Note: If you received questionable or hate comments from me or my monicker, my husband or daughter, that isn’t me or my family. I am a busy person and I don’t even have time to blog hop. My husband is a busy lawyer who doesn’t even comment in his favorite blogs. Same with my daughter. However, do keep these hate comments for record keeping so you can establish the identity of this mean-spirited coward. Sooner or later, you will be able to discern a pattern.

I just read nasty comments attacking a friend of mine. That blog is not a healthy place. Once you go against the negative mentality of the community, you are attacked. Unhealthy people gravitate towards negative energy. That same negative energy attracts more negative energy at such exponential rate, than positive attracts positive. Where there is negative energy in abundance, a gang is created. Once formed, they support each other to target anyone who are not within their frame of mind.

Group meanness is even more fun because of the team spirit.

Do you think these mean-spirited last long in the blogosphere? (By definition, mean-spirited means Having or characterized by a malicious or petty spirit.) Unless they have nothing better to do, have lots of energy and motivation behind them, the mean spirits tend to fizzle out one day. Most mean-spirited folks get the thrill of hurting people by posting nasty comments and the occasional mean blog post. I’ve had my share of being called “demonic” names. I tried to settle amicably with this person but instead my email was posted on their blog leaving out a teensy significant detail why my daughter got mixed up in her tirades towards me. I thought by now it’s been settled but six months has elapsed and what do I discover? My monicker is being used in blog comments trying to make it appear that I posted “nasty” comments. How malicious and petty! Move on, shall we?

Let’s not bother why these people act the way they do. I just know that Hurt people hurt people.

So how do you respond to the mean-spirited blogger or commenter? Lorelle lists down tips on how to deal with these mean spirits in her entry, Mean Spirited Comments and Blogging

There are two choices when faced with a mean-spirited blogger: Respond or Not Respond. Both have risks.

Whichever choice you decide, do not move on your first impulse.

There’s something else you need to consider before you make a decision. Many hateful bloggers want your reaction. If they get a strong enough reaction, you might blog about them. Some trolls use inflammatory comments to attract attention to themselves and their blog. I think of this as the ““Howard Stern Effect”. The more outrageous people are, the more curious people are about them. If you feel their actions are just a device to get your attention and the attention of others, for good or bad reasons, put that into the formula before you decide which way you want to respond.

To my dear friend. There is no place to hide from nasty people in the blogosphere. Bloggers address varied opinions and wisdom to the world but negative responses are bound to happen from such entries. I told you that bloggers agree to disagree in a healthy manner. These come in the form of criticisms, but others come out mean-spirited, malicious and petty. I know you are discouraged now to blog. It’s quite disheartening to think about the dark side of blogging, but if you intend to be a serious blogger, you need a thick skin to last a lifetime of blogging.

See my thick skin?

As Lorelle said “Don’t let them beat you down. Stay focused and clear headed. If you purposely inspire negative reactions, then run with it. Enjoy getting what you asked for. If you don’t and get smacked, think it through, respond with care, and keep on blogging.”

Remember there are more people who care about you than that mean spirited community. You don’t want to be mixing with them.

Have you been the target of mean-spirited bloggers? What did you do about it?

Asides

1. Looking for work while staying at home?

My friend Dine is looking for committed bloggers and writers who will actually finish their assignments. Apply here for jobs.

2. Dell Philippines is here with their consumer brands.

Dell Philippines Launches XPS and Inspiron Laptop Computer Systems

dell laptop

3. My talk on Parenting for a Tech Savvy Generation on April 12 is postponed to another date.

seminar_1_tech1.jpg

Stay tuned.

4. House for Rent in Ayala Southvale

If you’re an expat looking for a spacious, Asian-inspired house for rent south of Manila, my sister-in-law is renting their house.
house for rent

Just view more photos here and other details of the beautiful house.

Noemi Lardizabal-Dado (1231 Posts)

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.


