Numb feelings. That was my defense mechanism during the peak of my grief. I needed to shut down the emotional part of myself to survive the unspeakable grief that befell my family. I shut down the part of me that felt anger, sadness, fear, joy and perhaps, love. It was an unhealthy move.

It is okay to have and feel our feelings. All of Them.

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During my rebellious teen-age years, the outspoken me often got a tongue-lashing from my parents for verbalizing my feelings. I lived in the old-fashioned parenting style where parents refused to tolerate my emotions. I got shamed or reprimanded for expressing feelings and I don’t blame them. Their own parents taught them to repress their own.

Times have changed. It is okay now to acknowledge and accept our emotions. I don’t allow my emotions to control me though, neither do I need to repress my feelings in a rigid fashion. My emotional center forms a valuable part of my physical wellness, my thinking and spirituality.

Last night, my husband rolled over to my side of the bed, hugged me and sighed “I’m sad”. I cuddled him in my arms and reassured him “it’s okay to be sad and it’s okay to let it go too”. I understand his sadness. I know that sweet memories of my beloved son always triggers grief. It is the grief pattern of most bereaved parents no matter how many years have elapsed. We know the these waves of profound sadness can just happen any time of the month no matter if years have passed.

It is not a sign of weakness nor deficiency for indulging in our feelings. It means we’re becoming healthy and whole. I know there will come a point when this temporary sadness will move on to reflect happy feelings. There will be days that I’ll be upset but then I know that I will allow myself to recognize and accept whatever feelings pass through me. Without shame, I allow myself to tune in to the emotional part of myself.

What about you? Don’t just say Mad, Sad or Glad,

Here are a list of feeling words and expressions that can be used to more accurately describe what is going on in your heart, mind and body

Words and phrases which reflect feeling upset:

Unhappy, disappointed, distressed, disappointed, disturbed, saddened, troubled, offended, displeased, mourning, grieving, mixed up, out of balance, disorganized, dismayed, wounded, troubled, weepy, letdown, confused, out of synch, inner turmoil, shook up, lonely, afraid, worried, concerned,

Words and phrases which reflect happy feelings:

Pleased, full of joy, giggly, pleasure, satisfied, contented, grateful, hopeful, enthusiastic, cheerful, optimistic, in high spirits, blissful, exultant, cheerful, on cloud nine, lucky, blessed, fortunate, delighted, thankful, relieved.

How are you feeling today?


I declined to appear in the Sweet Life Episode on “Comforting the Bereaved” for Lorna Tolentino’s friends. My last TV appearances left me disillusioned with anything showbiz in it. Despite the tragic elements in my life, I cannot stand embellishments injected into my life story. The segment producer tapped me to be the resource person for “A Child’s Grief” and I hemmed and hawed. I then remembered that grief education is part of my mission in life so I agreed in the end.

The guests were two young women, widowed in their mid-twenties. The focus of the segment was comforting their bereaved children. I discussed some creative projects and self-care. Every now and then I had to butt in and correct some misconceptions on Grief Recovery. Lucy Torres is quite smart but I don’t know what to make of Wilma Doesnt, her co-host. At the end of the show, I handed my calling card to the two widows. Wilma looked at me backing off as if I had some communicable disease don’t give me a calling card in half-joking/serious tone. Well, I told her I didn’t plan on giving you anyway but she kept repeating it. What the??

Apparently, she found the show’s theme so heavy and depressing that she kept whining about it. To think I was there to educate them about Child’s grief.

Since my portion covered less than 6 minutes (they practically cut half of that segment and concentrated more on Lorna Tolentino’s grief), I want to add more details that were not really discussed and which parents and guardians of a bereaved child might find useful.

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