The words “I’m sorry” heal and bridge the gap. There are times we act in ways that are less than comfortable. But we don’t have to say “I’m sorry” if we didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t have to apologize for taking care of myself, dealing with feelings, setting my boundaries , having fun or getting healthy. Get my drift?
Some people even my family members react when I do things differently or take assertive actions to nurture myself particularly if my decision in some way affects them. I allow them to have their feelings and reactions but I continue on my course anyway. I remember the day I decided to leave my husband. What drama! In a desperate attempt to stop me from leaving, he promised to change his ways. Please stay. I promise to change . Promises are like sweet music to my ears. Promises offer hope. It was a long hard struggle but I could see he was working really hard on being a good husband. Sure, he stumbled along the way. But guess what? He continued on with his recovery just like the rest of the family members. Our family has made so much progress and the tremendous rewards are now showering upon us.
A reader pointed out that she was disappointed over my actions the past week. Just because I say I have a new life doesn’t mean I am a perfect person. A few days ago, one of my daughters mentioned that her friends think we have a “perfect family”. Another blogmate intimated that “You seem to have a perfect life “. Far from it. If you have read past entries about my grief recovery and the life we have today, then it will look like we have a “perfect family life.”. Why does it look “perfect”? Simple. I have learned to let go . Whatever issues a family member face is their issue. I have no control over their feelings. I didn’t cause it. I cannot cure it . The only thing I can control is my attitude. It doesn’t mean that I am always right though. Sometimes I falter but I pick myself up again. I’ve always pointed out that recovery is a work in progress. I regress from time to time. That’s how I learn and grow. In a way, my life seems perfect only because I am right where I need to be to get to where I’m going tomorrow.
A family member was so used to me saying Yes all the time but started mumbling and murmuring when I said No. If people are used to us taking care of their feelings, and problems, they may give us some flack when we stop. That’s normal. We can learn to love with a little flack in the name of healthy self-care.
I don’t have to react to flack or give it much attention. It doesn’t deserve it. It will die down. If someone thinks otherwise of my actions, I often say that the person is entitled to feel that way. It is the person’s choice to feel or react that way. The perception of my actions are not within my control. So I let go of that person’s feelings. It belongs to that person.
Sometimes a general apology acknowledges other emotions and is useful when the issues of a circumstance or relationships are not clear. Once we make an apology, one doesn’t have to keep repeating it all over again.
Let’s continue the fun in blogging. If you missed the MomWorks (blogger) Special featuring Annamanila, Cathy and myself in the LifeStyle Network, there is a replay tonight (August 19) at 6:30 PM Channel 47 of Skycable. Enjoy!
(To my disgruntled reader: I will update you of my meeting with the father of Carl Ocab . Just be patient. The meeting has been delayed due to a recent distraction in the blogosphere.)