Dedma or Dead Malice

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I had a falling out with two friends a year ago. It doesn’t matter who they are. It started because I felt the need to confront them about their accusations on a certain issue
. But no, they refused confrontation and eventually distanced themselves from me.

I grew up in an environment where direct communication is important. I feel safe around direct, honest people. They speak their minds, and we know where we stand with them. The problem with non-confrontational people are they want us to speak in circles before getting to the point. Perhaps, I am not an acrobat of words but going straight to the point comes out rude and disrespectful to them.

Just recently, I met up with these friends. Funny how time heal wounds. Perhaps because I busied myself with pertinent matters instead of delving in those issues. Perhaps because I stopped gossip from entering my life. We talked animatedly as if nothing happened. Dedma? I think so.

Dedma is the attenuated form of the English words dead malice. Dead malice, in turn, is the literal translation of the Tagalog expression, patay malisya. It is conjugated thus: dedma, dinedma, dededmahin.

Source: Dedma 101

For the sake of diplomatic relations , I practice dedma. Is it being a hypocrite? Let’s look at the definition of dedma

1) To completely ignore/feign ignorance of the existence/presence of someone/something.
2) To snub, reject, or toss in the trash.
3) To pretend deafness or blindness in order to escape a sticky situation.

Definition 1 is more appropriate to my case. There are occasions when the best way to deal with a problem is to pretend it doesn’t exist. On such occasions the practical thing is to practice the art of dedma. I believe it is an effective tool when one wants to preserve family peace. I’ve always believed that we can’t change people, places and our past but we can change our attitude. My attitude is to acknowledge that they will refuse confrontation or discussion but I will just learn to live with it.

Just the same, it helps if people are a bit more direct. Indirect people , people who are afraid to say who they are, what they want, and what they’re feeling cannot really be trusted. We don’t know what’s ticking in their minds. They will somehow act out their truth even though they do not speak it. It may catch us all by surprise. Directness saves time and energy. It lets go of martyrdom and silly mind games. It creates respectful relationships.

It feels safe to be around direct honest people. But if not, practice dedma.

What about you? Did the art of dedma ever help you in a sticky situation?

Growing up with the Puruntong-Jones family

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Dolphy’s critical condition suddenly brought me back to memory lane when John and Marsha aired weekly on RPN Channel 9 in 1973. In the early seventies, there were not many TV channels and interesting shows. Nothing much to distract a 15 year old teener. The cast always have me in stitches with their antics and funny quips.


Puruntong-Jones family(clockwise from top left Matutina, Doña Delilah G. Jones, Rolly J. Puruntong, Marsha J. Puruntong,John H. Puruntong and Shirley J. Puruntong. Photo via wikia.com)

John and Marsha TV show “starred Dolphy,Nida Blanca, Dely Atay-Atayan and Maricel Soriano with a cast of include John Purúntong (Dolphy), his wife Marsha (Nida Blanca), their children Rolly (Rolly Quizon), Shirley (Maricel Soriano). Later episodes show John-John, and the nagging mother-in-law Doña Delilah (Dely Atay-atayan). It ran every week for 17 years until 1990. ”

Growing up with Puruntong-Jones family until I had my own babies is quite a long time.

So what makes it so funny? For those who have never seen the series, wikipedia gives this short description.

Marsha Jones marries the impoverished John Purúntong much to the dismay of her wealthy mother, Doña Delilah. Although her daughter married the unemployed John, Doña Delilah often paid a visit to their house along with her maid, Matutína. When money was required, she would tell her maid Matutína to go sweep peso bills off the floor. Despite this, John rejects all the financial help Doña Delilah offers his family, the result of which is a hilarious exchange of insults between the two. The show ends with Doña Delilah’s loud catchphrase “Kayà ikáw, John, magsumíkap ka!” (“Therefore you, John, have to work hard!”) to insult John’s capability as the father of the household. They end up making amends, giving each other abrupt hugs with Doña Delilah exclaiming, “Peace man!” to proclaim peace. (Source: wikipedia)

In my teens, I could not imagine marrying someone who had no job. I found the whole show quite shallow but still fun to watch. I guess it was meant to be a satire type of entertainment. Lessons learned back then was that marriage is not simply just loving each other. One needed a stable source of income to meet daily needs of a family. Another lesson learned is laughing can be quite a stress reliever.

