Why parents should care about their kids’ digital footprint

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Disconnect-movie

A few years ago, my younger sister told me to watch the movie “Disconnect” which tackles the issues surrounding the internet from Webcam sex shows, identity theft, and cyber-bullying. Only Robinson Galleria was showing the movie. As an advocate for kids’ web safety, I thought of watching it to see if there is anything new. I won’t write any reviews but the movie can be summed up this way.

Disconnect is three stories, with each plot a dire warning about this new-fangled Internet technology. One story is about a local TV reporter (Andrea Riseborough) and her relationship with a young man (Max Thieriot) who does sex-cam shows. Another follows a married couple (Alexander Skarsgard and Paula Patton) who have their identity stolen, and are plunged further into debt. The third tale revolves around two high school kids (Colin Ford and Aviad Bernstein) who pretend to be a teenage girl on Facebook so they can play a cruel prank on their shy classmate (Jonah Bobo).

There is really nothing new with the movie. ““Disconnect” is best summed up by the words of the cyber detective, ““If you’re going to [expletive] with someone, do it to their face.” While identity theft, cyber-bullying, and underage sex performers are a reality, these do not define the communications in the Internet age. As a mother with kids during the early years of the internet in the mid nineties, I have always followed the golden rule that parenting online isn’t much different than parenting your child when they aren’t in front of a keyboard.

For our kids, social networking is an exciting way to stay informed, grow relationships and have fun.

Teens, Social Media, and Privacy

pew internet parent survey

The fact is “teens are sharing more information about themselves on social media sites than they did in the past.” Although there are no studies done in the Philippines, results of a PEW survey of 802 teens that examines teens’ privacy management on social media sites is disturbing (You can read the full report here). Teens are sharing more information about themselves on social media sites than they did in the past such as the following:

91% post a photo of themselves, up from 79% in 2006.
71% post their school name, up from 49%.
71% post the city or town where they live, up from 61%.
53% post their email address, up from 29%.
20% post their cell phone number, up from 2%.

Knowing that these information may land in the wrong hands is worrisome. I also believe that teens should become more proactive with their safety . They need to be part of the solution. Steps to safeguard them starts when they are younger, way before they are teens.

Parents need to educate them about staying safer and more secure on the internet. If you allow your kids to use social media, safety is knowing the right settings and supervising them . It has to be said again.

1. Educate your kids on the dangers of sharing too much information.

2. Make sure your computer has adequate virus protection to prevent trojans in the computer.

3 . Keep the computer in a social area of the house so it is easy to monitor who your children are interacting with.

Disconnect 1

Caring for our children’s digital footprints

Digital-Footprint

My two girls used a screen moniker when they were pre-teens using the world wide web. There were no social networks before except chat rooms and the comment section of blogs. Safety was my number one concern. Since I cannot cover their eyes, or shadow them everywhere, I needed to teach them how to see and how to behave responsibly. I started them early.

These days, a lot of teens probably don’t know that every time they post publicly, they are leaving their digital footprint. A digital footprint is the data trail one leaves with everything our kids do online. Data is being stored from their smartphone to the Internet and social networks. Parents can gently remind their teens on caring about their digital footprint through this article, Teenagers: Why You Should Care About Your Digital Footprint :

1. Information travels fast and is often taken out of context.

Depending on what it is that you see, take a moment to find out if it’s true. Call your friend or check other news sources,. If you’re not sure, wait

2. Don’t be impulsive.

If you do want an outlet to further explain your thoughts and feelings, think about blogging! Blogging is a more appropriate space for some topics we think about posting on Facebook. If you do decide to blog, be mindful of what you say, how it can be interpreted and what it says about you. It’s still a digital place where your body language can’t be seen.

3. If you wouldn’t say it face to face, don’t say it in the social space.

‘Treat others as you want to be treated’, still applies online.

4. Not everything is personal

Just take a second, breathe and reread a post before responding. Even better, if you’re not sure, privately message your friend and ask them about it.

5. You are not as anonymous as you think

Assume that there is no such thing as privacy. Blogs, emails, websites and comments can be tracked back to you. This shouldn’t scare you, but will help you reconsider your potential online actions.

6. Your online actions could make or break you

College recruiters, potential employers and colleagues will look at your digital footprint. If you wouldn’t say it or show it to your grandma, it probably shouldn’t go online. From photos to status remarks, you should always portray yourself in a positive light.

7.Stop Before You Hit Submit

Consider the reactions of those who see your content. Before you post, think:
Does anyone really care?
Is this really something I want to share or am I just venting?
How would I feel if I was the one receiving or reading that?
Could this hurt someone I know?

