Spend a lot of time alone? You’re not broken, and you’re not the only one. What really shapes those hours is the story you tell yourself.
Psychologist Ethan Kross, speaking on Big Think, makes a simple point: time by yourself can lift you and help you grow. Not something to fear or dodge. The rub is how we frame it.
Culture and media don’t help. Research finds they’re roughly ten times more likely to show “being alone” as negative — isolation, risk, the sad montage. That gets in our heads. We start reading solo hours as proof something’s wrong with us or our situation. And beliefs have weight. Call solitude “bad” often enough and you feel lonelier when you’re on your own. A loop forms.
Sometimes, I catch myself at home with my cat beside me while I work on my laptop for our coffee business. I get more things done. I can’t help thinking that I should go out more. Fortunately, I get to attend events for my work as Columnist for The Manila Times.
The science offers a way out. Come to alone time with an open mind and it can be nourishing on purpose. People who expect benefits from solitude tend to report more positive feelings while they’re in it. Mindset matters. It can turn a tough stretch into space for self-discovery, creativity, calm.
So, rethink what “alone” is. Not an absence, but a basic human experience. Quiet minutes to sort through thoughts without judgment. To rest or meditate. To reconnect with what truly moves you. That’s when ideas surface, problems come into focus. Resilience builds. Self-reliance too. You get a clearer view of your values and goals.
Maybe don’t rush to fill every gap in the day. Leave a few open on purpose. When we shift the story toward what solitude can offer, a lot of the needless worry softens. You make room for growth, steadier well-being, and a more mindful rhythm to your social life. Next time you land in a quiet moment, treat it as an invitation: reflect, make something small, or just sit with your own company, easy and present.