About Noemi Lardizabal-Dado

You may contact Noemi (noemidado @ gmail.com) for speaking and consultancy services in the following areas: Parenting in the Digital Age (includes pro-active parenting on cyber-bullying and bullying) ; Social Business ; Reinventing One’s Life; and social media engagement. Our parenting workshop is called "Prep to Prime (P2P): Parenting in the Digital Age (An Un­Workshop)" P2P Un­Workshops are conducted by two golden women in their prime, Noemi and Jane, who have a century’s worth of experience between them. They are both accomplished professionals who chose to become homemakers. This 180­degree turn also put them on a different life course which includes blogging, social media engagement and citizen advocacy. They call their un­workshops Prep to Prime or P2P, for short, to emphasize the breadth of their parenting experience. They tackle different aspects and issues of parenting ­­ from managing pregnancies, prepping for the school years of children, dealing with househelp, managing the household budget, to maximizing one’s prime life and staying healthy through the senior years.

  • http://www.filamforumreport.com Don

    Noemi,

    Of course Cumper post mean spirited things about my blog as well as the others who have written about him. And that’s to be expected. I chose to let him write until his hearts content. He’s one of the best advertisers I’ve got. LOL…

    As for the others…I’ve had some seriously sick and mean spirited people attack me on my blog and about my blog. I chose not to post their comments.

    As for the other mean spirited people who degrade me and my blog. Well I just find it interesting that they ridicule it but still read almost daily! Hippocrisy at it’s finest don’t you think?

    Another interesting fact is most of the folks ridicule me for taking a stand against abusing Filipinas and yet they are married to Filipinas! How is it bad to defend their wives and daughters?

    Even worse is some of my attackers in the past have also been Filipinas. That one I just don’t understand…

    When this happens I don’t respond any more. I used to but what’s the use.

    On a lighter note…these folks, Cumper included, do my work for me when they behave in this way thus proving what kind of person they really are.

    Don’s last blog post..9 People You Will Find in Fil Am Forums

  • http://www.RadiantView.com Lorna Dietz

    I love Lorelle! In person, Noems, she is as feisty as she sounds. I hope to introduce both of you soon… She has over a million subscribers to her blogs, I believe… Anyway, well said. I fight these trolls all the time, especially online. Especially those who attack our Fil-Am community leaders without putting out all the perspectives so that the readers can make informed judgments. – Lorna

  • http://blog.ademagnaye.com Ade

    Well, being from The Man Blog, being mean-spirited is a culture there. But then we know our limits.

    Ade’s last blog post..The Banana Gangbang Rock Festival

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @Don- yes there are just some posts and comments that one should just leave alone. It’s not worth reacting to. Criticisms are alright but using below the belt comments using demeaning names are just inhuman. I guess these mean-spirited people can’t argue their case so they have to resort to names.

    @Lorna- trolls make us work harder, focus more on what needs to be done .

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @ade- Man blog can appear mean spirited to some but personally I find it funny than mean actually. What I meant by mean-spirited is the person using nasty names and personal information that is almost inhuman.

  • http://tesstermulo.com Prudence

    I know what you mean, it’s one of the reasons why I put my blog’s comment section in moderation. People can really get nasty. It’s the courage brought about by anonymity. I’m not against anonymous comments in general, but some people just can’t seem to handle the freedom that is given to them and tend to abuse such freedom.

    Prudence’s last blog post..A Heart Library

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @prudence- yeah moderation is enabled here. The anonymous comments with the intent to malign are just too much. I would remove comments like that.

    Noemi’s last blog post..The Mean-spirited Commenter and Blogger

  • http://justwandering.org nina the evil one

    Mean people are just.. nasty. If they strike you at a bad time, it can really ruin your day. I don’t get nasty comments in my blogs, but I have encountered them elsewhere online. I’ve learned to ignore them, they’re really not worth the wrinkle. Often than not, they are sad insecure people who revel in putting people down just so they can feel good about themselves.