While the issues of “Disconnect”, the movie is painfully real, it is not as morbid as it should be. The story of a family disconnected through technology can happen but it is the parent who can keep the family together. There is no need to disconnect from the reality that this is wired generation. Parents should connect with their kids at an early age. Online privacy, cyber-bullying and your digital footprint is a serious matter. We need to remind our children to take of themselves, their reputation and look out for their friends.

I have always stated that family values need to be passed along. Family values passed along to every generation play a monumental role in how our child learns and grows. Defining this time will help our family to understand what is important and what it means when one is talking about issues such as family time, play time, and other larger issues such as spirituality and the beliefs that we wish our child to grow up with.

This is the connection that needs to be defined with our children.

Photo of digital footprint from digitalfamilysummit.com

The Momo challenge is a challenge for parents to be more pro-active and tech-savvy

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It is important to remember that the Momo challenge is not a genuine cyber threat in terms of infecting or corrupting devices or seeking to steal, however, it is a malicious joke intending to shock and unsettle and, as the craze gathers momentum and media hype increases, more people are going to be tempted to scare their friends or, more worryingly, use the meme to harass and intimidate.

The Momo challenge appears to be more fear than fact, it’s important that parents talk to their children about it. – Parent Zone

First things first. Don’t panic. Educate yourself. Fact check. Kids are drawn to internet challenges, It is fascinating to teens, who can be both impulsive and drawn to behavior that draws attention, especially in social media. 

What is the Momo challenge? The Parent Zone briefs you about it. The Momo challenge is the latest in a series of online challenges that emerge and cause enormous concern. Sometimes the challenges are more myth than reality but that doesn’t reduce the worry..”

An article on Forbes.com says “evidence of direct harm caused by the game is yet to be found. It is essentially a viral ghost story.”

The Momo challenge is a challenge for parents to be pro-active parents in the digital world. If you are a parent, you don’t allow your kids to roam around the streets. You don’t allow your kids to talk to strangers or accept things from strangers. The offline word is the same as the online world. You won’t allow your children to walk in cyberspace without guidance.

READ: Are digital gadgets good for our kids?

Do you have a family media plan?

Digital Parenting with “Visible Internet”

Social media and suicide

I have written many articles on digital parenting but let me emphasize the following:

  1. Talk to your child regularly about the biggest challenges they’ve heard about in their circle of friends. Sometimes kids are more willing to talk about their peers than themselves. Asking questions about school trends, friends and fads may yield more answers than direct questions about their own activities.
  2. Be updated on internet trends/ laws : cyberbullying, data privacy, and cyber security. It is important to remember that this not a genuine cyber threat in terms of infecting or corrupting devices or seeking to steal, however, it is a malicious joke intending to shock and unsettle and, as the craze gathers momentum and media hype increases, more people are going to be tempted to scare their friends or, more worryingly, use the meme to harass and intimidate.
  3. Visit healthychildren.org or commonsensemedia.org and understand the appeal of these challenges. Search for online challenges, internet challenges.
  4. Develop a media plan. Parents play a role in guiding children and teens navigate the internet and media environment, just as they help them learn how to behave off-line. No one can decide the media plan for your family except the parent or caregiver but there are recommendations to give you an idea. Use the interactive, online tool so families could to create a personalized Family Media Use Plan at HealthyChildren.org/MediaUsePlan

We need to understand the technologies better to know how they should and should not be used. We have to recognize where the real world begins and ends so we can help our children develop boundaries in both worlds. 

‘Oversharenting’ and other social media pitfalls

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“Whether or not you realize it, you’re setting up a digital trail for your children that can last through their lifetime, and you’re doing it without your permission”

Psychological implications of growing up without anonymity

oversharentingCutesy photos may be harmless now, but they might pose a problem in years to come. This is why experts strongly recommend making sure that whatever images or anecdotes parents post are things their children will feel comfortable with later in life.

“Whether or not you realize it, you’re setting up a digital trail for your children that can last through their lifetime, and you’re doing it without your permission,” Greenberg says.

Kathryn Tuggle of Main Street explains that children can also be very sensitive about their appearance during their tween years. “If you post photos of your child during an ‘ugly duckling’ phase, you could be setting them up for self-esteem issues in the future.”

Another danger is “branding” your child. If you continually post pictures of them crying or clinging to you with captions like, “He’s so cranky,” or “She’s so shy,” it’s also possible you could be shaping your children’s perception of themselves. Hence, think about what’s best for your child, not you, the next time you log on to social media.

To read more about privacy setting pluses and the problems with privacy settings, click here.

‘Oversharenting’

Sharing too much information about one’s kids online has become too commonplace that according to Time, a term has already been coined for this: oversharenting. It is understandable that parents would want to share the growth and development of their children, but there’s also a fine line between posting family pictures and cutesy photos of baby’s first bath. You never know where your kid’s pictures might end up someday.

