About Me
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A TV Feature on How I Started this Blog
Mom Works at Lifestyle Channel, November 7, 2008
I’m Noemi Lardizabal-Dado, a 51 year old Filipina mom, a homemaker, a new media publisher, Philippines’ real estate broker and involved in advocacy and family recovery groups. I have 3 wonderful children: Lauren, 22 a recent graduate from Ateneo de Manila with a degree of AB Social Sciences, now taking her Masteral Studies at UP Diliman; Marielle, 20 studies in the same university taking up BA Psychology while my beautiful son, Luijoe, is forever 6 years old. I’m married to Butch Dado, the love of my life, a smart lawyer, my husband for 23 years. We’ve been together for a total of 30 years from the time we met on January 26, 1978 as college students in UP Diliman.
This blog is about my “new normal” which I struggled to achieve after the sudden death of my 6 year old son, Luijoe on May 27, 2000. Still a work in progress, I am now in my renewal stage where my grief has moved on towards a positive resolution. Justice over my son’s death has not been realized yet. In time, God will reveal his plan. In HIS time.
Inspite of the injustices, many wonderful things have been happening to me. Sharing the changes in my new life will be shown in blog entries. I want to offer hope. That there is a new normal after the loss of a child. Death is a part of life. I ‘ve realized this place we live in is only a temporary place and that eternal life is in heaven. Like my son said before he died “when I die, I will be alive again!!“. This site is about me, my advocacy, grief journey , health recovery, parenting, marriage, and thoughts and opinions about any significant or insignificant daily events.
But allow me to give you a brief background of my past to make you understand the road I have traveled and continue to traverse:
Internet
I have been online since 1995 and one of my first web project was Internet Safety for World Kids Network, a children’s fun website. See that icon to the right? That ’s supposed to be me.. LOL, I was called Robotica by kids around the world. Cute… As a concerned mother, I made sure my daughters were guided in the use of the internet. My daughter is known as the first Filipino Blogger in the Philippines. My second project was the website for the Manila Children’s Choir. It’s not online anymore but it was useful when the Vatican googled for children’s choir in the Philippines. M, my second daughter got to sing in the Vatican with the choir and had a personal audience with Pope John Paul. Angel-luijoe.net was created to pay tribute to my beautiful son who died of accidental drowning in 2000. I maintained a mini-blog in that site. The year 2002 was significant because it marked my entry as an entreprenuer. Together with L , we started Protagonist Webhosting which served the global market. Then on June 2005, Pinoy Webhosting was initiated to serve the local market and to make webhosting affordable to starter businesses. My latest project is the The Compassionate Friends, a grief support group for families who have lost a child or sibling.
Grief
I’ve experienced so many deaths in my immediate family. My mother died of breast cancer when I was in college. My brother, Ruben died of fulminant Hepatitis A in 1990 and another brother, Oscar died of AML-4 leukemia in 1999. My dad died in 2004 from stroke complications. Then my precious child, Luijoe died on May 27, 2000. Losing a child is the ultimate tragedy that can ever happen to a parent. My whole world collapsed on the day my son died. To even describe the pain is not possible. The pain is gut-wrenching and indescribable. My idea of grief was that one had to keep inner feelings to oneself . My role model was my father who was stoic and didn’t talk much about losing my mother or his own son . He also neglected his health and at the age of 55, he suffered a stroke. My husband’s idea of grief was to cry and talk about it. It took me 4 years to move on from healing to renewal. As long as I live and love, my grief remains. The pain is not as raw as the day he died. I think of my son and the beautiful memories we shared together. I miss him so much.
My story on Luijoe’s life and death is a now part of “Fallen Cradle“, a book of 22 stories by parents who have a lost a child. . Fallen Cradle can be bought at National BookStore or Powerbooks. (read more about Fallen Cradle)
It would be unrealistic to fully “get over,” completely “resolve” or “let go” of your child. We are only humans who have suffered a traumatic loss of a child with whom we had a physical connection and now search for ways to continue that attachment in a spiritual sense..
