Sukob- a superstitious belief

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sukob071406-2.jpgNo I haven’t watched Sukob but my daughter thinks it’s a more horrific film than The White Lady. Notice how the Philippine Movie industry is spewing Filipino film [tag]horror[/tag] genre like its Asian counterparts? As the movie’s title (““Sukob“) states, the movie is about all the horrible things that happen when two siblings are married within the same year.

Well fellow bloggers, my sister B and I married on the same year, 1985. Another sister , M got hitched in 1986 and another sister, L in 1987. And guess what? We all encountered marital problems like most marriages. But how would I know it back then? The year 1985 was originally reserved for me. Oh yes, we had to book our wedding dates in advance as my father is overly superstitious. Dad was a typical traditional Filipino father. Also, we wanted to play it safe. M wanted to get married in 1985 as well but gave in to me because I was the older sister. Besides , Butch and I were already steadies for 7 years. M and her fiancee just met that year. M thought we should get the wedding date of May 1985. I had seniority and first priority. One day in October 1985, B suddenly announced her [tag]wedding plans[/tag] for November 1985. M and I were furious.

How could you? Don’t you know one of us will have bad luck? I cried.

M protested “ I gave in to Noemi because I didn’t want both of us to be married the same year

B argued “That’s just a superstition!

Shock and disappointment was our initial reaction . B remained adamant. She pushed through with her wedding plans and got married in November 1985. My father forgot all about the superstition because he suffered a stroke a few days after my sister asked permission.

If B didn’t insist on marrying in 1985, her wedding date would have been slated for 1987. Imagine 2 more years. And L would have protested too. That’s what happens when there are 4 sisters in the family. How can one predict wedding dates anyway?

Twenty-one years later, my attitude towards superstitious beliefs changed. Superstitious beliefs are so negative and it means one does not even have faith in God. If one continues to foster negative vibes about marriage, then it will lead that way. I had to remove the “sukob” belief in order to lead a positive attitude of my married life. I have learned that a marriage is about imperfect people doing their best to nurture and minister in love. Caring, long-term commitment, integrity, togetherness and maintaining a positive focus are qualities of character that foster lasting love. God is also the center of our married life. He controls the details of our life and we lift our problems and plans to Him. Of course, I only knew this much later in life after much pain and trials.

Inspite of my initial disappointment, I learned to let it go. M forgot about it. May all the sisters in the world continue to live in love and understanding. Pooh “sukob”. It’s not true.

Noemi Lardizabal-Dado (1382 Posts)

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  • lemon

    right noemi, I planned to write about the negativity of superstitions after I have watched Sukob, which I havent’ had time to do this week. The minute I saw the repetitious ads of the film on tv, I and hubby shook our heads, muttering that “ayan, lalo pang maniniwala ang mga pinoy sa mga pamahiin, kaya tayo nagmumukhang mga mal-edukado sa ibang bansa.”

    • Anonymous

      i just want to ask if is it ok to get married on the same year that your going to be mother in law died on the same year.. im so confuse about the “sukob thing” if im going to believe or not… my boyfriend and i had already plan to get married this year 2011, no specific month yet. but last march 2011 his mom died, and we already plan to have our wedding this year, a bit confusing not to postpone or to postpone since there are some speculations that it is “sukob sa patay”. can anyone tell or advice me to what should i do?…

  • @lemon: I know it’s a really dumb superstition like most superstitious beliefs. After having many deaths in my immediate family, I’ve learned that only GOD knows the plan for us.

  • What lovely sisters. I also don’t believe in superstitions but sometimes I follow them “just to be on the safe side.” 🙂

  • @niceheart: I’ve learned to totally not believe in superstition but for a long time, I was intoit. My sisters and I get the chance to take a formal pic together whenever they are in town.

  • Toe

    We’re four sisters too but we all married so far apart from each other. 🙂

    But my two brothers married in the same year, 1993. It never bothered the family and they’re both happily married now.

    Good for you that you’re junking the superstition. After all, the only true superstition is that it’s bad luck to believe in superstitions. 🙂

  • marinel balintona

    it’s not bad to believe in superstitions sometimes. there have been many phenomena which validates the veracity of these superstitious beliefs. nothing can’t be removed from us if we sometimes believe them.

