The Death of a Child

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angelPyro died. Another child left too soon. I only found out today about Pyro’s death. I wished I had been there for his wake. For the past 11 months since I discovered Mec’s blog on her pain over Pyro’s illness, I longed for a miracle, hoping against hope that Pyro would make it. It reminds me of that fateful day when I thought Luijoe would also wake up from his unconsciousness. We always hope. We don’t give up. I can’t help but tear over Pyro’s fate. Just a month earlier, Pyro had been treated for germ-cell carcinoma, an already rare type of cancer, only to have doctors abroad find that what he actually had was Ewing’s Sarcoma… a rarer type of cancer. Despite having lost a child myself, I cannot say that I truly understand their pain. Pyro suffered for more than one year battling the ravages of a tumor that pressed on his heart and lungs. My Luijoe died a sudden death.

I cannot imagine their emotional roller-coaster of hope and fear: surgery or drug therapy may bring remission, a welcome period of normality and expectancy that the worst is past, only to have our hopes dashed as symptoms return with renewed intensity. The pain is unimaginable, unspeakable and excruciating.

Mec, the loving aunt of Pyro writes eloquently of her grief and her love for her nephew. Their grief journey has just started. For newly bereaved family members, everything has changed since the death of their child, especially their priorities. What was once so important is now comparatively trivial. What once gave them pleasure now feels somehow significant. Rather than make plans for a ‘new, year’, there are many who must learn to live with what has now become for them the ‘new normal.’

While most of us talk of New Year goals, New Year’s Resolutions , our newly bereaved parents and family members struggle towards a new normal, a new life without their beloved child.

Even though our stories are different and we can’t know exactly what each other is feeling, we, more than anyone, come closest, and can validate each others so-called ‘crazy thoughts’ with the reassurance that what is felt and experienced is, for us, the ‘new normal.’

In Memory of
Joseph Pyro Pinon
July 21, 2003 – December 27, 2006

pyro

Noemi Lardizabal-Dado (1352 Posts)

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.


About Noemi Lardizabal-Dado

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.

  • reyna

    that was so sad, anyway just happened I came across your website, I remembered the article at PDI about What Do You Call Someone Who Lost A Child?, I guess it was a written by someone named Cathy, 2 months ago I went to visit a friend of mine to condole with him and his wife for the loss of their 22-year old son who met an accident. The son had just gotten a good job and was on his way to celebrate with friends when he was hit by a car driven by a drunk.

    On my way to the house, I was desperately looking for the right words to say to the couple, words which I thought would be most appropriate. When I saw them I hugged them both in silence, tears freely flowing from their eyes as well as mine. To this day I could never forget the serenity with which my friend and his wife accepted the tragedy. My friend opened our conversations with thankfulness to God for he has given him and his wife the privilege of giving life to a very fine young son. Furthermore, both of them were thankful to God for they have become instruments of God in forming their son to be a God-fearing and holy person that they had always wanted him to be. I came out of that house after an hour consoled and more convinced in my belief of a loving and caring God. The couple allowed me to feel this very deeply.

    It is not easy to believe in a God who cares for all of us his creatures in the midst of deep grief and big trials in life. It could be said that it is by the grace of God that one can see his love beyond one’s tears and fears. But it makes a whole lot of a difference when one has come to cultivate a trusting attitude in God so that one can still hold on to him in spite of the deepest pains that one experiences as the holy coupled showed me that day.

  • @reyna- yes that article was about our Compassionate Friends.
    http://aboutmyrecovery.com/2006/03/10/in-sunday-inquirer-magazine-an-interview-with-the-compassionate-friends/

    Actually it was written by Joy Rojas . Cathy , Alma and I were interviewed. In th beginning, some do question God but it’s actually God who can bring us the most comfort. Most bereaved learn this as they go through their grief process

  • Brian

    BOOKMARK THIS BLOG NOW!!! This is sooo to the point and well written (th of a Child » Touched by an Angel »). I wish I had found this blog a long time ago. Originally I was searching Google for information on child bedding when I stumbled across you Thursday.

  • leona dolino

    I also lost my daughter just last march 26, 2008. It was very painful because I saw her sufferings in the hospital. We stayed their for a couple of weeks but unfortunately she wasn’t able to survive. Actually i’m looking forward for her 3rd birthday this coming june 25 but she left us so soon. If I only knew that she will left us that early I should have stop the time from running. I missed my sweet and lovely daughter so much. I wanna hold her again and kiss her. I love her so much.

  • Thank you for sharing with us. It is only through time that you will be able to get through this. Your son is in a better place now where he is healthy and happy… God bless!