I Think, Therefore I am

Treat yourself like you already are what you would like to become”Wayne Dyer

You know the saying bilib sa sarili (Believe in oneself) can come off as conceited or even narcissistic. Yet, I practice it all the time. Believing that I am actually a confident person until I actually become more confident.

Four years ago, while making preparations for the launch of Blogwatch.ph, I asked Jane if she could be the emcee.

Jane: I am not a public person kasi, Noemi
me: me too! but I pretend I am.

I am a very shy and quiet person. You can ask any of my high school classmates. Even my high school teacher mistook me for my sister, who is the more sociable person. Yes, I was such a forgettable person. I kept to myself most of the time.

To practice confidence, I act as if. It’s a positive form of pretending. It’s a useful tool to use to get ourselves unstuck. For many years, I isolated from friends . During the rare social gatherings I attended, I forgot how to initiate small talk. It’s like friends or relatives talked to a blank wall. The only persons I socialized were close family members. I realized the gravity of my people skills when I joined a parent’s group of my daughter’s colllege and I couldn’t say a word. I knew I needed to wake up from my zombie state.

I forced myself into positive recovery behaviors, disregarding my doubts and fears, until my feelings caught up with reality. Acting as if is a positive way to overcome fears, doubts, and low self-esteem. I did not have to lie or be dishonest with myself. I acted as if I could speak up in public until I actually gained self- confidence and started to open up. When I started The Compassionate Friends, I was suddenly thrown into the media. The first interview and TV guest appearance terrified me. But how else will my mission get promoted? Acting as if I was confident enabled me to get through with these media exposure.

Along with my grief advocacy, I became a blogger at 48 years old and suddenly caught in the public eye. I never imagined becoming a blogger, and using my blogs to raise online campaign. I did not lose focus on my reasons for blogging.

There are times I lose my confidence. I once told Malou Mangahas that I felt inadequate that I am not a great writer during the PCIJ Training and she just nudged at me “ikaw talaga”.

Each time I face my fears, I gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.

So here I am again using my faith that as a mom blogger , I can help push for the three main goals of the #scrapPork network: Abolish the pork barrel system in all forms, accountability of all those who used their pork and to investigate and prosecute those that misused their pork. It is a long battle but with the help of the network, I am confident the goals will be achieved.

If my mind can conceive the mission, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve success. The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what I am afraid to do.

I think I am confident, therefore I am confident.

““Getting ahead in a difficult profession requires avid faith in yourself. That is why some people with mediocre talent, but with great inner drive, go so much further than people with vastly superior talent.” Sophia Loren