Pregnancy Loss

Noemi Lardizabal-Dado   Wednesday, August 30, 2006   7 Comments on Pregnancy Loss

home-baby.jpgLast Monday, I was surprised to receive a text message from Cathy to pray for her surgery scheduled for 7:30 AM. That surprised me. I knew she had thyroid consultation and a complaint on Mittelschmertz (German for “middle pain”) and some pre-menopausal symptons. I knew something was up with Cathy because we see each other everyday, well “online” that is. So that worried me when I didn’t see her for two days. Anyway, I thought they found something in her thyroid gland which required an emergency operation. I can imagine the shock of this sudden decision. I thought of visiting her yesterday but then it was my husband’s 47th birthday. Besides , I thought she might not be able to chat because of the pain around her throat area. So I took a chance this morning to visit her at the hospital. Cathy was in high spirits ever grateful for the successful operation and God’s faithfulness.

So they found something in your thyroid?, I was skimming around her throat area wondering where the incision was done.

I was puzzled.

Cathy said “No, I had an ectopic pregnancy

I was stunned. [tag]Ectopic pregnancy[/tag] can be fatal. In fact , she was already bleeding internally and had lots of clots. No wonder she couldn’t attend our August 19 meeting of the Compassionate Friends. Imagine she was bleeding for more than 10 days not knowing she was pregnant all along. Anyway, Cathy will blog more about God’s faithfulness in delivering her from danger. The question that piqued my curiousity was ” are you grieving?”. She doesn’t know yet as everything happened so soon and she is still processing the past day’s events.

ectopic.jpg

That Monday, I also received word that my sister-in-law lost her more than 8 weeks old baby. I know they wanted this baby so much as they only have one child. .

A baby did not have to be born after nine months in order to be loved and treasured. A baby was anticipated and wanted and it was taken away without permission, consent or notice. The loss needs to be grieved and mourned by the parents but they need to be reassured that there is no timeline on the grief process. A [tag]pregnancy loss[/tag] is not something that someone just ““gets over” in a matter of days. It is a true loss, just like the loss of a pet, the death of a family member or a friend. A pregnancy loss is a real loss. Their feelings should not be minimized with an unkind comment and their loss must not be trivialized. Too often, those closest to us – our friends and family members – tell us what they think is the right thing to say but is really the last thing we should hear:

““It was God’s way”
““It was better that it happened now, rather than later”
““At least you have other children”

Each of the above statements might be true but none of them offer comfort or take away the pain. Support for preganncy loss is available around the world and even in our mission, The Compassionate Friends Philippines.

Noemi Lardizabal-Dado (1346 Posts)

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.


About Noemi Lardizabal-Dado

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.

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  • http://www.ettonim.blogspot.com minotte

    hi noemi, thanks for the update! please send cathy my best. did she send you the link of missing angels? http://www.missfoundation.org — a forum for grief and support for stillborn and pregnancy loss. they also advocate not to say “it’s god”s will” at this time. rather, to just do things for the bereaved–like sending nice stuff, books, being there, like i know you are for her.

    best regards and take care tayo,
    minotte

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @minotte- yes we have those links in our Compassionate Friend site

  • lemon

    i’ll be offering my prayers for cathy tonight then.i had a miscarriage last july 10. although we planned to have a 2nd child next year, still, there was that terrible, heart-rending feeling of loss.

  • http://www.fastfoodfan.com Wendy

    I had a miscarriage in May and it was devastating (still is), but we’re going to try again. Glad the surgery went well.

  • http://www.dailystrength.org doug

    hey noemi –

    i sent you a note as well…your writing is fantastic. i also lost someone important to me, and my wife is filipino…if you get a second, take a look at:

    http://www.dailystrength.org/component/option,com_mtree/task,viewlink/link_id,86/Itemid,34

    might be helpful?

    doug

  • http://www.familysupportforum.com Angie

    I saw this blog and I wanted to give my support. I had a miscarriage almost 4 years ago and it still hurts to this day but it does get better in time. Glad the surgery went well and I will pray for you. God bless.

  • http://www.webarticles.com/ Parenting Articles

    A loss of an unborn child is a total grief experience.

    Women who’ve just had a miscarriage are about the most sensitive people on earth

    This is so true.

    -Jan