One of my coping mechanisms after the death of my son was to focus on others in order to forget my pain . Years later when I visited a counsellor in a “well-known center” somewhere in Quezon City (which I don’t advise you go to, please), I was told that I was a co-dependent. I had no idea what that meant but according to the definition of co-dependency,
“Co-dependency can be defined as the tendency to put others needs before your own. You accommodate to others to such a degree that you tend to discount or ignore your own feelings, desires and basic needs. Your self-esteem depends largely on how well you please, take care of and/or solve problems for someone else (or many others).”
Okay so I put other’s needs before mine. But I thought that was a noble characteristic of mothers, don’t you think? or was I smothering? From the book, Codependent No More, I discovered I was too controlling over my children and husband. Perhaps because my life was out of control? Although I disagree with some co-dependent theories, the one I value most is Taking care of yourself.