Over at Plurk, my favorite micro-blogging social networking tool, a plurk from Juned caught my attention:
Juned asks civil and plastic what is the diff? Does it annoy you? When you learn someone is plastic?
Juned goes further to explain that
1. Civil is being nice and mannered while plastic is brown nosing. Does it annoy me? There are times of course I am only human.
2. Plastic has the element of design or wanting something. You trust less the plastic. Anyway, that is for me.
What I found interesting is a Plurk Friend’s response most people confuse being polite and the social graces with “plastic”.
Imagine the following scenario.
1. The People Pleaser
Ever notice this person running around, fussing over others, chattering a mile-a-minute when what they are really saying is “I hope I’m pleasing you”. Now there is nothing wrong with trying to please people. But People-pleasing backfires. Not only do others get annoyed with them, the people pleaser often get annoyed when the intent to please did not work as planned. The most comfortable people to be around are those who are considerate of others but ultimately please themselves.
Is the People Pleaser a civil or plastic person?
2. The Polite Person
Imagine two friends having an argument inside the mall over a guy named Mario. Let’s call Anna as the One who is seething with rage, raising her voice and about to pull the hair of the second girl named Betty. She suspects that Mario is flirting with Betty. Betty appears calm and collected even when…
Anna: Why? You are so plastic! F*&%&& you! I know you like Mario. What a bitch you are! I want to know the truth. Did you go out on a date?
Betty: Excuse me, I don’t want to talk to you like this. Maybe we can talk some other time.
Anna: Why are you evading my question? I want you to be honest with me.
Betty leaves Anna.
Is Betty a civil or plastic person?
3. The Arrogant Person
Arrogance is not the same as being proud or even opinionated as most bloggers are. Arrogant people seem to think that they know everything and they can really get on your nerves. They are condescending and exerts superiority over you. But see, arrogant people are really quite insecure. They seek to dominate and control because they are afraid of being dominated and controlled. Their superiority comes to a point where they humiliate you in public through insults. (An honest opinion is not an insult if it was solicited.) Now, an arrogant person who is intimidating you feels inferior to someone else because this is how his mind works, this arrogance may be nothing more than a way to cover this feelings of inferiority he experiences when dealing with someone else.
Does the arrogant person lack civility or social graces?
4. The Frank Person
Is the arrogant person the same as the Frank Person, one who is honest about his feelings or opinion. No. I know friends who are literally honest to a fault. They have trouble even telling little white lies to protect other people’s feelings. There are times when lying is the lesser of the available evils.
Sometimes, the sensitive person wants the “Frank Person” to sugarcoat their honesty. Truth hurts sometimes so be gentle with me, okay?
Sometimes, the frank person is also known as rude for speaking the truth.
Should the frank person learn to be more civil or plastic?
Looking at all these scenarios, I believe I meet these persons every day of my life. If an arrogant person bashes me, do I bash back? Most probably not.
Does it make me plastic for not reacting in the same unhealthy manner? Nope
Does it annoy me? Sometimes.
Most of the time, the arrogant, the people pleaser, the polite person or frank person does not annoy me unless I allow it to happen. Sometimes when I am in a bad mood, it can annoy me. I allowed myself to feel annoyed. Eventually, I learn to let it go. Yes, I have those days.
On most days, I set boundaries.
You have always heard me say over and over again that we cannot control people’s actions, attitudes and even events. The only thing we can control is our attitude. But it isn’t that easy. One of the choices in recovery is choosing what we want to think and using our mental energy in a positive way. Positive thinking can be extremely difficult in stressful situations. Positive thinking does not mean thinking in an unrealistic matter or reverting to denial. If I don’t like something, I respect my own opinion. If a problem hits me, I am honest about it. If something isn’t working out, I accept reality. I don’t have to dwell on the negative portions of my experience.
Life and people just seem to push and push. If someone pushes me to my limits, that’s exactly what’s happening: I am being pushed to my limits. I give myself permission to set the limits I want and need to set in my life.
The chronic nega ( or negative person) has no place in my life. I try to empower the good in myself, others and life. I’m willing to release, or let go of, negative thought patterns and replace them with positive ones. I will choose what I want to affirm, and I will make it good.
Does it annoy you when you learn someone is plastic?