There are now calls to bestow Dolphy with the National Artist Award considering his outstanding contribution in the entertainment industry for decades. Dolphy played other memorable roles outside of John and Marsha.

Dolphy deserves this award. Millions of us appreciated his work for many years. Growing up with the Puruntong-Jones family was very much a part of our lives. Though technical reasons will prevent the National Commission on the Culture and Arts from giving him the award this year, things can still be fast-tracked.

““we should give it to the man who made us laugh for decades.”

Connecting to audio: via Bubbly.net & Ratsada Inquirer @dziq990

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Listen

If you want to hear my audio blog and radio show, here is the schedule.

1. Through Bubbly : Subscribe through your Globe. Dial the short code **8828 . You will hear a voice prompt telling you to press 1 to subscribe.

2. Through DZIQ 990 : Every Saturday 8:00 to 9:00 AM on AM radio DZIQ 990. Or follow on Twitter @dziq990. There is also livestreaming at dziq.am for those outside the country.

So I turned 55 years old last week with a bang! Who would think I’d embark on something so totally alien? Change can be disconcerting. Nothing endures but change.

What if I am a failure? What if it won’t work out? What if ? What if? See, I realized the key to change… is to let go of fear. It was the same feeling I got when I entered into blogging in 2006. What if no one reads me? What if? what if?

So many questions hounding me as I embark into the audio world: An audio blog at bubbly.net and as a co-host at Ratsada Inquirer at DZIQ 990 on your AM dial.

Bubbly.net

I first tried out Bubbly last month to add to my social media tools. Bubblyâ„¢ is a social messaging service where people share SMS and voice updates with friends, family, fans and followers. Think of Bubbly like ‘Twitter with a voice’ . It brings social networking to mobile phones. I first tried it out for fun because I think there are times when I won’t be able to post on twitter.

One day, I got a call from the Philippines Bubbly representative inviting me to be one of their premium celebrities along with Anton Diaz and Bo Sanchez to name a few.

This is how the app looks on your phone:

Bubbly is cool. At most you can listen to 90 seconds of update. It is neither too long nor too short.

How to listen to my Bubbly audio updates:

1. You can download the app through your iPhone or Android phone. Rates apply if you subscribe to my daily updates.

2. To subscribe to your Globe Phone, just dial **8828 and press 1 at the voice prompt . Rates apply. I believe it is 30 pesos a month.

3. You can listen to me for FREE if you are following me on Twitter since I do automatic posting there . My twitter name is @momblogger

I will be providing daily updates starting today. See, I am not used to talking so I had to practice my speaking voice on bubbly. Expect me to deliver constructive engagement in issues on family and society.

Co-hosting in Ratsada Inquirer

Ratsada sa Inquirer is an infotainment show every saturday morning 8:00 to 9:00 AM at DZIQ 990 which gives you substantive insights on the rundown of the news which happened during the week. It is hosted by Den Macaranas, veteran radio broadcaster and blogger Ricky Rivera. The latter invited me to be a co-host and discuss social media news.

I wasn’t too sure if I would be good. Since it is an AM station, it is a necessary to speak in Tagalog or Taglish. Tagalog is not my first language so I have problems with my accent and grammar. I can speak Cebuano though. During my first appearance on June 16 , I invited @tweetnirizal to join me. It turned out pretty well at least that was the feedback I got. My husband who I specifically told to stay away from the radio listened to it the whole time. He said I was good. Coming from him (my worst critic) then I believe I must have been okay .

Was it beginner’s luck? There I go again. So insecure of myself. I have to believe in myself that continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights. My only security is my ability to change.

Listen

If you want to hear my audio blog and radio show, here is the schedule.

1. Through Bubbly : Subscribe through your Globe. Dial the short code **8828 . You will hear a voice prompt telling you to press 1 to subscribe.

2. Through DZIQ 990 : Every Saturday 8:00 to 9:00 AM on AM radio DZIQ 990. Or follow on Twitter @dziq990. There is also livestreaming at dziq.am for those outside the country.

