Bullying in Philippine SchoolsA Mom Blogger

Updated May 17 , 2012- I recently appeared on Talkback with Tina Palma on Bullying. This is my updated post on Bullying in Philippine Schools and added the latest Department of Education policy on bullying.

This is a guest post by my daughter, Lauren. I’ve always wanted to tackle the topic of bullying for a long time now since I was so problematic about it during Lauren’s early years at school. The harrowing effects of bullying are best illustrated by the victim. In this case, Lauren tells her story.

Photo Credit: kidsgoals.com

I attended a private, all-girl schools from elementary up until high school and I can tell you – those were far from the best years of my life. I don’t know if it’s really in my nature to be shy and socially awkward or if my experiences in school turned me into that kind of person. One thing I do know is that a lot of the insecurities I have about myself is rooted in the fact that I got bullied a lot during my early elementary school years.

I can never forget my first bully. Her name is Kathleen and her family owned the school bus service I rode to school and back during my elementary years. We were both in grade one and for some strange reason, she took an instant dislike to me. I have no idea why – I’ve always been a quiet sort of kid who always stood out of other people’s way and I can’t remember doing or saying anything that would make her hate me. But hate me she did. She never beat me up or anything – oh no, girls are way more subtle and cruel than that. She had her own circle of friends and was somehow able to convince them to hate me as well, Going to school every morning and coming home in the late afternoon was a ritual I always dreaded. I got stuck in the worst seat, never got snacks passed my way, and pretty much had to beg the other girls to let me join their games whenever we’d get stuck in traffic.

There were many others after Kathleen – the girls who made fun of me for spending my lunch hours reading in the library, the girls who decided that I had a crush on this other girl and humiliated me about it every chance they got, even a teacher who spent an entire homeroom period picking on me because I got bored one day and felt like passing a survey in class asking if anyone else hates math as much as I do. I’m pretty sure there was more but I must have buried those memories in my subconscious somewhere. I do know that my grades went down drastically, I took to daydreaming and paying little or no attention in class, and wrote my mom a lot of notes about the “terrable days” I would have in school.

One of the many notes Lauren would write me from school.

Things didn’t get any better for me when I attended high school. I moved to a different school and made the mistake of speaking to my new classmates in English on the first day. For that reason, or whatever other reason, they decided I was weird and I spent the next four years trying and failing to fit in.

I know that my experiences as a bully victim don’t sound particularly traumatizing, but you don’t have to get beat up in the playground to develop emotional scars that stay with you for the rest of your life – especially when the damage is psychological, which is what female bullying is about. Think about it. You’re a little kid, and all you really want is to make friends with the kids you go to school with everyday. Then you find out that not only do your schoolmates reject your attempts at friendship – they also make fun of the most trivial things about you, like the way you speak. You start to wonder if maybe there’s something seriously wrong with you because nobody can seem to like you for the way you are. You start hating yourself and constantly doubting your abilities, and you find it difficult to open up to people and form deep friendships with anyone.

The sad part is that guidance counselors, teachers, and even some parents don’t think much of bullying. They pass it off as play, or maybe an early life lesson: the world can be a terrible place filled with people who will treat you with undeserved cruelty. I do understand that kids have to grow up and learn that hard lesson someday, but I think anyone under the age of ten is too young to deal with that much reality. At that age, it’s important for children to learn to accept or at least respect people for exactly who they are instead of making fun of their differences. What kind of lesson will be passed on to them if their elders shrug off bullying as something totally normal?

Notes from the Mother

No parent wants to see their child get hurt. But according to a recent US study, 77% of students are being bullied mentally, verbally, or physically by their peers. Filipino children are equally exposed to bullying, and are even more at risk since Filipino parents often mistake bullying as a painful, yet necessary, rite of passage. Children who are either bullied or bullies themselves—are suffering from deep emotional scars. Aside from being withdrawn and depressed, victimized children are more likely to drop out of school, take up vices, and get into fights.

Thank goodness, Lauren didn’t drop out of school. The effect on her was mediocre academic performance. I could see the drastic drop starting third grade till I pulled her out of that school in Grade 6. Though intelligent, she was not motivated enough to score high in her tests until she attended college. Only then did Lauren blossom, away from the ravages of shallow high school classmates and their bullying antics.