“Anytime you post anything on social media, you’re losing a little bit of control over what happens to that image,” says clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg through Main Street. “There are people out there who are bad. There are stalkers and malicious people who can take your pictures and put them on sites where heads end up on other people’s bodies… Socially isolated people who spend all day on Facebook stalking people, who get turned on by children,” Greenberg adds, emphasizing how as parents, we have to think about how much we’re going to post.

Joining the bandwagon is never a good reason to post something. “There may be pressure to show off your baby, but you don’t have to join that club. It’s always your decision.”

What you can do

Some parents go to extreme measures of literally posting nothing about their kids at all, but for those who still want to share photos or videos of their beautiful brood to some extent online, here are some tips that might be helpful:

  • If you shall decide to keep your child off social media, cull your friend list and let them know about your intention of doing so.
  • You may also use a pet name, rather than your child’s real name, to afford him/her some protection against companies or individuals who might be interested in your child’s personal data.
  • Avoid tagging your child’s photos on Facebook lest you want to the facial recognition tool to work on him/her.
  • Lock down your privacy settings to prevent strangers from viewing your pictures and posts.
  • Lastly, and most importantly, use the internet consciously and in a way that is effective and positive for your life.

15940615297_b6e61e5883_b

Here are other interesting and worthwhile reads on sharing about your child on social media:

*“Mother and Child Reflected” by William Pitcher, courtesy of Flickr. 

 

written by Edel Cayetano as originally posted at the Philippine Online Chronicles

 

Digital Parenting with the “Visible Internet”

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Originally published at Sunday Business & IT section, October 21, 2018

Parents need to venture into the online world of their children to help them navigate the tricky waters, learn the rules, learn from their adult experience and still be safe. We play a role in guiding children and teens navigate the internet and media environment, just as we help them learn how to behave off-line. In our digital lifestyle, a mobile phone or tablet is within easy reach. Raising tech-savvy kids at such a young age has its benefits but can be worrisome. Thanks to the smartphone, children can become subjected to cyber-bullying or get distracted and lose their ability to focus. There is another concern on the blue light from digital devices which allegedly damages vision.

visible internet

What can we do?

We can walk with our children to help them navigate the digital world. This can take the form of digital and non-digital action. A non-digital action undertakes steps outside the digital world. It includes open conversation, no smartphones during dinner or setting a time limit and more. Start a media plan that considers the health, education, and entertainment needs of each child and the whole family. An online tool at HealthyChildren.org/MediaUsePlan is available so families can create a personalized Family Media Use Plan.

READ: Do you have a family media plan?
Parenting in the new digital age
Are digital gadgets good for our kids?

The digital part focuses on the smartphone itself to make it more compatible with the child’s use. Such actions include security, privacy and parental control settings. Several parental control apps are available online but restrict websites, apps and time usage. What if a tool does not include restrictions, spying or policing, just modern day applications mixed with good parenting?

I got introduced to Visible Internet’s modern technology which serves as a bridge between smart phones, tablets and computers used by parents and their children.  The “Visible Internet” app centers on the strong Filipino culture, ensuring that parents remain the guiding influence in their children’s lives. Its seamless integration into the busy lives of parents allows them to be present in the crucial years of their child’s development.

“The most important element missing in the internet lives of children are the parents. Research has proven that children make better choices, perform better at school and are more focused on the things that matter in their lives when they know their parents are involved.”, says Tony Fawaz, CEO and Founder of Visible Internet. Our children deserve a safe environment – a place where they can learn, get entertained, and grow. The internet can be that place if it empower parents to be a part of their children’s digital lives and to frame the internet as a transparent family experience.

How  “Visible Internet” works

It is best to create an account on the desktop at visibleinternet.com so you can try a free version.  A parent gets free access for one child with one gadget before deciding to avail a full subscription payment.  “Visible Internet” supports your role as a parent with one set of features for you and a different set of features for your child. This requires two different apps.  After creating the account on your desktop, one can download and install the “Visible Internet” parent app. The next step is to install the “Visible Internet” child app on your kid’s smartphone or another device.

Installation of the child app enables parental access to the location and screen activity of the child’s device. The parent app user-interface makes interaction with the child easy, fun and informative. Parents can view a child’s location along with their internet activity on demand or regular intervals. Images broadcasted to the parent app show up as camera roll images. This expand for easy viewing and logged as historical data. A simple tap on your “Visible Internet” app tells you where all your children are in seconds. It also captures a screen cap of what they are looking at their smartphone at that particular time.

Visible Internet is a multi-platform technology working across the technology children use iOs iPhones, iPad, iPad, Android smart phones, and tablets, iMac computer, Windows and Chrome book laptop and PC.  This app is a lifestyle choice because it helps parents understand what is going on in the digital lives of their children. The best way to make technology a healthy and positive part of family life is to embrace it as a family activity.

