Your mother is always with you

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A mother will always be a mother. Somewhere in my kitchen is a cross-stitched frame “The mother’s heart is the child’s schoolroom. ”

my children

I tear as I write this blog post. I teared when I recorded my bubbly audio post that I had to retake it three times. I ‘m not too good with words . I only know what is in my heart. Though I don’t get to see or talk to my two girls that often, I pray everyday that they are healthy, safe and happy.

There are many mothers like me who can’t be with their children and many children who can’t be with their mothers on Mother’s day. You can listen to my audio post below:

The text of the poem is as follows:

Your Mother is always with you.
She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street.
She’s the smell of certain foods you remember, flowers you pick and
perfume that she wore.
She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not feeling well.
She’s your breath in the air on a cold winter’s day.
She is the sound of the rain that lulls you to sleep, the colors of a
rainbow. She is Christmas morning.
Your Mother lives inside your laughter.
She’s crystallized in every teardrop.
A mother shows every emotion ………. happiness, sadness, fear,
jealousy, love, hate, anger, helplessness, excitement, joy,
sorrow… and all the while, hoping and praying you will only know the good
feelings in life. She’s the place you came from, your first home, and she’s
the map you follow with every step you take.
She’s your first love; your first friend, even your first enemy, but
nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space…not
even death!

Author: unknown

Maybe I tear because I have parenting regrets that I cannot undo . Perhaps, it is because I miss shopping with them or having them curl up in bed. There are no regrets that I gave up my career to be their full-time mother , watching them grow to be beautiful, compassionate and smart girls. My proudest mom moment was when my children taught me to be a better mom. There is so much joy in being a mother from the time my kids grew up from being a baby to their adult twenty-something years of age.

me and daughters1

I love being the new me because of my children.

I often ask myself if I have loved my children enough and done the best job that I possibly can. Then as human nature goes, I remember the mistakes that I made and how they might have hurt my children. I did pick up the pieces and tried to be better. Yet I never stopped loving my children even in the times when I seemed distant. My children have been a witness to my struggle and the new me. I am so proud that they taught me a lot. I am proud that they are my children. When I think of them, tears roll down because they make me happy.

I wish they will always be with me to love and to hold but I know at the same time, I should just step back and watch then fly high and free.

mommy

My mom died when I was only 19 years old but throughout the years, she has always been with me… Mom will always be with me. My girls also know that their mom will always be with them. Wherever they may be, their mother is always be with them.

When the children leave

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I miss my babies, my children.

my children

My home has been a semi-empty nest since 2010 when my second child flew to Australia to work then eventually taking her post-graduate studies. During college, they lived in dorms close to their school in Quezon City when we used to live in Makati. That wasn’t too bad because I saw them once a week.

Nothing hits hard when the last child finally leaves home. My eldest daughter moved to her condominium on May 1. She had been paying for her “shoebox” as she calls it since she was 22 years old. I am proud that she is a property owner at so young an age . The fact that she saved a huge portion of her salary to invest in this property the last three years or so is quite an achievement.

My second daughter moved to Germany on April 30 and is officially an OFW. I am just as proud of her academic achievements and getting a job in Europe for the next three years. At her age, I traveled around Europe. The difference is , she gets to work there. She is truly blessed.

I have been preparing for this but when the day finally came, it hits a raw nerve. I would always whine during their last few months at home…”Oh you are leaving me. I will miss you”.

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for them. Children should learn to be independent from their parents as soon as they are able to. I wanted them to feel that they can survive on their own, yet having their parents close by. My mom died of breast cancer when I was a teen-ager. If that should have happened to me, I did not want them to feel helpless. Though I lived on my own after college, I felt my girls lived a sheltered life. I prepared them for it. They slept with me on the family bed till they left for college. It is a nice warm feeling having them close in my arms. The family bed ritual gave them a feeling of security as they ventured on their own.

I have long accepted that my children are riding off into their own future, maybe as shakily or as steadily as when they rode the first bike I gave them. Maybe it is my turn to have this shaky feeling at times.

I have no regrets. As a full-time homemaker , I gave up a career and took care of them during their growing years.

I am grateful for blogging which gives me an avenue to pursue a passion, doing something good for the country and the future of my children. It offers a distraction from the loneliness that hits me hard during this time of the month.

my-family-with-luijoe

I can’t suppress this pang of sadness and loneliness because it is Luijoe’s 13th angel date, today.

If Luijoe were alive, I would still have a child around the house because he would only be 19 years old.

If Luijoe were alive, he would probably be with me, hugging me every now and then till he is 23 years old until he decides to travel abroad like my second daughter did.

If Luijoe were alive, the sound of a child’s footsteps on the hallway and cries of “mom” would still fill the air.

If. if…it is my grief talking and knowing that love never dies … and the sadness of having no children at home at times like these. Oh well, there are my two cats, the two helpers and my husband to keep me company.

I know this crushing sense of grief is just for today.

Tomorrow will be better.

candle-lighting

Never an Empty Nest in Cyberspace

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Good news for any mother dreading the empty nest: A little bird told us it’s not so bad.

skypetalk
“Adolescence is perhaps nature’s way of preparing parents to welcome the empty nest.” -Karen Savage and Patricia Adams

The pitter-patter of footsteps appear to be slowly fading now. ““Mom, I’m home” is just an echo down memory lane. Times like these make me wish that the house is still alive with the noisy chatter and delightful squeals of little children. The girls are all done with college. One is now based in Australia, and my eldest daughter may soon move in to her new condominium once the development is completed.

I always believed in instilling independence in my children, so I thought it best for them to experience semi-independence by living in a dormitory. When L was a college freshman seven years ago, she moved in to her dormitory in Quezon City even if our home was just in Makati City. Oh, the withdrawal pangs! The impact of the empty nest left me in a teary sentimental disposition during the first week. Although M, my second daughter, was around, this was the first time a child left for a long period of time. Pretty soon, both girls were both residing in dormitories. As Butch, my husband, and I sat by the dinner table, he held my hand and sighed ““We’re alone.” I hugged him and could only mutter to say ““This is a preview of our empty nest.” This temporary transition, though uncomfortable, did wonders to our marriage since we had more time to go out on dates and get involved with our advocacy. Along the way, I found out that the empty nest is really not that bad after all as I discovered real-time tools for communicating with my daughters.

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