Being in recovery is not about being right. It’s allowing myself to be who I am and accepting others as they are. I cannot help it if others perceive me in a positive light while others look at me as the complete opposite. One’s perception of me is based on another set of circumstances while others based it on my past mistakes.
That concept of “being right” is difficult for many of us if we have lived in systems that functioned on the “right-wrong” justice scale. The person who was right was okay while the person who was wrong was shamed. The value and worth may have depended on being right; to be wrong meant destruction of self and self-esteem.
I don’t have to stand up for myself when I know I did nothing wrong but I have the responsibility to set boundaries and take care of myself. I do not need to justify taking care of myself by condemning someone else. I avoid the trap of focusing on others instead of myself.
At first I could not figure out what Patricio Mangubat’s entry on The Genesis of Every Blogger Byte meant. I wonder what he meant when he said:
People like Butch Dado and his lovely wife Noemi, Dang, Janet, JV and all others are trying their darnest best to keep the Pinoy Blogosphere clean as a whistle but this stupid ingrate tried to spoil everything.
I never made claims about cleaning the blogosphere . I never declared any such statements in private or in public. I have no control when bloggers write positive or negative statements about me and my activities. But after much reflection, now I know what Pat Mangubat meant. It is not related to my new media publishing activities. It is all related to the blogger who sold a list to a politician which Patricio states below:
I also heard that a blogger also tried to allegedly scam his way in a popular blogger event. He reportedly made a shell company so that ad money is to be directed to this made up company instead of the organizing body. He was nearly slapped with a case but cooler heads prevailed.
Maybe he alluded that part of “cleaning” because my husband (a lawyer) helped out with a fiasco and in turn, together with some bloggers fixed the mess. ( I am not 100% sure if this is the same incident that Pat is referring to but to my knowledge, it is the only time me and my husband have ever helped out.) It was just one instance because it was a legal problem. It had nothing to do with cleaning the whole blogosphere or putting down other bloggers who monetize their blogs. I did what I believed is right and I don’t have to declare it to the world and fish for compliments or toot my horns.
In recovery, I learn that what I need to do is to be right only for me. What others do is their business and needs to be right only for them. It’s tempting to rest in the superiority on being right and in analyzing other bloggers’ motives and actions. It is more rewarding to look deeper.
I don’t have to justify what I want and need with saying something is “right” or “wrong”. I can let myself be who I am.
On other matters, this is my Final statement on the Alleged Scam and I stand by it. I’d rather focus on worthy and relevant issues, not petty and “tabloid” blogging issues.