Luijoe meadow somewhere in the North, where his grandparents live today

The Holy Week is one of the most memorable time of the year. Being a “cafeteria Catholic” my religious faith is at best mediocre. Luijoe, my innocent and religious 6 year old son often chastised me for not praying hard enough .

 


Painting on the wall of Church of Holy Sacrifice, UP Campus

I felt like a terrible mother who led a ho-hum religious existence. Gosh, we learn so much from our children , don’t we? It is the Holy Week which reminds me of my son. The image of the dying Jesus when he blurted out  “Woman, behold thy son, Behold thy mother” struck a chord in my son’s heart.


Luijoe photo taken at Luijoe meadow during Holy Week 2000

Every night, Luijoe pointed to that image asking me over and over again what it meant. He pointed to John the Beloved “Who is he? How is he related to the Mother of Jesus?” Strange he asked about John. I cuddled Luijoe in my arms and explained that the dying Jesus wanted John the Beloved to take care of his grieving mother. How was I to know that my own son would die the following weeks? During the funeral, I remember those last words and took it literally to mean that my family or my friends would take care of me in my bereavement, that there would be “John the Beloved” who will help me.

luijoe meadow

When a death as devastating as the loss of a child hits you, one tries to find meaning. One tries to make sense out of it. The time came when I realized that those last words were not about me. It was about me helping those who are in pain , because the grief journey is not easy. My son made sure that I would not be alone in this journey as long as I continue to help others. He made sure I remember to be the “John the Beloved” and be compassionate to other people’s pain.

luijoe meadow1

I look back and reflect on that poignant scene. It is my son’s way of reminding me that I will find comfort and still be a comfort to others:

He who was nailed to the cross, wanted to spare His mother further pain, not only for that moment, but for her entire future. He put her in the care of the apostle whom ““He loved” and whom He knew would care for her in return. Even as Jesus was dying, He went beyond himself to addresses someone else’s need.


Luijoe meadow at night, taken by Sean, my brother-in-law 2010 Christmas day

The Seven Last Words remind me of my son who died so young yet I know he continues to live in me through my work, my actions and devotion. Luijoe is with me everyday.

Here is something soothing:
Mozart Ave Verum Corpus por Leonard Bernstein

I am listening to “Tomaso Albinoni- Adagio in G Minor by Gizatto” as I write this post.

I’m exhausted. Not from work but from trying to figure out things from 3:00 PM till midnight yesterday. That’s all I can do. I can only do so much. It is not my job to control people, outcomes, circumstances, life. There is magic in letting go. Sometimes we get what we want soon after we let go. Sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes the specific outcome we desire doesn’t happen. Something better does. I trust that by letting go, I have started the wheels in motion for things to work out in the best possible way.

I may not be there yet but I’m closer than I was yesterday – Natalia Campbell

The way my life is unfolding is good.

Who I am and the way I do things is good enough for today.

Who I am and the way I did things yesterday was good enough for that day.

Today, I will let go and take in healing thoughts.

At times like these, I need to think healing thoughts.


Life is like riding a bicycle . In order to keep your balance, you must keep moving Albert Einstein
When in doubt about my timing or present position in life, I assure myself that all is well. I am right where I am meant to be. I reassure myself that others are too.

When I ponder the future, I tell myself that it will be good. When I look back at the past, I relinquish regrets.

When I feel discomfort, I know it will pass. When I identify a need, I tell myself that it will be met.

When I notice problems, I affirm there will be a timely solution and a gift from the problem.

When I worry about those I love, I ask God to protect and care for them. When I worry about myself, I ask God to do the same.

When I think about others, I think of love. When I think of myself, I think of love.

I watch as my thoughts transform to reality.

Today, I will think healing thoughts.


“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end” Seneca , Roman philosopher, mid-1st century AD

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