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16Jan 2016

Throwback: Sinulog 1985, the pamanhikan and memories of my dad

How in love we both were ( and still are). Sinulog 1985 holds precious memories as that was the day Butch asked my dad for my hand in marriage. On that day, the two loves of my life finally got to talk for the first time. In all the 7 years that Butch and I were steadies, Dad never spoke a single word to Butch except “hi and bye”. That day, I finally asked Dad why he treated Butch that way . Dad’s two lame explanations were that he didn’t want Butch to be too familiar and secondly , he didn’t know how to talk to the boyfriend of his daughter. Oh well, that was cleared up that fateful Sinulog eve.

My then fiancee, now my husband of 30 years. Taken on the stage of Sinulog 1985 celebration

Born in Cebu, the Sinulog Festival was alien to me until I went home to Cebu on January 1985 for my “pamanhikan” (engagement). My dear father, was the overall organizer for the 1985 Sinulog Festivities. Sure I have seen old women dancing in front of the Santo Niño at the Basilica. You gave them money to dance and ask blessings from the Sto. Nino. In the Sinulog version, the dance moves two steps forward and one step backward to the sound of the drums.

Sinulog 2012

As Sinulog nears, I remember my dad. After all, he suffered a stroke while promoting the Sinulog in California. In 2007, I did a search for the origins of Sinulog, no word is mentioned of my dad, Jose P Lardizabal. One thing I have learned about my dad’s illness is that you know your friends at your worst times. One by one, dad’s friends forgot about him. Due to dad’s incoherent speech, he was often ignored and humiliated. I can’t blame them for the distance. There are a handful of friends who stayed behind who had compassion over a sick man. Inspite of his disability, my dad is a great man who lived a new life without his speech faculties. In my little corner of cyberspace, I want to remember dad.

Back in 2007, and with the help of my sister, Lorna who assisted dad during the Sinulog, I was able to piece something about dad’s last Sinulog as the overall organizer.

Dad was the chair for the Board of Judges committee — to judge the higantes and floats, starting 1981. I helped him find the judges and investigate their reputation and credibility. It is possible that the 1985 festival was the largest since it started but I do recall that even 1981 had already elbow-to-elbow crowds. I cannot remember the numbers. All I truly remember is that the 1985 model was a great organizational model.

The Sinulog Festival that started in 1980 was a modestly-managed event. David “Boy” Odilao had started this project as a competition among school-based dance troupes. 16-year old Shelley Ann Roper from Connecticut, USA, the Rotary Exchange student hosted by the Rotary Club of Cebu-West (and who was living with us in our Lahug home) who was a member of the Southwestern Dance Troupe, was acknowledged as the first American to dance in this first official celebration that had commercial appeal. Shelley certainly stood out : blonde hair, fair skin, dancing barefooted in Sinulog attire.(read more of Lorna’s comments below)

My sister graciously scanned the Sinulog 1985 souvenir program (see below). Sinulog 1985 as my dad predicted was the longest and most colorful Sinulog celebration in Cebu City since it started in 1981.

It was a pleasant surprise that my dad received a posthumous award in ” grateful acknowledgment of his being one of the original incorporators of the Sinulog Foundation and of his wisdom and unwavering support in the institutionalization of the Sinulog Festival.”

A 2010 posthumous award given to my dad, Joe P. Lardizabal, who was one of the original Sinulog Foundation’s board members (board of trustees). To the left is Ricky Ballesteros, Executive Director of the ExecCom, Sinulog 2016, and to the right is one of the original volunteers since 1981, Dolores Suzara, project director (festival director) of the Sinulog Foundation, Inc. My sister, Lorna Lardizabal-Dietz, received the award in behalf of my family

Ricky Ballesteros, Executive Director of the ExecCom, Sinulog 2016, informed my sister that he told the committee that these original board members (and other unsung heroes among the volunteers) needed to be recognized because if it wasn’t for their start-up efforts, resources, and sacrifices, the Sinulog Festival wouldn’t be what it is today.

Dad must be smiling .

Sinulog 1985 holds precious memories as that was the day Butch asked my dad for my hand in marriage. On that day, the two loves of my life finally got to talk for the first time. The glitters, the dances, the fancy trimmings and the pageantry are only expressions of how important Santo Niño is but for me Sinulog is a day filled with treasures of love .

Sinulog 1985 Cebu Souvenir Program, From Lorna Lardizabal Dietz’s Archives by Lorna Dietz

08Jan 2016

Here are some ways to combat post-holiday blues

by webs ⋅ Leave a Comment

by Ma. Rachel Yapchiongco as originally posted at “Beat the post-holiday blues”,Here are some ways to combat post-holiday blues Philippine Online Chronicles

The holidays are over … it’s time to face reality. All the presents under the tree have been opened; holiday photos have been uploaded; no more gorging on delicious food except for a few leftovers; and no more Christmas get-togethers and parties to attend.

Students are back in school, employees have returned to work and business people have resumed operations.

It’s not a surprise that some people feel down after the holidays. Leaving all the merry activities behind to go back to the daily grind is not exactly a jump-for-joy mental picture.

Are you still longing for those cheerful and carefree days of socializing, shopping, gift giving, traveling, feasting, and spending time with people close to you? No matter how great a holiday is, there is always an end. Cherish those happy moments but don’t let them prevent you from returning to your usual routine. The more you mope about it, the more susceptible you are to stress. You don’t want to start the brand new year with negative feelings. Here are some ways to combat post-holiday blues.

Stay connected with people dear to you. Christmas season is an opportunity to spend quality time with people who mean most to you. When the holidays are over, don’t let distance or busy schedules hinder you from holding on to the bond that you renewed during the Christmas break.

Take advantage of today’s modern technology to stay connected. Keep in touch through phone calls, text messages and emails.

