Where I am today

      12 Comments on Where I am today

DadoFamily214I often wonder how he would look like today. The young man as he often called himself even at 6 years old, is supposed to be an incoming college freshman, the last of my children to be in school.

Would he have been taller than my husband? Would he have the same gleaming smile? Will he still throw me kisses and give me a bunch of flowers with an ““I love you” note? Would he still be cracking jokes? I can’t imagine because I will always remember him as an innocent and beautiful 6 year old boy whose death caused my world to spin around and around. I still miss him dearly but the pain is not heart wrenching anymore. I don’t feel like I am drowning in pain. I yearn for him especially during birth and death anniversaries or when I see a boy similar to his age.

Like this very moment, I think of Luijoe. Tomorrow is his 10th angel year.


““I don’t know how you’ve survived. It would kill me to lose my child.” Oh, to have one peso for every time I heard that sentence! I’d spend every one of those pesos for an answer, for you see, I don’t know how I’ve survived. What choice did I have? Each transistion has been work, hard work, sorting through what it means and learning to function in the face of these circumstances not of my choosing. Five years living as a zombie and the next five years in my new normal.

My new normal as a blogger served me well: my role as a bereaved mother is no longer the first way I define who I am, but it is ever-present in my life and cannot be separated from all that I am . . . for the rest of my life.

Behind the Scenes 12I am happy with the work I am doing now. I cannot imagine myself today as I am, active in the new media arena, in online advocacies and meeting new friends and reuniting with old friends. I never dreamt I had the courage to embark on advocacy projects. Not to mention playing a role in the online coverage of the May 2010 elections.

I am not a writer.

I learned to write creatively for this blog and still learning. I promoted my grief recovery blog not knowing that this was the start of my NEW NORMAL. Readers who have lost family members, jobs, siblings, children write to me thanking me for my story. They see hope in their own sad stories.

features-editorAside from grief recovery, I embarked into a Filipina online campaign and lately a citizen’s journalism site or elections 2010. From a homemaker , I am now thrust to a whole new world of new media and as features editor of an alternative online magazine, the Philippine Online Chronicles. Never did I conceive that the shy old me would land on TV, newspaper, radio, magazine as a resource person for grief, then later in blogging then social media for the elections. Blogging brought me new friends, reconnected with old friendships, brought me to travel places. It taught me to be more confident.

compassionatefriends I realized that Luijoe’s death gave me courage even if it took me five years to realize it. Courage to let life go on, to give myself a chance that new and good things will happen to me that will add JOY to my life. I felt he wanted me to carry on the comfort to others. By working with The Compassionate Friends, I would act like a ““St. John” to other bereaved parents. He was struck with St. John as he comforted Mary, the mother of Jesus as he lay dying on the cross. Truly, God works in mysterious ways and He uses our children to help us find and shape our ministries. It is our children who remind us of the bigger work that God has set out for us in this world.

Working with ““The Compassionate Friends” is also my way of keeping Luijoe’s memory alive in the next couple of years. I also know that every time I comfort a bereaved parent or sibling, my actions are a living tribute to my child.

blognapinoy-1I believe there are no coincidences in life. There is a special reason things happen the way they do. My new friends and associates cross my path for a purpose. It is not a coincidence that the publisher wanted to work on an ebook of this blog. They have no idea that I have long wanted an ebook but just didn’t know how. It is no accident that I promised to send the manuscript by tomorrow not even thinking it was Luijoe’s 10th angel year at that time.

Tears linger as I think of my son’s 10th angel year tomorrow. As I wipe a tear , I smile at the thought that Luijoe has always been beside me in every step and action I take to make a difference in this world.

Life is good. I am right where I need to be, having the time of my life, loving work and my husband and children. I am blessed to be touched by an angel.

A video tribute to my dear son

Noemi Lardizabal-Dado (1385 Posts)

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.

  • since my mom died, i never really got use to her being gone. sometimes i would wake up and still feel that she’s gunna barge in my room and tell me to get up and get ready for school…

    blogging about beauty and cosmetics has been a respite for me ever since but when she left, its been the most constant thing in my life. though my blog may not be as relevant as yours, I do get a surge of happiness whenever i get an email or comment on how much i’ve helped them.. i can’t believe that blogging have made such impact in life as i try to heal my broken heart…

    I hope that I get to be where you are exactly.. that’s what i’ve always been hoping for.. i was just too close and dependent to my mom to really get use to it.. and people telling me to move on isn’t helping either.. like i’m being forced to accept my mom is gone.. how could i that right?

    I’m happy for you, Tita Noemi (i hope i can call you Tita)! God has really healed you… 🙂

    • sure call me tita.

      I will let you know what “moving on” really means..it means accepting her death yet never forgetting her. It means leaving your old life that you had when your mom was still alive. It means having a new normal without your mom. It does not mean forgetting her memories and her love. After all, love never dies. Though death may have taken her away, love and the memories can never be taken away. They will always be in your heart.

  • tita lili

    Thank you, Noemi. “Though death may have taken her away, love and the memories can never be taken away. They will always be in your heart.” Couldn’t be said better. The way you handled your grief, your loss, inspires many. Truly, those memories can never be taken away. God bless you and your family.

  • Ria

    thank you for sharing yet another inspirational post. i actually got back into blogging after i saw you in a television show talking about Luijoe and even though I missed the name of your blog during the interview, I googled it and spent hours reading through it. i was inspired a lot by your strength and character then and you continue to inspire me to stand up for my principles and advocacies through my blog. more importantly, you are often able to remind me that yes, life is good.

  • this is a ery moving post mam noemi, I’m listening to diamond rio’s i believe right now – my way of re-living my bond with our angel anne sherina is listening to nice songs saying assurance that we’ll be together again eventually. shen, don’t force your self, let go… LET GOD! 🙂
    .-= lookingskyward´s last blog ..Ozone friendly cargo ship =-.

  • Oh, Ms. Noemi. This post made me teary-eyed. You really are an inspiration to me and the other mothers and bloggers out there.

    • I got teary eyed too as I wrote this. But they are both tears of joy and missing him …

  • hi, i’m one of your subscribers. Hope you can visit my website. I’m very new at blogging.

    .-= princess´s last blog ..Breastfeeding Care Group =-.

  • not quite tough (somehow)… …see how God’s making ends meet 🙂 tho it’s an exhausting wait, it’s still a good battle, a battle not my own… thanks for remembering me mam noemi. (but i prefer whispers regarding that aspect of my being) i’m just happy i can still read your blog and draw some encouragements. see how injustice is done to the entire country just about now?! my story is just child’s play compared to what they’ve done to the process, how they’re raped our democracy and stole in front of our very eyes, people’s own money.