Do you know that when I just want to relax, I watch funny or entertaining youtube videos? It takes my mind off work, gives me a lot of laughter to just be and let worries go away for the moment. Even just the expectation of a mirthful laughter involved in watching funny videos has some very surprising and significant neuroendocrine/hormone effect. Experiments showed that viewing a favorite funny video can offset symptoms of chronic stress, which can suppress various components of the immune responses, particularly those related to anti-viral and anti-tumor defenses. See, that’s why I look forward to my entertainment breaks.

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“Ever since I was born, Daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine. And I just wanted to say I love him — so much.” — Jackson’s daughter, Paris-Michael, who broke down in tears.”

Photo Credit via

I gaze at the TV as I see the casket of Michael Jackson as it is being wheeled out of Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Hollywood Hills en route to the Public Memorial at Staples Center. Bedtime beckons me but there is one part of me that wants to watch the live coverage of Michael Jackson Memorial . To keep myself awake, I will write about the creative use of grief.

I know not all of you are Michael Jackson fans but I am a Michael Jackson fan so excuse me for blabbing away. Yes, he might not be a family member and my grief is so negligible compared to the devastating loss his family is experiencing. Nevertheless, grief is an emotion. We all had lost someone dear to us and even if the person is not a family member, the grief experience is very real. I established a connection with him through his music during my teen years in the seventies. I bet most fans feel the same way. No wonder you see the outpouring of grief. His music just touched their lives as it did mine in those crucial teen years.

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Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
love leaves a memory no one can steal.
~From a headstone in Ireland

Lisa Marie Presley is obviously in grief. She is devastated. In her heart-wrenching blog entry, He Knew, Lisa is gutted and feels like she could have done more for her ex-husband, Michael Jackson.

14 years later I am sitting here watching on the news an ambulance leaves the driveway of his home, the big gates, the crowds outside the gates, the coverage, the crowds outside the hospital, the Cause of death and what may have led up to it and the memory of this conversation hit me, as did the unstoppable tears.

A predicted ending by him, by loved ones and by me, but what I didn’t predict was how much it was going to hurt when it finally happened.

The person I failed to help is being transferred right now to the LA County Coroners office for his Autopsy.

All of my indifference and detachment that I worked so hard to achieve over the years has just gone into the bowels of hell and right now I am gutted.

I am going to say now what I have never said before because I want the truth out there for once.

Our relationship was not “a sham” as is being reported in the press. It was an unusual relationship yes, where two unusual people who did not live or know a “Normal life” found a connection, perhaps with some suspect timing on his part. Nonetheless, I do believe he loved me as much as he could love anyone and I loved him very much.

I wanted to “save him” I wanted to save him from the inevitable which is what has just happened.

His family and his loved ones also wanted to save him from this as well but didn’t know how and this was 14 years ago. We all worried that this would be the outcome then.

At that time, In trying to save him, I almost lost myself.

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Why does it take a minute to say hello and forever to say goodbye?
~Author Unknown

The Michael Jackson I knew, loved and grew with during my teen years in the seventies

Screaming headlines are plastered all over. Michael Jackson, pop music legend, dead at 50. Michael Jackson, an icon of my generation. How we often played the music of the Jackson 5 during high school parties in the Martial Law years. I had all his records from Got To Be There, Ben, Music and Me, Forever Michael and even played some songs in the Yamaha organ or piano. I am one of his fans. The Michael Jackson in the seventies. I am saddened of his death because he played an important role in my youth, you know those moments when his music just lifted my spirits. They were my comfort songs during those days when being a teen was just rough ranging from unrequited (puppy) love, strict parents and snooty high school batchmates.

I’m aware that Michael Jackson has been known to be a weirdo and child molester who changed his skin color and appearance into that of a white woman. I don’t fully understand the circumstances of this strange shift in his looks. His looks have changed indeed but his music is there for keeps.

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