How will I know He is the One?, laments Aileen. What a common question to most of the single people out there.
And I am going to give the same reply that Lauren whined about : You just Know
Before Aileen starts to throw apples at me. Ooops. Let me finish this first. I will list down some important pre-requisites before one meets THE ONE based on the book “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne (I will write a review soon). This is all for you out there who are searching for The One!
1. Ask the question to yourself: What do I seek for in The One? Yes, you might have already made a detailed list of your ideal guy. My daughter also listed the characteristics of her ideal guy. But does it stop there? Are you clear on the perfect lifetime partner for you? Is your list based on unrealistic expectations like hoping your future partner is exactly like your dad or mom? If you are not clear , you will be sending mixed signals and attract mixed results.
Start saying to yourself : “I want to meet The One with these characteristics and be with this person the rest of my life.”
I didn’t know it back then when I first met my husband that He was The One. I was thirteen when I listed down the physical characteristics of my ideal boyfriend . I even visualized how he looked like, a mestizo. The mestizos in Cebu belonged to the popular mestizas. And I didn’t belong in that class. Hummph. But I thought “Just you wait and see, my future boyfriend is going to be a mestizo, and he is going to be smart and sexy!” Of course at the time I met my boyfriend , I didn’t expect him to be my husband. After all, I was just a shallow teenager.
2. Believe. Believe that He or She is already yours. Crazy, right? Believing in the unseen THE ONE? When you believe in the thoughts of meeting THE ONE, the circumstances , people and events will go in your direction. You will attract the right people to your life .
Think what you have asked for in your list. Make sure your actions reflect what you expect to receive and are not contradicting what you’ve asked for.
My brother passed away at the age of 27 years old leaving behind a three year old son and another 2 week old son. My sister-in-law felt that no one could ever replace my brother. Often, she would burst in anger if anyone ever peeped a word that she will remarry one day. After three years, she slowly started to date and met many eligible men. She started to visualize her second husband . The number 1 qualification was that he will love her sons as much as she did. To cut the story short, she remarried again to a man that met her criteria. Not only that, he looked so eerily similar to my brother. Really! (In fact, visitors often chide him why he has a memorial table at their living room thinking my brother’s photo belongs to him). It’s been over 17 years now. The best thing about this marriage is that her new husband’s paternal love was so great that my brother’s sons requested a change of their family names to that of their step-dad. I love the father of my nephews. He remains so close to our family .
Left to right: my sister-in-law, Dan (then a 2 week old infant at the time of my brother’s death) and Jing, his step-dad
3. Receive. Feel good that you are going to meet The One. Don’t worry about not meeting The One because that means you doubt you will ever receive The One. So feel good that soon, The One will arrive. You will receive what you have asked for and you wouldn’t ask for anything unless it was going to make you feel good . This also means that your actions reflect your thoughts. Thoughts create the words we speak, the feelings we feel and our actions. So if you intend to meet The One, go out to parties or events with your friends. Most of “The One” met each other through friends. Be open to all possibilities.
A girl friend of mine met her future husband through a blind date. The common friend felt absolutely sure that he will surely like her. The girl hesitated at the thought of a blind date but in the end trusted the common friend because he knew her taste.
The next thing that needs to be done and the most important of all before meeting The One is you should love and respect yourself . Forget your past mistakes. So what if you had failed relationships. They were not a loss. They were gifts. Sometimes the gift is a behavior one learned to acquire or could have triggered healing from issues of the past or an issue one is facing today. Or it might have taught us to love ourselves or someone else. But trust there was a lesson and a gift there. Let it go and move on to the NEW YOU. If you don’t treat yourself with love and respect, you give out a sign that you are not important enough or worthy enough . Just like what I mentioned in A Healthy Attraction to People, “The more we learn to love and respect ourselves, the more we will become attracted to people who will love and respect us and who we can safely love and respect.”
Focus and begin to think about all the things wonderful about YOU.
Look for the positives in YOU.
You attract what you think about.
To acquire love, fill yourself with it until you become a magnet
– Charles Haanel
You just Know is true because The One will be brought to you . You believed that YOU have received THE ONE even before you met. So then, YOU JUST KNOW.