The information contained here should not be a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician.

Do you have a family media plan?

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This Family Media Plan was first posted at Manila Times

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) developed an interactive, online tool so families could create a personalized Family Media Use Plan at HealthyChildren.org/MediaUsePlan

Meet two mothers who have different media plans for their kids. One mom of two girls aged nine and 10 years old says gadgets are only allowed on weekends. This is assuming they don’t have exams or a tremendous amount of homework. Also, they cannot use the gadgets the whole day as we “force” them to go outside and play. She also added that she is friends with her kids on Facebook, the only social network allowed. Her kids are hardly ever on Facebook so there is minimal monitoring. This mom also has access to their gadgets and Facebook. Their gadgets are synchronized to her gadgets so she knows what they download. She created their FB accounts so she knows their passwords. Their android tablets are also synched to her Google account.

Then there is another mother of two, aged nine and 13 years old, who doesn’t have weekday-weekend play and gadget rules. She allows her kids to use gadgets as long as they satisfy a grade requirement, which is no grade below B+ or 88. She is connected to them via Facebook but they hardly use it. They don’t have Instagram but have Twitter for school use.

family media plan

Like I discussed in my last column, “Are digital gadgets good for our children?”, parents play a role in guiding children and teens navigate the internet and media environment, just as they help them learn how to behave off-line. No one can decide the media plan for your family except the parent or caregiver but there are recommendations to give you an idea.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommend that parents or caregivers develop a family media plan that considers the health, education, and entertainment needs of each child and the whole family. Our family pediatrician told me that the Philippine Pediatric Society (PPS) follows the recommendations of the PPS.

Continue reading at the Manila Times

Are digital gadgets good for our kids?

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Are digital gadgets good for our kids? was first published at the Manila Times, July 29, 2018.

Most parents face this dilemma: should they be giving their kids gadgets as toys? Or should they deprive them of these gadgets? It doesn’t help that the World Health Organization (WHO) recently released the latest update of its International Classification of Diseases and identified gaming disorder as an addictive behavior disorder. The new classification is warranted because of a movement in the medical field to recognize addictive behaviors extend beyond drug addiction, according to John Roache, who heads UT Health San Antonio’s Division of Alcohol and Drug Addiction.

Having raised my three children in the early age of the internet in 1995, I followed two parenting concepts that applies online and offline. These are clear limits and lead by example.

Clear limits mean providing boundaries on our child’s activities and walking the talk on rules.

We need to understand the technologies better to know how they should and should not be used. We have to recognize where the real world begins and ends so we can help our children develop boundaries in both worlds. Parents also need to venture into the online world of our children to help them navigate the tricky waters, learn the rules, learn from our adult experience and still be safe.

In our digital lifestyle, a mobile phone or tablet is usually within easy reach. Raising tech-savvy kids at such a young age has its advantage but can also be a little worrisome. Both feelings are valid, but the motivation behind our children’s interaction with gadgets need to be examined as this can help determine whether the use of the gadget is beneficial or harmful to the kid. Children exposed to gadgets for more than two hours a day have higher risk of becoming overweight, which could lead to other serious illnesses such as diabetes and heart diseases according to Dr. Parolita Mission, head of the National Nutrition Council (NNC) in Region 7.

A paper “The Impact of using Gadgets on Children”, written by Sundus of the Department of Computer Science, Lahore Garrison University and which appeared in the “Journal of Depression and Anxiety” published on January 10, 2018 discussed both the positive and negative impact of gadget use. The positive impact of gadget use are 1) Children have better motor skills; 2) Gadgets are fun for kids while they use them; 3) Educational games help children to perform well in their studies; 4) Playing video games enhances their skills of competition and enables them to manage themselves in competing environment.

On the other hand, the negative impact of gadget use is Speech or language delay, Attention deficits, Learning problems, anxiety, childhood depression, and negative impact on character.

Mundus recommend some tips parents can follow when their child is using gadgets.

Set time for using screens: The amount of time children spend on gadgets need to be restricted and be consistent by not allowing them to use after their time is finished. It is recommended that small children use gadget an hour a day and two hours a day for school children. Set your own rules and follow them consistently.

Some parents get their children’s gadgets at 9:00 PM before bedtime while others programmed their modem to shut off at a certain time. Another parent I know allows her highschool children to monitor their own time as long as their grades are fine. The limits I set for my children below 16 years old: only one hour gadget use/internet a day. No TV during school days. Once the girls were in college, I set them free and allowed them to set their own rules.

Make them play outside: Children need to be encouraged to play outside with their friends and siblings. They will learn to interact and communicate with other children. Playing with pets like cats, dogs, and other kids are so much better, rather than watching any animated movie. Playing outside also helps in exercising long distance vision and lessens the chances of myopia. Allow them to develop other hobbies like singing, sports or the arts.