Marriage
No doubt you have heard from the nonbereaved – “It’s good you have each other.” Good you have each other! In reality, what ‘good’ are we to each other? How does one grieving parent support and comfort the other? Our marriage suffered during the first few years after my son died. My husband and I had different ways of coping with our grief. He wanted to talk about Luijoe’s death. I preferred to keep quiet and be by myself. This created a distance between us. By 2004, I felt it was time to leave him but a light appeared in my head that I needed to work things out. Perhaps it was God through my son’s intercession that showed me the light. Today, we are in a loving and healthy relationship as we rediscover each other. It’s like falling in love once again. We are the not the same couple that married each other 23 years ago. We are more aware of each other’s mood-swings. Sometimes we may feel we are on an emotional see-saw – when one is up, the other is down. We offer time and privacy to grieve as individuals, and also time together without the other children.
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(You can read about me and my blog in this interview by Mao Hermitanio , Her Life as a Blogger. If you want to learn how to blog, watch this Youtube video of me and other mom-bloggers)
Technorati Tags: homemaker, Losing a child, grief
This is about me ( a 
hi, i stumbled upon here through sassy’s. thank you for sharing your story. in a way i can relate to your grief, though probably not as much. 3 years ago, i lost my beloved sister to cancer, when she was only 36, having orphaned my 3 nephews aged 12, 7 and 3. she was my best friend, we had the same birthday. i miss her still.
your son was beautiful, truly an angel look over you now.
OH I am sorry. I lost my brother just a year before my son died. My brother died of leukemia. And 15 years ago, I also lost a brother due to hepatitis A. All of these losses just added up and I still miss my brothers.
Hi Naomi
got your link from pinayexpat, nakikiramay ako sa yo, i have also a son born in 1993, meron din siyang deformities, pero okay naman siya…he is now 13 years old, grade 7 now here in toronto, i like your blog….mapapadalas and dalaw ko sa dito blog mo…
best regards,
kuya joey
i stumbled upon your blog looking for philippine idol entries and your story caught my attention….
my 7-yr old only daughter has aloppecia (?) becoz of stress..s she’s stressed becoz of my pregnancy… i’m almost 4 months pregnant and it’s causing her mixed emotions… she’s very excited yet scared that she will not be the baby anymore of the family… her thought manifested on her head through aloppecia or having bald spots…
yesterday, it worsened and developed to a wound… i’m just so scared.. i know it’s curable but the mother in me plus my pregancy hormones are giving me crazy thoughts… this morning, i was thinking what will happen if i would lose my daughter… it’s so crazy… i know it’s far from happening but i cannot stop my thoughts… then this lunch time i came across your blog… so it’s just making me paranoid…
i’m glad you’re ok now… and i wish you the best… i know these crazy thoughts of mine will pass….
hello djo.
i had alopecia last august, brought about by different stressors (school, family problems, etc).. the idea of possibly going bald at the peak of my teen years horrified me so much, that my bald spot grew bigger (from a 25-centavo coin to a one-peso coin) in just two weeks. so i went to an immunologist (alopecia is an autoimmune disease, meaning your body’s defense cells attack your own cells, in this case your hair cells), and he prescribed an immunosuppressant, 0.1% Tacrolimus Protopic ointment. i was to apply it on the spot twice a day. in under a month there was remarkable progress, and now the hair that grew back is already about five inches long. i hope you find an ointment that works for your daughter.. i’ll be praying for her, i know how traumatizing it must be for you and your daughter.
all the best, leda.
dear noemi,
sorry for using your blog to cinverse with leda but i have no idea how to contact her except through here…
dear leda,
thanks for the support. we went to a dermatologist where she prescribed some steroids to make her hair grow. she said that until the stressor will not turn off what tirggered the attck on her hair, it will not stop attacking the hair follicles…. and sadly, there’s really no exact medicine to identify which one caused my daughter’s stress…. so all i can give her now is my 100% support and love to show her that having a younger brother/sister will not change our love for her. by the way, can you recommend your immunologist so i can consult also if my daughter’s situation will not get better? she has a checkup later and i can see already very small hair follicles on the edge of her bald spot… hopefully, its the start of her recovery…
The pain has dulled somewhat over the years, hasn’t it, Nomei? Thats how life is, we lose, grieve, cope, heal. I also lost a 10-month old infant son to bronchopneumonia. — did you know that? There are still the bitter-sweet ‘what could have been’ thoughts. But in the end you leave it up to Him or to what we call Fate. Sometimes, I see the struggles that we who continue to live here go through and wonder if those who went ahead early weren’t luckier to have been spared life’s woes.