You don’t have to wait until Christmas to have another get together especially if you live in the same or nearby cities. Set up a quarterly get together or if possible, do it more frequently.

Start eating well again. Feeling sluggish? All those parties and potluck dinners may have taken their toll on your body. During the holidays, you may have been guilty of over indulging in fatty foods and sweet desserts. It’s time to bounce back after the holiday food coma.

Skipping meals and going on a drastic diet are not solutions. In fact, they may do more harm than good. The best game plan is to think of your next healthy meal and work your way up from there.

Avoid fatty and salty foods. Eat more vegetables and fruits. Say no to junk food and soda. Make sure that you choose lean meat and take it easy on the sauces and gravies. You don’t have to deprive yourself of dessert but lessen it.

Get back in shape. Have you suddenly noticed that your old pair of jeans doesn’t feel as comfortable as before? Do you have to struggle to button it on? Well, don’t be surprised if you gained weight after all that holiday binging. You’re not alone. A lot of people have weight issues after a long holiday.

Instead of regretting eating all that delicious food, why not begin the year with a new exercise routine or simply resume your daily fitness activities? Put on your walking shoes again, do yoga, hit the gym, or sway to the music and follow the moves of your Zumba instructor. You’re free to choose your form of exercise.

You probably have some holiday leftovers inside the refrigerator. Don’t waste all the effort of exercising by binging again. You often hear the line, “drink moderately”. If you want to lose that holiday weight, why not apply the saying to food as well?

Better yet, ask a friend to exercise with you. Plan a work out that you can do together. You can encourage one another to exercise as often as you can to get back to shape.

Give yourself time to ease back to your usual routine. Reality can be a little harsh after a period of relaxation and fun. When traveling, it is best to give yourself time to settle back when you arrive home. The body and mind need time and space to return to normal routine especially if it means resuming a hectic work schedule.

If you arrive at night and you are expected to report to work the next morning, your mind and body might find it hard to adjust within a short period. Give yourself at least one full day of rest before going back to work or facing chores.

You can also pamper yourself by getting a massage or having your nails done to ease the transition.

Cope with jet lag. Traveling overseas is fun and exciting but jet lag can be a bummer. Jet lag is a possible reason behind your post-holiday blues. Some symptoms include feeling sleepy during daytime, difficulty sleeping at night, lack of coordination, and loss of appetite.

A good way to deal with jet lag is by helping your body adjust to the local schedule. Medicine.net suggests that if you arrive at noon local time (but it’s early in the morning where you came from), resist the urge of having breakfast and proceed with lunch. Get a lot of sunshine during the day by going outdoors. According to experts, sunlight signals the hypothalamus to lower down the “production of sleep-inducing melatonin during the day,” which launches the course of resetting your internal clock. It is also advisable to do the same with children and infants. When traveling east, you lose time so try to keep the child awake until local bedtime. On the other hand, if you are traveling west, you gain time, so wake your child at the local time.

Listen to soothing music. Huffington Post suggests that music is capable of stimulating the senses and lifting your spirits. According to a neuroscientist named Daniel J. Levitin, “music enhances certain pathways in the brain that are essential to cognitive and emotional health.”

The de-stressing benefit of music reduces prevalence of stress and burnout. Listening to soothing tunes can become a simple wellness activity.

Dwell on the positive. It feels good to relive happy memories of your holiday. Focus on the positive by doing something creative such as starting a journal. It’s a brand new year and it’s a perfect opportunity to start one. You can also write thank you notes to people who made your holiday special. If you are artistically inclined, consider sketching or painting a favorite scene during your holiday as a keepsake worth cherishing.

Photo c/o Pixabay. Public domain.
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Rachel Yapchiongco, also known as Rach to her friends, is a Psychology and Marketing Management graduate of De La Salle University. Rachel is a mom to a charming boy and married to an entrepreneur who has a passion for cooking. She shares parenting experiences and slices of everyday life on her personal blog called Heart of Rachel.

29Dec 2015

Media Noche: Let’s try something different on New Year’s eve.

by webs ⋅ Leave a Comment

Let’s try something different on New Year’s eve.

Written by Jose Francisco Cruz as originally posted Media noche, the Filipino, and the six-course meal via the Philippine Online Chronicles.

After over-indulging on Christmas noche buena with with lechon, ham, lengua, mechado, embutido and other festive dishes that can trigger convulsions of the most pleasurable kind, let’s try something different on New Year’s eve.

What I have in mind is a six course meal prepared with the least effort but still ending up as something memorable and will win raves.

What is a six-course meal? It is a meal with six phases. Think of a slightly complex song, or a novel, or the stages of pregnancy while riding the MRT.

First comes the appetizers o,r commonly, the piece of bread with pate or whatever it is that you’d like to put on it for a spread, that’s not overly sweet. Then the salad, leafy green salad, with dressing. Then the soup, followed by two main courses. The last would be dessert, of course– ice cream, hot cocoa or cake.

First off, even before the appetizers, serve lots and lots of wine. Classic red wine, and chardonnay.

For salad, you ought to have some nuts with the veggies. Imported nuts are nice, but I’d rather use kasuy or the classic adobong mani. Then some yoghurt. I go with flavored yoghurt, and to complement the flavor of that youghurt, we put in (but not too much) an apple, or some strawberries. The reason for this is to counter the bitterness of the herbs we will include, like basil, or if you’re using some blue cheese (better to use Parmigiano-Regiano, or what they call Parmesan, but keso de bola will do nicely, or any crumbly kind of cheese). Let’s not forget the bitterness of the French dressing.

The French dressing, according to Chef Jamie, is three parts olive oil and one part acid, which could be lemon, or blueberry juice, or vinega. Add some Dijon mustard, shake well, and you have the French dressing. I added applesauce into the salad dressing to temper the bitterness.

