Time-Card-225x300I’m sure that most people reading this article has either been exasperated that someone is avoiding giving you time for something you want them to do, or have themselves avoided doing something for someone else, citing time issues. Among Filipinos, this habit can reach epic proportions, and may, in fact, be the root cause of many social issues today.

The inability to say “No”
The first facet of this habit of finding ways to avoid doing something is rooted in the Filipino inability to directly say “no.” That’s because for the Pinoy, that can be tantamount to admitting that they are lacking in some sort of skill. It’s so deeply ingrained that there isn’t really a true word for “no” in the Filipino language – “hindi” comes close, but it has so many shades and nuances that it usually has to be expounded on.

This sometimes works to the Pinoy’s advantage, in that if they don’t want to do something, it’s easy to come up with an ambiguous way of saying that there is no time, it can’t be done, or that it shouldn’t be done, even.

And yet, when a Pinoy wants to do something… you don’t even have to finish your sentence. “Sige” is great, “oo” even better, and if the person simply asks what the requirements and deadline is in an enthusiastic manner, you know that stuff will be done.

System and structure
When dealing with “can/can’t do” situations in the Philippines, you should also check if your request may actually have an issue with the overall situation.

On the most objective level, Pinoys don’t like rocking the boat. And if that means that your request may cause them to do things that may raise eyebrows, or at the very least isn’t what they normally do, there’s a good chance that they may put up excuses to the effect that it can’t be done, it needs clearance, or it needs much more time than your request requires. Depending on how strict or traditional the structure or system in place is, it shouldn’t come as a surprise if you have to go through some clearance hoops and formal letters of request (triple-approved, no doubt), before something will be done.

And if it’s on a personal level, the same thing applies: anything out of the comfort zone is usually met with some sort of excuse. If you’re thinking that this may in part be the “indolence of the Filipinos,” then you would be right. Pinoys aren’t necessarily lazy as they calculate if it’s worth doing something.

However, if you think that that is the dark side, then you would be very wrong.Money Hand

The dark side of system and structure issues is that Pinoys easily fall into corrupt practices, given this mindset. In other words: you want them to move? Then all you have to do is grease the wheels. Preferably with cash and gifts.

It all starts, again, with that Pinoy thing about not rocking the boat. However, some Pinoys, being, ahem, enterprising, will make it profitable for them to accede to certain requests. The sad part is, they probably won’t find a shortage of people wanting to take advantage of the shortcut they offer.

Of course, some people will ask: why not change the system? Well, the answer to that is that it’s a bit of a closed loop, in the sense that since the system or structure is traditional… cultural inertia makes changes difficult. And given that some (all right, many) people in the system are profiting from the use of shortcuts, it will be even more difficult to institute changes.

Avoidance
Another reason why Pinoys can and will find ways to not do something is the simple matter of avoiding responsibility. It is becoming more common in local culture that people who just keep their heads down will usually have reasonably quiet lives. So again, why rock the boat? This makes people strict about what they will do or not do. After all, there are many stories of people who stuck their neck out for someone, only to find themselves in more trouble, be it figurative in the sense of more administrative paperwork to do, or in a literal sense, as their jobs or even their lives may be at risk.

However, even if it sounds like Pinoys really just don’t want to do anything, there’s a flip side to the Filipino story of “pag may time.”

Asking too much
The problem, on the other hand, is that Pinoys do tend to ask rather big favors. On one hand, a misplaced sense of Pinoy pride will also prevent some people from asking help until the favor will become something that’s very big, and will entail a lot of issues on the side of the person being asked a favor from. On another point, it’s also about how Pinoys love to “lean” on people whom they know they can ask favors from, so much so that for many Pinoys, a request is a balance between authority of the one asking and the amount of work and hassle it will entail from the one to whom the request is directed.

Business is personal
In Filipino culture, there is no such thing as an impersonal request. All requests are, on some level, personal in nature. To request something implies that you either have authority over the other person, or that you know the person – and for Pinoys, authority is very much related to knowing the other person, if only on a perfunctory basis.

What to do
As you can see, the act of asking something from someone in the Philippines can become rather complicated. At the shallowest, a refusal can certainly be borne out of laziness and not wanting to do something that can raise eyebrows.

However, as the request becomes more important and larger in scope, it’s a good idea to look, also, at the situation as it relates to the person you are making a request to. If you can figure out how to phrase your request properly, then you should have minimal issues that you can negotiate or even handwave with what you are asking from someone else.

So if you get hit by the “pag may time” term while asking a favor from someone, all you have to do is find a way to make the request more acceptable – and if you really think that it’s all just about being lazy, then at least you know whom not to ask a favor from next time.