You can also make a deal in the house that for every hour of media, they must also spend an hour reading or being outside. This makes sure kids keep a balance between technology and other activities.

Gadgets as babysitters is discouraged: It is best to keep the children occupied with other creative toys, story books, puzzles, coloring books while you are busy. Kids should be experiencing all the senses in their activities not just eye-hand coordination.

Ensure adequate sleep of your child:  10 hours a day is what our young children need every day. Good sleep helps recover from eyestrain and for efficient working of brain.

If you need to use digital devices to your young children, cuddle them in your arms or sit them on your lap. The best way to make technology a healthy and positive part of family life is actually to embrace it as a family activity.

Play games along with them to encourage building social skills while monitoring how they are learning. Teach them how to use technology responsibly. Talk to them about apps that have added value, versus apps that are merely repetitive. For as long as the kids are guided well and follow a balanced set of online and offline activities, gadget use can be beneficial to their learning and growth. As with everything, moderation is key.

Helicopter parents may need to come down to earth

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Helicopter parents take away a child’s character and his ability to do things on his own. This type of parenting is backfiring. – Lisa Hein

helicopter-parenting

I only heard of term, helicopter parenting from Cookie when I asked for suggestions on topics. I did a little research and found out that helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach, whether their children need them or not.

I wondered if I was so I asked Lauren if I was a helicopter parent because I knew at some point I was a protective and strict parent. She said “no”. Sometimes I think I am so laid back but I don’t think I was a helicopter parent except when it came to the internet usage. In 1996, there were very few kids online and I had no one to ask advice on web safety. I learned to let go when the girls were in college but I never hovered like a helicopter when it came to their academics. In fact, I never fussed about their grades except when they needed help on a topic. Part of growing up is learning to stand on their own. The girls knew we were always there to ask for help.

How can you tell if you are a helicopter parent? A parent shared me her article 10 ways to tell if you are a helicopter parent, ten signs that you’re well on the road to driving your children, and yourself, insane. What is disturbing is the results of a study that says ” overly protective parents might be leaving a lasting impact on their child’s personality.” The US study, which surveyed college freshman, is one of the first to try to define exactly what helicopter parenting is, and measure it.

Can you imagine what it will be like in the more conservative Philippine setting? Only 10 % of the students surveyed had helicopter parents. I think I saw a few during registration period in Ateneo when I fetched my daughter after she was done.

What did the study show?

“Students with helicopter parents tended to be less open to new ideas and actions, as well as more vulnerable, anxious and self-consciousness, among other factors, compared with their counterparts with more distant parents.”

“We have a person who is dependent, who is vulnerable, who is self-conscious, who is anxious, who is impulsive, not open to new actions or ideas; is that going to make a successful college student?”

Many educators have been searching for ways to tell parents when to back off. It’s a tricky line to walk, since studies link parents’ engagement in a child’s education to better grades, higher test scores, less substance abuse and better college outcomes. Given a choice, teachers say, overinvolved parents are preferable to invisible ones.

The challenge is helping parents know when they are crossing a line.

My advice is letting go slowly… starting at 8 years old, determine if your child can wean off from your tutorial time, decide extra curricular activities and even making decisions with your guidance. Remember , a certain amount of hovering is understandable when it comes to young kids, but when it persists through high school and college, I think it is so unhealthy for both sides.

‘Give ’em the morals, give ’em the right start, but you’ve got to let them go.’ They deserve to live their own lives.”

helicopter-mom

Image posted at take10withtricia.com and http://womenonthefence.com

What kids search online

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Kaspersky Lab’s latest report on the online activities of children – based on statistics received from its solutions and modules with child protection features – highlights children’s online activities and the importance of protecting them when online. The top three most googled items by kids worldwide are video, text translation and communication 

I have never tried Kapersky but I am intrigued with their latest report on online activities of children. Twenty year ago, there were not many websites so it was easy to track the online activities of my children. With so much multimedia today , it is impossible to monitor all the sites.  There are many security solutions like McAfee, Symantec Norton, Bitdefender , Kapersky and Avast . I personally use Avast but you can also check this Kaspersky report before trying it out.

what kids search online

The report shows anonymized statistics from Kaspersky Lab’s flagship consumer solutions for Windows PCs and Macs that have the Parental Control module switched on and from Kaspersky Safe Kids, a standalone service for Windows, Mac, iOS and Android devices.

For example, the report presents search results on the ten most-popular languages* for the last 6 months. The data shows that the video & audio category – including requests related to any video content, streaming services, video bloggers, series and movies – are the most regularly ‘googled’ by children (17% of the total requests). The second and third places go to translation (14%) and communication (10%) websites respectively. Interestingly, games websites sit in fourth place, generating only 9% of the total search requests.