Use coconut meat graters, or vegetable skin peelers to play with the cucumbers and carrots, so they come out in thin, wide strips, and not the usual O shapes. Operative word: Spatial. Of course, lots of lettuce, and some parsley. Use a lampin cloth for ‘centrifuging’ out the water from the vegetables. Then drizzle the dressing. Add some crunchy bacon bits too.

A Filipino version of a vegetable salad could be the seaweed in vinegar (replacing the vinaigrette in salads), and tomato slices of Cebu.

The Spanish like filleted fresh anchovies, fried for a few minutes; but a more Filipino approach would be fresh anchovies cooked in vinegar with chopped garlic, ginger, and onions – or what we call kilawin. And since we’re discussing the Spanish, how about sinangkutsang (stir-fried) prawns for tapas, eh? Just check if the prawns are fresh, with the eyes spherical, and the heads firmly attached, and you won’t be shamed. Did I mention to pour some wine? Ok. Good.

Stir-frying prawns takes about five minutes. Frying filleted anchovies, five minutes as well. You can buy them at the grocer’s, pre-prepared..

The soup. If I were to cook a soup that would be worthy of the New Year, it would be bulalo. It is beef shank, with the marrow oozing out like food for the gods.

Use plain white Chinaware. They go well with the Christmas season, as well as provide contrast to any color dish that you will put in front of your guests.
Remember, be generous with the wine.

Beef takes a while to cook, upwards of two hours to boil the meat to tenderness, but you can fire up the stove before preparing the appetizers and salad.

Now we go to the main course. It could be any two of these: fish, chicken, pork, or beef. We are after quick meals here, so the best way to go about it would be grilling.

For milkfish, slice onions, garlic, tomatoes, and place them inside the bangus milkfish belly as filling. Stitch that up, or just cover with tinfoil, candy style. Grill in scorching hot embers for 15 minutes, approximately, and you’re done. You could also roast salmon in the oven with some olive oil, lemon juice, salt in 15 minutes. Serve with some parsley.

The pork also can be set aside overnight in a marinade of soy sauce, vinegar, a bit of salt, pepper, a bit of soda, and garlic. The grilling will be from 8-15 minutes. This can even be done by the guests, just assist them so they don’t burn the outside, with the inside still uncooked. Use a toothpick to check if meat from the inside still clings to it. That means it’s not yet cooked. This tip goes for roasting as well. Serve scorching hot, and don’t forget the wine.

Grilling of meats is usually done in 15 minutes.

The chicken can be roasted. Most would use whole chickens and stuffing and hurling them into the oven. That would take too long. Use instead drumsticks with hips attached, one for every guest. You can cook these in half the time it takes a whole chicken to roast. The plus is everybody will have an equal area of crunchy chicken skin. Yum!

Throw in some small potatoes, with the skin on, a few garlic cloves, and halved onions.

Cooking temp. Unfortunately, temperature, yes, even temperature is relative. What will be 1.5 hours at 200 degrees Celsius for me, might be quicker for you. I guess it has to do with the type of oven. The newer ones tend to be of a size not unlike microwave ovens. I got a cool tip from Rachel Allen. She roasts the chicken for half of the time it takes to cook, and only then does she add the rub, with a little bit of olive oil. This way, you don’t burn the rub, and you baste the chicken as well. The rub can be salt + pepper + ginger + thyme. For beef, add rosemary. If you’ve got fresh herbs, the better. Premium groceries have fresh herbs from Tagaytay.

Gravy. The stuff of legend. The secrets of which many would be willing to kill for. Yummy magazine delivers in their gravy recipe. About two tablespoons of drippings (olive oil used in the roasting plus the meat oil, and garlic and onions), you heat in a saucepan, then dissolve a bit of flour in water, and pour that bit by bit onto the saucepan with the drippings, whisking as you do so. A bit of salt and pepper, and voila! Gravy pa lang, ulam na! We love gravy.

The beef can be roasted, as well as the pork. But it takes too long, at 200 degrees Celsius. The pork belly can be turned into lechon, but for the skin to turn into crackling, you’d either have to turn on the flame on top of the oven (for grilling) for an hour, or shock it with boiling cooking oil after cooking.

With the beef, there’s a very thin line between undercooking or overcooking it to the consistency of freightliner-wheel interior rubber. If you’re insistent, use foil for two hours while roasting pork or beef. All the action happens in the last hour after you remove the foil. Just be on your toes.

I would much rather go with frying T-bone steaks. Season with salt and pepper. Put in two tablespoons of cooking oil before the butter, so the butter doesn’t burn. One-inch thick steaks can be cooked in 3-5 minutes. This will be like fried prawns. When the color turns from red to brown, and the blood has oozed out, then it’s cooked. Two inches and above in thickness, and do as the chefs say – 7 minutes in a flat pan without oil, turning over after every minute.

For dessert, mango float, and other no-bake cakes will do nicely, saving you more time. Muffins, after preparation, take only 35 minutes to bake. The banana muffins are classics. The same goes for cookies. Rhum bundt cake takes an hour to prepare, and 45 minutes to bake.

Bibingka, puto-bumbong, and other rice cakes you can easily procure near the Catholic churches.

What if you have balikbayans hankering for Pinoy dishes? The tip here is to stick as close to the original Filipino recipe as possible if you plan on serving everyday dishes for your Media Noche. Watch cooking shows, and you will notice that the chefs are able to cook sumptuous dishes very quickly because they keep things simple.

So how much time does it take for a six-course Medyo Noche?

