The Victim Trap

Is it true that life has to be hard and difficult? The belief that life has to be hard and difficult is the belief that makes a martyr.

Using each problems that cross our paths to prove that life is hard and we are helpless is being a codependent. It’s the victim trap.

We do have power even in the most difficult times. The difficult times don’t prove that life is bad. They are part of the ups and downs of life and often work out for the best. Take a look at this example.

I am humbled by Belle’s Humble Beginnings. I have known a long time ago that she came from humble beginnings but details of which I only read in her latest entry. The lovely Belle is mother to two gifted and beautiful girls , one of which is a Payson Roundup’s Young Woman of the Year while the other daughter received a “Student of the Year” and the ““Most Improved Student of the Year” from Kiwanis. What pride and joy for this mother who experienced extreme hardships just to finish her high school?

Who would have thought that once upon a time Belle would wake up early in the morning to give me an early start for a three-kilometer walk to school or earned at an early age the art of ““supnit”, I learned to fish in the swamp using agahid (fish net), I learned to plant young rice plant in the muddy fields (such a back breaking job!), plant and harvest camote, make tiniklad (nipa shingles), harvest rice in the wee hours of the morning, and so on and so.

Did she turn out to be a bitter person? No. She has not forgotten her past, her roots. Her warm and generous heart is shown by sharing her blessings with her town mates through scholarship programs. She teaches her children to be responsible citizens by bringing them over to the Philippines . Her daughter spearheaded a Donations for Education which raised funds to purchase school supplies for the poor school children in her mom’s village.

I know of a few martyrs who often whine “It’s really like that. Life is really hard. What can I do?”

We aren’t helpless. We can solve our problems. We have the power to solve the problems that is ours to solve.

Belle might not have known it then but deep inside she was already working towards changing her circumstances through education. By topping her class, she got a full scholarship to study in the finest school in the country. Sure, she had no control over her father’s meager income but she knew her responsibility was to finish her secondary education even if it meant walking to her school.

Life is challenging. Sometimes, there is more pain than we can ever bargain for. Sometimes, there’s more joy than we can imagine. Its all part of the package.

We are not victims of life. We can learn to remove ourselves as victims of life. Letting go of the belief that life has to be hard and difficult makes our life much easier.

Belle, you are a shining example and inspiration to our less fortunate countrymen in the Philippines. Thanks for sharing your story.

Noemi Lardizabal-Dado (1346 Posts)

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.


About Noemi Lardizabal-Dado

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.

The comments posted on my blog are moderated. I reserve the right to remove comments, words or phrases that are defamatory, abusive, incite hatred and advertise an email address or commercial services or just plain spammy. I also reserve the right to remove posts that to my opinion are off-topic, irrelevant, ad-hominem, personal attacks and or just plain rude.
  • http://teacherjulie.com julie

    Belle is an inspiration. She gives back to the community that nurtured her, that was a witness to how she became the person that she is. Thank you too Noemi for being able to share yourself with your advocacy.

  • http://scroochchronicles.blogspot.com/ Kongkong622

    It is through other people’s hardships and trials that we learn to appreciate the blessings that we have even more 🙂

  • http://simplybelle.net/ Belle

    ahh, how nice of you to feature me in your blog. thanks Noemi from deep inside my heart.

  • http://citizenonmars.blogsome.com Major Tom

    Hi.I believe in this so thoroughly and I have heard such stories before, of sacrifice and hardship.

    For certain, the difficult experiences becomes an education to us entirely, and we learn from them. Experience they say is one good teacher in life.

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @julie- I admire this girl very much.

    @Kongkong622:- pain in our lives teaches us a lesson. And Belle exemplifies that so well.

    @Belle- I’ve wanted to feature you for sometime now. Just couldn’t pinpoint the entry. Thanks again for sharing

    @Major Tom- I believe Belle learned from that painful experience. Now that she is blessed, she returns back to others.

  • http://one-twentyone.com lady cess

    most of the people who have this mentality are also very very tamad to change their circumstances kaya hindi sila umaasenso. belle is one great example that we can be whoever we want to be regardless of our situation.

  • http://mygoodfinds.org KK

    Ate Noemi,
    Love your post! I do admire Ate Belle and the way she changed her circumstances with flying colors. That’s why I admire my own father who comes from very humble beginnings too. He may not have accomplished a college degree but he made sure that his kids get to college and have better lives. We all have a responsibility to help ourselves.

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @lady cess- some things can’t be changed but attitude can be changed. it starts there

    @KK- my dad also grew up from humble beginnings. He was orphaned at 15 years old and struggled throughout his youth to acquire a college degree.

  • lemon

    Thanks Ms.Noemi for featuring my kababayan. She is truly a gem.

    Hers is a shining example of how getting through the difficult times can mean only success in the end.

  • http://http:/www.ode2old.blogspot.com annamanila

    I know without reading the entry you mentioned (I will, soon as I’ve posted this) that Belle’s lifestory is checkered, colorful and inspirational. I culd feel it from Day 1 of reading her blogs and her goodness and humility spill over her site.

    Bravo Noems for spreading more widely the word about our friend Belle.