During her elementary years, I was helpless against the bullying that victimized my sweet and gentle daughter in her School. I talked to the school’s guidance counselor and all she could tell me is that “Lauren had to learn to live with these bullies”. Moving schools was an option but where? Anti-bullying campaign in Philippine Schools was not yet in place in the mid-nineties and even today.

Good news to parents. Be aware . There is now a Department of Education policy to protect children from bullying. A Child Protection Committee (CPC) will be established in all private and public elementary and secondary schools. The committee will be composed of school officials, teachers, parents, students, and a community representative.

(If you want to guest post in my blog, drop me a note with the suggested topic)

Other Resources

http://twitter.com/reichmakayan Rachel Makayan

I was also bullied a lot during my younger days. Words are not enough to express my relief when I graduated from high school. College was a breath of fresh air. It made me feel free, free from the people who made me feel like trash. Female bullying plays on the victims emotions, and it last longer. Until now I carry the emotional scars. It was only now that I started to fight back, repairing and building up my self-esteem while I was in college. My bullies tried me again on Facebook.
Bullying should be taken seriously, and it should be stopped.
cascepiergo

When I was in grade 4, I used to be bullied a lot by the boys in my class. They used to take my things, hide them, and sometimes, they would even break my rulers, pencils and stuff. And when I moved to the Philippines to do grade 6 and my secondary education, I continued to be bullied.

Bullying is a serious problem. It makes the victim feel sad and unworthy. It makes the victim believe that he/she is a very bad person. I’m now in my twenties, but I still feel sad and angry whenever I remember those times when I was bullied. This article is very true. Bullying leaves emotional scars, scars that will remain with the victim for all his life.

But anyways, I’ve come to realize that at the end of the day, the people who’ve hurt us arent the ones who matter. Rather, the people who matter the most are those who’ve always stayed with us, loved us, protected us, and made us feel happy.
http://superjuniorforthewin.blogspot.com/ sjforthewin

I was also bullied in the past, yet I also remember fighting back, at the most, twice. The first happened in sixth grade, after this really tall girl bullied me to no end, I ended up cursing her – then crying after. In HS, I got some bullying too, but I think after the sixth grade incident, I knew that I could just ignore them and move on. I was even left all by myself by my classmates in senior year because they didn’t like how I acted or was too friendly (yes, people had issues, had walls, had cliques) and was confronted for that. So I kept my distance and showed everyone that I could do without them. Years after, one of them said to me that I was “an iconoclast, a good kind”, and then another told me that she realized their reasons were funny and pathetic. Thankfully, my college was a great venue as it allowed me to act the way I wanted to. There was less labeling.

Though the memories still sting sometimes, my understanding of bullies as equally tortured/insecure/unhappy people (w/c developed in college and after), AND understanding them as such, made healing possible. In the long run, that notion that “hey no one’s perfect”, made me stronger and who I am today.
http://twitter.com/Ginowskie Ginowskie

It is the challenge of being a Christian. Paul quoted that life being a Christian is not like you’re living in luxury or you’re not living an easy life. But in return, you are rest-assured of salvation. I just read awhile ago about an article by Bo Sanchez, you should think that telling your parents, teachers or counselor about your situation is the correct thing to do. Its the correct thing to do, tell people who are in the correct position about your problem and seek help.
http://twitter.com/pianonomocha Emily San Pedro

hello po. nabasa ko po yung post nyo about your daughter. I was also bullied since elementary throughout highschool. yung una nangyari when I was in grade 1. alam ko yung reason, I’m smaller and younger than my classmates. Coed yung school ko nun kaya both guys and girls yung nambubully sakin. dahil dun all throughout elementary and highschool naging loner ako(though may mga naging friends ako, yun nga lang once in a lifetime). Noon nagsusumbong ako sa mom ko(nasa province yung dad ko because of work), wala rin syang nagawa nung time na yun kasi may work sya nun at night kaya lumaban akong mag-isa. walang year sa life ko nun na walang nambubully. yung last year ko nung highschool ang narinig kong reason niya ay asar talo daw ako.