Shopping time – 1 hour, preferably in the morning

French green salad – 1 hour
Stir-fried prawns – 5 minutes
Bulalo soup – 2 hours

Main course options
Grilled milkfish, large – 15 minutes prep; 15 minutes grilling
Pork barbecue – 12 hours marinating (the longer the better), 15 mins grilling
Roast chicken thighs – 1.5 hours
Pan-grilled T-bone steak – 10 minutes

Banana muffins – prep 45 minutes, baking 35 minutes
Hot tablea cocoa – 30 minutes

Thus, a total of about 8 hours, 6 if you skip the roast chicken.

This, to me, is a delicious way to start the year right.

Photo from: www.lakadpilipinas.com

25Nov 2015

The gifts we give, and what they can mean

by webs ⋅ Leave a Comment

The act of gift giving is seen as an integral part of the Christmas season. However, while we think that giving gifts is just a simple affair, we should also take into account what we give, and what it says about us, the gift givers. More often than not, the context and the gift are intertwined, making a simple gift very touching, or an expensive gift mean nothing at all.

So, what are the different kinds of gifts, and what do they say?

The practical gift

The practical gift is, pardon the term, practically the easiest gift to get for a loved one. All you have to do is keep your eyes and ears open for your loved ones’ complaints, and then figure out what they need – be it that double-size coffee mug for more wake-up juice in the morning, or a nice necktie for the rare occasions that they need to be formal.

However, the problem with practical gifts is that they don’t require much thought, if you think about it. It’s all about a person’s stated or obvious needs. On one end, depending on the gift, it can be seen as being observant of what a person needs in everyday life, but on the other end of the spectrum, it can also mean that it’s the “lazy” gift, particularly if it becomes a habit – like a dad’s perennial pair of socks.

The wistful

Some gifts have, as the saying goes, a hugot factor, a thing that makes it have a meaning that can be taken many ways. It can be a simple wallet that is the person’s old favorite brand, or it can be as lavish as a set of earrings that remind one of the prom where a couple first met. The wistful gift is an invitation to nostalgia – but beware, because it is nostalgic.

Should the times change, or if the reminder is seen in a different light, it can lead to hurt feelings, or soul-searching that can change the direction of relationships for the worse. After all, when you give a gift that is meant to evoke something else, you have to be sure that the evocation will be as the other person will see or feel it, rather than your own take on things.

The whimsical
The whimsical gift is that which has no meaning other than to make the person happy upon the receipt of the gift. It is about as honest and as shallow (if taken the wrong way) as the season will allow. Novelty pranks like a mini-toilet that sprays water, or a drumming monkey doll are just some of the examples of whimsical gifts.

These gifts are not bad per se. After all, they may be the perfect gifts for people who don’t look for anything, or already have everything (subjectively speaking). However, the big issue with whimsical gifts is that they can either be seen as thoughtless (throwaway gifts), or they can be seen as letdowns, if the person was expecting a more meaningful one. After all, not all people will understand or appreciate the moment of giving.

The overblown

Now, gifts that qualify for “overblown” are those that are meant to impress not only the recipient, but others as well. It’s a gift that is perfect for those who like gifts that can impress others with their importance and value, regardless of actual cost (more to the point, regardless of cost in the sense that it’s probably expensive, too).

Overblown gifts are very much appreciated, but it can also mean that there is a strange relationship between the giver and the receiver – namely, that there is a needy, tit-for-tat relationship involved. Before you give a gift guaranteed to impress everyone aside from the receiver, you should think about why you’re giving that gift to the person – and why other people have to be impressed.

The suggestive

Some gifts are meant to be hints for something else. The classic examples, of course, would be nice clothes, underwear, deodorant, soaps, and even combs. Let’s face it; if you want to send a “gentle” signal to someone to improve himself or herself in some way, then a Christmas gift that “nudges” them in that direction is the right way to do it.

This would work, of course, except that in many cases, if it weren’t for the spirit of the season, there would have been a lot of harsh words and arguments already. A “suggestive” gift is about as subtle as a hammer, and it’s made worse by the fact that, well, the family is there – opening gifts is a public social thing.

So what gift do you give?
Gift giving has always been symbolic, and that’s been the strength and weakness of the whole process. The reason for this is that people tend to want to find meaning in the giving of the gift itself, when in fact, it is all about making the person happy – or at least, it should be.

When giving gifts to another, you should always be careful about giving something that might have a meaning in it – indeed, the best gifts are those that are simply what the receiver will like. Yes, you do have to take into account who you are in the person’s life, and what you budget is. But even more important, giving a gift is a process – one where you think, really think about the person and who he or she is. Your gift shouldn’t be overshadowed by the meanings between you and that person. At the purest, a gift should be about the person, and what makes the person happy. It can be as simple as a thank you letter, or it could be as “non-traditional” as a trip outside the city, or a fine dinner at the person’s favorite restaurant. Whatever the case may be, the true gift is the one that has the least symbolic meaning beyond being a gift – an offering of happiness, thankfulness, and faithfulness from one person to another.

Your gift may never be that “pure” in meaning, but if you can make your special someone smile without that person thinking of anything aside from being thankful for the gift and being happy for the season (in all its meanings), then you’ve done well.

Keep on giving!

Photos (from Flickr.com):
– “Gifts? Already”, Kasia
– “A gift”, Kristina Alexanderson
– “Wrapped Gifts Retirement Party 7-8-09 8”, Steven Depolo

Written by Richard Leo Ramos, as originally posted at the Philippine Online Chronicles.

19Oct 2015

It’s been 40 years since my mom died of breast cancer

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 28 Comments

It was a warm Sunday afternoon in 1972 as mom and I were taking a siesta by the porch. I still remember that fateful day when mom anxiously took my hand so I could feel the lump in her left breast. I felt the soft mass but I had no inkling that it was cancer then. Cancer does not happen to us. It’s an illness we just hear from other families like my next door neighbor who survived it anyway. I quickly erased the negative thoughts from my mind. Mom got operated that same week and it wasn’t good news. Her left breast had to be removed including part of her armpits where cancer cells invaded her lymph nodes.

