Once upon my early motherhood days, I often deprived myself of nurturing because I found it silly and self-indulgent. Of course, I didn’t know that nurturing is neither silly nor self-indulgent. Years later , after a million mistakes with myself and family members, I found out that nurturing is about how we show love for ourselves. I needed a loving relationship with myself that works so I can have a loving relationship with others that work.
I am not where I am today if I didn’t learn to nurture myself. I wouldn’t have a second wind in my marriage if I didn’t have a loving relationship with myself first. How do I nurture myself?
1. When I am hurt, I ask myself what I need to help myself feel better.
2. When I feel alone, I reach out to someone safe like my sister, my best friend. Without feeling that I am a burden, I allow my sister to be there for me.
3. I rest when I’m tired, eat when I’m famished, have fun when my spirits need a lift.
4. I give myself gifts… a trip to my favorite beauty salon, a massage at the spa, a new gadget, a new dress.
5. It means having a long hot bath or sauna to forget about my problems for a few moments in time.
6. It means being gentle with myself if I make a slip. Instead of being angry with myself, I beat myself with a feather instead of a whip. I am also open to the nurturing that others have to offer to me.
I do all these with the understanding that it will not make me lazy, spoiled , self-centered or narcissitic. Nurtured people are effective in their work and in their relationships. We learn to feel loved by ourselves so much that we can truly love others and let them love us.
Today, I nurtured myself. I am also open to the nurturing that I can give to others and receive from them.
1. Attending Japanese cooking lessons
2. Pampering myself at the Spa and treating my family to dinner .
Dear Noemi,
I was deeply saddened to read of the passing of your beautiful angel Luijoe. What a beautiful and precious little boy you were given. God must have had such a wonderful plan for him to take him so early in life.
I have found your blog whilst searching for a virtual candle to place on my blog as a reminder, always, of the love I have lost.
I am not a parent. I am a 27 year old lady from the UK. On 11th June 2007 my partner of 10 years, Damian, suffered a massive heartattack. The doctors did all they could but in the end the damage was just too severe and after spending a week in intensive care my sweetheart, Damian passed away peacefully on 18th June 2005 at the age of 30. I don’t think I will ever understand what has kept me going in the days since his passing, I can only put it down to carrying him in my heart always.
I was badly injured in an attack just 3 weeks after Damian died and sadly I am still fighting to recover from this almost 2 years later. I don’t feel like I have been able to grieve for my sweetheart or that I have been able to regain control of my life and start putting the pieces back together. I am waiting for the day when I am well to begin the journey of grief and recovery…if recovery exists?
My situation was complicated still when my closest and dearest friend’s daughter was diagnosed with a Brain Tumour just a few days after the first anniversary of Damian’s death.
My friend had been my rock, he was there for me through everything and without his helping hand I don’t know how I would be coping.
His world was shattered too when his beautiful daughter, Rose, suddenly passed away on 11th November 2006, 13 months sooner than the doctors had predicted. She was 22 and had got engaged to her long term boyfriend earlier in 2006.Two weeks before Rose passed away she graduated with honors in design from Liverpool Hope University here in the UK.
Yesterday was 6 months since the loss of Rose and understandable my friend is suffering such deep sadness and pain that only a parent could understand.
I am not even sure why I am writing all of this to you, but for some reason visiting here and reading a little of your story has moved me so much.
The sadness in my heart at times feels overwhelming, when I think I have cried all the tears I have some how there are still more.
It’s funny how a stranger from the otherside of the world can touch a person and enable them to reveal their story, I am glad I found you today and will be sure to keep visiting you.
God bless you Noemi and all your family.
With love and hugs,
Natalya, UK
definitely true. afterall, it is our family who will reap the benefits of keeping something for ourselves, developing our own interests makes us grow into a more fulfilled individual, and therefore happier Moms.
Proverbs 31 of the Bible says:
“A virtuous woman is one who directly cares for her family (v.15), but she is also one who enjoys using her gifts outside the home (v. 16, 18, 20, 24). And get this, her hubby and kids think she’s pretty awesome (v. 28). Scripture makes room for a woman to get out there and exercise her God-given gifts, not just those that find their expression in motherhood.â€Â
Happy Mothers Day tomorrow! 🙂
Nurtured people are effective in work and their relationships. This is one among so many useful things I picked up form this post. ty, Noems.
Happy Mothers’ Day 🙂
@natalya- I also got moved by your story. Thanks for reading my story and visiting my site.
@feng- hope Mother’s Day to you is meaningful and blessed
@annamanila- I learned the hard way but am glad I still learned.
@Jeric- thanks Jeric. Hug your mom ,
It’s a good thing I’m learning it early 🙂 . I tried to deprive myself too like shopping for my daughter and not shop for myself. We can’t give what we do not have. That’s why we need to refill our energy from where we can get them(spa, exercise, new dress, new gadget, etc).
I wish my mom got this advice too. She gave and gave not only to us her children but to her 8 other younger siblings and all other people who needed her. Maybe she might have lived longer to see her grandchildren today.
Happy Mother’s Day Ate Noemi!
Happy Mother’s Day to you Noemi. I’m glad that you’re having a fabulous time. Just a few more hours before another day sets forth but Mother’s Day can always be on an extended run if we put our hearts in it. Thanks for sharing this lovely post. I like what you said about beating yourself with a feather instead of a whip. I could learn from that. I’m sometimes too hard on myself when things go wrong. People make mistakes so I guess I should always give myself a second chance when things don’t work out as well as planned on the first try.
So true… I failed to take care of myself properly in the last 3 years. Now I’m starting to pick myself up & I feel so much better. I also have a more positive outlook & am more open with my family. A happy me is a happy mommy.
Hi Noemi…just discovered your site, and this post reached out and grabbed me. I, too, am learning to fly with new wings…on a journey of healing and restoration…and one of the main lessons I’m learning is how nurture and be gentle with myself. I’m a former black belt in beating myself up, retiring my crown less than a year ago. How beautiful it is to now Love me, approve of me, ask for and give myself what I need and want — all guilt- and pressure-free.
I endeavor to share this lesson with my daughter early, as well as my friends. It is my desire that more women learn this lesson FIRST, without having to experience the other side of the coin. Blessings to you…take care =)!
it’s always nice and beautiful to see people being blessings to others…
when i was reading your blogs, i can’t help but think about my mom..a very hard working and loving person. she is also a toughee…that’s why when she found out before that she has first stage cervical cancer, she was devastated..and we were really worried too.. but with God’s grace and love, she is now well..her former student was also an angel..he sold her the “cure” for her sickness…
the point is, i see that you consider nurturing yourself doing things you ENJOY..but i hope you also consider NOURISHING yourself..moms are important..i can’t imagine myself without one…not yet..so for all you great moms and everyone else, invest in your health..live longer and healthier for you and your family. you deserve it…we all do…
Live better everyday.
God be with all of us…