If you have ideas on content, please comment below.

Yellow Boat of Hope so no child is left behind

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What does education mean to most of us in the cities? When my kids were then going to school, it meant yelling at them at 5:00 AM to wake up so they wouldn’t be late for their school bus when it arrives at 6:00 AM. Sometimes, I would drive them to school especially during exam days. Those days seemed stressful to me just because I wake up so early in the morning. I have had it easy, I guess. For most children, it means getting up and commuting through jeepneys or tricycles. Sometimes, it meant walking to school.

But for some determined children in Isla Mababoy, Brgy. Guinhadap, Monreal, Masbate, it means getting up and wearing swimwear just to get to their class. These kids are determined to get an education because it is their only ticket out of poverty.

It is a tough swim for the kids from Isla Mababoy. It’s a 300-meter swim (around 20-30 minutes) from the island of Mababoy to the main island of Guinhadap.

Watch this video:

Yellow Boat of Hope Foundation

I have been aware of Jay Jaboneta’s Yellow boat project since April 2011. His story of seeing kids swim to school in Zamboanga and doing something to help them touched me.

It started with a Facebook wall post and soon help poured in. Yes it was a life-changing facebook wall post. In less than a year, many schoolchildren have stopped swimming to school and help did not stop there because the project gives assistance to their families and community.

The boat’s name is Bagong Pag-asa” (New Hope), to signal a new beginning for the kids in recognition of their determination to obtain an education no matter the hardship.

The Philippine Funds for Little Kids NOW known as the Yellow Boat of Hope Foundation have since provided these communities in Masbate and Zamboanga, yellow school boats . It does not stop there. The Foundation has since moved on to helping support them through provision of other school supplies, medical/dental missions to their communities, scholarships and even through livelihood programs.

The Yellow boat for kids

Thanks to Eton International School and Jacqueline Marzan Tolentino for donating one yellow boat in behalf of my name (@momblogger in twitter) . When Eton International School invited me to deliver a talk on “Parenting in the new digital age” for their 8th Leadership Awards in March, I chose the donation of a Yellow boat for the Masbate Funds for Little Kids. It is our own small way of creating more opportunities so that no child is left behind in our country.

Let me share this quote from Jay Jaboneta which reflects what they are doing:

““The great thing a little lamp can do which the big sun cannot do is to give light at night. It shows no one is superior by size but by purpose. If we cannot do great things, we can do small things in a great way. Little things make a big difference to God.”

I am such a firm believer in being part of the solution, even small steps like that facebook wall post that changed the lives of 200 kids in Zamboanga.

We are all part of the solution.

YOU are part of the solution.

If you are interested to help, visit Facebook pages of Masbate Funds for Little Kids (Isla Mababoy, Brgy. Guinhadap, Monreal, Masbate) and ZamSur Funds for Little Kids (Lakewood, Zamboanga del Sur) or Yellow Boat of Hope Foundation.

Monetary donations

Yellow Boat of Hope Foundation, Inc.
Banco de Oro – Mayor Jaldon Branch Zamboanga City
S/A no. 3170134579
BDO Swift Code BNORPHMM

For in kind donations, you can send it to Zamboanga City, where is headquartered through:

Dr. Anton Mari H. Lim, DVM
Unit 4, Dian Hap, Bldg F, Nuñez St., Zamboanga City 7000
T. N. (062) 991 0226

For any inquiries, please email Jay Jaboneta at [email protected]!

Remembering dad on Father’s day

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If my dad can only see me now, I bet he’d be proud of me. I bet he’d beam that wide smile , nod his head brimming with love. Whenever something special happens in my life, I call daddy out … “daddy look at what I am doing”. I often see this vision of my dad smiling over and over again.

I miss him so. Though he may not be here, I know he lives inside my heart and my memory bank. I carry my maiden name in honor of my dad’s memory . Much of who I am today is because of my dad. He taught me resiliency and hard work by living it. He passed on his wisdom, knowledge, love, and passion through words and action. When I saw my dad so busy attending to his various charitable work and the honors received from it, I often wondered if I could even be half of that.

I lost my mom when I was in college but dad took the role of a doting mother by visiting us often in Manila. He was never too busy for us. Always there for us.