We can also see a clear language difference for search requests: for example, video and music websites are typically searched for in English, which can be explained by the fact that the majority of movies, TV series and musical groups have English names.

Spanish-speaking kids carry out more requests for translation sites, while communication services are mostly searched for in Russian. More than any other nationality, Chinese-speaking children look for education services, while French-speaking kids are more interested in sport and games websites. In turn, German-speaking requests dominate in the “shopping” category. The leading number of search requests for porn are in Arabic, and for anime are in Japanese.

“Kids in different countries have different interests and online behaviors, but what links them all is their need to be protected online from potentially harmful content. Children looking for animated content could accidentally open a porn video. Or they could start searching for innocent videos and unintentionally end up on websites containing violent content, both of which could have a long-term impact on their impressionable and vulnerable minds,” says Anna Larkina, Web-content Analysis Expert at Kaspersky Lab.

As well as analyzing searches, the report also looks into which websites children visit or attempt to visit that contain potentially harmful content which falls under one of the 14 preset categories** for the last 12 months.

The data shows that communication sites (such as social media, messengers, or emails) were the most popular pages visited by computers with parental controls switched on – with users visiting these sites in 60% of cases over the previous 12 months. However, the percentage for this category is dropping every year as mobile devices continue to play a bigger role in children’s online activities.

The second most popular category of websites visited by these users is “software, audio, and video” (22%). Websites with this content have become significantly more popular since last year, when it was only the fifth most popular category at 6%. The top three is rounded off by alcohol, tobacco, and websites about narcotics (6%), which is a new addition compared to this time last year.

The mobile trend is again highlighted in the figures for gaming websites, which are now only in fourth place on the list at 5%. As kids continue to show a preference for mobile games rather than computer games, this category will only continue to decrease in popularity on computers over the coming months and years.

“No matter what they are doing online, it is important for parents not to leave their children’s digital activities unattended, because there’s a big difference between care and obtrusiveness. While it is important to trust your children and educate them about how to behave safely online, even your good advice cannot protect them from something unexpectedly showing up on the screen. That’s why advanced security solutions are key to ensuring children have positive online experiences, rather than harmful ones”, adds Anna Larkina.

The Kaspersky Total Security and Kaspersky Internet Security consumer solutions include a Parental Control module to help adults protect their children against online threats and block sites or apps containing inappropriate content. In turn, the Kaspersky Safe Kids solution allows parents to monitor what their children do, see or search for online across all devices, including mobile devices, and offers useful advice on how to help children behave safely online.

Check out the whole report, at https://securelist.com/kids-report-2018/85912/.

* These languages in Kaspersky Safe Kids are: English, German, Russian, Portuguese, Arabic, Japanese, Chinese, French, Italian, Spanish. Search engines include different categorizations, covering: Pornography, eroticism; Abortion; Religious movements and sects; Weapons; Drugs; Alcohol; Tobacco; Violence; Extremism, racism; Self-harm, suicide and Gambling.

** The 14 categories of websites that can be blocked by the Parental Control module in Kaspersky Lab’s solutions are: Adult content; Alcohol, tobacco, narcotics; Computer games; E-commerce; Explicit language; Gambling, lotteries, sweepstakes; HTTP query redirection; Internet communication media; Job searches; News media; Religions, religious associations; Software, audio, video; Violence and Weapons, explosives, pyrotechnic.

 

‘Sharenting’: Are we overexposing our babies on social media?

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Our little ones are a bottomless wellspring of delight, no doubt. “A baby is a blessing. A gift from heaven above, a precious little angel to cherish and to love.”

baby-pictures

To some they are like angels sent from above to bring joy and laughter; while to others, they are promises of immortality who will carry on the family’s name. Still to some, they are perceived to give purpose and direction to an otherwise meaningless life.

Adults marvel how babies manage to sleep peacefully, hence people say “Let him sleep, for when he wakes up, he will move mountains.” And really, there nothing more adorable than a baby sleeping … well … like a baby. CLICK!

“There’s nothing really quite so sweet like tiny little baby feet.” Tiny, pink and chubby toes are so cute one can play “This little pig…” rhymes while holding these toes one by one. CLICK!

Babies are a wonder because in just a year, as they celebrate their monthly birthdays, they grow from closed-eyed and needy infants to toddlers taking one step at a time while babbling their favorite syllables. CLICK!

“Babies smile in their sleep because they are listening to the whispering of angels.” Don’t we gush when a baby smiles while sleeping and even more so when she is awake and looking into our eyes? CLICK!

From just milk to nourish them all day long, they start to be given nutritious and delicious food. They even try to feed themselves and really, parents don’t mind the mess because their babies are growing up to be independent! CLICK!

Toothless smiles are really precious but when there’s a tooth or two, they even look cuter.. CLICK!

