The Ideal Husband For My Girls

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daughtersDo you believe that mothers (or parents) know their daughter more than she knows herself? It got me thinking do I really know my daughters well enough that I can advise them on the ideal spouse? I recall my dad often spewing advice like “marry someone who is intelligent “. I even thought my dad was such a snob. My romantic ideals were such that “love will find a way” and “love will prevail”.

So I posed that question to one of my daughters.

Her reply ” I think so , mom. You know me more than I know myself.”

Most married women would agree with me that an ideal husband is one that is a nice, tender, forgiving, passionate, hard-working, honest, peaceful, generous, understanding, pleasant, warm, intelligent, humorous, attentive, compassionate and truthful person. Of course, good looks is a bonus but isn’t the ultimate clincher.

I guess there is no such thing as an ideal husband . I can guide them though.

So I told my daughters,

“It’s best if your husband is spiritual or have a personal relationship with God”. Then I added, “This is with the assumption that you also have close relationship with God as well.”

(They say they do despite the fact that they are not too religious. Their rigid high school Catholic education riddled with fear brought them further away from the Catholic Faith.)

Why? A couple with a strong faith in God believes in the sanctity of the marriage vows. I am not talking about a guy who goes to mass every Sunday, says the novena or kneel all the way to the altar without actually living in the spirit of God. Or a religious fanatic who has strange paganistic rituals which bear no relevance to one’s spiritual health. Do I mind if the man is Muslim, Jewish or any other religious sect? I don’t have any religious prejudices but it makes child rearing less confusing if the basic religion is similar. Which means that Christianity is preferable over other religions just so it makes married life simpler. I also don’t believe that the guy should be a Catholic. Like I said, a personal relationship with God is more important than religion. Besides, a lot of my good friends are non-Catholics who live by God’s word.

So why is the “God factor” so important?

The marriage vow of for ““better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health….” surely took a different spin when one has actually lived through it and survived it as a couple. I should know because without divine intervention, I don’t think our marriage would have gone this far. I was stubborn in my ways, neglecting my spiritual health only because I was drowning in self pity and turbulent grief for many years.

With God in their married life, it makes it easier to work together as partners, where both make adjustment and aim not merely to please each other, but to be better human beings and to make a solid teamwork, such as

1. If there is a competing relationship , say an interfering mother-in-law, the couple know that their priority is their spouse and if need be, should learn to choose each other above everything else. Most Mama’s boy or daddy’s girl face this dilemma but if God is in their lives, they know that their spouse is their first priority now.

2. Marriage means a relationship of “one flesh” which means enjoy the relationship through sexual intimacy and protect it through moral purity. I guess most philandering husbands (or wives) don’t actually know the meaning of “one flesh”.

These are just a few important highlights of the work involved in a marriage. With God in his life, he won’t turn to compulsive behaviors, addiction, womanizing, verbal or physicial abuse or anything that will destroy the marraige.

I do not envision a perfect partner, because my daughters are not perfect either. I do pray that they find a partner with whom they could grow together.

Noemi Lardizabal-Dado (1352 Posts)

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.


About Noemi Lardizabal-Dado

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.

  • Emi

    I don’t think that is a tough criteria. Maybe the guy might not be that ready spiritually but have the potential spiritual seed that would eventually grow .

  • @emi- everything else follows if God lives in the marriage.

  • hi mommy noemi 🙂 you know, i was thinking about this the other day 🙂 and my children are less than 6 years old! lol 😀

  • @cess- we always think of our kids’ future so no worries if your children are just less than 6 years old.

  • My mom was adamant when she was still alive in telling us that we should find a man to marry who is God-fearing. Because as what you’ve said, everything else follows if a man is like that.

    And that is one quality I look for in a man.

    Have a great week ahead, tita! 🙂

    P.S. Posted the answers to your interview already 🙂

  • How uncanny, Noemi, that you made this post.

    Just today, our 17yr old daughter C2 had lunch with her BF’s family. They’re all quite close to her. Over dinner tonight, I wondered aloud to my hubby about this relationship and whether this would stick or our daughter may someday get her heart broken. We talked about his relatives who had high school or college sweethearts and they did not end up together.

    Any mom wants her daughter to be happy. And for me, the personal relationship of a couple with God is paramount. Marriages sure will have their share of trials and it is important that they are focused on the Lord in order to weather these.

    At least for now, I am relieved that the family of C2’s BF has this personal relationship with God and they attend Mass as a family. They are probably likewise relieved that we do too. But only time will tell where this all ends. Meanwhile, as parents, we can only pray for our children as they live their lives and be there for them always. If we trust how we raised them and armed them for life, we can live the rest up to God.

  • Riz

    The “God-factor”, I agree, is non-negotiable. My mom wants that for me too, more than anything else. If I was a mom, I’d want that for my daughters as well. 🙂

  • Ehem, I’m in my mid-twenties, an engineer, very spiritual, goes to church all the time, fun to be around, have a good job, etc..

    Where do I apply? Need my resume? 🙂

  • @sasha- am sure she knew how important God is in marriage

    @jane- it’s a good start for your daughter to be with a guy like that.Even though she might not end up with him, who knows?