Physical Therapy, radiation, chemotherapy, hair loss, a dozen wigs, remission, a relapse, a trip to New York to visit Betty Ford’s doctor, a visit to Lourdes, France for miracle water, black chickens for sacrifice, aphasia ensued for the next 3 years. Despite all the measures, mom died on July 25, 1976 at the age of 45 years old. I was on my third year of college in UP Diliman and together with my siblings, Lorna and Oscar, we took the plane to Cebu. I peered down the runway as the raindrops splashed the glass window as if in unison with the tears that fell down my cheeks. I was sad that my mom was probably dying and even sadder at the thought that my dad would suffer the pain of losing a wife. I wasn’t particularly close to my mother. Years of verbal and even physical abuse brought that awkward distance between us. Yes, it’s sad I didn’t feel maternal love from her. And vice-versa.

During the wake, we were told by the family doctor never to take birth control pills as it could trigger breast cancer cells. I forgot the reason behind this now.

Years later, I became a mother myself. A friend was dying of breast cancer. A worried Butch implored that I take a breast exam to rule out any breast cancer which could be in our genes. I was only 39 years old and I thought maybe I should take that mammogram before I hit 40 years old at about the time mom discovered the lump.

I took that painful mammogram test where the machine squashes your breast as it takes an x-ray. The results were not good. I quickly called David, my brother who was then a neurology resident at some medical school in the Philippines (the University of the Philippines-Philippine General Hospital (UP-PGH) ).
There was some hazy mass showing up on my left breast which was not palpable. It’s the same spot where mom had the lump. David strongly advised me to have immediate surgery to have it checked if it was benign or not. My brother said that breast cancer cells can be so aggressive and can quickly replicate in a few weeks. Shocked at two doctors’ medical opinion, I told myself that I cannot die now. Not when my kids are still so young. Lauren was only 10. M was 9 and Luijoe was 3 years old.

No, I cannot die yet.

I cried in bed and my thoughts went to my mom during the days she suffered from the ravages of her breast cancer. I imagined her in the same situation , livid with fear of leaving my young kids and husband. Then I prayed and asked for forgiveness and understanding for all those years that we drifted apart. Bearing a grudge or deep resentment on someone is like cancer cells eating up your heart and mind. With the release of negative emotions of the past, I was ready for my surgery but first I took the day off before surgery to be with my kids at the play center in the mall. Thinking I might die on the operating table, I held on to these precious moments by having a fun photo shoot with my kids. I thought with a heavy heart .

They will look back to these memories and remember that their mom loved them so much.

I surrounded my hospital room at the Philippine General Hospital with these photos. Just before I left for the surgery, I gazed lovingly at the photo of my three beautiful children.

I can’t leave you yet. God, don’t let me die.

I needed a needle localization of my “breast mass” because it was not palpable and my surgeon need to know the exact location of this mass. With the long needle stabbed on to my left breast, my brother wheeled me over to the surgery room. There waiting for me was an outstanding surgeon, Dr. Rodney Dofitas, my brother-in-law. I gave instructions for him to remove my breast if found to be malignant. With everything in order I counted to ten as I fought back the anesthesia to kick in

Much later, I woke up to my brother-in-law who cheerfully announced that the breast mass was benign. He excised the mass for extra precaution, hence my left breast is a smaller than my right one. I don’t mind the disfigurement at all.

My heart just leaped with joy. I couldn’t help but cry and thank God for giving me this second chance. My friend died a year after my surgery. When I reached my 46th birthday, I thanked God for each additional year in my life that my mom didn’t enjoy. I celebrate each year with joy and gratitude that my kids still had a mother in their growing up years. Every additional year is a bonus.

It’s been 40 years since my mom died of breast cancer and technology for early breast cancer detection is in place. Even the medications increase chances of survival. There is even breast reconstruction surgery. Talk to your doctor soon.

Go Pink in Support of Breast Cancer Awareness. National Breast Cancer Awareness Month is dedicated to increasing awareness of the importance of early breast cancer detection.

Photo above was taken a few months before mom discovered her breast cancer in 1972

10Aug 2015

Cord Blood Banking, just like insurance for your child & 3 generations of your family

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 1 Comment

Sixteen long years have passed and I miss my brother so much. It was in August of 1996 that Oscar , my brother was first diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, or AML-M4. My family worked very hard to support Oscar in his search for a cure, spanning hours and hours of research and inquiries through the internet and electronic mail. The technological advantage resulted in many blessings, especially when he qualified for a clinical trial in the National Institute of Health in Bethesda, Maryland. Oscar made the brave choice to undergo a stem cell transplant, knowing that there was a 50-50 chance he would survive, and that he had to take that risk. It was his second remission. Still, our family remained optimistic. My youngest sister was a perfect match.

My brother at National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute, Bethesda, 1999

The stem cell transplant NIH, Bethesda, Maryland was a success but infection set in. Oscar died a few months after his stem cell transplant. Perhaps, my brother helped pave the way for stem cell therapy today.

Just before Oscar died, he told me “I am glad we didn’t have to spend all our inheritance”. The clinical trial in NIH was totally free except for board and lodging including plane fare. There was an option to go to Singapore and Israel but it would cost us 10 million pesos. You will have to remember that stem cell transplant was still so new then.

My brother’s struggle with leukemia, the stem cell transplant is one reason I want to share this new discovery.

