About Me
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A Video of me and two of my mom blogger friends.
I’m Noemi Lardizabal-Dado, a 51 year old Filipina mom, a homemaker, a new media publisher, Philippines’ real estate broker and involved in family recovery groups. I have 3 wonderful children: Lauren, 22 a recent graduate from Ateneo de Manila with a degree of AB Social Sciences, now taking her Masteral Studies at UP Diliman; Marielle, 20 studies in the same university taking up BA Psychology while my beautiful son, Luijoe, is forever 6 years old. I’m married to Butch Dado, the love of my life, a smart lawyer, my husband for 23 years. We’ve been together for a total of 30 years from the time we met on January 26, 1978 as college students in UP Diliman.
This blog is about my “new normal” which I struggled to achieve after the sudden death of my 6 year old son, Luijoe on May 27, 2000. Still a work in progress, I am now in my renewal stage where my grief has moved on towards a positive resolution. Justice over my son’s death has not been realized yet. In time, God will reveal his plan. In HIS time.
Inspite of the injustices, many wonderful things have been happening to me. Sharing the changes in my new life will be shown in blog entries. I want to offer hope. That there is a new normal after the loss of a child. Death is a part of life. I ‘ve realized this place we live in is only a temporary place and that eternal life is in heaven. Like my son said before he died “when I die, I will be alive again!!“. This site is about me, my grief journey , health recovery, parenting, marriage, my online business and thoughts and opinions about any significant or insignificant daily events.
But allow me to give you a brief background of my past to make you understand the road I have travelled and continue to traverse:
Internet
I have been online since 1995 and one of my first web project was Internet Safety for World Kids Network, a children’s fun website. See that icon to the right? That ’s supposed to be me.. LOL, I was called Robotica by kids around the world. Cute… As a concerned mother, I made sure my daughters were guided in the use of the internet. My daughter is known as the first Filipino Blogger in the Philippines. My second project was the website for the Manila Children’s Choir. It’s not online anymore but it was useful when the Vatican googled for children’s choir in the Philippines. M, my second daughter got to sing in the Vatican with the choir and had a personal audience with Pope John Paul. Angel-luijoe.net was created to pay tribute to my beautiful son who died of accidental drowning in 2000. I maintained a mini-blog in that site. The year 2002 was significant because it marked my entry as an entreprenuer. Together with L , we started Protagonist Webhosting which served the global market. Then on June 2005, Pinoy Webhosting was initiated to serve the local market and to make webhosting affordable to starter businesses. My latest project is the The Compassionate Friends, a grief support group for families who have lost a child or sibling.
Grief
I’ve experienced so many deaths in my immediate family. My mother died of breast cancer when I was in college. My brother, Ruben died of fulminant Hepatitis A in 1990 and another brother, Oscar died of AML-4 leukemia in 1999. My dad died in 2004 from stroke complications. Then my precious child, Luijoe died on May 27, 2000. Losing a child is the ultimate tragedy that can ever happen to a parent. My whole world collapsed on the day my son died. To even describe the pain is not possible. The pain is gut-wrenching and indescribable. My idea of grief was that one had to keep inner feelings to oneself . My role model was my father who was stoic and didn’t talk much about losing my mother or his own son . He also neglected his health and at the age of 55, he suffered a stroke. My husband’s idea of grief was to cry and talk about it. It took me 4 years to move on from healing to renewal. As long as I live and love, my grief remains. The pain is not as raw as the day he died. I think of my son and the beautiful memories we shared together. I miss him so much.
My story on Luijoe’s life and death is a now part of “Fallen Cradle“, a book of 22 stories by parents who have a lost a child. . Fallen Cradle can be bought at National BookStore or Powerbooks. (read more about Fallen Cradle)
It would be unrealistic to fully “get over,” completely “resolve” or “let go” of your child. We are only humans who have suffered a traumatic loss of a child with whom we had a physical connection and now search for ways to continue that attachment in a spiritual sense..
