On second chances

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A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. ~Anne Taylor Fleming

The news did not surprise me , that James Yap will fight for his marriage and even tells Kris not to give up . He read his statement in Filipino and in a humble demeanor ““I believe in the importance of having an intact family…That’s why I will fight to keep my family with Kris intact whatever happens.

““I know that every family encounters tests like these,” he continued. ““Kris and I have made it through such tests before and I don’t think that this would be the right time for us to surrender [to such tests].”

So why was I not surprised? I have told you before that just like Kris, I too gave up on my marriage. Really, I would not have taken a second chance if my husband didn’t work things out. Uh, he literally wooed me back.

Five years ago, grief had overtaken us so much that we were virtually strangers to each other. Never in my wildest dream did I imagine myself with a broken ankle as I stepped inside my new pad. I had no choice but to live with him and work things out. Truly God works in mysterious ways. It was as if God said ” you can’t run away from your marriage. Try to fix it. Give it a second chance”.

I have written about it before, that second chances are possible if….

1. The person who has caused you hurt is willing to make amends and to sit down and compromise.

2. Boundaries are set. One can’t repeat the same mistake all over again but at the same time one must be aware that we should also give allowances for recovery to take place.

3. You love yourself. I’d like to believe that “You cannot give what you do not have.” I find that I am a better wife, a better mother, a more compassionate friend, after I have spent time nurturing myself.

4. You are open to the positive possibilities of the future instead of limiting the future by today’s feelings and circumstances.

5. You forgive. When we hold on to pain, old grudges, bitterness and even hatred, many aspects of our lives suffer. Through forgiveness, you choose to no longer define yourself as a victim.

I speak only for myself from lessons learned. The scar from the operation is a reminder that second chances are possible.