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Recovery Tips

“Heaven’s Butterfly” – sharing part of the journey to help other grieving children

My friend Cathy and her daughter, Pia launched “Heaven’s Butterfly” yesterday. The book is published by Anvil and talks about the story of their life in the first year after Migi died. It specifically describes Pia’s journey from a place of sadness to a place of hope.

Pia was only seven when Migi died in 1998. Loss is a reality for children even at a very tender age. A child experiences grief in a cyclical manner. Meaning, they re-experience or re-visit the loss every time they pass through a developmental stage.

Cathy hopes that parents and teachers who read this book will come to realize that grief and loss, when it takes place, cannot just be swept under the rug. Losing someone is a real occurrence in a child’s world and we must allow that child to grieve. As adults and caregivers, we must do everything in our power to help them navigate that journey from sadness to hope.

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Light for Life, A Candle-Light Event for Peace on the ongoing Israeli-Palestinian War

From the Light for Life

On January 25
Light 1 candle
Offer 2 minutes of silence
And raise 5 fingers for peace!

We may not agree with other people’s stands on the war.
Perhaps the one thing we all acknowledge
is the fact that there has been unnecessary bloodshed on both sides,
blood of women, of children, and of those who fought in the war.

Join us on Sunday, January 25 at 8:00pm your local time
as we remember the victims of the ongoing Israeli-Palestinian War.

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Justice in His Time

Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe. It is not enough that a thing be possible for it to be believed. ~Voltaire

Justice over my son’s death has not been realized yet. In time, God will reveal his plan. In HIS time. We have adequate resources to file a case in court but we have yet to see the justice system move to the next step. Can you imagine what it must be like to other families whose kids died from violent deaths and don’t have the energy or resources to fight for justice? I know there are far more important cases pending in court far more important than our own that deserves the judges’ attention. I will be patient.

When my brother died from complications of Hepatitis A due to contaminated water supply that affected our neighborhood, our family sued the Cebu Water District, a semi-government agency for damages. It took 12 years for the court’s decision and fortunately it was mostly in our favor. The family members that survived the Hepatitis A contamination (including my daughter, Lauren) were awarded damages but none for my brother because he was dead and in effect, not a customer anymore. Did my 27 year old brother get the justice he deserved? Yes and No. No, because there was no monetary compensation awarded to his wife and children. Yes, because the water supply in Cebu is now cleaner and safer than it was in 1990.

Maybe I will not get the justice here on Earth. I have faith that justice will be served in HIS time. Faith is all I need.

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War in Gaza Brings Children Casualties


Photo Credits to Yahoo News

“My children are dead, why am I alive?, a mother wailed in the funeral of her children.

I have lost count of the children casualties in war-torn Gaza. Is it 100 deaths so far? As I glanced at a newspaper’s photo of a father reaching out to his dead child, his companion was trying to hold him back. If I were there, I won’t hold back the father. I will allow him to wrap his arms around his child and cry all he wants. I have been there. A dead child looks like they are sleeping but just not moving. The reality of death is just too much to comprehend at that point. Let him wail. Let him hold his child. Let his tears flow. When death comes without warning, the shock and disbelief can be overwhelming. It is never in the natural order of things for a child to die before his or her parents, and this can be especially intense when the death is sudden and/or violent.


Photo Credits to Yahoo News

My heart reaches out to these children. Why do they have to die? I cannot fathom the pain of the parents even if I have been there. War is just senseless to me. A child’s death does not make sense. A parent should not have to bury their child.

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Holiday Parties and Family Reunions


Holiday parties are everywhere the past few days. I was supposed to attend a Blog and Soul party yesterday but I felt stressed out at the last minute. I just decided to stick it out with the the ManBlog party held at our home last night. More of Lauren’s friends, of course. Our home is always open to parties and Lauren surely knows how to take advantage of this opportunity.

Parties are so much fun. Even if I am not actively involved in their party, I enjoy hearing Lauren and her friends laugh and cheer which is so reminiscent of my teenage parties at our home in Cebu. Have some fun, right?

This year, I limited the parties that I attend, not because I am anti-social. Driving to and fro the venue can be a pain in the neck. A party is supposed to be fun so I make sure I am in tip-top shape to celebrate. I allow my thoughts to think “Have some fun”.