    The sad part is, a LOT of people are like that :-/

    nina the evil one’s last blog post..100 days into 2008

  • 2bout

    Some people just don’t live with principles. When someone came out of nowhere to test their patience (and integrity) and check them still mate they throw inappropriate answers and they just don’t care if their statements cut through the heart of their subject not as insults but rather dismay on what human nature has evolved into. “He who worries you, conquers you.” as the saying goes. So let’s not get affected by this kind of people. More power to you Noemi!

  • 2bout

    I’m so sorry, I mean stalemate pala. I’m thankful because lenient and understanding people surround this blog. What’s important in writing is that you got your point. I’m sure intellectual readers don’t subjectively look for errors but they dig for th essence the writer is trying to say. Even professionally published books do have some typographical or grammatical errors. But that’s not the reason we read. We read to learn not to criticize. We read to understand not to condemn. I hope these also be the same reasons when we comment on what we read.

  • http://www.noneed4ink.com Maki

    Me too, I am still being harassed by some people in that company I was ranting about with regards to their dubious recruitment style. (I think some bloggers know what I’m talking about already) Some use foreign names and others just want to taunt about some posts I have written which are not related to the post about their recruitment. In fact, a batchmate of mine working in that company harassed me for more than a year and I even reported him to the school’s guidance office. He apologized but with all the harassment, I think I deserve more than an apology.

    Ever since I’ve been occasionally attacked by some people from their company, I have resorted to moderating comments and banning some IPs. It works :) Well, sometimes it doesn’t but the best thing to do is to ignore and erase inflammatory comments. :)

    Maki’s last blog post..Bitten by the LV bug

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @nina- well standards will soon arise and these type of bloggers won’t last long.

    @2about- I don’t understand why people could be so hurtful when they can always write their comments in an intelligent manner. Hitting below the belt is really uncalled for.

    @Maki- you know my daughter was also asking me of that company. She was also persuaded to join but fortunately for her, she always asks advice from us. The problem with speaking up on controversial topics is that we get the flak but what’s the use of being a blogger if we don’t speak the truth?

  • 2bout

    The hardest part is that when that one they’re hurting is left with nothing to do but keep silent. Maybe hurt is something that their hearts don’t understand.

  • http://www.kotsengkuba.com Noel Cabacungan (Kotsengkuba)

    Noemi, correct me if I’m wrong but based from my co-bloggers, it was you who started ganging up reynaelena.com on tweeter. It was also you who said you don’t line bluepanjeet.net blog because it has music but probably you don’t even know how presentable and relevant his musics on every post are and users have the way to stop it when they don’t want to. And lately, there were allegations that it was also you, you’re lawyer husband and your daughter who scrutinized chuvachieness and diwatang byaning. it was also said that the hate comments or whatever form of writing the those were put into were deleted afterwards.

    Please correct me if I’m wrong. It’s just I know them more than you and based from their side of the story, it was you who is always starting the hate campaigns.

    Noel Cabacungan (Kotsengkuba)’s last blog post..No Sweet Lemons in WordPress 2.5

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @Noel- okay let me make some clarifications

    1. Yes, it’s true about the twitter. I was venting but I never told my followers to gang up. If you know twitter and what it is like, it’s basically ranting. Since then it is private. I have learned my lesson.

    Reyna Elena attacked my daughter when she had nothing to do at all with the issue. She had a problem with me but she dragged my daughter in it. In fact I wanted to fix things and mentioned we should talk about it. There was no hate campaign.

    2. regarding bluepanjeet. I don’t know what you mean. I have a list of entrecard users and I indicate which sites have music. He wasn’t singled out. I like music but when I enter a site, I don’t want music especially if the controls are on the bottom of the site. I get surprised at the music volume so it’s my preference. It was nothing personal.

    3. And lately, there were allegations that it was also you, you’re lawyer husband and your daughter who scrutinized chuvachieness and diwatang byaning.

    I categorically deny this. I have no knowledge about this. Someone is probably using my daughter or husband in hate comments. So be careful about people who use your name. Anyone can claim to be someone in comments. Just like how my name and monicker was used in someone’s blog.

    There was no hate campaign. I tried to explain in an email but Reyna Elena just didn’t want to give me a chance to explain in private. Instead she posted it in public.