A fool and his money
Photos:
“Time Card,” by Matti Mattila, c/o Flickr.Com
“Money Hand,” by Neubie, c/o Flickr.Com
“A Fool and His Money.” by David Goehring, c/o Flickr.Com

 

By Richard Leo Ramos Philippine Online Chronicles.

 

“A food tour at the Farmers’ market in Cubao”?

“Resource person”?

My mind could not wrap itself to the idea of being a food tour guide. I was thinking, hmm…I rarely get invited  as a resource person when it comes to food. To think that I have a large and organic reach at my Pinoy Food Community on facebook.  I am usually invited as resource person for political commentaries, social media and digital parenting .  This was different.

Yes, food tour guide for the US embassy staff.

Oh no, I thought again. That means, I need to know the English translation for the Tagalog ingredients. Google is my savior.

Two days before the food tour, I received a call that the US embassy staff included the US Ambassador Sung Kim and Emma Nagy, the Deputy Press Attaché . How exciting , I thought.  I had wanted to meet the new ambassador two weeks ago when he addressed the YSEALI youth leaders but I couldn’t make it .

Sunday , the day at the Farmers’ market.  I arrived ahead of time to check out the market. It’s  been awhile since I last bought my ingredients in this wet market.  It is not as stinky as most public markets are  . Thank goodness .  I love the wide aisles, the variety of goods sold by the vendors and how organized each section was. The goods sold at the farmers’ market here are so much cheaper than the Sunday markets or at my local grocer.

What greets you by the entrance across the flower market are the fruit vendors.  You can source your  12 round fruits for New Year’s eve here. There is so much variety like the honeydew melons, watermelons, longgans, guava, orange varieties, grapes, apple varieties, chico, pears, and not so round fruits like papaya, pineapple, and mangoes.

A centralized weighing scale reassures me that I get the right weight for my purchases.

Shortly before 9:30 AM,the Deputy Press Attaché and  Ambassador Sung Kim arrived with his wife, two daughters and a friend. It’s great to see their enthusiasm.  The market is the best place to understand the culture of any country.

Everyone was eager to shop. First stop was the kakanin area where the suman, rice cakes, and leche flan were sold. The ambassador was convinced to buy the Leche flan when Emma told him that she also bought one.

I told the ambassador that leche flan is similar to the Crème brûlée . I explained that the ideal leche flan  has very little syneresis, that is, no weeping (or lots of holes in it!).

Then we  passed by the vegetable section. One of the daughters spotted the “sitaw” (string beans). She remembers eating adobong sitaw when she visited the Philippines. It happens to be the favorite veggie dish of my daughter.  The ambassador proudly announced that he plans to cook  adobong sitaw that night.

Mrs. Kim was amused at the fresh “suahe”(moderately sized shrimps) …so fresh that they literally jumped off the basin.  The ambassador shows off his purchase of a kilo of “Suahe”.

The next stop was the rice section. She wanted to buy Japanese rice ..The light, fluffy, and slightly sticky when cooked is ideal for rice toppings and even for Paella (if you like your rice to have some stickiness).

The we dropped by “Itlog ni Tikya” . The owner recognized the ambassador and wanted a photo op with him. She plans to put the photo in her facebook page. The ambassador bought the quail eggs. Great for side dishes. I usually add quail eggs on my sauteed veggies.

The last stop was the fruit stalls. I told the ambassador that we get a lot of fruit imports from China, and America.  I pointed him to the Sagada Oranges  which are in season from September-February . The best ones are picked fresh in December. What great timing! Sagada oranges cost 50 pesos per orange. These oranges are really sweet.

It was time to say our goodbyes . It was a pretty short food tour but I am glad I was able to talk to him about a universal theme : food.  Maybe we will meet again in a social media event.

What a productive day. I got to meet the friendly US ambassador and his family and I ended up shopping for my weekly menu. There are so  many reasons to love Farmers’ market in Cubao.   This mini food tour allowed me to rediscover the variety of produce at the Farmers’ market . I will buy the Curacha (red frog crab) from Zamboanga  and the ube (purple yam) so I could prepare Ube Halaya.

Till my next visit.

 

 

This planner became known among buyers and bloggers as The Change Journal.

2017 planner

If you are in the lookout for a 2017 planner, I highly recommend “This Journal Will Actually Change Someone’s Life 2017!” It will not only change someone’s life but yours as well.  Remember my 2016 Change Journal?