  • Abbie

    Many of my relatives are very superstitious, but I am not. They tell me this, that, and bad things will happen if I do this. In the past 2 years, their have been 5 deaths in my family. According to the sukob superstition no one can get married in that same year of a family death. The ratio of old people in my family versus young people are 4:1, so should any of them pass away of natural causes or for any reason the younger generation would be waiting roughly 20 years before anyone can get married.

    I find superstitious beliefs such as sukob to be so irrational that you stop living altogether out of fear that something may happen. And some people are just happy to blame curses for the bad things in their lives instead of taking responsibility and action for wrong decisions made.

    Just a thought…if you were from a family of say 5 or 6, and your partner was also from a large family, it would probably take 25 years for all of them to get married, especially if your partner’s siblings’ partners are also from big families.

    My thought of this sukob superstition is that it probably originated from a family of more than 3 children who could not afford more than one wedding in one year, so they came up with the excuse that it is bad luck for siblings to marry in the same year so they could actually save up a whole year for the next wedding.

  • Yup,Abbie’s right. In an agricultural culture such as ours, celebrations are usually reserved in the harvest months (which of course only occur once a year). If there are two weddings in one year, either yung isa mas bongga o yung dalawang weddings hindi ma-gara dahil kulang ang harvest money. So it’s best to only have one huge party. Kaya lang nagiging bad luck kasi kung may extra event, syempre wala ng pera yung family after! =)

    But with modern times and the couple, instead of the parents, usually paying for their weddings, hindi na ito valid superstition!

  • kung hindi natin aalisin sa isipan ang salitang malas
    kailan tayo aasenso…mismo sa sarili natin dapat umpisahin ang huwag maniwala sa mga sabi-sabi dahil dito natin masusubukan kung gaano tayo katatag sa sarili nating pagsisikap.
    ang dami sa ibang bansa ang kinakasal na magkakasabay sa isang taon..pero imbes na maging malas ito..lalo pa silang gumiginhawa dahil wala sa isipan nila ang salitang SUKOB kaya walang malas na nangyayari sa kanila.
    i know walang mawawala sa atin kung dapat nating paniwalaan ang salitang SUKOB…pero lalong walang masamang mangyayari sa atin kung ang tanging paniniwalaan natin ay ang salita ng DIYOS.
    think about it!!! the more we believe the more it happen…
    so imbes na maniwala tayo kung kani-kanino or kung ano-ano…mas maniwala na tayo na may DYOS na laging nagbabantay at gumagabay sa ating lahat..minsan may nangyayari sa ating buhay na hindi nating gusto at nasisisi natin ang iba..pero kung iisipin natin baket nangyari ang isang bagay na di natin gusto…kase dahil na sa atin mga kamay ang galaw..wala sa ibang tao at wala sa mga paniniwala…GOD gave us freedom to choose…Freewill kung baga!!!

  • thanks for writng this. i’m getting a lot of pressure from my parents and a really bad attitude from my sister (after she watched this movie) who’s also getting married in 2007.
    i never heard of this superstition before until last saturday when my sister called me afer watching the movie and demanded that i change my wedding date. she was really mean and condescending about it. i was shocked becuase i can’t believe i’m going thorugh such pressure just because of a movie and a ridiculous belief.