But like me, I see you have gone on with your life. Go go Noemi.
Hi there! Destiny brought me here…as I’d like to say.Ü I was just surfing the net for cinema schedules of the movie Griffin & Phoenix when I stumbled upon your site.
Needless to say, I’ll be adding your site in my list of Favorites. I’m a 24-year old single gal…not much experience in life…haven’t been in a “challenging” situation in life as you’ve experienced (losing a loved one). But last 2005, I lost my friend Joy to an illness that up until now we don’t know exactly what. She’s our barkada since high school and her mom and dad (and entire family) has been through a lot since then. I’m intrigued by the book Fallen Cradle…and will try and look for it in bookstores. I’m not sure if I should buy another copy to give to my friend’s parents as well. I wouldn’t want them to open emotional scars that haven’t completely healed yet. Anyway, this is getting a bit long. I am glad I stumbled upon your site and will visit as often as I can. More power and God bless.
noemi,,
its so nice to here from you that you have positive outlook in your life even if life tested you! personaly, i have not experienced loosing someone i love yet but your story can help alot!
i hope you can enjoy your life now inspite of what had happened!
“for everything, there is a purpose” maybe your purpose is to be an inspiration to other! Just be strong and god will help you always..
Hi! Had to rush my 7 year old son to PCMC early this morning. He had fever last night. He just recovered from bronchitis a week ago. I was scared baka pneumonia na. When we entered the driveway of the emrgency of PCMC nagsikip na yong dibdib ko. Flashback December 12, 2003, i was in the same hospital, emegency case. Brought my then 18 year old son for self inflicted wounds. After 4 years i still felt the same. The fear that gripped me that night. It felt like everything was on slow motion. I texted Elay ( Dr. Nadera ) who lost her 4 year old son Awit to pneumonia in the same hospitallast December 2006.Awit was a student of mine. Elay arrived in 20 minutes. I didn’t expect it. But Elay has become a friend. My son Ira is her patient. I was telling Elay when we were walking towards the hospital’s exit, ” Ayaw ko ng bumalik dito, Elay” , ” I can never get used to this place” , ” How do you get used to this place? ” To which she answered, ” You can, if you think dito mag su-survive and ank mo “, This place, pipay has become a refuge for me “. I hugged her tightly before we parted. I have never told her “I understand” when Awit passed away. She also never told me she understood when she was handling Ira. It was unspoken between us, mothers.
@Myrna- yes the pain lessens with time.
@Candy- you can grab a copy at National Bookstore and Powerbooks
@Timmy- the mere fact I am blogging means I’m on the road to recovery
@Pilar- I have met Dr Nadera last year when her husband did Poetry seminar for our group, The Compassionate Friends. I also heard of their loss, Awit. I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but saying “I understand” to someone who has lost a child is only when that person themselves have lost a child. No one understands the depth of losing a child only if it has happened to that person.
Hi! I stumbled upon your site. How are you now dear? Haven’t seen you in quite awhile. The video was enlightening. I think you have found your niche in the web. It is such a sight seeing you inspiring others. Good luck! And more power.
Thanks for dropping by Bev! Finally found something that Butch isn’t complaining about. I still go to Fort gym but I don’t catch you there.
I still go to the gym but to other branches and only during weekends at the Fort. As usual, yoga and body balance skeds only. Regards to butch and the kids.
Your story is really sad but im happy that you already moved on
and living a life full of happiness.
Don’t worry, your son will always be on your side
Take care always
and put a smile on your heart….
Hello there,
You know it’s good that you are writing. It helps a lot in relieving pain
& talking about it will definitely help you feel better. I’m sorry for your loss & glad to know you are moving forward!