2017 planner

In 2008, FreeSpeech Publications started publishing a planner called “This Journal Will Actually Change Your Life.” They peppered it with interesting facts, unusual holidays, action blurbs, mood charts, reminders for quarterly check-ups, self-empowerment tips, expense trackers, life-changing coupons, bucket lists and a whole lot more—knowing that daily planners could actually help people keep track of their days, and their lives. They also published organizers that would keep you…well, organized. But their planner has a difference. It doesn’t just change your life by helping you, but, proceeds from the sales of this planner goes towards the education initiatives of Lifeline Foundation Support Team, Inc.

And CHANGE is exactly the theme of the 2017 Journal.

“Change is HERE, change is NOW. Life is HERE, life is NOW.”

From the back cover

“This year is your year to believe the truth that Life is in the here and now. 2017 is the year to stop waiting for circumstances to be perfect before you begin to LIVE the LIFE you choose. The 2017 Change Journal affirms that we human beings are far more powerful than we realize everyday. It will help you to begin living now, by changing the things that need to be changed, by starting the things that need starting—whether you take tiny steps or monumental leaps, the time is now. The operative, energy-filled, dynamic word is NOW. Life is now here. Believe in your own power.

This planner also changes other people’s lives. Proceeds from this journal go to Lifeline Foundation Support Team, Inc, whose initiatives include helping scholars get an excellent education, organizing medical missions to remote and underserved areas, and a whole lot more. Be part of the change! Visit them at www.ineedalifeline.org.

You can purchase the planner at Free Speech Publications,

Te  Amo Floristeria prides itself in being the pioneer luxury floral boutique in the Philippines. They have a flagship store in Bonifacio Global City (G/F Active Fun Bldg, 9th Ave, Bonifacio Global City) 

Running out of ideas on what to give a special someone? I got a wreath for my mother-in-law because I thought it would look good in her nice, cozy country home up in the mountains.

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Handmade from scratch , this beautiful and festive wreath is made with traditional pinecones and snowy fragrant wax flowers . The wreath base is made from real and aromatic Evergreens. It’s going to remain  as charming even when dried. I love the idea of keeping the dried wreath , serving as a home decor for the rest of the year or just keeping it for the next Christmas season.

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If you are in the lookout of charming gift ideas, I recommend flowers  that will surely touch the heart of  your loved one. Sending a delightful arrangement to complete a Christmas table or holiday display of your loved one’s home will surely warm their hearts.

The Te Amo Floristeria’s Holiday Collection is a good place to start.

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Dear Santa Naughty or nice, everybody deserves to be in the festive mood. Let Santa’s traditional outfit take you on a nostalgic path with this scarlet and white fresh arrangement. For an extra seasonal touch, we’ve also added some berries to go with the roses & calla lilies. You can opt to have this bouquet in a glass vase for a yuletide display in your home.

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Toast to the Holidays It’s the season to spoil those we love. Delight them with this lavish fresh flower box along with a fine bottle Grande Cuvée Sparkling Champagne. You may also customize your box with preserved blooms guaranteed to last up to three to five years. Now that’s an impressive gift

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Send your warm greetings with this bottle Grande Cuvée adorned with Te Amo’s signature luxe blooms- perfect to give for those yearly gatherings with family and friends. You can also bring in your bottle of choice and let us customize your blooms and send it out with a thoughtful message from you.

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All I Want Make your personal gifts exceptionally stand out. Let us spruce up your present by adorning it with fresh or preserved blooms of your choice. Simply bring your gift and leave it up to us to create an enchanting display that is sure to make a lasting impression.

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December to Remember This festive arrangement is the epitome of chic. Sumptuous reds, rich burgundy and deep green tones make this fresh bouquet a sophisticated gift for someone special.You may also opt to have this arrangement in a box, in a vase, or hand-tied with a ribbon for maximum simplicity

Give them the gift of elegance & simplicity of a dreamy white Christmas with this fresh ox of white Ecuadorian Roses, Carnations, and Berries accented with pinecones in your box of choice. Let this classic box add that holiday charm to their home.

Give them the gift of elegance & simplicity of a dreamy white Christmas with this fresh ox of white Ecuadorian Roses, Carnations, and Berries accented with pinecones in your box of choice. Let this classic box add that holiday charm to their home.

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Scarlet Snow: Handmade from scratch, impress your visitors with this beautiful and festive wreath of scarlet red Ecuadorian roses with traditional pinecones and snowy fragrant wax flowers. The wreath’s base is made from real and aromatic Evergreens and remains as charming even when dried. It’s the perfect way to extend a warm wel come this season.

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Our Christmas arrangements are lovingly created by our team of florists and personally delivered with your hand-written Christmas notes. Thank you for letting us be a part of your holidays.