Funny how easy to those who bully na sabihin ang reason nila na napakababaw at hindi nila naaiintindihan yung mga nararamdaman ng mga nabibiktima. sana masolusyunan na ang ganitong problema para wala nang mabiktima pang iba.

sabi nga ng isang commentator dito “College was a breath of fresh air”. although nag-struggle ako sa simula dahil sa past ko pero I tried my best to change it, and I can say it was one of my wonderful experiences I’ve ever had
Layne Canoy

I’m also having the same problem with my first grade daughter who have been complaining about her classmates that bullied her. She even got home one day with her uniform colored with crayons at the back. One day with her school bag teared and she even complained that 3 boys drag her outside the classroom and pushed her down and her crayons were gone not just once but every time she got new sets of crayons almost half of it were gone the day she brought it with her in school. Since I am several miles away from her and had only my mom to talk to her teacher but we only got “okay but I cannot control these kids, it is hard to discipline children nowadays because we have DSWD that would sue us” answer from her teacher. Shouldn’t they do something about this bullying? Isn’t there a law that would regulate this? She is only 6 and yet she had to experience all these. I did came to her class one day and talk the child whom her other classmates pointed as one of those bullies. I told him that if he continues to do it I would have him called at the principal office since their teacher seems not to mind the bullying in her classroom. A week after it the school held a general meeting with the PTA and tackles this bully issue. It is weird because the principal herself says that parents cannot directly complain to her office until we got solid evidence that our child is being bullied. What evidence should we parents have to wait for? Should we wait for our kids to get home with bruises and blackeyes or clothes teared just to have the evidence they are looking for? Why do school teachers and personnel will always point to DSWD as the reasons of their failure to regulate school bullies? Been checking on DSWD’s site for child protection in school and school’s personnel role to protect children in any form of abuse within the school premises but found none. I hated this schools policies, they even threatened the parents that they will report us to the DSWD if we will complain again. WOW what a friendly learning place this school is. Oh by the way this is a public school i’m talking and i’m pulling my kid out of this stupid place next school year. DSWD if ever you got to this site one day please release a copy on detailed child protection policies to the public.
http://twitter.com/sashadalabajan Sasha Dalabajan

Hi (: I’m a fourth year high school student from a certain school in Palawan. First of all, I would like to extend my gratitude to the writer of this blog. This was such a big help in our related literature in my thesis about the effects of bullying.

As a researcher, I agree that bullying is still an unexplored area of the school systems in the Philippines, where the victims often languish in ignominy. And I also am aware that it is something that should not be taken lightly.

As I was reading the blog entry and few of the comments, I could only thank God for not having experienced such harsh form of bullying, or so, I was taught to deal with it properly. And neither of my friends have experienced such severe form of bullying.

In the school where I study in, we have a very efficient, effective, and well-developed Guidance Office that accommodates every student’s concerns. I am praying for the same Guidance Office to all the schools in the Philippines.
http://www.facebook.com/juanemmanuelnicomedes Emmanuel Magbanua

My son got bullied at the International Philippine School in Jeddah yesterday and last week. He got hematoma in the left arm. The mother of the bully evades us. The bully got his back from his ill considerate mother.
mom michelle

When i read this post. It describes exactly what we been through. As a mom i felt bad that i couldn’t stop this. My son is quiet and shy. love to read books too and kept to himself most of the time. My son was bullied in his Grade 7 class. He was teased and name called. He was always cornered. They threw his shoes out of the window. They broke his glasses. No one dares to befriend him because some are afraid that they will be bullied too. He’s very good in math, perfect in quizzes and exams in elementary but got low scores in high school. I talked to the guidance councilor, Principal & teacher, at the first incident they talk to the parents but the bully never stop it lessen but too late because some of his classmate (the bully’s barkada) was starting to bully him too. I would often call the teacher, whenever i heard something happened (usually from other classmates) My son didn’t tell me what’s going on, What the teacher told me made me feel like it was our fault because he thinks my son is just sensitive and couldn’t take a friendly joke, and it’s just normal kids playing. This really made me really mad and sad that the people whose supposed to protect him at school thinks that it is all my son’s fault all along. He said that maybe because my son is “pikon” and my son speaks in English most of the time. The teacher never informed the other bullies parents about their kids and instead call me to school to tell me to help my son get along with other children. We decided to transfer him to new school this year as i think this supposed to be good high school that would provide good foundation instead gave my son a painful, humiliating experiences the entire school year.