Are you paranoid, mom?

Posted by in Grief Recovery | 14 comments


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“Are you paranoid , mom?”.

One of my daughters noticed the red and green colored fire extinguishers I placed in every room of the house. I ignored her question as I pointed to the fire exits in their respective bedrooms and gave a quick lecture on how to use the fire extinguishers.

Lauren added “if we’re gonna die, we’re gonna die”

I merely nodded.

One effect of losing a child , particularly if death is sudden and unexpected , is that we become newly aware of the fragility of life. If this tragedy can befall us, what next? We can become fearful, almost paranoid.

I became “slightly” paranoid after Luijoe’s death but I just kept that to myself in the early days of my grief journey.

I cannot bear it if the girls don’t send me a text message on their whereabouts. “Text me where you are. Call me if you’re on the way. Make sure the driver was not drinking .” are text messages that constantly barrage their cellphones. Thank goodness, these girls humor me all the time by reassuring me they are fine.

Yet I believe that I am not overdoing it as I still allow them to go out and have fun.

So to answer that question. Am I paranoid?

I really don’t want to give an impression to my daughters that I am afflicted with paranoia. But lately, TV reports on fire accidents have been bothering me. A few months ago, a bereaved mother advised me to install smoke alarms on the ceilings. She lost her daughter through a fire accident. It happens even to the best homes. Remember Gina de Venecia’s daughter who got trapped in her bedroom because of heavy steel grills in her windows? or those 3 family members that died of suffocation in their Corinthian Gardens’ home? I couldn’t find smoke alarms in hardware stores or I just didn’t know where to find it. So the next logical step was a thorough electrical wiring inspection and fire prevention means like the fire extinguishers and fire exits.

I smiled at my daughter “Our house is new. Your room is full of wires from your two guitars, your computer, amplifier and what not. ”

I am just being careful, dear.

And that ended the discussion.



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  • http://docuventaries.livejournal.com/ Christianne

    Every household should have at least 1 fire extinguisher and a couple of smoke detectors… it doesn’t matter that your family thinks you’re praning, what’s important is that you feel safe in your home :)

  • http://blog.ademagnaye.com Ade

    You can never be too careful :)

  • Pingback:   Friday linklove: Blogging tips, DNA tests, paranoia, free books and gay album covers by The Four-eyed Journal

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @christianne- I placed small fire extinguishers in each room and one large one by the kitchen. So that’s why my daughter thinks I am being too paranoid.

    @ade- yes just a precaution

  • http://scroochchronicles.blogspot.com/ Kongkong622

    I used to think the same of my Mom when we were younger. It came to a point that we would leave out details whenever we would talk to her about our day because we felt that she’d go over the edge. Now that I’m a Mom myself, I feel her fears too. Maybe not in the same gravity but paranoia just the same.

    You know what, KC is (not was) my cousin. After that incident my reaction was to recheck the grillwork in the house and make sure that all fire escapes were passable.

    Noemi, are you a member of INA already?

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @The Compassionate Friends is a grief support group I co-founded with Cathy and Alma that serves the needs of a bereaved family. INA is limited to mothers but I am in contact with their members as we move in the same circle.

  • http://www.manilamom.com Manila Mom

    I guess all moms are paranoid to some extent. It’s instinctive when we think of our family’s safety.

    I also check all fire escapes whenever we sleep at a hotel or any other place. At home, I make sure the padlocks on the fire escapes are working and that the keys are in the designated hooks that everyone knows about.

    Better safe than sorry. As long as we don’t stifle our kids, it’s okay I think.

  • lemon

    Ms Noemi,

    I guess L and M will understand when they become moms too.

    Motherhood is synonymous with paranoia, methinks. My mom, when she was alive, would not sleep until everybody in the household, including the help, are safely sleeping in their rooms. I used to roll my eyes then. Now, I can just imagine Faith, when she’s old enough, would roll her eyes too everytime I remind her to lock doors, or stay in the pool’s shallow end.hahaha

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @lemon- We can’t sleep either . We are also “puyat” when they are out as if we went out ourselves.

  • http://www.viloria.com Angel

    Better safe than sorry. While it is true that we shall all die when it is time (and not a day later), it makes good sense to take proper precautions. As to the question: “Are you paranoid, Mom?” You’re not paranoid. You are just a normal mom. =)

  • http://myhideaway04.blogspot.com analyse

    we have smoke detectors at home and fire extinguishers are next on our list. you could buy smoke detectors as low as 8€ here, and im thinking about bringing some home next time i go there.. i’m pushing my sis to buy some and i thought she’s just lazy to look for one when she told me she couldnt find anything.. so wala pala talaga?

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @angel- it’s natural for a mom to be thinking of the safety of her children

    @analyse- i looked at most of the hardware stores . Buying smoke detectors is a good idea. A great pasalubong.

  • http://feistymomma.com dexie

    i’m a walking talking paranoid cynic when it comes to the safety of the people I love, most especially my children. i try to relax sometimes with my husband’s coaxing but yah know, it’s unavoidable.

  • http://anitokid.blogspot.com AnitoKid

    With regards to paranoias, I have this fear about my teenage kids having their first heartache. I guess most of us will go through this phase. But how I wish I can take the ache away from my children and channel the pain, all of it, to me.

    My kids always tell me how cool I am. How their classmates tell them, “You’re Dad is so cool!” Yet, it is they who are cool in my book. It is they who inspires me to be a better man. A better dad.

    I remember the talk between me and my closeness (Agi) – told her that she will have new set of friends in her life, best friends even. That she may learn to forget to be sweet to her old man someday. And all will be okay – I will understand. “No, Dad!”, she whispered. “You will always be my best friend.” And I promised her, “You will have friends, possibly the best in the world, anak koy. But guess what? I will always try to be better than them. Will always be there for you no matter what. Not because you are my blood – but because you are my soulmate.”

    The Guy up there has been very good to me and my family. I count my blessings, everyday. I have only one more wish, one that I secretly say to him each day. That I’d be given the chance to see all my children graduate from college. And maybe, just maybe, hear others say that I have raised good men and good women in my sons and daughters, respectively.

    How much do I love my closeness and my kids? ? I would sell my soul for them. No second thoughts. And I kid you not.

  • http://www.thesweetlife-rowena.blogspot.com Rowena

    hi noemi, been visiting your blog. first time to comment though, like you, am also paranoid. i also told my kids what to do during emergencies, look around them when in public places, even observe people, etc. and i cant be still here at home when the school bus hasnt arrive on time.

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