So yeah, have a Blooming Christmas from Te Amo Floristeria with these flowers.

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Contact details:

Address: Ground Floor, Active Fun Building, 28th Avenue Corner 9th Avenue., Taguig, Global city, 1634 Metro Manila, Philippines
Phone: +63 2 886 6888

Christmas gift ideas? Shop for Christmas Gifts with Purpose  at the BPI Sinag ng Pasko Christmas Bazaar on December 6 at the Glorietta Activity Center, Glorietta Mall, Makati City.

I love to give Christmas gifts that are locally crafted by small and medium scale enterprises. There is a lot of heart in it. If you are like me, you find beautiful gift items from social enterprises that help Filipino communities at the BPI Sinag ng Pasko Christmas Bazaar happening on December 6, 2016 at the Glorietta Activity Center, Glorietta Mall, Makati City.

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Many of these social enterprises have been part of BPI Foundation’s iconic BPI Sinag Business Challenge, a program that aims to support and scale-up businesses with the triple bottom line – people, planet, and profit. The Sinag ng Pasko Christmas bazaar, which is now on its second year, is one of the opportunities organized by BPI Foundation to help social enterprises reach out to new market.

With a wide range of goodies that include food and beverage, toys, personal care an home products, fashion and tech accessories, you will be sure to find something to give the important people in your life.

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Here is a list of social enterprises participating at the BPI Sinag ng Pasko Christmas Bazaar.

Food and Beverage

  1. Balangay’s Best – seafood snacks and other food items made by fisher folk communities from Bantayan, Cebu
  2. Bayani Brew – brewed iced teas made from all-natural, native ingredients — curiously yummy, ridiculously healthy, and proudly homegrown
  3. Dalareich Chocolates – native chocolate solids made from pure roasted cacao from Bohol
  4. First Harvest – a proudly-Filipino brand, that uses choice ingredients to whip up healthy and delicious food products such as peanut butters and coco jam
  5. GoldenducK – premium salted eggs that use an all natural turmeric dye to give their salted duck eggs a bright yellow hue, instead of the carcinogenic Sudan red dye used in others, and uses 50% less salt than traditional salted duck eggs. They also make duck patties and sisig
  6. Good Food Co. – brings fresh and ethically sourced organic produce from smallholder farmers to kitchens
  7. Hiraya Chocolates – single-origin chocolate bars and chocolate products from cacao beans sourced around the Philippines
  8. Kalsada Coffee – Philippine specialty coffee that aims to support Filipino coffee producers and their dedicated efforts to bring quality coffee to market.
  9. Kayumanggi Organics – wild ginger teas sourced from local farmers from Surigao del Sur and Aurora.
  10. KKK Coffee – coffee products and café that seeks to promote Philippine coffee, not only from bean origins, but also to recipes and to brand
  11. Nutri Delight Delicacies – innovative nutritious delicacies from all over the Philippines
  12. Obrano – hand stitched goods made from genuine leather and handwoven textiles
  13. Saka Brew – premium roasted rice and corn coffee
  14. STEEP Coffee – coffee blends without the need for anything more than boiling water
  15. Theo and Philo – chocolate bars made from cacao from Davao and sugar from Bacolod.
  16. Tsaa Laya – premium line of organic herbal teas

Toys and Games

  1. Karaw Craftventures – a design hub that upcycles scrap materials into artisanal products made by the inmates of the Naga City jail
  2. Plush and Play – safe, environmentally-friendly and educational toys
  3. Civil Defense Board Game – a simulation table top board game that introduces the basics of disaster risk reduction and humanitarian action to players with or without any background in disaster risk reduction or humanitarian work.

Bags

  1. Akaba – timeless, high quality and high value travel bags from handwoven textiles
  2. Bag 943 – for every purchase made of these backpacks, another bag is given to an impoverished school kid in the Philippines
  3. Gouache – stylish specialty waxed canvas bags for the active, artistic urbanites and the adventure lovers
  4. Gugu Bags – backpacks for adventurers, woven in Albay and Camarines Sur, and designed and sewn in Naga City by Filipino artisans
  5. Jacinto and Lirio – multi-functional, handcrafted, and stylish leather goods such as wallets, bags, journals, and laptop sleeves, sustainably made from water hyacinth

Clothes, Shoes, and Accessories

  1. Anthill Fabric Gallery – scarves, jackets, skirts, and other contemporary lifestyle products made from Philippine weaves
  2. Habi Footwear – environment-friendly, stylish and comfortable espadrilles and sandals
  3. Klowil – t’nalak woven by the T’boli weavers of South Cotabato
  4. La Herminia Weaving – handwoven cloth from indigenous fibers like piña, silk, abaca, and cotton
  5. Risque Designs – a Filipino lifestyle brand that brings forth modernity and luxury with its meticulously hand-crafted ready-to-wear and ready-for-runway footwear pieces