Marriage
No doubt you have heard from the nonbereaved - “It’s good you have each other.” Good you have each other! In reality, what ‘good’ are we to each other? How does one grieving parent support and comfort the other? Our marriage suffered during the first few years after my son died. My husband and I had different ways of coping with our grief. He wanted to talk about Luijoe’s death. I preferred to keep quiet and be by myself. This created a distance between us. By 2004, I felt it was time to leave him but a light appeared in my head that I needed to work things out. Perhaps it was God through my son’s intercession that showed me the light. Today, we are in a loving and healthy relationship as we rediscover each other. It’s like falling in love once again. We are the not the same couple that married each other 23 years ago. We are more aware of each other’s mood-swings. Sometimes we may feel we are on an emotional see-saw - when one is up, the other is down. We offer time and privacy to grieve as individuals, and also time together without the other children.
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(You can read about me and my blog in this interview by Mao Hermitanio , Her Life as a Blogger. If you want to learn how to blog, watch this Youtube video of me and other mom-bloggers)
Technorati Tags: homemaker, Losing a child, grief
Filipina mom) and my journey to a "new normal" after the death of 
hi, i stumbled upon here through sassy’s. thank you for sharing your story. in a way i can relate to your grief, though probably not as much. 3 years ago, i lost my beloved sister to cancer, when she was only 36, having orphaned my 3 nephews aged 12, 7 and 3. she was my best friend, we had the same birthday. i miss her still.
your son was beautiful, truly an angel look over you now.
OH I am sorry. I lost my brother just a year before my son died. My brother died of leukemia. And 15 years ago, I also lost a brother due to hepatitis A. All of these losses just added up and I still miss my brothers.
Hi Naomi
got your link from pinayexpat, nakikiramay ako sa yo, i have also a son born in 1993, meron din siyang deformities, pero okay naman siya…he is now 13 years old, grade 7 now here in toronto, i like your blog….mapapadalas and dalaw ko sa dito blog mo…
best regards,
kuya joey
i stumbled upon your blog looking for philippine idol entries and your story caught my attention….
my 7-yr old only daughter has aloppecia (?) becoz of stress..s she’s stressed becoz of my pregnancy… i’m almost 4 months pregnant and it’s causing her mixed emotions… she’s very excited yet scared that she will not be the baby anymore of the family… her thought manifested on her head through aloppecia or having bald spots…
yesterday, it worsened and developed to a wound… i’m just so scared.. i know it’s curable but the mother in me plus my pregancy hormones are giving me crazy thoughts… this morning, i was thinking what will happen if i would lose my daughter… it’s so crazy… i know it’s far from happening but i cannot stop my thoughts… then this lunch time i came across your blog… so it’s just making me paranoid…
i’m glad you’re ok now… and i wish you the best… i know these crazy thoughts of mine will pass….
hello djo.
i had alopecia last august, brought about by different stressors (school, family problems, etc).. the idea of possibly going bald at the peak of my teen years horrified me so much, that my bald spot grew bigger (from a 25-centavo coin to a one-peso coin) in just two weeks. so i went to an immunologist (alopecia is an autoimmune disease, meaning your body’s defense cells attack your own cells, in this case your hair cells), and he prescribed an immunosuppressant, 0.1% Tacrolimus Protopic ointment. i was to apply it on the spot twice a day. in under a month there was remarkable progress, and now the hair that grew back is already about five inches long. i hope you find an ointment that works for your daughter.. i’ll be praying for her, i know how traumatizing it must be for you and your daughter.
all the best, leda.
dear noemi,
sorry for using your blog to cinverse with leda but i have no idea how to contact her except through here…
dear leda,
thanks for the support. we went to a dermatologist where she prescribed some steroids to make her hair grow. she said that until the stressor will not turn off what tirggered the attck on her hair, it will not stop attacking the hair follicles…. and sadly, there’s really no exact medicine to identify which one caused my daughter’s stress…. so all i can give her now is my 100% support and love to show her that having a younger brother/sister will not change our love for her. by the way, can you recommend your immunologist so i can consult also if my daughter’s situation will not get better? she has a checkup later and i can see already very small hair follicles on the edge of her bald spot… hopefully, its the start of her recovery…
The pain has dulled somewhat over the years, hasn’t it, Nomei? Thats how life is, we lose, grieve, cope, heal. I also lost a 10-month old infant son to bronchopneumonia. — did you know that? There are still the bitter-sweet ‘what could have been’ thoughts. But in the end you leave it up to Him or to what we call Fate. Sometimes, I see the struggles that we who continue to live here go through and wonder if those who went ahead early weren’t luckier to have been spared life’s woes.