A food blogger next door
lovefrom1stbites last blog post..The story of a broken tajine in a sad kitchen
Noemi, I am glad to have found your blog. It is very interesting. there is a lot of things i can learn from you. I am amazed that you have got yourself into internet as early as 1995. I think you have one of the pioneer in this. I have just started one parenting blog. hope it is not too late to catch up with technologies. since i am from malaysia, i have named my blog as http://malaysiaparent.blogspot.com/. Cheers
hi ate noemi…ive watched your story in a TV show. I admire how you struggled with what had happen to your son.. I admire your strength to go on in your everyday life despite of what you are going through during those days where in you thought was a nightmare. God has a plan for everything that’s happening in our lives, and maybe God has put you to test how strong you are, and He tested you in a way that you can measure your faith in Him to make you realize that God is really working in every way and lasly to test if you are able to cope up in such tragedy.
I know that God, Himself is so proud of you for the character you have in terms of moving on. Me, myself is so proud of you.. You inspired me. I cried when i heard your story and feel the pain, but you have given me a lesson. It is to “NEVER GIVE UP”.. that phrase means a lot to me because of you.
Ate thank you so much..
Luijoe will always be an angel to everyone. And he will be the one who will guide you. “There will be no good byes but there is till we meet again”..that is the best phrase that i can dedicate to you cause i know you really do miss your son..In God’s time, all of us will go where Luijoe is in now..in the arms of God.. And that time your son will hug you as much as you expected..Maybe he misses her wonderful mom too. No need to worry cause now he is already safe and happy.. When you are down, your son will always whisper to you that he loves and “you can do it mommy”..
I’m so glad that you have moved on. You are truly an inspiration to everybody.
Godbless to you and to your family..!
This must be fate calling us together!! I was just looking for sugar cookie recipes and i landed on your site. Our sons must have a connection in Heaven. I too have felt your pain in so many ways that my first three years i didn’t know who i was. I should explain,
On Sept 14, 1997 i lost my son Alex (5) to a horriffic car accident. The damage to his brain and internal organs was so severe that he died an hour after being brought to the emergency room. All i new was being a mom 24/7 and that day my life radically changed. I too have experienced the loss of others. My sister (Laura) died of a horrific death. She was murder when i was 11 and she only at the age of 15. I delt with my sisters death the same way you did and when my son died i had a different feelings. i knew he wouldn’t want me to live my life to it’s fullest but it’s very hard to do without the faith of God and the support of loved ones. I’ve always been told “how do you do it (survive) and I’ve always been told God only dishes out what he thinks we can handle!!IMaybe just maybe we were meant to become friends and if you ever want to chat email me. For all the times of hardship my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family .
May God give you peace…you are also so courageous and have suffered such loss; I am so sorry. I will pray for you, also. God bless your heart; hugs across the distance to you…
i googled bangbang pants and i landed on your page. scanning your blog, i noticed some similarities between us;
1. we were both crazy enough to buy bangbang back in the 70’s and loved collezione.
2, i’m 51 too
3. UPD. 73-01983
4. i’ve 3 daughters with MCC (1987-1994). if you went to the vatican tour i’m quite sure you know sally galila
i’m truly sorry for your loss. having five children and being devoted to them, i think i’ve an inkling of how you felt then.
nice “meeting” you. cheers!
desperatebloggers last blog post..The Truth Hurts Part 1
I wasn’t in the Italy Tour but my daughter went in 2000
Oh you are one batch older but we are the same age.
what the?! I also fractured my ankle… left one.
desperatebloggers last blog post..The Truth Hurts Part 1
Thank you for sharing your experience. I was touched by your beautiful son’s grasp of God’s promise of eternal life for those who believe. Every blessing.
hi!
i just lost my mom a few months ago. and until now, i cannot get over my grief…there are still things thatI wanted to tell her and do for her…maybe that’s why I feel so remorseful. My mom died of squamous cell carcinoma.
hi!
i became interested with your site after i watched your feature at the Lifestyle’s Channel’s Mom Works TV Program. i am a mother of a toddler and losing her is the most dreadful event i could ever imagine…thank you for sharing your story with us, you have inspired me to be good parent…
I’m not even sure how I found your site… but here I am, reading and reading… and crying so hard too. I have a 4 yr old son and an almost 3yr old daughter… and I can’t help but imagine what I would do if something tragic happened to them. I’m sure the pain and fear I felt by just imagining will never even be a tiny fraction of your heartache and grief.