New clothes, toys, baby gadgets and other thingamajigs from thoughtful friends and relatives? CLICK!

A baby’s “firsts” are widely celebrated amidst proud announcements that she can now babble, feed herself, walk, navigate an electronic tablet, hold the bottle independently and so on and so forth. CLICK! CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!

CLICKS. You ask why so many clicks? I say “why not?”

Taking endless photos and videos are the things people do to record, remember and share baby milestones with family and friends. Photos and videos show babies’ developmental new tricks and other developmental progress.

People with social media accounts like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram usually see these baby photos and videos posted by relatives and friends. Of course, there’s no denying that we love “oohing” and “aahing” these photos of the little ones.

On the other hand, there are times when it feels like there is over sharing and too much “exposure” for the baby.

OH MY! UMAY!

“OH MY! Your baby is soooo cute and adorable!” These we read in the comments. But if it the same baby in her blissful sleep in an album with 59 photos taken within an hour or so, doesn’t it become “UMAY!” already?

SO CUTE! SO (NOT) CUTE!

All babies are cute, right? Yes, all babies are cute but some are just way cuter and more adorable and more cuddly than others. If someone posts an album of a baby that belongs to the “others” in the previous description, what would you say? Would you comment that the baby is cute, adorable and cuddly when in fact he doesn’t measure up to your personal standard of what is cute, adorable and cuddly?

OH WOW! OA.

We usually gush when we see something really great and say “Oh wow!” This could be for a video that shows your friend’s 10-month old baby taking his first steps. This could be for a photo of a baby who loves eating mashed peas.. We usually say “OA” when the taking the first steps videos are posted one after the other or like previously written, 50+ (or even more!) photos of the baby eating the mashed peas.

To post or not to post. This is one dilemma that parents need to consider when posting on their Social Media accounts. Below are a few reminders on what to post or what not to post about babies:

To post (but not the same photos in no more than 5-10 pictures):
• Baby’s milestones
• Baby’s firsts
• Baby’s monthly pre-birthday celebrations

Not to post:
• Babies without clothes on
• Babies taking a bath
• Babies with other parents’ children
• Baby’s geotagged daycare center place
• Photos with information about the baby
• Photos of baby while unwell

If you parents, however, feel that you need to share these photos and videos on your Social Media accounts, there is no stopping you.

Here are guidelines which may help you ensure you do not endanger the baby’s safety and privacy from exposure to social media:

1. Tinker with the privacy settings of the Social Media accounts to make sure photos are not shared indiscriminately.
2. Turn off geotagged photos which show locations.
3. Only share with people you really know.
4. Ask yourself if you want people you do not really know see the photos you are sharing.
5. Ask yourself if you are willing to take that risk to have your baby’s photos used in other sites without your knowledge and permission.
6. If still you want to share, put watermark on the photo or least blur the baby’s face a bit.
We should value our privacy now more than ever especially since social media accounts are vulnerable to having its contents used by people of bad intent. This has happened and is happening. At this very moment, who knows that photos of your little ones have already been posted elsewhere?

 

written by Julie Fuertes-Custodio, as originally published at the Philippines Online Chronicles

 

Divorce in the Philippines?

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(I first wrote divorce in the Philippines , seven years ago. This is updated in the light of the divorce bill being deliberated at the Plenary in the coming weeks)

divorce philippines

Believe it or not! The Philippines is now the only country without Divorce that has not legalized divorce. There is Vatican but it is not really a country.

In 2011, Gabriela refiled a controversial bill to legalize divorce in the country. Known as House Bill No. 1799 (An Act Introducing Divorce in the Philippines), which listed down five grounds for the filing of a petition for divorce. This year, a consolidated  bill  seeking to allow divorce in the Philippines has hurdled the House committee level and may be up for deliberation at the plenary in a week. The proposed  bill titled “An Act Instituting Divorce and Absolute Dissolution of Marriage in the Philippines”, substituted House Bills 116, 1062, 2380 and 6027.

Spouses have the option to file for an absolute divorce, a legal separation, or annulment of marriage under the proposed bill. Section 3 paragraph 2 of the bill states that the government should assure that the divorce shall be inexpensive and its process, efficient.

The grounds for absolute divorce under Section 5 of the bill are limited to the following:

  1. Physical violence or grossly abusive conduct directed against the petitioner, a common child or a child of the petitioner;
  2. Physical violence or moral pressure to compel the petitioner to change religious or political affiliation;
  3. Attempt of respondent to corrupt or induce the petitioner, a common child or child of petitioner to engage in prostitution;
  4. Imprisonment of respondent for more than six years, even if pardoned;
  5. Drug addiction or habitual alcoholism or chronic gambling on the part of respondent;
  6. Respondent’s homosexuality
  7. Bigamous marriage contracted by respondent
  8. Marital infidelity or perversion or having a child with another person other than spouse during marriage, except upon mutual agreement;
  9. Attempt against the life of the petitioner, common child or child of petitioner
  10. Abandonment by petitioner or by respondent without justifiable cause for more than one year.