Even until today…

Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever.

“Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.”

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The spiritual eyesight improves as the physical eyesight declines.” – Plato

To be 55 years old, my face is now marked with lines of life, put there by love and laughter, suffering and tears. There goes my vision. Certain muscles and joints ache. Things sag out of place but yeah, I don’t mind what other people think of me now not even my husband.

With age comes some wisdom and acquisition of knowledge and skills that I thought I was never capable of. It is wonderful feeling to be 55 years old.

Bucket list? i don’t really have one. I love what I do now. My children are done with college and on their way to financial independence. I found a new normal by being connected to people through ” blogging, social media engagement and socio-political advocacy . To borrow the words of my friend Jane aka @philippinebeat on twitter, it “connected me to people of all walks of life — from ordinary netizens to advocates to politicians to celebrities, some of whom I now call real friends. ”

A good friend told me today that she could never be into politics. I know social media is just a drop in the bucket in the massive media arena. But if I can plant a seed for change, why not?

Social media is a venue to engage with our leaders, and fellow citizens to provide reforms or push an idea for positive change. I find fulfillment in being part of this change. The best part about being in social media is age is not a factor. It is the respectful exchange of ideas that matter the most. I know I may be opinionated and passionate at times …but you know, I agree to disagree.

With collective minds and shared visions, I know social media will continue to spread our message forming the viral wave pushing all the way to the long-tail shores.

Starting saturday, I will co-host a radio show and will talk of social media news rundown of the week. I won’t share the station yet because I have to see if I am any good in it.

Today, I will celebrate the lessons from the past, the future of social media and the love and warmth of friends and family. I will continue to enjoy the beauty of others and their connection to me. I will celebrate all that is in my life and all that is good.

““Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.” Robert Browning

Sex, How Often?

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I happened to stumble across this article, how often should you have sex? and find it too sensational. What does one expect in an Oprah show anyway?

According to Dr. Oz, how often should you have sex?

A) Once a week
B) Twice a week
C) 10 times a month
D) 200 times a year or more

The correct answer is D.

D) 200 times a year or more

“If you have more than 200 orgasms a year, you can reduce your physiologic age by six years,” Dr. Oz says. He bases the number on a study done at Duke University that surveyed people on the amount and quality of sex they had. “They looked at what happened to folks that are having a lot of intercourse over time, and the fact is, it correlated.”

Based on the recommendation by this bogus-looking doctor, the frequency should be around 200 times a year. That would be an average of 4 times a week. He contradicts his own question by saying that 200 orgasms can make you look younger. Orgasms does not equate number of times one has sex. Women are known to have multiple-orgasms. Anyway, I’m interested to see this Duke University study. As a researcher, I’d like to know the age group ,marital status and general health condition.

It’s not the sex frequency that can reduce physiologic age by so and so years. Healthy people with an active lifestyle are inclined to have more sex and hence physiologically “younger looking”. Unhealthy, lethargic or out-of-shape people are basically less attractive and will generally have less tendency towards sex and less desire to have it. It is very likely that persons who naturally want to have more sex are probably healthier in the first place. Looking younger is all about living a healthy lifestyle and attitude and maintaining a monagomous relationship. I agree that “having sex with someone that you care for deeply is one of the ways we achieve that Zen experience that we all crave as human beings,” and that “It’s really a spiritual event for folks when they’re with someone they love and they can consummate it with sexual activity … seems to offer some survival benefit.”

Then again, I believe that “someone that you care deeply” is that one love you want to spend the rest of your lives with .

Photo: “girls, girls, girls..” by , c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved

Timothy Bradley defeated Manny Pacquiao via split decision

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Timothy Bradley defeated Emmanuel ““Manny” Pacquiao via split decision to take Pacquiao’s World Boxing Organization welterweight title at the MGM Grand Arena in Las Vegas earlier today.

In a stunning upset, the judges scored 113-115, 115-113, 113-115 in favor of Bradley, who remains undefeated.
Updated: Pacquiao loses to Bradley via split decision

A postfight analysis showed that Pacquiao landed 253 punches out of 751 thrown (34 percent). Bradley landed 159 punches out of 839 thrown (19 percent).