Personal Care and Home Products

  1. Messy Bessy – natural, biodegradable, non-toxic personal care and home products
  2. MNL Grow Kits – “agriculture in a box” products that lets you grow your own plants from the comfort of your home
  3. Solar Solutions – provider of renewable energy solutions products and services

Assorted Products

  1. Angie’s Yakan Cloth – handwoven yakan cloth, table runners, wall decors, coasters, placemats,pillow cases, bags
  2. Caritas Margins – a variety of fashion accessories, personal care, and food products made by Caritas Manila’s urban poor farmers
  3. Gifts and Graces – fair-trade bags, toys, and accessories
  4. GREAT Women – food items and spices, textiles and silk-based goods, and high-fashion jewelry and accessories
  5. Roots Katipunan – woven bags and artisanal products

Support our Filipino Artisans! Save the Date! December 6, 2016 at the Glorietta Activity Center, Glorietta Mall, Makati City.

Learn more about the BPI Sinag ng Pasko Christmas Bazaar by following BPI Foundation on Facebook .

UPSTART, a Filipino board game is changing the way people learn business. As early adopters and backers, those who pledge through Kickstarter will get to own the game before its commercial release and below retail price. Back UPSTART today. Click here to preorder.

UPSTART Filipino board game

“Entrepreneurship is neither a science nor an art. It is a practice.” – Peter Drucker, management consultant, educator, and author.

Did you know that 8 out of 10 entrepreneurs who start businesses fail within the first 18 months? A whopping 80% crash and burn. When it comes to business, most people will tell you fail fast, and then learn. But the truth is… FAILING HURTS.

UPSTART Filipino board game

There is a new Pinoy board game that launched on October 15 on Kickstarter,  which is set to transform how people experience starting and sustaining a business without the risk. UPSTART, a table-top role playing game (RPG) by Richard Dacalos and Lorena Flores, was created to empower entrepreneurs and challenge the reality that 120,000 businesses fail every day. UPSTART is a board game that simulates the UPS and DOWNS of setting up and sustaining a business. It equips players with the tools & insights to have them take their business to the next level. Players learn lifelong lessons in an environment of fun, collaboration and play.

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“You can’t grow a business in a silo so there’s bound to be failure, and it’s from failure that the best entrepreneurs learn to be successful.” adds Flores , a senior marketing strategist and head of creatives for UPSTART. “One reason we created UPSTART was to practice failure… without really failing. We wanted a safe and fun environment where we can uncover our blind spots, our decision-making biases, our strengths and
weaknesses.”

At an event with bloggers, Flores showed us how to play the board game.  Jane, my partner in Prep2Prime Digital and I teamed up to simulate the game.

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Our character background is full-time entrepreneur. One round depicts weekly decisions and goals in real life . Each team was given 50 hours and 3000 cc (the currency in UPSTART).

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You then roll and navigate through the board and make choices or deal with chance. Chance is dictated by various cards like life, breakdowns and breaks (opportunities).

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The actions simulate real life : (1) Life and general actions, (2) General business conditions, (3) Revenue generation and (4) followers and reputation. Since Jane and I have followers and some reputation, we thought it best to focus on revenue generation and taking care of ourselves and family.

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This game is an eye opener to me even if I have masteral units in Business Administration and was once a consultant for small and medium enterprises.  I realized that our consultancy has a long way to go in revenue generation and that our strategy should focus on it.

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The UPSTART was initially a private board game played among colleagues, but it began getting noticed when players had success applying lessons they learned in the game to real life.
After two years of testing and product development, seven major game iterations, and more than four hundred players from different backgrounds – from aspiring entrepreneurs to business mavens, from students to corporate professionals, from the Philippines to South Africa – the game is ready to be shared with the world.

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“The Kickstarter campaign will give us the ability to scale-up our production and ship worldwide,” says Dacalos.  They need to raise $35,000 though. Based on their calculations and conversations with the multiple suppliers, this is the bare minimum needed to mass produce the game and deliver worldwide.

Dacalos and Flores hope to empower entrepreneurs all over the world to beat the status quo, and shorten their business learning curve.

As early adopters and backers, those who pledge through Kickstarter will get to own the game before its commercial release and below retail price. Back UPSTART today. Click here to preorder.

