radio than the network that specializes in noontime shows full of scantily clad, undulating Katrina Halili wanna be’s.

        • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

          Oh yeah,TV shows showing those sexy dancers and our young kids emulating them. They should limit these sexy dancing to adult time slots not on noontime shows. geesh. It seems not only media is acting holier than thou. Um. Senator Bong Revilla as well. Before I wrote this entry, I made a post in my other blog FilipinaImages.com listing down some lessons learned.

          http://filipinaimages.com/filipina-victims-in-sex-scandal-videos/

          I also enjoined the bloggers to be responsible enough not to post photos, links, videos of this latest sex video scandal. I feel those who post these may just be as guilty of violating the laws. The proliferation through blog posts can be seen as accessories in this commission of the crime. Anyway, that is just my opinion

    • chelrule

      That is true. This is the type of scandal that would not had happened if there were no two people who made the conscious decision to go to bed in an act that should had been reserved for the sanctity of marriage. Since they were not married to each other, they both wound up being criticized by the public instead of having the public being sympathetic to their (or at least to Katrina’s) cause. In fact, a lot of the talk circulates around their both being “Ayan – na-karma kasi dahil gumagawa ng kasalanan”

  • http://www.cophil.org Rachelle T. Rule

    Our head mentor – Fr. Thomas Keating – calls it the “false-self”. Possibly something in his past, even as far back as his childhood, may had been the cause of this emotional disorder. Your hubby most likely is right – it is an illness, but not a debilitating one to the point that Hayden becomes incapable to human reaction/action, or could not define where reality ends and fantasy begins. I guess the legal aspect of this case is best left to the courts. All we can do is try not to think of it in a dualistic manner, anyway, maybe God allowed this to happen to both Hayden and Katrina so that they will see the error of their ways. “Matauhan” as they say … who knows, even Mary Magdalene was a great sinner before ‘natauhan siya’, thats when she repented … only God knows for sure.

    However, this is a very unkind and definitely unchristian sounding statement from me, but I kinda agree with james

    – hayden is kinda small ….

    rachelle

    • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

      I can only pray something good comes out of this publicity/scandal. Katrina portrays herself as the victim. Same with Hayden. Well, they can’t be victims all their lives. They are playing their victimization role to the hilt. Obviously, they cannot control the actions of the other person. Neither should other victims in the past. One can choose to come out the victor instead of the victim.

      Hopefully katrina, Hayden, and others will refuse to think, talk and act like a victim. I wish they claim responsibility for themselves and focus on what’s good and right in their lives. Choices need to be made and one has to take responsibility for them. Explore other options. Claim responsibility for themselves.

      • http://rizalist.wordpress.com/ djb

        excellent point Noemi! In reality the real victims here are the customers of Katrina Halili and Hayden Kho.

        We can’t really gainsay the orgy of video-letting and tsismis commentary now going on however, because it is really the public triumphantly discovering what utter hypocrites and white-coffins-with-black-bones-inside the beauty, glamour and soft porn industries really are in this country. The Belo Bride of Frankenstein Clinics are really that: modern museums of the horrors involved in personal vanity, vainglory and insipid self-admiration.

        • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

          I see comments circulating around about the hypocrisy of it all. The horrors of the Belo Bride of Frankenstein is finally catching up with them.

      • http://sideshow76.blogspot.com Sideshow

        By now, I think there’s a need for them to stop bragging and whining about the fruit of their sin. Katrina Halili submitting here self to sex without marriage is just as unreasonable as the video taping. She should understand that she is bitching out. And for the troubled man, he should be intelligent enough to know the fruits of what he did. Thank you for not feeling much for them Noemi. We should sympathize to their immorality.

      • BrianB

        Ponds and Modess, i hear are really hurting because of this.

  • Angelina Wahing

    Both are adults and never smart enough to realize the consequences of their actions —- Lust rules over their hearts and heads— For the generation, it will serve as a learning experience not to immitate and always be wary of whom you be friend with and a saying that goes, in every actions, there’s always a reaction…CAREFUL…

    By the way, can the SENATE also gives more priority and push hard to these pre-need plans especially the planholders who are victims of LEGACY consolidated Plans, (is it obvious I’m one of them)..seems like it has been forgotten with this new scandal piled on top of it…Been looking forward on t.v. and on the net if when the money be reimbursed…I’m not only speaking to myself but to all the VICTIMS here…God bless us all…

  • mishca

    It’s true in the philippines people are more intrested in non important things rather than giving attention to what is really important. Take for instance poverty is still growing. Prostituion won’t stop if poverty is increasing. Many organizations are fighting for this and that but they do not really know the root of the problem.

  • mishca

    I feel bad for what happened to hayden in the senate yesterday (Binuhusan ng water). And being judge by Senator Revilla that it was just an act to gain sympathy from the public. What is wrong with him? what do he expect the person to react when it is obvious enough that he could no longer move of humiliation. Im not on hayden side at all because what he’d done once and for all is inhumane. But Condemning him as if he is somewhat the worst killer in the world is not fair. It’s so pathetic how people tend to be so judgemental without even realizing their own flaws.

  • Aisa de la Cruz

    What saddens me the most is the fact that they are giving such publicity and legal concern to video scandals only NOW when public personalities are involved. Similar videos of many female citizens popped up in the past and have given shame to them but they never were offered protection by the government. So sad.

    • mischa

      Just like what Abner afuang said in his angst against bong revilla’s comment “nagkataon lang na artista si katrina pero kung hindi tutulungan mo ba kung lalapit sayo?” So many have become victims of pornography even childrens but did it ever stop?

  • trfic

    Ginagamit lang ni Bong Revilla ang scandal na yan para pasikatin ang sarili niya. Gunggong na senador yan! Wala naman siyang nagawang kapaki-pakinabang, kahit sa mga kababayan nya sa Cavite. Perwisyo lang yan, itigil na nya yan.

  • digi

    Ya and Jason Ivler is suffering from “gun toting disorder”. Why should RICH, GOOD LOOKING personalities be exempt or be granted leniency by the law. He deserves to be in jail.

    Ano kinalaman ni Bong Revilla dito>? Ang isyu e nilabag ni Kho ang karapatang tao at karapatang pambabae ni Katrina Halili. Kung gawin ko kaya sa anak mong dalaga ang ginawa ni Kho anong sasabihin mo?