    @Riz- same here. non-negotiable

    @Nick- cool…don’t apply to me hehe. 🙂

  • Noemi, heheh. lol. 🙂

    I care not to feel the wrath of your husband 🙂

  • Hi Noemi. Reminds me of what my parents told me when I was still single. Believe me, it was hard to follow. But as my Dad always said, “All of our advice is only for your consideration. You don’t have to follow if you don’t agree.” Mabuti na lang I followed. Now it’s my turn to pass it on to my kids. In about 15 years or so. 🙂

  • @nick- Am not only speaking for my daughters. If there is a will there is a way. I remember my dad was a very strict father and I figured that any guy who could stand my snobbish dad, is the man for me.

    @KK- That’s what I say too. The decision lies on them. Parents can only advice.

  • This is insightful and I’m sure your daughters would appreciate this wisdom. God bless.

  • good for you nice

  • I believe that parents know what’s best for their children. But will it make the children happy? It’s seldom that both the parents and the children have the same taste.

  • there’s no “ideal” or “perfect” man as there is no “perfect” woman.

    my wish for my kids is for them to be happy most importantly. with someone who compliments them, respectively. meaning someone who will appreciate who they are and their quirkiness and would love and respect them forever and ever and ever ..:)

    oh and with someone who wouldn’t think twice of giving me grandchildren 🙂

    BTW, i was knocked down as your top commenter. that doesn’t suit well with me…LOL. I better get back on it huh? 😉

  • @dexie- the top commenter thingie changes monthly 🙂

  • Isn’t that what all parents want for their children? But before we advice them, I think it’s only fair to at least try considering their situation if it would be appropriate.

  • Interesting. I never really got an advise about my choice in men. Considering I grew up surrounded by women – ate, tita, Nanay, lola & cousins – your post made me scratch my head.

    But on thing though, I was attracted to hubby because of his relationship with God. He’s a churchgoer & he has a strong Faith. I was complacent, I don’t mind going to church now & then but I often deride the priests and I was more concerned at how the late Cardinal Sin was running the Church. Meeting my hubby changed all that, he didn’t force me but encouraged me to renew my Faith (no not be born again). He was just there on Sundays and even introduced me to St Jude’s novena on Thursdays (we come from Makati!). He was patient & very supportive & my Lola loved him to bits.

    Now compare my experience in Uni with an ex who was as complacent in his religion as I was. He goes to church with his family who are staunch Catholics, but he only does it for show. How can he guide me when he’s also blind? We were bad for each other spiritually as we were both lost.

    I really made the right choice.

  • hi noemi! this struck a cord. i think i’d be hanging out here more and more 🙂

  • ivan

    i couldn’t agree more. i used to believe in marriage but hearing news of infidelity brought my hopes of a ’till death do us part’ promise to an end. But what you said really hit me hard. It trully is the God factor in the couple’s life. Without God, many things wouldn’t have worked out.

  • good practical advice that one won’t see in books.

    yes, most important of all is the “God” factor in any relationship.

    in the same way as there is no perfect wife, there can be no perfect husband, it takes 2 to make a marriage work, sans interfering in-laws (LOL)

  • Toe

    For my Mom, no one is good enough a boyfriend for her girls… hehe! But once we got married, she loved her sons-in-law like her own children. 🙂

  • hotmomma

    I liked the way you wrote this post ms.noime. I’m married with 2 kids and until now my hubby is still in the “binata” mode and it is really affecting me-our marriage. We are living with my in-laws and i greatly agree with what you said that if both have a very good relationship with God, we will both know who to choose above all. We have been living with my in laws for almost 5 years now and I still could not feel our marriage working as how it should be. We are dictated by my in-laws since we are staying in their place and honestly, I am really bothered now. Super. I want to have our own identity as a couple and decide for ourselves and for my kids. There is great intrusion but it is hard to break away from this bec hubby himself is not really and i think does not want to leave his parents. Help! Write more about this.

  • Madmac5

    God-fearing naturally makes sense for a GREAT marriage.
    To prove the point, what is thing of the opposite extreme:
    No fear of GOD/God loathing.
    What type of marriage would that make.
    And everything else that falls on the scale between the two extreme is too the measure of what to expect

    • @Madmac5: My parents are that type you are mentioning. They have two children, my brother and I. We both are already adult and our parents are still married since 30 years w/o God’s help. 🙂 No personal attacks on you here, but just to give you an idea…

      @Naomi: Your comment subscription manager is working very slow at the moment.

    • @Madmac5: My parents are that type you are mentioning. They have two children, my brother and I. We both are already adult and our parents are still married since 30 years w/o God’s help. 🙂 No personal attacks on you here, but just to give you an idea…

      I can just repeat what some commentors before has posted before me: You will never find the perfect husband for your dauthers. But I think you will never want this, do you?

      So the God-Factor is important to me because my current wife I get divorced from, is INC (Iglesia Ni Cristo) and she forces or pushes me to much. To give you some examples, she wants me to let her introduce me to her church or else she might look around for “an other man” she has to declare as her husband because her church was already asking for me. 🙁 But I’m non-beliver.

      Another example is that she told me an other Filipina has “convinced” her husband with disabilities to join so I, with some minor disabilities, also have to join. Hey, I’m not him.

      So that’s why I get divorced because of the “God-Factor”. I mostly accepted her church and did come with her on the Philippines only once and never again. I didn’t feel comfortable when I was there, I feld brain-washed after that all. Okay, so that makes me to a good husband and her a “bad” wife, I think.

      Now I’m awake and I only want – after I got divorced, of course – a Filipina who is catholic or evangelics, no INC or other so-called “better churches”.

      @Naomi: May I come back here and tell you how it ends when I got married again? I will marry but not so quick and “blind” again. 🙂