Pacquiao connected with 190 power punches, whereas Bradley landed 108.

Bradley himself seemed unsure of his victory.

“I have to go back to the tape and see if I won the fight,” Bradley said after the announcement.

Pacquiao’s last loss was in 2005 to Erik Morales.

Fight commentary

Bradley started aggressive and took the first round, putting Pacquiao off balance. Pacquiao soon found his range with multiple jabs and started landing his left by the second round, punctuating it with a flurry by the end of the fourth to get Bradley on the ropes. By the fifth round, Pacquiao started pulling away, his punches hitting with more weight and precision compared to Bradley’s. The Filipino champion managed to brush off Bradley’s shots while Bradley struggled to take the Pacman’s heavy hits. Pacquiao was able to finish strong each round.

Bradley wasn’t afraid to exchange blows but he got the worse of the exchanges as Pacquiao’s power overwhelmed him. Seven rounds in, Pacquiao has managed to come out on top on each flurry. Bradley put Pacquiao on the ropes again in the eighth, landing an uppercut.

In the ninth round, Bradley was still waging through with jabs but they were not as snappy as they were was in the beginning. His short uppercuts did find their way to Pacquiao’s body. Manny landed a hard left again in the last exchange, staggering Bradley.

In the tenth, Bradley mixed it up with rights to the body then a straight left, switching stances momentarily. Pacquiao slowed down momentarily, and Bradley landed a right at the end of another exchange as the round finished.

The eleventh round was highlighted by a one-two counter inside by Bradley, who was still jabbing, bringing the fight to Pacquiao. Pacquiao still landed power shots with his left. Commentators noted that Bradley needed a miracle KO punch to win entering the final round.

In the final round, Bradley began with a combination of three jabs and landed a hard hook to Pacquiao’s body, trying to keep his distance in the last. Bradley appeared content with getting out of the match on his feet, dictating the distance.

via Pacquiao loses to Bradley via split decision

Source of photo: Manny Pacquiao (left) goes on the attack against Timothy Bradley during their fight in Las Vegas on Saturday night (AFP/File, Joe Klamar)

A YEAR AGO on MAY 8, 2011


Source: New York Times

Today being Mother’s day, my husband decided to watch the live fight at home using livestreaming. He didn’t want me to be home alone on Mother’s day especially since the kids are away from home. Sad to say, our internet connection was so bad that the fight kept missing important scenes like when Mosley got knocked down. He didn’t miss much since the fight was boring anyway.

Even New York Times said so:

As Pacquiao and Shane Mosley tapped gloves, made small talk and generally engaged in a glorified sparring session, the crowd, once rowdy, once standing, once into it, simply booed.

When it ended, Pacquiao (53-3-2), the winner by unanimous decision, hung his head in victory. He did not look happy. Neither did the crowd.

A trending topic in Twitter was Jinkee Pacquiao, wife of Manny. She certainly bloomed. Thanks to Belo ?


I think it is her estimated 7 million pesos earrings that is causing the trending in Twitter.

I can’t blame her for keeping herself beautiful. It’s good for take care of oneself, especially as mother to her four children and wife to Manny. Mommy Dionisia, his mother must be proud of her son’s victory and that his son did not sustain injuries.

So that’s how we spent our lunch today. It was certainly sweet of my husband to stay home just to be with me.

So how did others react to Pacman’s win?

When Kids Hear Their Parents having Sex

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parents having sex

Parents, are you sure your kids don’t hear you when you are having sex?

I came across my daughter’s forum a 12 years ago on “have you heard your parents having sex” and their thoughts on their parents having sex.

We learn a lot from our children. It never occurred to me that our kids think we have no sex life. Just because we have reached our 40’s doesn’t mean sex life is over. I found their candid answers quite helpful and amusing. Remember, these are teens’ opinions from all over the world.

The forum question was:

I have never heard my parents have sex, and I’m pretty sure they don’t anymore. What about the rest of you? Do you ever hear them?

The replies from my daughter’s online friends who were then in their teens:

1. No. hehe. But I think it’s sweet that parents still have that passion and affection for each other.

2. I think it’s horrid enough hearing them talk about it…

3. i don’t really want to imagine parents having sex. but i hope that when i reach their stage, i would still have sex. it sucks to have no sex life.