  • http://laurganism.com Lauren

    Hey you. Yes, you. For the record, I don’t care enough about anyone else in the blogosphere (except for the TMB people) to make hate comments on anyone else’s blog. So leave me out of your internet drama, k?

    Lauren’s last blog post..Online Stalking

  • http://www.kotsengkuba.com Kotsengkuba

    Okay, Lauren. I was just asking what was the real score and now you just made their points clear. Now I can stop from here.

    Kotsengkuba’s last blog post..No Sweet Lemons in WordPress 2.5

  • susan

    are you the ugly momma featured here?

    reynaelena.com/2008/05/01/sleeping-with-the-enemy/

  • http://aboutmyrecovery.com Noemi

    @susan- Hm I am not sure if I am the ugly momma. For sure, I am a pretty momma..whoever that “sleeping with the enemy” was trying to discern the truth. I don’t think the person was out to sleep with the enemy.

    Let’s assume for pete’s sake that I started a hate campaign. Pray tell me where are the people or bloggers attacking her? Nada. None. All I did was rant in twitter out of frustration and pointed to my source of frustration. There is nothing wrong with ranting. It is wrong when used to attack someone.

    I do hope Reyna and I will someday co-exist in peace.

  • Pingback: Blog, Blogging, Blogger, Bloggers » A Filipina Mom Blogger »

  • http://kenmikaze.co.nr KenMikaze

    Hey there.

    I’m just passing by and couldn’t help but stop at this thread. This is really insightful, as it is. I’ve been blog-hopping for most part while I’m too lazy to update my blog- but who is interested in Pinoypolitics anyway?

    Going back to the topic, most comments I’ve read, raved and laughed at most are ones usually made by Filipinos on how they hate this particular channel, how this and that, and sometimes, it could be irritating to read some imbecilic comments made by “tough-acting” street kids who just happened to rent a computer. No, I’m not picking on the poor, but rather, this observation stymied from the norms these juveniles entail on postings like trash-talking online and of course, flaming. Sad to say, most of these “juveniles” in reality, are 20ish to 30ish people who have just arrived in the States or any part of the world for that matter.

    This also goes the same with some bloggers, blogging like they’re some big-shots but cry-the-heavens-foul when some critics beguile them.

    The word here should be constructive criticism; a simple IMHO can assuage a blogger’s anger/humiliation. But what the heck! We Pinoys are too fond of criticizing while we are less keen in gracefully taking in criticism.

    Ciao!

  • http://darvit.net Pam

    Yeah, right now, my blog is being attacked by some Filipinos living in California [and one from Denver, though I assume that this is Troll#1's friend]. I usually ignore trolls, but I broke my rule and fed the troll. I’ve one-upped a troll who bashed me because she misunderstood my original blog entry: I wrote a pro-Filipino blog entry, and she skimmed over it and bashed me right away. So I explained thoroughly, line-by-line what my blog entry was about in order to be sarcastic/funny to my regular readers, and yeah, to make sure she doesn’t miss anything. I thought that was the end of it, but no. This one was just persistent and so they started attacking me personally. I admit that I lost my temper, too.

    After I banned her and her daughter, she found another computer and posted some Chinese-bashing comments, which are majorly off-topic. I’ve tried all approaches: sarcasm, diplomacy, and reasoning out, but they’re just idiots with nothing to do. I’m seriously considering on redirecting them to a shock site or do something more drastic. Advice, anyone?

    Here’s the blog entry in question:

    http://peek.snurl.com/3hxgn [this is the preview]

    Again, that’s a pro-Filipino blog entry being bashed by Filipinos who didn’t understand the blog entry in question. So sad. :(

    PS: I went to grade school with your daughter, Marielle. I think you know my Mom, as well. I won’t post my last name here, though. I can’t believe that you’re a family of bloggers after all. This is truly amazing. I never knew!

    Pams last blog post..The English word for kilig

  • http://www.mytawagnaregalo.com/ver001/ missgiftsphilippines

    hello bloggers, how can i start a blog? any suggestion?

Post Navigation