Banking baby’s cord blood

I got to attend a forum about the CordLife Medical Philippines Inc. and it offers hope to those with history of cancers and other illnesses in the family. Cord Life is a private cord blood banking facility provides a full suite of cord blood and tissue banking services including the collection, processing, testing, and cryo-preservation of cord blood stem cells and tissue. When I speak of stem cells, I am not referring to controversial stem cell therapy from sheep or embryos. Cord blood is a rich source of Hematopoietic Stem cells (HSCs) which are responsible for replenishing blood and regenerating the immune system.

The list of stem cell treatable diseases continues to grow at a rapid pace and parents may want to consider saving cord blood stem cells of their baby . As a parent, we want to protect our family. At your baby’s birth, you have the unique opportunity to safeguard the health of the ones you love by storing your newborn child’s cord blood stem cells. Though there is literature on “Why Save Cord Blood?” , it would help if a doctor would explain the importance of stem cell treatment. There are a wide range of diseases that are treatable with stem cells derived from cord blood and other sources of similar type of stem cells (Haematopoietic Stem Cell), like bone marrow and peripheral blood, including stem cell disorders, acute and chronic forms of leukemia, myeloproliferative disorders, and many more.

I will not explain anymore on the importance of stem cell treatment but you can read more about it from Makati Medical Center’s work on stem cell technology . (Makati Med is an active member of the International Society for Cellular Therapy (ISCT), a professional association that provides scientific and technical support for laboratories engaged in cellular therapy. It is also actively engaged in prospective clinical trials with US-based companies.)

Why store your baby’s cord blood?

If you could protect your newborn baby against these diseases in the future, would you do so? Why consider?

There are ten reasons to store your baby’s cord blood:

1. a biological protection for the whole family.
2. 100% match for your baby
3. Can treat more than 80 diseases including leukemia and lymphona
4. Benefit from future emerging treatments
5. Exclusive use for your family
6. Painless and risk-free to the baby and mother
7. Once-in-a-lifetime chance to collect
8. Higher chance to match vs. bone marrow transplants
9. Lower rejection rate in transplant
10. Peace of mind- immediate availability

The decision has to be made before the birth because the cord blood has to be stored right away after giving birth. You never know when you might need it or not. You wish you would never have to use it but at least you have something to go back to. Just like insurance.

Imagine, the possibility of looking for an exact match. It costs $30,000 and one has to be waitlisted for as long as two years. I know it might not seem so important to some parents but you might be more convinced if some of the conditions are true to you.

1. History of cancer
2. Cardiac problems
3. Difficulty having children (because getting a stem cell match might be more difficult. Out of 5 siblings, only 1 of us was a perfect match)
4. Mixed race have a unique genetic combination.

CordBlood Network protecting 3 generations

Unlike other cord blood banks that provide basic cord blood banking for only your child, CordBlood Network, a Cordlife initiated programme will assist in the search for a matching cord blood unit should the need arise for your child, his/her legal guardians and maternal and paternal grandparents. With the CordBlood Network, you can now protect three generations of your family by storing your baby’s cord blood with Cordlife.

Storing your baby’s cord blood is a means of protecting the health of your child now,and into the future including your family . Of all the decisions a parent can make for their children , choosing to store their cord blood could turn out to be the most important. You can find out the different payment modes to fit your family budget.

Before checking out Cordlife , consult with your doctor to understand more about stem cell therapy and Cord Blood Banking.

Visit their website http://www.cordlife.com/ph/ to know more about Cord Blood Banking or contact them at (02) 470-1735/332 1888 or email info@ph.cordlife.com

07Aug 2015

Each of us today, has a financial future.

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

Once upon a time….

You have a stockholder’s meeting on June 29 at the Mandarin Hotel. I placed the invitation on my daughter’s tables.

Both girls suddenly got interested. “a whaat?“. I started to explain.

Remember the college funds that you invested a year ago?

We will probably be the youngest in there. They chorused.

Though M. college tuition from 2005-2009 at UP averaged only 5,800 pesos ($109.00) while Lauren’s tuition from 2003-2007 Ateneo was 10 times or 52,227.00 pesos ($1,000), each girl invested equal amounts. Their college tuition funds were placed under their names to make them financially responsible. I remember when I was still the breadwinner during the first year of our marriage. An officemate urged me to purchase a college plan for Lauren who was not even a year old. I just didn’t believe in a college plan at that time. My financial reality focused on making ends meet. Butch was still at Law school and we had two little girls. I figured that my financial status would be similar to my dad. By the time the kids are in college, our financial situation should be much improved. I was very optimistic.

Everything we had dreamed off materialized. My husband predicted that by the time the girls reached high school, he will have his own law office and we will have two homes. Life was good. I was a full time home maker never having to worry about finances. But nothing prepared us for the loss of our son . To cut the story short, by year 2004, our financial situation was at its deepest pit. With Lauren’s help, we started a small web hosting reseller account in December 2002 by investing part of the award money given to her by the Cebu Civil court (see here). Only 16 years old, she had a popular online community to support her endeavor. Seeing that it had huge income potential, I offered to help her out. We became business partners. She covered the marketing aspect while I assisted in the management and technical aspect. By the time she was in college, she had significant savings which I invested for her.

Lauren ‘s entreprenurial initiative kept us afloat during those bleak months in 2004. I promised to repay her double the loaned amounts once I recouped our financial losses. By God’s grace, I was able to repay Lauren after a year. Since she was busy in college, I took control of her webhosting and expanded the services. The modest income helped pay for the college tuition including allowance. To provide educational funds is a parental responsibility not the child. I felt that our children shouldn’t have to face that financial burden . But she also worried that if she didn’t help out, she won’t be able to finish in Ateneo, When she travelled to the states on her own last year, she felt so guilty for using up part of her savings. I told her “Treat it as an educational trip. You deserve it”

I love my children for learning to adapt to our family crisis. My second daughter helped out by reluctantly studying in UP Diliman. Her first choice was Ateneo. I felt bad at first that we could not provide the tuition money for her first year in Ateneo. Today, she is full of gratitude that she chose UP over Ateneo. See, there is always a silver lining.

Back at the family room, I lectured them on the advantages of attending this meeting, even at a young age.

“Yes, we will go for the food“, the girls chimed in.

I was too complacent during those grieving years. I left all the financial burden to my husband. Today, taking responsibility for our financial affairs improved my self-esteem and lessened anxiety. Each of us today, has a financial future. There are few future aspects of my life I can control, but one part I can play to assist our family’s future is setting goals. I don’t have to obsess about my goals. I don’t have to constantly watch and mark our progress toward them. But it is beneficial to think about my goals and write them down. What do I want to happen in our financial future? What financial problems would I like to solve? What bills would I like to be rid of? What would I like to be earning at the end of this year? The end of next year? Five years from now? I know I am willing to work for these goals and trust God to guide me.

Taking responsibility for my finances enable me to take focus off money. It frees me to do my work and live the life I want. I deserve to have the self-esteem and peace that accompanies financial responsibility.

25Jul 2015

Signs to watch out for, on whom NOT To Marry

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 24 Comments

Marriage is … the promise of love between two people and the explicit commitment to work to maintain that love no matter what obstacles life may bring.

Why prepare for a wedding when one should prepare for the marriage?

How cynical or is it being practical? One learns about marriage by actually being in one. Sure, there are signs to watch out for in An Ideal Husband. My husband was my boyfriend for 7 years but I never really knew him or what marriage entailed until I lived it.

Father Pat Connor spent decades of marriage counseling which led him to distill some “common sense” advice about how to avoid partners who would maul your happiness.

“Hollywood says you can be deeply in love with someone and then your marriage will work,” the twinkly eyed, white-haired priest says. “But you can be deeply in love with someone to whom you cannot be successfully married.”

The priest gave lectures for the past 40 years on ““Whom Not to Marry” to high school seniors, mostly girls because they seem more eager to understand.

You might wonder about the reliability of the priest’ observations but as I went through his list, I have to agree with the signs to watch out for. Let me go through the list and cite a few examples.

1. “Never marry a man who has no friends,” he starts. This usually means that he will be incapable of the intimacy that marriage demands.

I know of someone who ran away from her husband bringing nothing with her but her wallet. The husband (soon to be divorced) begged me to convince her to go back to him. He said “She was my life. She was my only friend”. I didn’t want to meddle with their affairs because the husband apparently called every friend. I was thinking “he just wants her back because he is lonely…no friends”. What a loser. Good thing, my friend pursued the divorce from her obsessive husband.

2. “Does he use money responsibly? Is he stingy? Most marriages that flounder do so because of money

“she’s thrifty, he’s on his 10th credit card.”

I can so relate to this. One of the marital fights with my husband in our early years of marriage was his non-frugal ways. I might have been the stingy one but since he was just a law student, I expected him to be more thrifty. It took more than 15 years for him to spend money wisely and 18 years before he completely allowed me to handle our financial affairs.

3. “Steer clear of someone whose life you can run, who never makes demands counter to yours. It’s good to have a doormat in the home, but not if it’s your husband.

I don’t really know any doormat among my peers. I had a friend who had a doormat of a husband in their younger years. For some strange reason, their roles reversed when the husband retired.

4. “Is he overly attached to his mother and her mythical apron strings? When he wants to make a decision, say, about where you should go on your honeymoon, he doesn’t consult you, he consults his mother.

If there is anything more annoying, is a mother-in-law joining your husband in a honeymoon. This happened to a close friend. Can I say that the in-law relationship was always rocky throughout their marriage? I am glad that my husband is not too attached to his mother. Of course, I give space when he wants to bond with his mother. It’s not that often so I don’t mind.

5. “Does he have a sense of humor?”

‘My wife laughs at my jokes.’ – ‘You either have good jokes or a good wife.’

My husband grew up in a family that didn’t laugh as much as my family did or so he tells me. I loved cracking jokes and laughing in stitches. My husband seemed such a killjoy at times. One day when his mother came for a visit, he told me to lower my voice or tone down my laughter because it might disturb her since she is not used to “noise”. I was mortified. In fairness to my mother-in-law, her hearing is just sensitive.

Now that we are over 30 years married, my husband has an awesome sense of humor that I cannot match.

6. A therapist friend insists that more marriages are killed by silence than by violence. The strong, silent type can be charming but ultimately destructive.

This is similar to my doormat example. I never imagined that this soft-spoken husband carried an affair. As a young girl, I thought this distant relative was a good and faithful husband because he was quiet. When I got married, this relative encouraged my husband to seek out girls for pleasure. How terrible. Of course, I found out about it because my husband was so appalled. (or appeared to be shocked to me)

7. “Don’t marry a problem character thinking you will change him. He’s a heavy drinker, or some other kind of addict, but if he marries a good woman, he’ll settle down. People are the same after marriage as before, only more so.

A girl friend called off her wedding a few days before the wedding date. To her horror, she discovered her soon-to-be husband in the arms of another girl of a restaurant. Apparently the guy was just forced to marry my friend because his mother found her a suitable wife instead of his other girlfriend. A year later, the guy decided to tie the knot with my friend due to guilt. My friend nearly died in an accident and he blamed himself for it. I warned my friend that the guy won’t change his ways. She was so in love with him and thought marriage will change everything. Guess what? Five years after their wedding, the guy started an extra-marital affair with his girlfriend who apparently is his true love. They now have a child.

8. “Take a good, unsentimental look at his family . You’ll learn a lot about him and his attitude towards women.

