Healthy Apologies Part 1

The words “I’m sorry” heal and bridge the gap. There are times we act in ways that are less than comfortable. But we don’t have to say “I’m sorry” if we didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t have to apologize for taking care of myself, dealing with feelings, setting my boundaries , having fun or getting healthy. Get my drift?

Some people even my family members react when I do things differently or take assertive actions to nurture myself particularly if my decision in some way affects them. I allow them to have their feelings and reactions but I continue on my course anyway. I remember the day I decided to leave my husband. What drama! In a desperate attempt to stop me from leaving, he promised to change his ways. Please stay. I promise to change . Promises are like sweet music to my ears. Promises offer hope. It was a long hard struggle but I could see he was working really hard on being a good husband. Sure, he stumbled along the way. But guess what? He continued on with his recovery just like the rest of the family members. Our family has made so much progress and the tremendous rewards are now showering upon us.

A reader pointed out that she was disappointed over my actions the past week. Just because I say I have a new life doesn’t mean I am a perfect person. A few days ago, one of my daughters mentioned that her friends think we have a “perfect family”. Another blogmate intimated that “You seem to have a perfect life “. Far from it. If you have read past entries about my grief recovery and the life we have today, then it will look like we have a “perfect family life.”. Why does it look “perfect”? Simple. I have learned to let go . Whatever issues a family member face is their issue. I have no control over their feelings. I didn’t cause it. I cannot cure it . The only thing I can control is my attitude. It doesn’t mean that I am always right though. Sometimes I falter but I pick myself up again. I’ve always pointed out that recovery is a work in progress. I regress from time to time. That’s how I learn and grow. In a way, my life seems perfect only because I am right where I need to be to get to where I’m going tomorrow.

A family member was so used to me saying Yes all the time but started mumbling and murmuring when I said No. If people are used to us taking care of their feelings, and problems, they may give us some flack when we stop. That’s normal. We can learn to love with a little flack in the name of healthy self-care.

I don’t have to react to flack or give it much attention. It doesn’t deserve it. It will die down. If someone thinks otherwise of my actions, I often say that the person is entitled to feel that way. It is the person’s choice to feel or react that way. The perception of my actions are not within my control. So I let go of that person’s feelings. It belongs to that person.

Sometimes a general apology acknowledges other emotions and is useful when the issues of a circumstance or relationships are not clear. Once we make an apology, one doesn’t have to keep repeating it all over again.

In the case of the wonderful and concerned moms of Pinoy Moms Network“I’m sorry for the fuss we had. I’m sorry if what I needed to do to take care of myself hurt you; it was not intended that way”.

Let’s continue the fun in blogging. If you missed the MomWorks (blogger) Special featuring Annamanila, Cathy and myself in the LifeStyle Network, there is a replay tonight (August 19) at 6:30 PM Channel 47 of Skycable. Enjoy!

(To my disgruntled reader: I will update you of my meeting with the father of Carl Ocab . Just be patient. The meeting has been delayed due to a recent distraction in the blogosphere.)

Noemi Lardizabal-Dado (1346 Posts)

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.


About Noemi Lardizabal-Dado

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.

The comments posted on my blog are moderated. I reserve the right to remove comments, words or phrases that are defamatory, abusive, incite hatred and advertise an email address or commercial services or just plain spammy. I also reserve the right to remove posts that to my opinion are off-topic, irrelevant, ad-hominem, personal attacks and or just plain rude.
  • http://feistymomma.com dexie

    You had to do what you had to do. What happened, happened. The future is what we should all focus on. *hugs*

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    Yes Dexie. Move on . Let go. You know how I’ve felt so you understand perfectly. Thanks for the hugs!

  • http://www.homeworked.blogspot.com raqgold

    here’s more hugs —

  • http://avocado-express.blogspot.com Lynn

    Oh good, there’s a replay of the show. I hope to catch it later. Letting go, moving on, having fun…what could be better than that. Have a fun, rainy Sunday!

  • http://one-twentyone.com lady cess

    noemi, it was really great seeing you, cathy and myrna on the show! kept hushing my husband kasi tanong ng tanong naiistorbo ako hahaa!

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @raqgold- huggies back

    @lynn- good you can watch it later. sure let’s have fun even on a rainy day.

    @ladycess- I understand how you could get distracted. The feature was edited well, to the point with lots of content .

  • http://mysoulfulthoughts.blogspot.com/ Rach

    They say that after a storm, there’s a rainbow. I wish you better days ahead. Take care and God bless.

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @Rach- the rainbow is beautiful . I always see the good that comes out of negative circumstances.

  • http://scroochchronicles.blogspot.com/ Kongkong622

    Hi Noemi!! Someone once told me that he would rather be at the bottom of the barrel than somewhere in between. That way there was no other way to go but up.

