Love, Friendship and Betrayal

      8 Comments on Love, Friendship and Betrayal

betrayalThree months ago, I wrote about L’s broken heart. It seemed she moved on quite well with her life. L and P, her ex remained friends. It often puzzled me because from what I remember breaking up can often lead to broken friendships as well. I guess to them letting go means holding on to the friendship. It’s a way of easing out. Good for them to be able to sustain friendship even if love is out of the picture.

That was until yesterday when a furious L with two yellow plastic bags asked permission to go to her ex home. “I want to return all of his gifts”. L’s bloodshot eyes begged at me.

“My friend and P have been seeing each other”. I blinked.

Of all the worst betrayal, an ex and a close friend tops it all. “I’m so sorry” I blurted out. We continued talking about the betrayal and L convinced me that she needed to do this. I couldn’t drive her to the MRT stop because my car was already banned from the streets. I called for a cab to drive her over to her ex home.

Often we believe our friends will remain loyal to us forever. Betrayal stories like this is fairly common. It’s the reason M, my sister is in San Francisco. M’s ex-boyfriend and Teresa, her close friend decided to be a couple after they broke up six months previously. Teresa was gracious enough to ask permission from my sister if it was alright if they were a couple. An angry M said “NO” and warned her of her ex’ character. But Teresa’s heart didn’t listen. Seeing my sister so broken-hearted, I brought her along with me to a vacation in the US in 1984. M hasn’t gone back to live in the Philippines since then.

It also happens in marriage. Affairs have happened between a bestfriend and the philandering spouse. A friend confided in me that she caught her husband having a “texting affair” with her bestfriend. Okay, just because it’s “text messaging” doesn’t mean anything. It’s an emotional affair. An affair is an affair is an affair. Even if sex is not involved, it could lead to a full blown affair. My friend confronted her husband about it. The husband said that he didn’t take it that way and besides the text were friendly in nature. My friend hissed “Excuse me, how could ‘tell me your dreams’ be friendly text messages?”. Sooner or later , these text conversations will lead to “did you dream of me?”. My friend reported the text messages to her best friend’s husband. The latter was livid with anger that he nearly divorced her if it were not for my friend’s intervention. Apparently, their marriage was falling apart and the woman resorted to fantasies to distract her from the marital problems.

I hugged my daughter. “don’t worry dear, chaos and karmic backlash is the end result of betrayal”. Not only did my daughter experience another stab in her heart, the loss of “friends” is another cross to bear.

My husband was even more endearing and patted L’s shoulder. “just let me know what I can do”.

Noemi Lardizabal-Dado (1354 Posts)

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.


About Noemi Lardizabal-Dado

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.

  • lemon

    Oh no.P,and L’s friend, how could you?
    Please tell L that indeed, neither of the two deserve her time, much less, her affection.
    Our close-knit circle of friends from college became fragmented bec. of a similar betrayal. I mean,how could a girlfriend do that? It’s simply unforgivable.

  • @Lemon- A no-no and unforgivable thing to do. Her friends had the temerity to get mad at L just because she was furious. I mean, would you be happy if your ex suddenly had eyes for a friend? ? it’s only been 3 months

  • lemon

    That reaction is common too. I wonder why they don’t get it.
    Can’t they see that this is the worst thing that a girl could do to a friend whose heart has just been through a breaku?
    Maybe if these clueless, insensitive friends were the ones on receiving end, they’d be just as livid. IMHO, the girl friend has the most guilt there, kasi, she is supposed to be a trusted friend.GRRR

  • that is just WRONG. L is better off without them both in her life. I’m more disappointed on that so called friend. The ex’s action, well, we all know how stupid Men could get, but the friend?? *tsk tsk*, she should’ve known better.

  • Toe

    Gosh! P and the friend should know… friends’ exes are off-limits! That rule should never ever be broken. I hope that L would be strong so that she could get over this pain.

  • @dexie- Men are yeah just stupid. I am just wondering how she could even be a friend in the first place

    @toe- there is such an unwritten rule but not many know it. tsk

  • neil

    when your friends cross lines take action, otherwise consider the friendship over. anything else and you delay the misery

  • I do not know if one betrayal is worse than another. My only sister was stealing the money I sent to support my mother, while lying to me about her expenses and telling everybody I was a bad daughter and she was the one taking care and paying for my mother.

    She stabbed me in the back and not only that, she refuses to give back the money and doesn’t pay for any of our mother’s expenses. I started a blog (www.sisterbetrayal.com) as a way to deal with my hurt and anger for her betrayal and to provide a forum for others to share similar experiences.

    However, I would like for her to suffer one way or another the consequences of her crime and since I cannot sue her because these crimes are impossible to prosecute in Mexico, I was most interested in what you said about “chaos and karmic backlash is the end result of betrayal.” CAN YOU EXPAND ON THAT? IS IT A FILIPINO BELIEF?