My stand on divorce

I am for divorce. Let me elaborate.

I wrote about annulment in the Philippines 12 years ago. The comments from readers exposed me to the sad reality of abusive spouses. I understood the reasons of failed marriages of close friends and relatives but it was only in my blog and through emails, that I understood the abusive relationships in some marriages. My heart reaches out to women crying out for help, one of which told me:

Being trapped for 18 years (1992-present) as single parent but status married, I hate our laws, as a woman, as a wife, having been abused. I was a battered wife for four years until i decided to run away for my life. My home is not safe anymore, my basic right to life was violated for four years (1988-1992) by someone supposed to protect me. Annulment law is a milking cow for lawyers, a law only for the elite, a privilege to those who can afford, a law for sale, another human rights violation. For those battered women who cant afford, the law shouts for you to wait for death, no escape, we are doomed.
Being battered and unprotected is one thing I hate being born Filipina. I was already scammed and I cannot even appeal cause 15 days has lapsed. Money cannot be made in 15 days for a single parent with two children whose education is priority. Decision notice did not even warn me I have to beat 15 days.

It is for this reason that the bill was filed, “for women in abusive marital relationships, the need for a divorce law is real. It is high time that we give Filipino couples, especially the women, this option,” said Gabriela Representatives Luzviminda Ilagan and Emerenciana De Jesus in the bill’s explanatory note.

An abusive relationship is one reason why I support the divorce bill.

The abuse can be verbal, physical or psychological. One in five women experienced some form of physical violence .

In 2013, the government’s National Statistics Office carried out its latest National Demographic and Health Survey. It found that one in five women aged between 15 and 49 had experienced some form of physical violence, and one in four emotional, physical, or sexual violence from their husbands. Of course, these statistics are most likely a fraction of what is actually happening, since only 30 percent of women said they sought assistance after suffering abuse, falling to just 4 percent when pregnant. But there does appear to be an upwards trend of reporting crime to the police; from 1997 to 2013, the number of cases of violence against women reported rose by more than 500 percent. Granted, these cut across economic status, but statistics continually show that the impacts of a failed marriage or a violent spouse, and the inability to properly separate from such a relationship, often fall harder on poorer women.

Do you think the spouse who inflict these abuse ever change? Most never do and the only way for abusive spouses to change is to undergo therapy.

A divorced mother from the USA told me that “the culture and values of a society have to change. There has to be equal respect and rights given to men and women. This has to be more important than “protecting the sanctity of marriage”. As fas as I am concerned, if a partner (man OR woman) abuses the other, THE SANCTITY OF THEIR MARRIAGE HAVE ALREADY BEEN VIOLATED.”

divorce philippines

Divorce Law is a start

If the divorce bill is passed, well and good but it does not stop there.

Instituting divorce law is a start. Changes need to start within the family system and our culture.

1. As parents, we teach our children not by words but with our actions. Abusive spouses will pass on their habits to their children when they witness physical, sexual, economic, verbal or psychological violence. As parents, our children have to know that Violence against women in any form is a crime.

2. Women have to change – they have to be brave enough to leave their husbands and make it in on their own, believe in their own strengths and ability to live and support themselves and their children.

3. Men have to change. If a man feels entitled to treat his wife and children as property or human beings who should be under his control, then he needs to be thrown in jail if he acts accordingly.

4. Most importantly, we all have to change, women trapped in these relationships are isolated – some physically, financially, socially, others just emotionally (that is why there are accomplished career women who are in these relationships).

*number 2-4 was shared to me by a divorced Filipino in the USA

Marriage will not be taken lightly if there is a divorce law. The law is there to help spouses trapped in abusive relationships and when the marriage is beyond repair. What happens if your child witness the abusive spouse hitting their parent? The child will believe it is alright to be stuck in a marriage where abuse is alright. The child in turn, will carry this on in their future relationships.

I believe my friend when she said that “the most important persons in this situation are the children. In any decision you make, always choose the one that is best for them.”

Voice out your opinions on the Divorce Bill.

The good news is this is the first time a Divorce Bill reaches House Plenary for deliberation.

If you feel that the divorce bill is important to you, show your support for it. If you are against it, then voice your opinion as well.  Think about the benefits and consequences carefully. Think about how you, someone you know, or even how your own children will be affected by the bill if it becomes law.

Click the thumbnails below

“An Act Providing for Absolute Divorce and Dissolution of Marriage” (Images via https://twitter.com/VinceNonatoINQ )

Photo: from localwin.com and “I can has divorce?” by Nick Schweitzer, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved