The Victim Trap Part 2

Posted by in Recovery Tips | 5 comments


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I truly feel sorry for Tim, the British guy. I also feel sorry for the young Filipina, the hospital doctors and lawyer, the British Embassy staff, the real estate company and many others involved in the “group of scam artists”. They were all victims one way or the other. It has gotten to the point an accusation is hurled against one of the suspected scammer who Tim believes is using my name. Oh please, I am not part of this scam-internet-drama. I have better things to do. It’s not the alleged grand-scale scam that concerns me right now because my opinion does not matter. One thing that caught my attention in the moderated comment section was his claim to be the “innocent victim”. It’s true we can be victims in any situation but it doesn’t have to be permanent.

If I have learned anything from my past, it was my awesome ability to find misery in any situation, even the most wonderful of circumstances. Shoulders bent, head down, I shuffled through life taking these blows.

How many of you felt you have been the victim of unfortunate circumstances, real or imagined?

At one point in our lives, we may have been victimized or allowed ourselves to be victimized. There are times we might have sought out, created or re-created situations that victimized us.

Oh you got a new PC? Yes, the victim sighs. But it doesn’t run as well as I expected and after all it cost so much.

Your career is going so well. The victim then sighs again, But there is such a price to pay for success. All that paperwork.

You have such a lovely home. The victim moans, Thanks, but I wanted a bigger floor area.

Victimization can turn out to be so habitual that one may feel victimized even by the good things that happen to them.

We are free to stand in the glow of self-responsibility.

1. Set a boundary.

2. Deal with the anger.

3. Tell someone “NO” or “STOP IT” or walk away from the intrigue or a toxic relationship!

4. Make choices and take responsibility for them.

5. Explore other options.

6. Claim responsibility for ourselves.

Take off the gray cloak of despair, negativity and victimization. Hurl it! Let it blow away in the wind.

There it goes….floating away.



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The comments posted on my blog are moderated. I reserve the right to remove comments, words or phrases that are defamatory, abusive, incite hatred and advertise an email address or commercial services or just plain spammy. I also reserve the right to remove posts that to my opinion are off-topic, irrelevant, ad-hominem, personal attacks and or just plain rude. (January 16, 2009)
  • http://one-twentyone.com lady cess

    “It’s true we can be victims in any situation but it doesn’t have to be permanent”

    true true!and, we can choose to come out the victor instead of the victim.

    read somewhere that some people fall into the victim trap because the attention, sympathy, offers of shoulders to cry on et al can be addicting.

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @lady cess- the attention can be addicting. I too felt that way when my son died and realized that it didn’t help me off my feet. Reaching out to others in pain helped a whole lot more.

  • http://www.ladygadfly.com issai

    i read the comments on the filipinaimages.com, and things really got nasty. i don’t think he wants justice at all, i think he was after vengeance. but you’re welcome to prove i’m wrong.

    you should be writing a self-help books. i’m already learning lessons at my age before i even need it.

    another thing, if you lend money don’t expect it back. if you expect it back, don’t lend money. i use that rule on family and friends, and it works wonders.

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @issai- too bad for the turn of events in the comments. I am for freedom of speech as long as it is not libelous. I had to close it because even the readers were being accused .

    Thanks. I hope to write one day. I am struggling to learn how to write better. Maybe ebooks.

    I don’t lend money unless there is collateral. A friendship was destroyed in the past because it involved a debt not paid.

  • http://peko-peko.blogspot.com/ pekopeko

    i accidentally fell on this post as i check your new post, intrigued by the story i ended up reading i guess half of the story. there were so many people who gave their (unsolicited & preachy this is just my opinion) comments…i dont wanna take side nor give my opinion on this because it will only aggravate the situation and even worse we only know only half of the real story. the tale as told by tim..we haven’t heard yet the side of mayen too..but i’m glad you wrote a post on this because this are part & parcel of the ugly realities of life :-(

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