    I hope that things work out, eventually. Maybe not now. Maybe not in the near future. But eventually they will. Things have a way of fixing themselves without our noticing.

    Sending you a hug too 🙂

  • http://herestolife.wordpress.com Jane

    I am also sending you my hugs, Noems! 🙂

    In sports, a jumper first has to step back a few steps, then run forward, jump and arch his body to achieve the maximum distance that his leap can achieve. He won’t get the same effect if he cuts out the backward steps and just lunges forward from where he is.

    The same is true with us humans. Sometimes, the greatest progress we make in our humanity has to come when we sometimes take backward steps first. You have shown us that you are human and now you also show us your magnanimity. Here’s to moving on….God bless!

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @Kongkong622- there is no way but up for me. huggies back

    @Jane- hugs Jane. One step forward two steps backword. The dance of recovery which I am so familiar of.

  • http://brainbitsandbeats.blogspot.com hailey

    this is a great show of humility: to say sorry. hats off to you, miss noemi! let’s have fun again…at PMN. Hugs!

  • http://www.nancydrewandme.blogspot.com Cathy

    Yes Noems, forgiveness really is something that we do for ourselves, rather than for other people. You will never be able to control the way that other people react to you, the only reactions you can control are your own. I think this is a lesson that you and I have learned time and again through our life experiences. So live and let live and always try to practice kindness. Stand for what you believe in without stepping on someone else. We can all live in peaceful co-existence both in the world and in the blogosphere.

  • http://mitchteryosa.wordpress.com Mitch

    Puro kayo hugs kaya “mwah” naman ako hehe!

    Saludo ako sayo Mommy Noemi. It’s not easy to say sorry huh!

  • http://imomonline.net chateau

    Hi Noemi…
    .. and with the rainbow comes the sunshine!

    I missed the episode.. Of course, there’s no chance i will ever get to see it, unless I knock on the neighbor’s door, hehe, or someone records it. 😀

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @hailey- talagang we will always have fun. Huggles.

    @Cathy- very well said my dear Cathy. We always need to affirm our beliefs and values.

    @Mitch- mwah din ako together with huggles.

    @Chateau- and to think your beauty is shown together with Sexy Mom . Anyway, the CD is on the way. I will upload to youtube.

  • http://dagboek.thesserie.com thess

    Hello Naomi! This is my first time here and I know I’ll be back to read more of your entries.
    A friend who passed away used to say ‘behind the gray clouds floats the wonderful clear blue sky’….it isn’t easy to live, that it’s up to us to win over the challenges life brings.
    I feel that you have overcome a lot of these challenges, more power to you.

  • http://aileenapolo.blogspot.com Aileen Apolo

    We do really need to take out the negativity and concentrate on the good things. Good luck po! 🙂

  • http://teacherjulie.com julie

    Will wait for the episode on YouTube, 🙂

    You did what you thought best for you, Noemi. Time heals all wounds so they say. I wish you well. 🙂

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @Thess- Hope you make my blog a daily visit. Thanks for the visit.

    @aileen- right on Aileen. We know how it feels. We become better persons after.

    @Julie- thanks for the best wishes.

  • http://www.vicksevents.blogspot.com vicky

    Noemi-i salute you for your principles…you say it best when when you say the very least..let the smart readers judge you are a real smart cookie ‘day! here is a big tight HUG…i’ve been in similar situations too but after a storm is a big Calm…take care xo

  • http://mushings.blogspot.com leira

    the greatest gift we can give ourselves is learning to be able to let go. we can only hold on to so much stuff anyway..*hugs* *mwah*

  • http://fengguillermobrum.wordpress.com feng

    that’s the spirit Noemi. here’s more tight hugs hugs to you from all of us Mommies. 🙂

    I’ll await the upload of the Mom Works episode in YouTube like the others. I wasn’t able to catch the Friday show and the replay kasi po brownout sa amin last Friday till yesterday.

  • http://mygoodfinds.org KK

    Ate Noemi, I know it took alot of humility to give a sincere apology. It’s so true that no one is perfect. I wish you all the best.

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @Vicky- my principles may not work for others but it works for me. *hugs dear*

    @leira- hehe nice mwah and huggles leira. Agree!

    @Feng- *huggles back* I hope CD arrives soon/

    @KK- No one is perfect yet we need to pick ourselves up. Thanks.

  • http://ode2old.com annamanila

    Apologies are sure healthy and they don’t cost, don’t they. Like the others, I salute you Noems for having both the courage and the humility to say sorry. In that posture, the healing can really begin. All best my friend.

  • http://dine.racoma.com.ph SexyMom

    and after this follow healing and closure!

  • http://isound.be Viona

    I think the art of forgiving is to forget and let go…Every family have different way of thinking and opinion. This might cause conflict. But, forgiving keep the family in unity.