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April 2007

A Daughter’s Crush and Fears

At the iblog 3 Summit, my daughter who was seated beside me whispered “mom, I’m beginning to like *blogger’s name*. He’s cute.”

Surprise! Surprise! Okay, I was surprised at two things :

1. Wow, she’s starting to confide again.
2. I didn’t realize *blogger’s name* is her type.

I turned towards the direction of my daughter’s affection and giggled at her ear “oh yes, I agree. he’s handsome but I didn’t know you liked him. He seems like a nice guy but..I don’t really know him that well. ”

“do you think he likes me?” she caught my wrist, motioning me to keep my voice down.

I shrugged “now why would I have that information? if *blogger’s name* liked you, why in the world would he ever tell me? I’d be the last person he’d confide to. ”

“He’s cute” she continues to gush.

***A few hours later***

She whined “Mom, I don’t think I have a chance with *blogger’s name* . I don’t think he likes me. He didn’t seem interested in a conversation”

“Don’t worry. Men can be clueless. Just be friends for now. Who knows what will happen?” I adviced her.

“Mom, I think he might be afraid of you”

“Now why would he be scared of me? If he has bad intentions, then he ‘d better be scared of me. I bite.”

I don’t blame her for thinking that way. Old feelings probably came rushing on to her.

I had the “NO BOYFRIEND TILL YOU ARE 18” rule. My daughters knew of this rule since they turned 13. I think it stemmed from my own upbringing. My parents instilled the same rule. Butch warned me that Lauren will have boyfriends like his sisters did when they were in high school. I assured my husband “Don’t worry. They won’t have any boyfriends”. So I thought Lauren would be like me , immune to guys. Despite the rule, I allowed my daughters to attend parties, hangout at the mall or receive phone calls from guys. I felt I wasn’t too restrictive despite the rule.

One day, I found out that 14 year old Lauren already had a boyfriend after the mother of the boy called me up. She wanted parental supervision. I flatly refused.

Being a control-freak mother at that time “NO OFFENSE ON YOUR SON, LAUREN CAN’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND.” My voice sounded a notch higher than usual.

That whole summer, she was grounded.

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iblog 3: Personal Blogging Success

iblog 3A few bloggers like Abe and Anton shared their blogging success to the participants of the iblog 3 on its second day. My talk on the first day was “Personal Blogging Success” ( download the powerpoint of the My Personal Blogging Success Story). But how is blog success really measured? In terms of metrics, I am just average compared to Abe and Anton. What about blog goals? Definitely yes! The primary goal of my blog is to promote “grief support in the Philippines” so others may find solace or comfort in their grief journey. Success is measured on the number of inquiries and members in The Compassionate Friends and in Cathy’s advocacy, Grief Share. Like I mentioned in the summit, the rest is just “icing on the cake”.

Ambivalent feelings rushed over me as I prepared for this talk. I think it had to do with “survivor guilt”. Yes it still hits me sometimes. Guilt. When I feel the fullness and joy of life, I feel guilty that my loved ones are not here today. I felt sadness wash over me knowing that this blog would not have existed if my son died. I wanted my dad to hear me speak in public. Dad is my idol when it comes to public speaking. It’s the reason I always put Lardizabal-Dado in my name. These fleeting moments of sadness pass as I realize that the pain has turned into wonderful blessings. It is still hard for me to say I lost my son in public without tearing. And then the guilt hit me again as I stood on the podium. I sounded so bland in my talk. I had to get my bearings so I wouldn’t bring the summit into a tearful activity. I kept saying to myself Be present to this day…this day which is precious in itself and different from any other day I have had or will have

Life is full of wonder and love and I embrace every new person I met in the [tag]iblog 3 summit[/tag]. If I forgot to mention you, blame it on my fragile brain cells.

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First Day at Iblog 3- Blogging for Newbies

laurentalk.jpgAll day yesterday, Lauren complained how she was nervous over her topic “Do’s and Don’ts of Personal Blogging for Iblog 3 Summit because it would be her first public speaking engagment. I told her not to worry and just be herself as if she were just blogging. True to form, she captured her audience with her wit and charm.Listen to Lauren’s Podcast and judge for yourself. Her powerpoint can also be downloaded as you listen to her podcast. (Warning to sensitive readers: May contain Offensive language in the Podcast Intro)

In answer to the question if I read her blog. I know Lauren has a private blog since she entered college which I don’t bother to find out but I read her public blog. Recently , I was asked if I cringe over the cuss words that she uses. Her blog is her way of expression and for me to censor it is just not right. She limits or avoids cuss words in front of us. I don’t curse myself but her dad does. So how can I tell my own daughter not to say words when her own father does it?

And I finally met Dine!

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Mini Blogging via Twitter

I poked Sexy Mom via Google Talk early this morning to start using her Twitter. You’ve probably seen a few of my trivial Twitter Updates (using the wordpress plugin, twitter tools) and my Twitter badge on the right sidebar of this blog. Twitter is an update service or similar to a social networking site that lets you ““micro-blog” or write short (140 characters) quips on what you’re currently doing. It’s a nifty tool for people like me who work most of the time on the internet. All does is ask: “What are you doing?” What I like about Twitter is that I can write the most irrelevant and mundane things without worrying if it’s blog-worthy or not. In short, Twitter is a mini-blogging tool. JAngelo wrote that someone said it can replace full-fledged blogging.

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Kids’ Special Geek Squad Agent

When there was only one computer in the house , shared by all of the family members, the computer virus eluded us. That’s because I am such an obsessive compulsive over any files invading my computer. The last time I encountered a computer virus was in 1993 (1994) due to my husband’s files from the law office. The kids know that a virus can crash the PC so at an early age, they learned to be careful. A crashed computer means no computer.

Now I don’t know why M of all people brought in a virus from the UP Psych lab. She’s quite fastidious when it comes to her computer. At first, she complained that the wifi in her dad’s laptop kept shutting down. Then when she brought her PC from the dorm , the black box exhibited the same symptons as the IBM thinkpad,

*ding ding* my mind raced. “It’s a virus”

“Mom can you fix it?”

Downloading the latest AVG proved futile. The explorer crashes as you click it. Even using online virus check crashes the browser. Any word with AVG or virus causes the computer to crash. Strange virus indeed. She can’t even view her blog entry on that weird virus.

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