When I think of family, I remember my dad. I think of the family values he passed on to me which have been treasured and passed on for many generations already. One such value is Pagpapahalaga sa Pamilya, putting importance on family. I remember how he took on two jobs just to provide for us. I recall how he volunteered his services for elections’ quick count, for the church, charity and other civic organizations. I wished dad involved the whole family for his advocacy. Usually, I just tag along and watch him organize his activities. The thought entered my mind when I saw the winners of the 6th Jollibee Family Values Awards (JFVA) . Jollibee recognized families who can be considered as everyday heroes, families who truly exemplify how the power of Filipino family values can nurture and continue building a nation that can sail through the various challenges, calamities and adversities.

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Exemplary Filipino honored at the 6th JFVA winning families include: Mr. Rommel and Mrs. Analy Basa and family of Capiz, champions of the environment and sustainable livelihood for their community; Mr. Donato and Mrs. Merlita Bumacas and family of Nueva Ecija, dedicated to protecting and upholding the rights of indigenous people; Mr. Ian and Mrs. Cecilia Cabalza and family of Cagayan Valley, whose work centers on uplifting lives through health and education; Mr. Victor and Mrs. Elizabeth Castañeda and family of Quezon City, for leading the fight against cancer; Mr. Joe Dean and Mrs. Ardis Sola and family of Quezon City, for helping improve the lives of street children; and Mr. Marciano and Mrs. Josephine Par and family of Saudi Arabia, named as the Jollibee-Coca-Cola OFW Family of the Year for their mission in empowering underprivileged fellowmen both in the Philippines and the Middle East.

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I was amazed at all the work they did in their respective community. My favorite family is the Sola family who have dedicated their lives to helping street children by providing their basic needs such as food and education. Their foundation, He Cares Mission Street Children Caring Center, was founded in 1997 and has already produced 19 college graduates, one of whom is already a successful architect working in Abu Dhabi. What initially began as an intervention for street children through values formation has transformed into an organization that develops children using a holistic approach. Their program has several components including: Balik Aral, Balik Kalusugan, Balik Loob sa Diyos, Balik Bahay, and Balik Hanapbuhay. Each family member has grown to love and accept their roles in the advocacy that their parents have instilled in them.

This is truly astounding. I wish this can be replicated by educational institutions.

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The 6th Gabi ng Parangal para sa Pamilyang Pilipino centered on the theme of the balangay, whose historical journey captures the solidarity, harmony, determination, courage, bravery and resilience of the Filipino community. It is admirable that there is recognition for such family-led advocacies. Such work may inspire other families to take up their own advocacy that will not only make lives better for others but also strengthen the core of the family.

Let us nurture the practice of family values, by embracing policies that value families. – Benjamin Todd Jealous

me-time-300x300Women seem to have it all these days: children, careers, families and relationships, social and civic networks, among other things.  They seem to have everything, yes, except time for themselves.

As a mom of three I wrote this not too long ago in my blog : Moms should find time for a “ME” time. Emphasis on “ME” time and not “MOM” time.

Is this being selfish? — this wanting to spend time with one’s self, without the children, without thoughts of house work and just focusing on oneself and not one’s role as mother or wife.

Too often we moms spend  our time doing a lot of things. We even boast that “Multitasking is my middle name.” The result:  stress and fatigue and sometimes a feeling of angst.  “Is drudgery our lot?” we sometimes ask silently.

Many moms seem to be able to work on autopilot mode.  They operate on little sleep because the toddler is too fretful at night or the teenager needs to be fetched from a classmate’s home where she joined group study.  Some moms are in the “sandwich stage” — taking care of young children on one end and of aging parents on the other, while trying to make it professionally. This  role strain will make even a young, healthy woman so needful of occasional breaks, lest she burn out or get sick, or worst, break down.

Becoming a mother doesn’t change who you are.


Moms usually spread themselves thinly over many tasks and responsibilities, leaving no room for them to be the person they were before becoming a mother. The creative side, the free-spirit, the essential self is neglected and set aside. Some moms feel unhappy because they feel confined and constricted.

Young women get married to their men wanting to be more together.  But before long, too many things separate them — the early morning rush to work, the dishes piling up in the sink, the bills running due, the washing machine breaking down, the often problematic children. So many a woman would listen to their husband’s snoring at night wondering what happened to her romantic dreams.

Moms do not have to wait for their nest to empty to enjoy their time away from drudgery.  They can in fact have this on a daily basis, with determination and time management.

Yes, it IS possible.

Importance of “Me” time

The time to be “You” and not “a mom” should be a real “ME” time and not hours spent planning what to do for the long weekend, writing down recipes and ideas for the youngest child’s party next month or putting the toys away in the baby’s room. Mom’s “Me” time is a time to be selfish, a time to just do what you love and a time to relax and be yourself and find your own self-worth amidst  the daily grind.