Your son’s a beautiful boy. I love looking at his pictures.
Thank you for sharing your story… I will pray for your family. Godbless…
You have a beautiful life story to tell. Thanks. Most of your reader I supposed are mothers. I am a grandfather and I just lost a mother ( 95 years old) I went back home to bury her. I was back home a day before she died and the few hours I had with her, was the warmest relationship I had with her. Thanks for sharing your life to your readers. Be strong as life has to go on.
Rudy
Oh Rudy, those precious hours with her was all worth it. Yes we learn to be strong.
it’s really nothing, i just wanna wish the best for you and your family… i am really touched about your kid though i don’t have any similar case happened in my life… i had some tragic events but it’s different, nway reading about your thoughts in the blog draws me to think you have a good and kind heart…God bless you…
I am truly impressed by your blog – by ALL of them- for this reason, may I place this one under my blog roll or links? I thank you.
Guia Gomezs last blog post..Optimism and the New Year
thank you for the kind words. Sure just link me.
I will
Guia Gomezs last blog post..The Growing Connection
Thank you for your attention.
I wondered through your blogsite and i had goosebumps..
I am 50 yo mom who had been in and out of the corporate world but am now working with my husband. i have three children as well > a 23 yo boy from De La Salle, a 20 yo taking Management Economics in Ateneo and a 14 yo, first year high school daughter. and yes i have been married for 23 years to my loving hubby but we have been 7 years as steadies so that makes it 30 years of togetherness as well.
My reason for having the courage to write is that I have a family friend who lost a 14 year old daughter just last 21 November 2008. The story is quite long. If you will indulge me to share it with you, i wont mind.
However, i had been “assigned” to write a tribute about their daughter. I dont want to “spoil” something special as she was a very special girl.
i will appreciate if you can give me some pointers so i can do “justice” for the tribute that i am supposed to write…
with much love,
captalk
hi, i don’t know why i tumbled into your site but i am thankful i did. when i saw your pic with luijoe, i kept on staring at it for a long time, and then i realized that tears had been falling down my face for quite some time already. That was even before reading your blog about him…
I have just put my 2 1/2 year old son to sleep before i went online tonight. Just thinking of losing him created this hollow feeling of pain in my heart. I know that saying ” i understand” wouldn’t mean the same if the person saying it has not gone through what you did, but i will say them just the same, in the level that a mom will always have this abundancy of love to her children and losing them will really change the course of how she sees life. A mother’s heart is like an ocean. It is filled with love one can never fathom how deep.
i salute you. hope to meet and talk to you someday…
Cef
Hi Cef,
Nice of you to drop by. There are moments I still tear when I see my Luijoe’s photos. I know you understand. Even when I meet moms who have lost a child, there are just no words.
Hope to meet you one day.
dear noemi,
thank you for always replying to my texts messages… ( im the one from cavite) our son Jiro passed away thru a tragic car accident last june 2008… he’s 22. our first born, we have three sons- Jiro 22, Jovin 18 and Jedrick 12….
we’re all in deep grief over Jiro’s death…. i can cry a river for him everyday, the pain gets more intense, we miss him immensely…
i appreciate people like you who can help us thru what we’re going thru.
- noemi.
The Filipina is often seen as an angelic face of exotic beauty. With two Filipina Miss Universe titlists who have won the much coveted crown, there is no doubt that Filipinas are indeed beautiful women. There is much more to this about the Filipina, however, that Filipinos and non-Filipinos alike may not be aware of in our beauty.
Hi, Ma’am Noemi! This is the first time that I’m gonna be commenting here on your blog. I have emailed you before inquiring about your web hosting services.
I hope it’s okay with you that I’ve posted our pic in my post 11th Phil Web Awards. I can delete it anytime if you don’t approve of it.
fedhzs last blog post..Mommy Moments – Feeding Time with Y.z.
hi Ma’am Noemi,
i was browsing through the net looking for crisis help desks when i ran into your site. I’m 20 years old and also an AB Social Sciences student from Ateneo, like your daughter. I do not usually add comments to blogs which i have visited but i admire what you and your family has done to face your trial.
