“The friendship that can cease has never been real.”– Saint Jerome
You would think 50-year olds act maturely in the face of adversity. I am sure most of us can. A recent misunderstanding among old friends (including myself) jolted me. We are talking of years of friendship. It started with a gossip. If there is gossip among friends, clear the air instead of being defensive and ignoring the issue. What’s funny is that they chose to place the scapegoat on the ““informant” which is immaterial because the issue is the malicious gossip. A mere explanation or an apology would have cleared the issue.
The reaction was “anger” . Feelings of anger is normal if it leads to a positive resolution. Instead of talking like two mature individuals, the angry friend including others involved in the gossip removed my friend (let’s call her Alpha) from Facebook including myself. Friends are supposed to exert all efforts to resolve matters, if they were friends to start with.
Consider my other friend, whom I will call Yadda. A similar misunderstanding happened. Sure there were hurt feelings on both sides but Yadda chose to talk it over and over like a broken record until we were both satisfied with the resolution. The friendship is still there.
See the difference?
You cannot say you’ve lost a friend. If a friendship is capable of ending, it is because it never existed.
If there is one painful lesson I learned from all this, it is that friends that date back to my teen years can walk away from you even if you shared wonderful moments. When these friends walked away from me, I let them be. The avenues to talk about the gossip was open. I don’t need to talk to these friends into staying with me.
When friends can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. We lose old friends but gain new ones in the process.
My friend, Alpha shared me an email for “Words to Live by” about Letting Go, which seemed so applicable to the recent issues. I am sure you can relate to it.
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.
Let them go.
And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.. You’ve got to know when it’s dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something.. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to……
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains …….
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and see your worth……
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you.
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge…..
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction… ..
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents
LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude…. …
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better……
LET IT GO!!!
If you’re stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him………
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship. ….
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help themselves.. ….
LET IT GO!!!
Letting go does not mean giving up but accepting that there are things that cannot be.
Just like this popular quote “If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don’t, their love was never yours to begin with…” is also applied to friendships. If it was meant to be, it will come.
I like the quote in the start of your blog. It kinda reminds me of one my all-time favorite passage in the Bible, Proverbs 17:17 – “A friend loves at all times.”
I can sense a tinge of anger in your blog but it’s a healthy one.
I also like the way you ended your blog with one of my all-time favorite love quotes. “If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don’t, their love was never yours to begin with…†applied to friendship.
I guess your right. Let go.
And let God. =)
.-= rolly07´s last blog ..15 days to go… =-.
more of disappointment really. friends try to fix things not end it.
Noems, I have this book that helps me when I have issues with “letting go.” — The Little Book of Letting Go, by Hugh Prather (I bought it at a Castro Street, San Francisco bookstore many years ago)
Here is one thing that can be shared to friends who have kept gossiping and destroying another person’s reputation, beating a dead horse beyond recognition.
On page 78 of this little book:
Suggested time: 1 or more days
“As you rise from sleep, make your purpose only this: ‘I will go through this one day harmlessly. I will hurt no one in my thoughts or in my actions, including myself.”
Regardless of whether this is noticed by other people, it unquestionably will be noticed by you.
end of quote.
.-= Lorna Lardizabal Dietz´s last blog ..YoVille on Facebook: Magic Hands Finishes Her Bedroom =-.
good point lorns. Sometimes gossip can’t be helped but for goodness sake, gossip that maligns a person’s character is just beyond boundaries.
Thank you for sharing yet another wonderfully beautiful post. It made me reflect on a friendship I had “lost” because of a terrible violation of trust my friend then had done. Your post made me realize that I still begrudge her for that and even though things between us can probably never be the same, I have to LET GO.
.-= Ria´s last blog ..My Teacher of Life’s Important Lessons. =-.
it hurts right? maybe time may heal those wounds but for now, let it go. I am hoping that some day these “friends” wake up
I agree that sometimes it is just best to let go off the situation and not think about it much.
I guess that if the person would not listen to an explanation, then it is a sure sign that there is present what we call at Contemplative Outreach an “energy center” – that you can’t talk reason with them because they only see their hurts and – chances are – they deliberately wallow in their hurts. You see, wallowing in hurts is the energy center’s way of projecting self righteousness by making them feel that they were offended, that they were hurt. Better let them go. Real friends will set aside their self righteousness. Anyway, those who really know will “drop it” immediately
I guess they are feelings of guilt that’s why the defensive stance.
It is true. that in situations of conflict, sometimes the undercurrents — including the things not being said are the most compelling. Maybe they are perceived as politically incorrect or too revealing of some shame or as you say .. guilt.
Still .. sad talaga. What can we do .. but accept, go with the flow, stay, as far as possible, detached and cool.
hello po–my 1st time to be here. kung di pa ako umatend ng blog summit last Saturday diko pa kayo nakilala. I guess i really have to take blogging seriously now. Your topic about how to create traffic in your blog really made me upbeat…….
about the topic. I can definitely relate to that coz I have already dropped several friendships. In this situation though , I guess one has to exercise extreme caution so as not to be harsh with your decision. malay mo mali lang ang interpretation mo ng friendship nyo…..
.-= pusang-kalye´s last blog ..my 1st blog summit….. =-.
oh that’s nice that I inspired you somehow. One just needs to be committed to update regulary.
With friendship, it is mostly misunderstanding which would have been best resolved if one was calm enough to talk things over no matter how much it hurts
That’s the hardest thing that you must do. To let go to someone that is important to you.
“You would think 50-year olds act maturely in the face of adversity.”
—> Not always true. Sometimes, adults are more difficult to understand than children. The concept of the “second childhood” did not exist for nothing.
OMG, this sounds familiar. I too was involved in argument between friends who are in the mid forties and fifties.
They all turned on me Including my best friend. She took their side. I am friends with one of the girls that they turned against. We have a lot of hurt inside. This has really affected me within the last year.
It is hard to accept that she has moved on. We tried to make amends but the friendship was left unwatered.