 

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Mom’s “Me” time ideas

How can moms find their own “Mom’s Me Time”? How can they make it happen?

1. Schedule the “Me’ time. Perhaps waking an hour or half an hour earlier than everyone to be able to enjoy a quiet time with a cup of coffee and a good book or a walk around the neighborhood.

2. Make time. For those with young children, make “Me” time the time when the children are taking naps. For those with school children, it is best to do the house chores early in the day to have extra time before the children get home from school. For those who work outside the home, half an hour before going to work or before bed or lunch break at work would be best.

3. Connect with friends outside the family circle. Have lunch or coffee with friends or even a spa date to connect with them. Make sure that talking about kids are kept at a minimum level because after all, this is all about you.

4. Focus on yourself. Just sit back, relax, and do what you think would qualify as your “Me” time and savor the moment.

5. Follow your passion. The passion for things unrelated to being mothers or wives should not take a back seat but rather nurtured and encouraged.

i need me time

More ideas

Not sure how to go about having a “Me” time and needing  ideas? Here are a few more for that perfect time all to yourself:

• Once-or-twice-a-month salon pampering like having a haircut or manicure and pedicure
• Spa date for a full body or just foot massage
• Sit-down dinner out with friends
• Movie time with your BFF
• Coffee time with college friends you haven’t seen in years
• Once a week lessons on cooking, crafting, sewing, dancing, yoga, floral arrangement, quilting, scrap-booking, guitar or piano playing
• Going to church
• Early morning/evening walk at the park or around the neighborhood
• Reading
• Gym time or exercising on your own at home
• Enjoying a slice of your favorite cake or a bar of chocolate, alone.
• Enjoying a movie or a television series that has no animated character in it
• Dancing
• Honing skills like crafting and needlework. (There are a lot of online video tutorials if there is no time for formal lessons outside the home.)
• Afternoon with friends: Gather your friends with the same interests and learn together or learn from each other.
• Pampering your skin with your DIY skin care products or store-bought ones
• Taking online courses to feed that inner nerd in you (because learning doesn’t stop even for mothers)
• Tackling a challenge: Train to run a half or full marathon, learn to ride a bike or sing solo at Sunday Mass.

The possibilities are endless if only moms look hard enough for that special time  and activity to indulge themselves.

Remember: Healthy, fit, stress-free and happy moms make happy homes.

me time

Photos: By the author, some rights reserved

Written by Julie Fuertes-Custodio as originally posted at the Philippine Online Chronicles

pursue-your-passion

Who would have thought that my passion for blogging would lead me to earning income?   Earning from my blog was farthest from my mind. I was blogging for an advocacy, to offer hope to parents that walked the same journey as I did. Little did I know,  opportunities came in the form of being a social media resource speaker, an editor and contributor . Blogging also paved the way to the awareness of new products and services. How timely that Security Bank gathered bloggers together and affirm that we can pursue our passion without going broke.

bloggers-at-security-bank

Two bloggers, Monica Manzano and Christine Dychiao, shared their stories on how they pursued their passion yet are able to invest part of it for the future. Christine Dychiao, a fashion entrepreneur , says that one must make it a habit to save a portion of our income. Monica not only shared her dreams and passion but the eight steps to manifest anything:

  1. Meditate
  2. Write goals: then tick them off one by one
  3. Collaborate with like-minded people
  4. Time management
  5. Have a Plan A, B, C, and D,
  6. Protect your own life missions and boundaries
  7. Learn how to flow with change
  8. Failing is part of the process.

There are many great lessons in failing. One gains new insight and confidence after having been there and done that. One can create a revised model at pursuing bigger and better dreams after your experiences. My exposure to investments has always been real estate which I learned from my dad. Thanks to blogging I got exposed to other ways of investing money like the offerings from Security Bank.

make-investment-a-habit

Security Bank encourages us to make investment a habit as you pursue your passions. There are no excuses because it is easy to invest. The best time to invest was YESTERDAY and the next best time is TODAY. Since the long term trend of the market is to go higher, the sooner money is invested, the sooner it can grow. There is no need to time the market. Investments made over time will earn and will be reinvested over and over again to generate greater earnings.  This is a good mantra to remember. Invest today. Now na.

no-excuses-invest-now-security-bank

I got  introduced to the Unit Investment Trust Funds (UITFs). A UITF is a curated investment fund that is managed by experts to ensure high yield and quality returns. I get to enjoy the profits of a diversified portfolio by purchasing units of participation in the fund. It’s the perfect investment option for me since I am not an expert in actual stock trading. Experts will manage my  investments through securities, bonds, equities, and other best-in-class instruments.