  • Jelly

    No Bad luck is true i believe in Sukob because my two tita’s have been sukob.Plano naman ksi ng tita “M”n doong taon ang kasal eh nung nalaman niya n ikakasal rin pla ang kapatid niya nang taon n yon at naalala niya n namatay nga pla ang kapatid niya eh di siya naniniwal s pamahiin pinayuhan sila n wag n ituloy ang Kasal dahil SUKOB nga daw aywa pumayag ni tita “M” at ayaw pumayag ng Kapatid niya dahil may tanim n ang buhay ng asawa niya d n siya aabot ng isang taon gusto lng niya makasal at sbi p niya na its just a pamahiin its not true daw kya yon
    Tapos pagkatapos ng Kasal namatay ang asawa ni Tita “M” dahil inatake hindi lng yon after one week p maagang namatay ang asawa ng kapatid niya dahil may cancer s atay at d p don nagtatapos nasagasaan p ang nanay nang magkapatid!!! bibili siya sana nang gamot dhil masakit ulo niya dhil namatay ang asawa ni Tita”M” eh nasagasaan pa yon maskit s kanila ang nangyari s kanila at di llng yon ang karanasan ko nman nong recess nmin s school nkapulot ako ng coin 10 peso coin ayoko kung kunin dhil hndi heads ang nasaharap kung hindi s likod pero kailangan k tlaga nang pera kya kinuha ko yung pera pagkatapos tinitingnan k yung pera nang nadapa ako dhil d ako tumitingin s dinadaanan ko at nadapa ako natapon p yung sunkist ko s Libro k kaya n basa pagkataos ko makatayo nkita ako nang kagalit kong kaklase at inaaar ako dhil ang dumi n daw ng yuniporme ko ksi nga nadapa ako
    yon ang malas Yun lang haha TY pero d s ganon n d k po nirerespeto ang paniniwala niyo bsta kayo mag decide BYE!!!!!!!!!!!! And also I really Believe In GOD!!!!!!

  • bLinG

    My opinion, its all about what you believe in. Superstitions…. Its like praying. What have you got to lose?

  • I and my fiancee is planning to get married this December. His 2 uncles passed away a week before. She is now very curious about sukob. It is related to that or will it be a big thing if we will pursue our plans? Her family agrees what my fiancee believes about sukob.

    Lootchs last blog post..USB Fridge – A new gadget just for you!

  • angel

    Honestly, the reason why I read this blog is because I am really confused and bothered about “SUKOB”… =( I really don’t know what 2 believe in… and even if I don’t want to believe in it, I’m still kinda afraid to be blamed in the end…

    My fiance’ and I has been together for almost 4 years now. Last Feb. 14, 2008 he proposed to me and from there we already started planning bout our dream wedding which would be on August 8, 2009… We even attended the Wedding Expo last September and even if it would still be almost a year before our wedding, we already ordered our wedding ring… but all these plannings are just between me and my fiance’ since we have not announced it yet to our families…

    Last week of September came and a big news came out… his brother is also planning to get married next year since her gf is already pregnant…The sad thing there is that we can’t ask them to postpone their wedding for us (who’s been planning for more than a year now), since we know that they should really get married before the girl gives birth…

    Even with all those confusions, my fiance’ proposed to me for the 2nd time last October 12, and now it’s really a formal proposal with an engagement ring…. After that, we dont have any choice but to finally tell our parents about it… But sadly, all they say now is about that stupid superstition!!! SUKOB daw…. =(

    Until now, we haven’t convinced them to push through with the 2 weddings…=( sabi din kasi nila bata pa nman dw kme (25 next year), kaya we can still wait… =( pero, decided na tlga kme ng fiance’ ko….=(

    So please help me find the right words to tell my parents and my soon to be in-laws to be able to convince them that SUKOB is not true….

    • rhian

      plan n nmin mgpksal ng bf ko ngayn taon n to kaso kinasal un kuya nya nung febuary 22.2010 kya ng sinabi ko s family ko n mgpapakasal n kami ayaw nila pumayag dahil sukob daw ang kasal namin..hayyy!!ano ba yan?..bakit naman ang iba dyan nagpapakasal ng di namn sukob pero bakit hirap n hirap pa rin sa buhay? magulo ang pagsasama nila?..nakakasama p ng loob ng sinabi ng ate ko n di daw sila pupunta s kasal namin dahil ayaw nila mapasali sa kamalasan namin..ano po ba talaga ang totoo?..kainis na pamahiin n yan!!

  • yebo

    We don’t believe in it, really. But…

    This one is sukob sa patay. My cousin got married last year, less than 6 months after her father died. Her brother-in-law (her sister’s hubby) forbade them to get married yet, he said it was sukob. But since the family (our side) did not believe in it we told her to not mind her brother-in-law’s protests. Her brother-in-law did not attend the wedding as he said he did not want to get part of the bad luck.

