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My stage mother years is one of my most treasured moments with my little girls. Those were the days when the mother in me dreamt of their future. The stage mother years span from the time Lauren was a precocious 4 year old painist till her early teens. From then on, my role was relegated to a part-time stage mother when they had random performances here and there. I call myself retired because I don’t fuss like a mother hen like in the good old days.

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To my visitors who watched the blogging episode of Kapuso Mo Jessica Soho, welcome to my blog. I already wrote about the taping of this episode…but I want to clarify portions of the show.

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My daughter used to tell me that I am so boring. I don’t take risks. I am not adventurous. Have some fun, Mom. Loosen a bit. Enjoy Life. Laugh more. This conversation happened four years ago. I didn’t know any better then. Our children teach us so many valuable insights, right?

Right, this is life. This is not a funeral service. Have some fun in it. Participate. Experiment. Take a risk. Be spontaneous. I shouldn’t be too concerned about doing it right or doing the appropriate thing. I laugh a lot now. I love jokes. I laugh at the witty articles written by the Man blog. I snicker at my husband’s corny jokes.

But wait. There are boundaries to laughter and having fun.

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The last few days took my breath away. Nothing can ever prepare me whenever triggers of my loved ones’ memories hit me. I have never spoken of the 5 deaths in my family in a span of one hour. Truly, the death of my loved ones shifted the whole foundation of my life. Nothing is as it was.

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Edit - April 26- I am not happy that the segment producer did not ask permission for a reenactment of Luijoe’s death in a swimming pool. They even got a kid that had a similar face to Luijoe. Dramatic effect pa kasi…eh blogging in a cemetery was enough for me to satisfy their production values. Other than that, the episode was good.

Here I am in a cemetery, with a TV crew. A GMA 7 show wants to feature bloggers for this Saturday (Thanks to Brian Gorrell for the hype on blogs these days). Why should I do this? I asked the producer. It’s not normal routine to blog in a cemetery. Yeah sure, it’s better than a reenactment which is a definite no-no for me. Sure, I bring flowers, candles and my small chair but blogging? Never tried it but yes, I do bring my macbook everywhere with me. But the producer is persuasive, “Maybe you might consider blogging here”.

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It’s a glorious sunday morning. The empty nest will be back to a full house. Marielle will soon fly in from a vacation in Singapore. Lauren is expected to be back from an overnight beach trip from Zambales. So it’s just me and my hubby. Butch and I enjoyed our quiet morning with a hearty breakfast just a few hours ago. For the first time, I ditched my usual caffeine fix from brewed coffee. I wanted something different.

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You think any pain is worse than the pain of losing a child? Whatever words you hurl at me mean nothing to me. Be grateful, you are alive…that your family is intact. Don’t waste your energy on me. Life is so beautiful to waste it on negative energies.

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