Are You A Victim? Real or Imagined?

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“I am not a victim. No matter what I have been through, I’m still here. I have a history of victory.”
– Steve Maraboli

 

Do you feel trapped or helpless? Do you feel like inaapi ka (you were victimized)?

If I have learned anything from my past, it was my awesome ability to find misery in any situation, even the most wonderful of circumstances. Shoulders bent, head down, I shuffled through life taking these blows.

How many of you felt you have been the victim of unfortunate circumstances, real or imagined?

At one point in our lives, we may have been victimized or allowed ourselves to be victimized. There are times we might have sought out, created or re-created situations that victimized us.

Consider these scenarios.

Oh you got a new laptop? Yes, the victim sighs. But it doesn’t run as well as I expected and after all it cost so much.

Congrats you got promoted! The victim then sighs again, But there is such a price to pay for success. All that paperwork.

You have such a lovely condominium. The victim moans, Thanks, but I wanted a bigger floor area.

Victimization can turn out to be so habitual that one may feel victimized even by the good things that happen to them.

Some victims actually thought it was normal that people mistreated them. They actually believed that they deserved the mistreatment. They may have been attracted to people who mistreated them.

How does one stop being trapped as a victim?

1. One needs to let go of the need to be victimized or to be victims.

2. One needs to let go of the need to be in dysfunctional relationships and systems at work, in love, in family relationships and even in friendships.

3. Believe that you deserve better. It is your right. When you believe in your right to happiness, you will have happiness.

4. Let go of the belief that life is so hard, so awful or so difficult and replace that belief with a healthier and more realistic view.

Just liberate yourself by letting go of your need to be a victim and explore the freedom to take care of yourself.

 

“How would your life be different if…You stopped validating your victim mentality? Let today be the day…You shake off your self-defeating drama and embrace your innate ability to recover and achieve.”

Sinulog memories

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sinulog
Taken on the stage of Sinulog 1985 celebration
The cries of Pit Senyor rings in the air right now as Cebu’s Sinulog celebration heats up. Sinulog holds treasured memories of the two loves of my life: My dad and my husband.

Thirty one years ago , I first attended it with my then fiance. A lot of milestones happened in Sinulog 1985.

– my first Sinulog
– I got engaged the day before
– Dad was the chair of Sinulog 1985
– the 1985 model was a great organizational model

The Pamanhikan

How in love we both were ( and still are). Sinulog 1985 holds precious memories as that was the day Butch asked my dad for my hand in marriage. On that day, the two loves of my life finally got to talk for the first time. In all the 7 years that Butch and I were steadies, Dad never spoke a single word to Butch except “hi and bye”. That day, I finally asked Dad why he treated Butch that way . Dad’s two lame explanations were that he didn’t want Butch to be too familiar and secondly , he didn’t know how to talk to the boyfriend of his daughter. Oh well, that was cleared up that fateful Sinulog eve.


Sinulog 2012

Dad, the organizer

I missed the Sinulog so many times. During the Sinulog 2012, I brought my two girls to join the festivities and finally participate and take photos. It was not that crowded then in 1985 yet it was still festive.

Sinulog 1985 - dadWith the help of my sister, Lorna who assisted dad during the Sinulog, I was able to piece something about dad’s last Sinulog as the overall organizer.

Dad was the chair for the Board of Judges committee, to judge the higantes and floats, starting 1981. I helped him find the judges and investigate their reputation and credibility. It is possible that the 1985 festival was the largest since it started but I do recall that even 1981 had already elbow-to-elbow crowds. I cannot remember the numbers. All I truly remember is that the 1985 model was a great organizational model.

The Sinulog Festival that started in 1980 was a modestly-managed event. David ““Boy” Odilao had started this project as a competition among school-based dance troupes. 16-year old Shelley Ann Roper from Connecticut, USA, the Rotary Exchange student hosted by the Rotary Club of Cebu-West (and who was living with us in our Lahug home) who was a member of the Southwestern Dance Troupe, was acknowledged as the first American to dance in this first official celebration that had commercial appeal. Shelley certainly stood out — blonde hair, fair skin, dancing barefooted in Sinulog attire.


Sinulog 2012

The glitters, the dances, the fancy trimmings and the pageantry are only expressions of how important Santo Nino is to the Cebuanos but for me Sinulog is a day filled with treasures of love .

My dear Sto. Nino . These days in January we are again celebrating your feast. How fitting to celebrate your feast in this first month of the year, since as a child, you invite us to grow and mature with you through the year!

Pit Senyor

Aspire to be the best me in 2017 and beyond

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“Aspire, break bounds. Endeavor to be good, and better still, best.” – Robert Browning

Aspire to inspire.

I feel good about 2017. After all, it is my year. 2017 is the year of the Fire Rooster.  Yes, I was born on the Year of the Fire Rooster.  Before the year 2016 ended, I already envisioned myself to have more financial blessings in 2017. Tomorrow, I will sign a contract , a dream that floated in my mind and which I worked to make sure it will happen.

I want to dream for more goals this year other than financial blessings.

I take inspiration from Dr. Wayne W. Dyer  a few years back  about the New year . He said that instead of a New Year’s resolution, “set up day-to-day goals for yourself, and then resolve to begin living with present moment awareness for the rest of your life. When you get good at living your present moments one day at a time, you’ll see yourself changing right before your own surprised eyes. Remember, anyone can do anything for just one day, so tune out the sentences that keep you locked into your old self-defeating ways and begin to enjoy each day of your bright new year.”

There are things that I have  wanted to do for myself one day at a time. I resolve NOT to list down New Year’s resolutions and instead, do those little things I have ignored or shelved aside the past year and continue those activities or nurture attitudes that improve my life.

I realize that goals need to be written down. It serves as an affirmation of myself, my life, and my ability to choose. Then I let it go. New Year goals is something we need to dig within and discover what we would like to happen in our life this year. It is an affirmation that we are interested in living life in the year to come.

So the questions arise. What would I like to attain? Where would I like to go?  What would I like to happen in my marriage and family life? I have to remember that I am not out to control others with my goals but rather giving direction to my life. So I continue on pondering. What problems would I like to be solved? What decisions would I like to make? What would I like to happen in my business?

Based on these questions, I listed my goals in my paper journal so I will look back at it every day and monitor my progress.

Most of all,  I aspire to be a better me, as  a blogger, a mother, a wife , a sister and a friend. I often read daily affirmations to help me aspire to be the better version of myself. I have been good but I can still be better.

This is one beautiful meditation from Louise Hay that quite applies to me.

In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete. My life is ever new. Each moment of my life is new and fresh and vital. I use my affirmative thinking to create exactly what I want. This is a new day. I am a new me. I think differently. I speak differently. I act differently. Others treat me differently. My new world is a reflection of my new thinking. It is a joy and a delight to plant new seeds, for I know these seeds will become new experiences. All is well in my world.

With this affirmative thinking, I aspire to be the best me in 2017 and beyond. What about you? What are some things that you aspire to happen this year?