    2 months after the wedding, our youngest uncle (her dad was eldest male) died from a freak accident. 3 months later another uncle died. After 2 months my mom had a stroke but luckily survived. 3 months later the second eldest male was in a coma, he survived almost barely. An aunt also had a stoke, then another uncle was gravely ill. Then just last April my father had a stroke, then passed away. They were all in attendance during the wedding. One aunt who was not there did not suffer any bad luck at all. All these happened within 15 months of the wedding.

    To “play safe” the family peformed what they said was needed to stop the curse. My cousin was made to pray at the graves of the 4 departed, asking for their forgiveness for not heeding the warning. No choice na eh, nalalagas na kami isa-isa.

    • favia

      I think the most valid explanation for this is that stroke runs in your family.

  • gorgeous_me

    is there such thing as sukob ang magulang at ang anak? because i only know about sukob sa magkapatid. i am about to get married next year and may parents also want to get married next year in church because it’s their 25th wedding and they still hadn’t gotten married in church.
    but honestly speaking, i don’t believe in it. if it’s true how come it’s only in the philippines that’s like that? bakit parang wala naman sa ibang countries? because if it’s a wedding superstition, then i think it would happen also in other people not only in filipinos. those who experience “bad luck” because of sukob is probably because they have more faith and conviction in that bad luck or sukob than they have faith in GOD and themselves that something bad will not happen. sa opinion ko lang po, kung paniniwalaan mo talaga ang isang bagay ganon talaga ang mangyayari.

  • elton

    Guys please I need your help….please give me advice….I only have few days left before I push through with my wedding plan…pauwi npo ako ng pinas I requested for an early vacation supposed to be december p ngayon May nlng..2010…ilang araw nlng…plano kong pakasalan ang GF ko ksi po pg hindi ko p cya pnakasalan baka mawala n cya ng tuluyan…sa totoo lng ayaw skin ng mgulang nya dahil may gusto clang ibang guy for her…plano nming mgpa civil wedding at gawin nming secret muna to secure our love sa isa’t-isa…pero February 2010 knasal ang kuya nya at March 2010…pumanaw ang ate nya….this May uuwi npo ako at plano ko ng cyang pakasalan…pero because of this sukob hindi ko n alam ang gagawin ko….alam ko mahal nya ako at mahal ko rin cya…panu pg d p kmi nkasal at bumalik nko sa dito….bka mawala cya ng tuluyan at iinsist ng parents nya n mkisama sya sa lalaking gusto nila para s kanya….

    now I’m really confused wether to push through with my plan to secure our love….even ke God humihingi nko ng approval Niya to marry my GF…mahal n mahal ko cya….

    and it’s not fair kung mpupunta cya sa lalaking hindi nya nman mahal…guys please…..advice me….

  • geri

    marami nga dyan sumunod sa paniniwala ng sukob pero bakit hindi parin maganda ang married life nila..pareho lang yan sa chain letter na kung hindi daw sumunod may mangyari …parang tinatakot ang mga tao..its just an excuse …hindi naman lahat ng marriage perfect..meron talaga imperfection yan…

    pag may masama mangyari blame it on sukob…what if sumunod ka sa superstition na yan tapos may masama parin nangyari..what do you do?you find another superstitions you went against..fuck this shit…this is my life im gonna live it the way i want it not gonna poison my mind with superstitions….these are just negative thoughts that bring us down..

    • nelle

      actually, yan din ang problem ko ngayon. may bf left for UK last jan 2010 and before sya umalis plan na nmin to get wed by civil rights pag uwi nya this sept. kaya lng biglang nagbago ang plans, kasi tumawag ang father nya to inform na ikkasal na un bunso nyang kapatid this june, at nagmamadali na dahil preggy na ang girl. ngayon, nag iisip na ang bf ko if tutuloy pa ba nya pag uwi nya this sept. ayaw nya ng sukob, pro di na ako naniniwala dun.

  • Shinigami

    Sukob sucks BIGTIME!!

  • lyn

    i just came here in the united states thru fiance’ visa. and i decided to do civil weeding instead of church weeding cause my brother got maried the same year of my weeding plan. stranged things happens to me here. got road accident last night and were lucky coz me and my husband still alive. bad luck coz we have to put our car to the shop and pay for everything coz we duno the car plate number who hit us.