It’s hard to believe in it but have faith.
For the sake of the single ones, how did you meet the perfect partner for you? or The One? or your spouse? How did you know that person was The One?
Edit (to add this)
Next Entry: Now that you have found THE ONE, what next?
Thanks for this Noemi. More food for thought for me. I asked the question because I feel he has arrived. Shhhhh! Hehehehhe…
@aileen- ooh why am I not so surprised? I know you are fixing some aspects of your life to make this happen. How excting!
“a man that met her criteria”
This could be because of all my Philosophy classes lately, 🙂 but there should NOT be any criteria to begin with.
Because if, say, you find someone who fits your ideal image of “the one” what happens if he cheats? What if you fight? What if you thought he’d never shout at you but then he does? What if you envisioned him to always be there for you, but then he fails? That puts a person out of the “criteria” right then and there, but that doesn’t mean you have to love him less. That doesn’t mean you have to leave the relationship and search yet again for someone to fit your criteria. Someone who will not move out of the box you put him in.
Looking for someone does not have to be a search. It is a journey.
We should not set limitations to people through these “criteria”
😀 Just a thought.
Thank you for the inspiring entry. It’s actually been something that I’ve been mulling over quite a number of times recently. As a daughter, I never tire of asking my mom this question, which I end up never really listening to. I guess that’s why she linked your entry to me. 🙂
The One…I’m still quite young but it seems to take forever.
Noemi, eerily…..I am currently reading “The Secret” too!
Good luck, Aileen! This may sound funny but I prayed to St. Joseph to send me a husband who was family-oriented, spiritual, loved God and would allow me to blossom as an individual even if we were already a couple. He not only sent me my hubby, but sent me a wonderful clan of in-laws as well…
That’s true, “you just know.” When I got married, a lot of people asked me, “how did you know, he is the one?” I told them, I just knew it and I felt in my heart he is the one I am going to marry. What is my criteria? I made sure that I can accept even the negative things about him without expecting that he will change. I also have a list of other things to look for but somehow in one way or the other I had to give up some of it. Just make sure that you share values because it’s really important. I can’t compromise that.
Quoting Leo Buscaglia (Loving Each Other), “Before you form a relationship, ask yourself if there are things about the other that you can’t stand. If there are, ask yoursel if you would be able to live with these things forever. If the answer is NO, then leave it alone.”
@angel- everyone has standards whether they set a minimum standard or not. At least most do. After having found The One, does it stop you from working with your relationship ? If you think your man is going to fail , he is going to fail you. Because if you believe he is the man for you, both of you will find the means to work it out.
The reason I wrote this entry is because others want to know how to find The One or know when The One is finally there.
@christa- Just believe The One will come one day.
@Jane- The Secret was a gift from my sister. I have the audio, dvd as well.
@nina- But people hate the “you just know” reply. Maybe because they are unsure of their idea of The One
Funny, I was just talking to an old friend recently and she said that my husband did not fit the “criteria” that I set back when I was still single. True, he is nothing like all the other guys I dated in the past. Maybe, that’s precisely the reason why all those other guys are “past”.
@KK- most likely your priorities changed and the past taught you a lesson that The One is someone who is not like them
Hi Noemi. When I was a teenager, I loved watching those fairtytale type romantic movies. I thought that when I finally met THE ONE, there would be sparks, sort of a tingling sensation inside. Being young and idealistic, I loved the idea of falling in love at first sight. Yet when I met my husband at the office, nothing. He was just another face at work. Little did I realize that he was actually the one I’ve been waiting for. It was during our getting-to-know stage that emotions started building.
I do believe that, whether consciously or unconsciously, we do set standards. Otherwise, we would have been attracted with just about anyone and maybe everyone. But, I think,the key for a meaningful and lasting relationship would be that both partners should realize that a happy relationship doesn’t just happen. It’s hard work. And both should acknowledge and accept that and be willing to exert effort to make it work.
@rach- You probably knew inside of you what type of man you wanted.
@prudence- true, it is hard work. Just because one has met THe One doesn’t mean “and they lived happily ever after”.
“@angel- everyone has standards whether they set a minimum standard or not. At least most do. After having found The One, does it stop you from working with your relationship ? If you think your man is going to fail , he is going to fail you. Because if you believe he is the man for you, both of you will find the means to work it out.