invest-in-security-bank

Security Bank offers UITFs with options for every risk appetite. I started  investing with just PHP 10,000 for the money market . This is the short “Investment and Risk Profile” questionnaire I took. Though the results show I am moderately aggressive, I chose to be conservative considering I am nearly 60 years old. I may not be as productive in my golden years as I am today.

invest-at-security-bank

So why invest? I was shown this infographic below on the results of investing 10,000 each month for 5 years . There is a potential return of 10% in an investment fund . Well , this is comparably bigger than the 0.25 % per annum in the savings account.  The inflation rate is usually higher than prevailing deposit rates and it decreases the value of your money. By investing in a UITF,  I will be able to invest in assets that offer higher rates than ordinary bank deposits. Investing in UITFs gives me a better chance of beating the inflation rate. I still do the same with my investments in real estate but the latter is not liquid. Diversified investment is the key.

why-invest

With just a  minimum of Php 10,000, I will have diversified portfolio of assets. Diversification lessens the risk in any investment portfolio. I like this option. This is the way to pursue my passion without getting broke.

Make investment a habit as you pursue your passion. Are you ready to invest?

Security Bank introduces the Human Switch Kit, a personalized banking service that gives clients ease and flexibility in account opening. With this service, you can now request for a dedicated sales associate to open your account right in the comforts of your home or office. To get started, just visit www.securitybank.com and select your preferred branch, and a sales associate will set an appointment with you.

I am no stranger to death and dying. Let me count the ways:

  • 1976– My mother, succumbed to breast cancer
  • 1990– My 28 year old brother, Reuben died from Fulminant, Hepatitis A
  • 1999Oscar, my 40 year old brother died of leukemia (AML- 6)
  • 2000– My beloved son, Luijoe died
  • 2003– Dad died of diabetes complications, after being bedridden for 4 years.

Two of the above deaths were quite sudden without grief preparation of inevitable death unlike an illness where there is time to weep. Every death is not an ending . It offers new beginnings, an opportunity, to seek the meaning and purpose of the death.

family photo in the seventies

We all must face death. Perhaps we can even find grace in it. If it is our time to move on , we need not fear death. If it is nearing the time to say goodbye to a loved one, then pray that their transition be graceful and peaceful.

The ones left behind are those that feel this tremendous loss. I always pray that God gives me a long and healthy life so I can still be around for my family. Sure it  is everyone’s dream to live a full life specially with our loved ones but  I never know for sure what the future holds for me.

family photo

What is something that I want to end in order to begin?

With so many deaths in my family, it took time to struggle with my new normal. I could not help but reflect on the losses in my life.  The five deaths in my family  left me so devastated that I often found myself saying “Bahala na” to my future.

No to “Bahala na”. Bahala na (come what may), is something that may not  END to most of us. Yes, it is okay to pray and lift our burdens to God. I know God is with me all the time and when HE is with me , HE wants me to help myself. All I think is an increase and abundance in my life. It is time to create a meaningful yet comfortable life and live purposefully.

This is the advice I learned from a good friend:

Let go of the pain. Do something different today and welcome happiness back into your life.

racuh-a-payaman-

Questions to ask “Who will take care of my family if , something unfortunate happens to me?” “How will I meet my basic needs when I can no longer work?”

My preparations include health maintenance program , life insurance and mutual fund investment. I even have a notebook that lists all the things that need to be done in the event of my death.   Preparing my family is the least I can do to minimize the pain of losing a loved one.  I talked to my children that I may not be around forever but I can at least prepare them for life without a parent. Though they are done with school, they dream of a comfortable life too. Leaving life insurance is one way that sufficient money is left behind to meet basic living needs or prepare them for future goals. I believe that a life Insurance plan ensures that my family is financially secure even if tomorrow I am no longer around to care for them. It is one legacy that will live forever in those I leave behind.

Another plan is having enough to tide me over during my golden years of over 50 and above. I do not expect my children to be burdened. I often remind myself that health is wealth and  I need to prepare for accidents, complications, if ever, on my diabetes.

I can’t leave my fate to a “Bahala na” attitude.  Taking responsibility for my finances enable me to take focus off money. It frees me to do my work and live the life I want. I have choices. We have choices, more choices than we let ourselves see. I learned through my painful experiences . It takes courage to let go of the past , things and people that hinder my growth. What I can control is doing something today and achieving a new normal.

As Mahatma Gandhi tell us, “learn to live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”

mahatma ghandi