The Grief of Lisa Marie Presley

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Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
love leaves a memory no one can steal.
~From a headstone in Ireland


Lisa Marie Presley is obviously in grief. She is devastated. In her heart-wrenching blog entry, He Knew, Lisa is gutted and feels like she could have done more for her ex-husband, Michael Jackson.

14 years later I am sitting here watching on the news an ambulance leaves the driveway of his home, the big gates, the crowds outside the gates, the coverage, the crowds outside the hospital, the Cause of death and what may have led up to it and the memory of this conversation hit me, as did the unstoppable tears.

A predicted ending by him, by loved ones and by me, but what I didn’t predict was how much it was going to hurt when it finally happened.

The person I failed to help is being transferred right now to the LA County Coroners office for his Autopsy.

All of my indifference and detachment that I worked so hard to achieve over the years has just gone into the bowels of hell and right now I am gutted.

I am going to say now what I have never said before because I want the truth out there for once.

Our relationship was not “a sham” as is being reported in the press. It was an unusual relationship yes, where two unusual people who did not live or know a “Normal life” found a connection, perhaps with some suspect timing on his part. Nonetheless, I do believe he loved me as much as he could love anyone and I loved him very much.

I wanted to “save him” I wanted to save him from the inevitable which is what has just happened.

His family and his loved ones also wanted to save him from this as well but didn’t know how and this was 14 years ago. We all worried that this would be the outcome then.

At that time, In trying to save him, I almost lost myself.

One of her readers hit the nail when she commented on ” No matter how much you love someone, you cannot control them. I’m sure you have learned that just from being a parent. People are going to do what they are going to do. If you throw a rope to a drowning man, he still must grab it. You threw a rope, and you kept it there for a long time. He could have grabbed it if he wanted to; for whatever reason he didn’t take it. I’m sure many threw him ropes, some wanting to help him, some wanting to hang him. You did what you could, and of course your children must come first. If you chose otherwise, then you would be suspect”

Leslie did all she could. Sometimes people we love do things we don’t approve of. We react. They react. Before long, we are all reacting to each other and the problem just gets worse. Leslie did the right thing to detach with love. When we get hooked into an attempt to control or force others to do something they don’t want to do, it is hurting us. When the way we’re reacting isn’t helping the person or solving the person, it is time to detach. And she did detach for her sake and that of her children.

We are not in control of people, places and the past. The only thing we can control is our own person, our attitude. At that point in time, I believe Leslie did the right choice.

Today, her entry shows the searing pain of grief and questions now filling her mind. Regretful statements uttered so commonly by the bereaved are “If only”… I , too, have asked the same. I have heard other bereaved ask many questions, echoed by my own, of ‘why’, ‘what if”, the “would’ve-should’ve-could’ve’s’, and hundreds of other cries of grief that burn inside each of us.

As soon as one receives the news of a loved one, shock, numbness, denial, and disbelief are often experienced. The gamut of emotions is a cushion against the full impact of the loss. As time passes and these emotions wear off, others emerge, often including guilt, anger, loneliness, despair, sadness, and regret. These feelings are all part of the emotional reaction called “grief” and may be so overwhelming that one often does not understand what they are experiencing.

It is good that Lisa expressed her grief in a blog entry. It is healthy for newly bereaved to express their grief in a positive way.

Newly bereaved shouldn’t take the advice of those around to ““get hold of yourself.” On the contrary, one should surrender to their pain. The newly bereaved are not limited to Michael Jackson’s family or close friends. As fans, Michael Jackson’s music entered our lives and is part of our treasured memories. Even if fans didn’t really know him personally, there is a connection and naturally one also grieves the loss of someone who touched their lives. It is okay to grieve too.

I hope those are also grieving a loss or death of a loved one release their grief and know that it is normal.

Cry. Wail. Rant. Wring your hands. Voice your anger, your guilts, your regrets. Expend your pent-up emotions. You will feel much better afterwards.

I am sure Lisa feels better now after she voiced out her grief.

Noemi Lardizabal-Dado (1354 Posts)

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.


About Noemi Lardizabal-Dado

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.

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  • time to let go liza…i think it is basically all that now. time to say goodbye to the man who made us all popholics

  • It is so interesting to me that the death of an ex-spouse can still hit so hard. We’ve since it with my grandma who has been divorced twice when both of her ex-husbands each died, it sent grandma into grief even though she was divorced. She still loved them in a distant way, just like Lisa with Michael Jackson. It still hurts even though there may be a distance between two people.

    • Cynthia

      Lisa Marie is gutted because she choose to turn the knife instead of moving on as he had.
      That blog is to save herself. She had to say something, people let her know they didn’t appreciate it. It’s time for her to leave him alone and go on with her family before she loses that.
      It was not a fairy tale marriage as some want to believe. It ended and while there was some love, it was ill fated. I’m not trying to be unkind, but to those of us who realize, know and see and was really close to MJ, we can except the truth. What;s offensive is her goings on. I hope she will just stop this offensuive behavior. To be invited to funerals and memorials does not cleanse one.

  • kristine0019

    I believe that the most important thing that we could learn from Ms. Presley’s blog entry is that at the end of our lives, our relationships with other people are still our most treasured possessions. Indeed, when we are about to die, what we will regret the most is not whether or not we have earned or achieved so much; rather, it is the relationships that we destroyed and the people that we have hurt because of these.

    The only way to avert this regret is to let our loved ones know (both in words and in deeds) how much they mean to us. These four phrases – “Thank you;” “Please forgive me;” “I forgive you” and “I love you” – may seem so trivial, but they could give us the assurance that we could leave this world in peace because we spent our lives loving.

    • hey, who’s Ms. Presley’s blog

  • maria esther

    hola!!!

    a muchos e días de la muerte de mj me he dado cuenta de lo grande que el era, y me siento demasiado triste por su muerte hoy todavía no puedo
    creerlo y sinceramente me hubiera gustado mucho que michael hubiera tenido un hijo con lisa

    pero bueno no todo se puede..

    que descanse en paz

    no importa lo que la gente diga el siempre sera el rey del pop!!!!!!

    te amo michael!

  • Saruul.S

    I’m really sorry for Lisa what she said in her blog but somehow I feel like she could have helped him, she was the only one who he ever loved and opened himself. she shouldn’t have left him so shortly no matter what happened back then. I truly believe in that being with Lisa was the happiest time in his entire life but it lasted only 18 months. It makes me cry and I can’t help thinking about it every day. I’m sorry Lisa GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!

  • shafaq

    Hy! that’s not your problem you don’t have to cry now if you are crying please stop crying it makes me cry too!!!

  • red thithoo

    Hey, hey! you don’t have to cry now stop crying it makes me cry too! Lisa now i think you should stop crying GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!!!!