The reason I wrote this entry is because others want to know how to find The One or know when The One is finally there.”
@Noemi
That’s exactly my point. The One will NOT be someone who will “finally be there” when you come to a point of realization. Many people qualify to be a life-partner. There is not just one. The person doesn’t have to fit a certain set of criteria, nor does the person have to be a beckon light.
My point is that you cannot just box someone in (e.g. “The One”). Setting standards, or even just knowing that there are or there should be standards to keep in mind when you’re in the search for “The One” leads to faulty beliefs and presuppositions.
“After having found The One” – like that. You do not come to point in life when you realize that “yep, he’s the one I wanna be with.” It’s not a search. Because if it were, it would be like objectifying a person–when he should not be objectified to begin with.
I think it is like holding on to a security blanket. (Knowing/Believing/Thinking that he is “The One”) That should not be the case.
My point is, a set of criteria is like a trump card you can use when you things are not going your way. Again, that should not be the case.
Hehe. Sorry for contradicting so much. I’m not saying it’s a fallacious post or whatnot. I just don’t agree with it. 🙂
@angel- you are entitled to your own opinion. Others would probably agree with you. But there are also many out there who believe there is that ONE person among many that qualify for The One.
It’s like setting a goal, finding ways to achieve them and reaching a decision. Without principles to guide you, rules to keep you in line or a dream to inspire you, you just might find yourself fumbling and lost several times — broken and alone or worse — ending up with not even one person to hold your hand.
Anyway, I prefer walking down the aisle — even if I trip or fall in the process — and have just THE ONE waiting for me, not two or several, just THE ONE. 😉
Wow! This has become a discussion hehe! Much appreciated actually!
I agree with Mommy Noemi, it’s not really a criteria, but a guide. As you grow a bit older and after all the stuff you go through you tend to know already what you want and need. I told myself I won’t waste my time any more with guys who don’t seem to know what they want. Some say I am too pihikan, but then I have to take into consideration too that I have Miguel.
Ay emote LOL, basta with prayers and hardwork I know whoever it is, it will work 🙂
@sasha- much as others think they don’t have a guide, past experience already plant the “idea bank” . It’s probably subconscious. True, without a guide, you end up with mixed and haphazard results.
@Aileen- hehe it’s a popular topic. As we mature and learn from our past experience, it’s easy to discern The One. Sometimes the past helps us choose The One. In the past, I felt you were unsure you will ever find the One. At least now, you know The One is there, lurking somehow. “kilig”
I watched a DVD of “The Secret”, I’m not sure if it’s the same? The one that says the secret is the Law of Attraction? 🙂 I think it is true, when you believe, affirm your belief and focus on positive thoughts, it will come to you in time. 🙂 I’m starting to practice it now. We only deserve the best!
I particularly like the line in the song “The Prayer” … “…we hope each soul will find another soul to love…”
🙂
Hope am not too late.
Aileen: “I told myself I won’t waste my time any more with guys who don’t seem to know what they want. Some say I am too pihikan, but then I have to take into consideration too that I have Miguel.”
‘Atta girl. EXACTA-MUNDO 🙂
When someone has a “criteria” “characteristic”, “goals” list, it shows exactly what you want in life. A commitment. And there is nothing wrong with that. Having a “list” means thinking of the future. There’s nothing wrong with searching for a partner with the same family, spiritual and moral values as you do. If someone doesn’t take these things in consideration well he/she will just go through life with no purpose. The fighting(non-physical), arguments, disagreements are parts of each person’s different personalities. There are 2 people(don’t count the in-laws, hah) in a relationship. There are NO 2 people alike. No matter what they say out there. If there were, the world would be too complacent and boring. BUT, it’s POSSIBLE to possess the same values, morals, financial stability, respect, love, trust, etc. Those are the goals. Not the putting the seat down, nor the socks on the floor, nor the taste in music. Things like that are what we add and bring into the relationship. It makes the couple keep on burning. It’s called compromising.
Hence, a true, meaningful, FUN, loving, stable, and COMMITTED relationship!
Nice read but still, Who knows?