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Being Right

Being in recovery is not about being right. It’s allowing myself to be who I am and accepting others as they are. I cannot help it if others perceive me in a positive light while others look at me as the complete opposite. One’s perception of me is based on another set of circumstances while others based it on my past mistakes.

That concept of “being right” is difficult for many of us if we have lived in systems that functioned on the “right-wrong” justice scale. The person who was right was okay while the person who was wrong was shamed. The value and worth may have depended on being right; to be wrong meant destruction of self and self-esteem.

I don’t have to stand up for myself when I know I did nothing wrong but I have the responsibility to set boundaries and take care of myself. I do not need to justify taking care of myself by condemning someone else. I avoid the trap of focusing on others instead of myself.

At first I could not figure out what Patricio Mangubat’s entry on The Genesis of Every Blogger Byte meant. I wonder what he meant when he said:

People like Butch Dado and his lovely wife Noemi, Dang, Janet, JV and all others are trying their darnest best to keep the Pinoy Blogosphere clean as a whistle but this stupid ingrate tried to spoil everything.

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The Worldwide Candle Lighting on December 14, 2008


2008 Annual Worldwide Candle Lighting Services

Communities across the globe will be joining in The Compassionate Friends 12th Annual Worldwide Candle Lighting on December 14, 2008. In the Philippines, it will be held in Quezon City.

Where: 2nd level, University of the Philippines Institute for Small Scale Industries
E. Virata Hall, UP Diliman Campus
Diliman, Quezon City
View Map

Date: Sunday , December 14, 2008
Time: 5:00 to 8:00 PM
Please email me at [email protected] if you want to join the memorial service.

Click here for Venue List of Other Countries

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Grief Over Marky Cielo & Lea ALyanna De Vera’s Death

Even if I have lost a son, I still cannot imagine what it is like for Marky Cielo’s parents. I cannot imagine the horror of Lilian de Vera, the mom of Lea Alyanna, the 7 year old girl caught in a crossfire, found dead on dimly lit Sampaguita Street along with 10 other people, including eight of the suspected robbers, and her husband.

I can only imagine Lilian’s devastation as she cried out…

““Why do you have to kill my little angel? Why do you have to kill my husband? He’s a good man. We’ve done nothing wrong to you.”

The real cause of Marky Cielo’s death is hazy at this point. His family said he died while he was sleeping. But the Antipolo Doctor’s Hospital cited the reason as “confidential.” Some showbiz insiders speculate that it was suicide. Others go as far as saying, “It was prompted by love.” Just like that, a life is gone. So young, so soon. Their deaths were so sudden, just like my son’s death.

One of the things so astonishing about losing a loved one is that, while the sun continues to rise and set, newspapers continue to be delivered, traffic lights change from red to green and back again, our whole life is turned around, turned upside down. That devastating feeling, I know for sure.

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Thank You For the Music

Last night, my nephew, the son of Oscar, my late brother asked me if I knew the notes of his dad’s award winning composition Pangarap ng Musmos (Dream of the Youth) which was played over 30 years ago in an Ateneo College Music Festival. I told him I didn’t have it but if he can hear the notes, it is easy to take it down. Honestly, I haven’t heard my brother’s composition for a long time now and decided to turn it on again. As I listened to “Pangarap ng Musmos”, the tears just rolled down my cheeks as the lilting music streamed through my bedroom. As I watched a video of my brother playing Love Story on the piano, the more I sobbed. What irony! He was dying of leukemia as he played the melody.

I missed my brother so much and listening to his music made me feel he was right there in the room, playing it for me. The heartfelt passion as he played every note in the piano moved me so much. I also missed my other brother Reuben and my dad and mom. I counted 4 deaths in my family of origin. not counting my own son. Five deaths in my immediate family.

It is easy to count what we do not have.

I cannot ignore fleeting moments of nostalgia. In my sadness, I assessed what I had. I counted my blessings.

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Dealing with Death at Mom Works Lifestyle Channel


Mom’s the Word, a feature from Mom Works in the Lifestyle Channel touched on how I turned around my grief, co-founded The Compassionate Friends (support group after a death of a child) in December 2005 together with my dear friends, Cathy Babao-Guballa and Alma Miclat. The feature also shows how I started this blog on February 2006.

Read More »Dealing with Death at Mom Works Lifestyle Channel

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a mom blogger who advocates constructive engagement in issues on family & society.
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