4. Oh Lordy… I have walked in on my dad and my mom…a few years later.. I walked in on my dad and my stepmom..and I’ve heard them many, many… MANY times. There should be a law or something..

5. I’ve heard them before, really shouldn’t sleep in the bedroom right beside theirs…

6. lol. well, i would be glad that they still have sex. it’s so good they’re so loving. but i really don’t want to think about it.

7. as their kids, there are some things we just don’t need to know! and it just seems perfectly fine when we do it, no?

8. we have double standards when it comes to sex.

9.Never heard them.
Never walked in on them.
Never want to.

I’d like to thank the people who made our walls as thick as they can be for having never experienced such a horrific thing. And I knew my parents were having sex because there’s a 12 year gap between me & my next sibling!

10. I walked in on my mom and dad…and I saw more than any child should. I have walked in on my mom and step-dad as well. Funny thing is…I’ve only walked in when they were making babies in the living room. I still have the scars. Oh, and I’ve heard them a few times to. So yeah, I know my parents are still “active”.

11. i hope i’ll still be living a life full of passion and romance at that age. i wouldn’t want to be all dried up like some grandmas.

12. No, my mother and father aren’t very affectionate. And my mother sleeps with my younger brother rather than my father. sheesh. I don’t want to witness the act, but they could at least treat each other like they’re actually a couple, no?

13. i don’t think my parents do it anymore either. but one time when i was younger, i swore i caught them one saturday morning because i just busted into their room to go sleep next to them.. but i think i’m blocking that memory into some dream i had or something, haha.

14. I used to hear them .. when I was little. Not anymore. On a popular radio station called K92.. well.. popular over here… They had a special called, “Grandparents Do IT To” it was halarious.

15. I ‘ve heard it. No big deal. Frankly I’m more disturbed when I don’t hear anything. My parents aren’t aliens and I like to be constantly reassured of that fact.

16. Yes I have it was embarrassing they obviously didn’t know I was home. It was horrible my mom was talking really dirty.

17. I’ve heard my dad and my stepmother but never my mom and stepfather. I was going downstairs in the middle of the night to get a magazine I had left and I over heard them and I just scurried upstairs before anything more happened that I didn’t want to see or hear. I laughed to myself though thinking… dad still has it going on… good for him! LOL

Besides, there will be pleny of payback when I bring my girlfriend/wife home for the holidays some time in the future.

18. Nope, never heard my parents doing it…. They probably do it when I’m not around.

Now it’s my turn to say my piece on this. First of all, I don’t think my kids have ever heard us having sex. Reply number 18 is more like it. Hehe. Second, the only encounter close to sex was when one of my daughters overheard her dad say to me “it’s been awhile since we ****” (that four letter word verb…shocking) . My daughter was on her way to my room at that time. I forgot my reply to my husband but I hope I wasn’t talking dirty. Not knowing she overheard her dad, I wondered why she pushed the door and tugged my hand , “Let’s now go to the salon”. Then at the salon, “mom it’s really traumatic to hear dad asking you to have sex”.

I just had to laugh “at least we are still loving to each other. Don’t you like that?”

My daughter pouted “it’s very disturbing. Sex is for young people”

I smiled “Sex is a loving expression for couples, young and old. Especially married couples. Just learn to be cautious when you approach the door to our room”

As a young child, I often wondered why my parents required us to knock at their door. Now I realized that they also had an active sex life.

Yes children (as I know I have young readers), your parents still have an active sex life. How active? It depends, of course. Just because we are reaching 40 or 50 does not exempt us from having a healthy sex life. And the older one gets the better it becomes.

I know “ewww.” *nods*

What have I learned from their replies?

1. Parents, it’s fine to espouse sex education to our kids, if you’re comfortable with the topic.

2. Sex education doesn’t mean talking about our sex life to them.

3. It’s alright to show affection to our spouse . At least our kids know we are loving to each other.

4. It’s not okay for our kids to hear us having sex. We have to learn to lock our doors or ensure thicker walls to our rooms, and other privacy measures as some kids can get shocked.

Photo via 10000besides.com