I agree. You will just know when the one comes your way. Thus, the usual shared reply — you’ll know when you already know.
Ah, how do you know if it’s true love? Does he/she love me? Will it last? These are questions that have been asked time and again,but only few got the right answer.It’s just that I believe each love story is unique. There are different characters, different conflicts,and different endings to every love story.Based in my own experience you knew it if that person accept your flaws,and love you unconditionally no matter what and good to say that I found that w/someone w/no blood related at all to me. Ang saya ng feeling alam mo na aside from you family, meron isang tao handa ka samahan,damayan sa lahat ng bagay.
If may I add then also don’t search it, in Gods time ipapadala din po yun.Kse sa akin ganun po, wala tlga sa plano ko yan bf, yun binigay sa akin medyo confused ako,kse alam ko siya na,but the problem was am not ready to be committed. tapos un nagwait lang siya matagal mga 6 months, tapos yun naging kami na. Kaya nga dapat yung mga anak makikining lagi sa mga parents nila,because most of time tama sila. In my case, I listened very well to my father, that’s why am happy w/ my bf,pero la pa po kasal,paunahin ko muna po un ate ko.
When I asked St. Joseph to give me a good husband, he not only sent me a replica of him but one that carry his name, Mama Mary & Jesus (Jose Maria Emmanuel). Isn’t that too much— truly heaven sent. Our family feast day falls on March 19 in honor of our patron saint, St. Joseph: model father, husband, family man, worker, protector, patron of a happy death & everything else. Aside from being an “angelle”
I have three Jose’s in my life— Digoy, Jayvee & Angelo. How do you know? Don’t wait for signs— pray.
Having found “the one”, I’d have to agree, YOU JUST KNOW…but!
The job becomes easier if you’ve spent time honing the skill. That means dating and getting to know people, purposely studying the different personalities and traits of the people you date to figure out what appeals to you and most importantly, WHAT DOESN’T. You should never be afraid to make the call that the current relationship you’re in
doesn’t fit the bill. (I know, better said than done, but worth the effort nonetheless), you are after all making a decision that’s meant to last forever.
Also, it pays to study YOURSELF, so you know what it is that truly makes you happy, that way you can look for it in the other person. Try to find the strength to make the difficult choices. It’s hard at first, but I truly believe that it will pay off in the joy of making the right choice in the end.
So yes, I did find “the one”, but it took the accumulated experience of many “NOT-the-one’s” to show me the way.
🙂
Hi! I’m new here. Hope someone can help me with my problem. I’m having a dillema of getting married to my girlfriend. Part of me is saying yes and part of me is saying no. We have to make a decision as soon as possible because of health reason for my girlfriend. I don’t know if she’s “THE ONE” or not for me yet.. Something is always holding me back..I know marriage is a sacred thing that’s why I’m thinking about it a thousand times.
Pleaseeeeee Help! 🙂
Thanks..
It is 5 months to the day since perplexed Bryan wrote. I wish him clarity and peace in the choice he’s made. If he is still in pain over this, i have a story to share of a couple I know of in New Zealand.
It is a story of faith.
On their wedding day, the groom’s best man found him sobbing on the floor of his dressing room, inconsolable. Utterly terrified of giving his life away to an unknown and all the expectations that he couldn’t possibly live up to.
The marriage was called off that morning but that same afternoon, it was held after all.
It took his bride’s believing in him and one phone call, at her mother’s suggestion. The girl calmly told him all she wanted was to be his wife, that’s all, and nothing more.
That faith led them down the altar. Ten years later they are happily married with 2 children and I’m told he’s a great partner and father. What carried them day by day is the fact that they loved each other.
Fear is often what prevents us from stepping forward into the unknown and clouds the clarity that shines from our hearts. Have faith in yourself. Yes, marriage has its responsibilities but if you are standing on the same side, and supporting each other, trusting you have each other and the wider community to help you over the hurdles, you will find a way.
Just one question needs answering: do you love each other? If you are marrying out of pity, then know that sacrifice is not the same as giving of yourself. Sacrifice breeds resentment. Gifts breed joy.
I wish us all much joy.
Thank you N, for a wonderful website. perhaps i’ll visit again one day.
sk