My parents, although very supportive through other means.. i believe, do not take me seriously when i suggest that i may be experiencing depression. I would also like to think that what i am undergoing through is simply a “down” moment in my life, but from what i have observed, these episodes are consequently recurring. i have also answered “yes” to most diagnostic questions posted on the internet. I know i am capable of excellence, it’s just very hard to find the confidence i once had. hopefully, i could get over this once more.
thank you, and God bless
I am so touched by you story. My problems seemed so insignificant right now. Thank you for you courage.
hi there
will the pain be the same whoever lost in the family? I dont know if i’m tarcking the road to recovery since my wonderful husband left me last 2007. i’m in deep sorrow, because i didn’t only lose a husband, a father of my children but also a best friend. yes all in one relationship may be this is the reason why it’s so difficult for me to recover, i have no one lean on, and of course to listen to all my petty problems. As if i have no one to trust on. Because sometimes i feel that people around you and considered you “friends” are the one pulling you down. I really dont know how to handle life now.
We have all sufferings here. Some hard, some too hard, some
easy. Rich, poor, middle class, no class at all. No one is immuned.
The point here is: If it does not kill you. It will make you strong…
Hi…
I accidentally came across your blog just don’t know how or why….I really can’t help it but found myself crying…..I have a six-year old son too who is being taken cared of his dad. I’m a working mom and my husband is not the type who’s ma-alaga to his child’s needs. He keeps on saying that our son is already a big boy and I should not baby him
too much. But still, I worry too much for our kids.Also have a daughter & is 18 yrs. old. The what if’’s at the back of my mind keeps on tormenting me…
Anyway, Luijoe is a handsome boy…really cute kid…and from the
looks of it he is sweet. I admire your strength and truly you are an inspiration to everyone.”There is a time to let things happen, and a time to make things happen.”
God Bless and will always pray for you, your angel and your family…Leng
I just want to say how much of an inspiration you are. You may not think it but you are incredibly courageous and it is such a story you tell. God bless your heart and your families hearts so much. YES you will see your little boy again; that is part of the plan. God tells us in the Bible that this is a ‘visit to a planet’ that is nothing in comparison to the forever we will have with him. Still, I realize, we are here and hearts are greatly broken, while we are here; I am so sorry for the loss you’ve endured. You have suffered much. Your boy will always be with you; and oneday face to face again, and back in your arms to love and converse with. You are loved; know this and rest in it. I am going to watch that movie tonight (Pirates) you mentioned in your blog. I’ve seen it before but as you said it’s “escapism” at it’s best! I lost my mother father and sister years ago, I can enjoy the memories you mentioned of your father laughing on that Disneyland ride; what wonderful memories I have of my mother father and sister at that amusement park many years ago. We’ll see them all again, Noemi; I am believing with you and praying for you. Hands across the miles. God bless.
God bless your heart and to your intire family.Your son is a beautiful angel! We love you…
hi, I am deeply moved by your experience. Death really is so painful especially for a mom. I actually feel the same intense hurt when I thought i had lose my son. He had a convulsion due to fever, as I held him in my arms not breathing, I told God, help me Lord, I cannot take these, you see I could not even cry. As I rush him to the hospital, I felt my heart’s squeeze so tight, I thought If my son died might as well I die with him, (Oh God, remembering that moment always brought me tears). While holding my baby close to my heart I never give up asking God to revive my son. I know He will not forsake me. As soon as my son said the word “mama”, I cried a lot, it was the most wonderful word I have ever heard. I kissed him a lot and I praise God for the wonderful gift of my son’s life.
Now he is turning 3 this September and as I looked at him I was so thankful that the Lord brings him back to me. I was bless and fulfilled as a mom.
I believe that in every situation God has a purpose, death is certain, however, God’s assurance of everlasting life with him is certain as well. We will all gather as a family and we will see our love one up there in heaven.
joys last blog post..Think about this … Must I follow rules?
wow… you’re an awesome Filipina Mom Blogger.. i like you as a blogger.. and i am only a beginner in the blogging industry… i am hoping if you can link my blog.. thank you .. I’m looking forward to your reply..^_^