But like me, I see you have gone on with your life. Go go Noemi.
Hi there! Destiny brought me here…as I’d like to say.Ü I was just surfing the net for cinema schedules of the movie Griffin & Phoenix when I stumbled upon your site.
Needless to say, I’ll be adding your site in my list of Favorites. I’m a 24-year old single gal…not much experience in life…haven’t been in a “challenging” situation in life as you’ve experienced (losing a loved one). But last 2005, I lost my friend Joy to an illness that up until now we don’t know exactly what. She’s our barkada since high school and her mom and dad (and entire family) has been through a lot since then. I’m intrigued by the book Fallen Cradle…and will try and look for it in bookstores. I’m not sure if I should buy another copy to give to my friend’s parents as well. I wouldn’t want them to open emotional scars that haven’t completely healed yet. Anyway, this is getting a bit long. I am glad I stumbled upon your site and will visit as often as I can. More power and God bless.
noemi,,
its so nice to here from you that you have positive outlook in your life even if life tested you! personaly, i have not experienced loosing someone i love yet but your story can help alot!
i hope you can enjoy your life now inspite of what had happened!
“for everything, there is a purpose” maybe your purpose is to be an inspiration to other! Just be strong and god will help you always..
Hi! Had to rush my 7 year old son to PCMC early this morning. He had fever last night. He just recovered from bronchitis a week ago. I was scared baka pneumonia na. When we entered the driveway of the emrgency of PCMC nagsikip na yong dibdib ko. Flashback December 12, 2003, i was in the same hospital, emegency case. Brought my then 18 year old son for self inflicted wounds. After 4 years i still felt the same. The fear that gripped me that night. It felt like everything was on slow motion. I texted Elay ( Dr. Nadera ) who lost her 4 year old son Awit to pneumonia in the same hospitallast December 2006.Awit was a student of mine. Elay arrived in 20 minutes. I didn’t expect it. But Elay has become a friend. My son Ira is her patient. I was telling Elay when we were walking towards the hospital’s exit, ” Ayaw ko ng bumalik dito, Elay” , ” I can never get used to this place” , ” How do you get used to this place? ” To which she answered, ” You can, if you think dito mag su-survive and ank mo “, This place, pipay has become a refuge for me “. I hugged her tightly before we parted. I have never told her “I understand” when Awit passed away. She also never told me she understood when she was handling Ira. It was unspoken between us, mothers.
@Myrna- yes the pain lessens with time.
@Candy- you can grab a copy at National Bookstore and Powerbooks
@Timmy- the mere fact I am blogging means I’m on the road to recovery
@Pilar- I have met Dr Nadera last year when her husband did Poetry seminar for our group, The Compassionate Friends. I also heard of their loss, Awit. I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but saying “I understand” to someone who has lost a child is only when that person themselves have lost a child. No one understands the depth of losing a child only if it has happened to that person.
Hi! I stumbled upon your site. How are you now dear? Haven’t seen you in quite awhile. The video was enlightening. I think you have found your niche in the web. It is such a sight seeing you inspiring others. Good luck! And more power.
Thanks for dropping by Bev! Finally found something that Butch isn’t complaining about. I still go to Fort gym but I don’t catch you there.
I still go to the gym but to other branches and only during weekends at the Fort. As usual, yoga and body balance skeds only. Regards to butch and the kids.
Your story is really sad but im happy that you already moved on
and living a life full of happiness.
Don’t worry, your son will always be on your side
Take care always
and put a smile on your heart….
Hello there,
You know it’s good that you are writing. It helps a lot in relieving pain
& talking about it will definitely help you feel better. I’m sorry for your loss & glad to know you are moving forward!
A food blogger next door
lovefrom1stbites last blog post..The story of a broken tajine in a sad kitchen
Noemi, I am glad to have found your blog. It is very interesting. there is a lot of things i can learn from you. I am amazed that you have got yourself into internet as early as 1995. I think you have one of the pioneer in this. I have just started one parenting blog. hope it is not too late to catch up with technologies. since i am from malaysia, i have named my blog as http://malaysiaparent.blogspot.com/. Cheers