I think most men are “mama’s boy”. They never really get over being a son especially if the man is unable to nuture his inner child in his adult years. My husband was raised by two grandmothers in his formative years. You can just imagine how he sought maternal love, how his inner child was probably not nurtured well. Though not a “mama’s boy” in the strictest sense, I found out that he looked up to me as a “mother” and wife. I used to get annoyed, having to deal with another “child” but I got used to it.

9. Does he possess those character traits that add up to a good human being ,the willingness to forgive, praise, be courteous? Or is he inclined to be a fibber, to fits of rage, to be a control freak, to be envious of you, to be secretive?

The man whom NOT to marry should not be a control freak or wife beater. He is a basically a good human being.

As I looked through the list, it appears that most married couples experience these “Whom Not to Marry” advice at one point in their lives. I know I did. I probably knew what I was getting into but I knew I could handle the trials and challenges. The “Whom NOT to marry” list practically eliminates every male specie which now makes it impossible to seek the Ideal Man. However, it opens the eyes of young girls who plan to get married one day or to prepare themselves for the idiosyncrasies of their lifetime partners. I don’t know with the men but perhaps they can get a tip or two here.

Do you have any other “mostly common sense” advice?

14Jun 2015

I will celebrate me.

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ Leave a Comment

Today I turned 58 years old. I indulged in the joy of celebrating my 58 years. I am proud of where I am and what I am today so I am not iffy about revealing my age. Never mind if certain people will box me , based on my age. Nine years ago, when I first started this blog, I was just heading towards the resolution of my grief journey. Recovery is about knowing I have choices and giving myself the freedom to choose. I chose to enjoy the rest of my life despite the deaths in my family. It meant learning that love lives forever in my heart, which death cannot take away.

I like looking back to what I wrote back then. Here is an affirmation that I took from my recovery notes:

For too long, I have been hard on myself. Others have spilled their negative energy on me. I know it had nothing to do with me. I am a gift to myself and to the Universe . I am a child of God. I do not have to try harder , be better, be perfect , or be anything I am not. My beauty lies in me just as I am each moment. I will celebrate that.

I will take time to pause, reflect and rejoice my accomplishments. For too long, I have listened to admonitions not to feel good about what I have done lest I will fall into the arrogance trap. Celebration is a high form of praise of gratitude to God. To celebrate is to delight in the gift, to show gratitude.

Today, I will also celebrate the lessons from the past and the love and warmth of friends and family. I will continue to enjoy the beauty of others and their connection to me. I will celebrate all that is in my life and all that is good.

I will celebrate me.

I will continue to do so for the rest of my life.

09May 2015

For the Moms: Hang in there. In the end we can only do the best we can.

by Noemi Lardizabal-Dado ⋅ 6 Comments

My Mother, Salustiana Veloso-Lardizabal
1931-1976Blessed are the moms whose mothers are still with them. At least they can still say “I love you” or make amends with each other. My mom died at the age of 45 years old after a three year battle with breast cancer. I was only a teen-ager and I never got to tell her “I love you” or even showed her how much I cared before she died. I wish I did. I felt alienated towards my mom because she was so strict and angry, 90% of the time. Sometimes , she would yell with little provocation. It often puzzled me that I once asked my grandmother (her mother) about her bad temper. My grandmother only said that maybe she is strict because she is the eldest in the family.

I never understood my mother until I was 39 years old , the night before my breast surgery. My three children were less than 10 years old in 1996 and I was scared about dying and leaving them so soon. Then I recalled the pain my mother went through during her three year cancer battle and the tears just streamed down my cheeks. I released my hurt feelings and whispered as if she was right there in front of me . I told her I understood now. I forgave her for the things she said or did not say and vice versa . The peace in my heart was overwhelming. I felt God’s presence in the room and prayed that I be given more time to be with my children and see them grow up.

The following day, my surgery revealed benign results.

If at one point, you never understood your mom, just know that she loved you in the only way she knew. If she knew better, then maybe she would have turned her life around. It isn’t good to carry a heavy burden of ill feelings throughout your life especially if you are a mom because it may affect your parenting style. (That’s another story for another day)

Here is something that was shared to me and it speaks for all the mothers . Hang in there. In the end we can only do the best we can.

This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, “It’s okay honey, Mommy’s here.”

Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can’t be comforted.

This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes.

And all the mothers who DON’T.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they’ll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.

This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.

And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars. And that when their kids asked, “Did you see me,Mom?” they could say, “Of course, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies.

And for all the (grand)mothers who wanted to, but just couldn’t find the words.

This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat.

For all the mothers who read “Goodnight, Moon” twice a night for a year. And then read it again. “Just one more time.”

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls “Mom?” in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home — or even away at college – or have their own families.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches, assuring them they’d be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away.

This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can’t find the words to reach them.

For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.

For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting.

For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school safely.

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful, and now pray they come home safely from a war.

What makes a good Mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?

Or is it in her heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?

The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?

The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when you just want to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in your home?

Or the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation… And mature mothers learning to let go.

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.

Single mothers and married mothers.

Mothers with money, mothers without.

This is for you all. For all of us…

Hang in there. In the end we can only do the best we can.

Tell them every day that we love them.

And pray and never stop being a mom.

Please pass along to all the Moms in your life.

“Home is what catches you when you fall – and we all fall.”

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Category Archives: My Family

Throwback: Sinulog 1985, the pamanhikan and memories of my dad

Here are some ways to combat post-holiday blues

Media Noche: Let’s try something different on New Year’s eve.

The gifts we give, and what they can mean

It’s been 40 years since my mom died of breast cancer

Cord Blood Banking, just like insurance for your child & 3 generations of your family

Each of us today, has a financial future.

Signs to watch out for, on whom NOT To Marry

I will celebrate me.

For the Moms: Hang in there. In the end we can only do the best we can.

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