After a loss, life moves on…to a new normal

by ⋅ 1 Comment

A mother who lost a child often cries out over insensitive remarks. I have heard it countless of times. Consider this conversation from a mother who thought a well-meaning friend was insensitive.

Don’t they know? Of course these wonderful, concerned, well-meaning friends don’t know. They can only guess how I feel. They haven’t personally known (thank God) the disbelief, the shock, the anger, the depression that has filled my heart and soul since my child died. They don’t know that the words I need to hear are, ““I know you must be hurting terribly. You had such a good life together, the pain must be awful. You need to express your anger, your frustration. I know it must be hard for you to believe that God is a loving God who will support you through this horrible tragedy.” They can’t know words aren’t necessary, that just being there, holding my hand, crying with me, or listening to me would be much more comforting than words they feel they must say.

I don’t think they are insensitive. They just don’t know how to comfort or are uncomfortable in facing a person who lost a loved one.

Even one can experience grief in the loss of a presidential candidate in an election.

One often suffers temporary emotional pain in response to loss of anything that is very important to us. Here, losing a dream where we looked up to potential leaders of our country who hold our future and the future  of our children. The pain is a normal internal feeling one experiences in reaction to a loss—the defeat of a candidate in the elections. The winning of certain candidates even made the pain worse in the senatorial slate, which is mostly political dynasties or familiar names.

The defeat of your candidate hurts. This is a loss of a dream you nurtured in your mind for the love of country. It is okay to cry. There is a normal reaction to loss. It is not a sign of weakness. I needed to tell myself that: feel, acknowledge, and express my emotions with an attitude of acceptance and compassion. The time will come when you can handle it with a sense of loving acceptance.How do you fare when you come across a bereaved? What do you say? You don’t say “Life should go on”. The grief journey is a process and when a loss or death is just so recent, mourning and moving on is not possible.

Do not ask them to deny their tears. Allow them to wash their inner wounds and speed the healing of their heart. In time, life goes on.

Grief is cyclical, much the same way the seasons change. Saying “life should go on” when grief is so fresh is like diminishing the grief of these victims.

Not everyone will follow the same journey. Some move on to their new life (without their loved one) ahead than others. The bereaved, in their own individual ways, gradually get better at bearing their loss. Mainly, the pain simply softens with the passage of time.

Moving on means that we live a new normal, never forgetting the love and memories of our beloved. Moving on says nothing about forgetting our loved one, not missing them or not wishing they were still with us, many years after the death. It says we will think and feel differently about having lost him or her.

Here are other words that are not comforting to those who have lost a loved one:

“It’s a good way to die.”
Don’t they know there is no good way for a child to die? Can’t they understand there’s nothing good about his being snatched away from our life?

“Remember, everything is God’s will.”
Don’t they know I can’t understand how God could cause me such despair? Don’t they understand that I can’t accept this as God’s will?

“All things work together for good for those who love God.”
Don’t they know I’m not sure I can love a God who robbed me of my child? Can’t they understand I’m very angry at God, who treated me so unfairly?

“Your child is better off. He’s gone to Heaven, where he will have eternal peace.”
Don’t they know I can’t be relieved to know Hess in Heaven when I ache so to have him back? Can’t they understand that his death is an injustice, not a godsend?

“Count your blessings.”
Don’t they know that in this state of mind I can’t in my wildest dreams consider all this pain, this anger, this emptiness, this frustration a blessing?

“If you look around you, you’ll find someone worse off than you are.”
Don’t they know right now I can’t imagine anyone worse off than I am?

“Think of all your precious memories.”
Don’t they know how much it hurts to live with nothing more than memories? Can’t they understand that because our love was so great, the pain is more intense?

“Keep your chin up.”
Don’t they know how hard it is to do that when I really want to cry, to wail, and to scream at the injustice that has been dealt me?

“You must put it all behind you and get on with your life.”
Don’t they know we don’t hurt by choice when our children die? I haven’t met a bereaved parent yet who wasn’t really weary of hurting.

“Time will heal.”
Don’t they know how time is dragging for me now, that every minute seems like an hour and every hour like a day? Can’t they understand how frightening it is to face the rest of my life without my child?

“If there’s anything I can do, let me know.”
Don’t they know they shouldn’t wait for me to ““let them know?” Can’t they understand that my mind is so numb I can’t even think of what needs to be done?

May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through.

by ⋅ 2 Comments

To all my visitors, may you have a Blessed Christmas. May the warmth and love of family and friends that make the holiday season so memorable. May peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through. Merry Christmas everyone.

Peace and Joy to all.

From the Dado Family

To those who have lost a child, here is a poem for you:

Christmas message
Luijoe’s last Christmas with us, 1999

Twas the month before Christmas
and I dreaded the days,
That I knew I was facing the holiday craze.
The stores were all filled with holiday lights,
In hopes of drawing customers
by day and by night.
As others were making their holiday plans,
My heart was breaking – I couldn’t understand.
I had lost my dear child a few years before,
And I knew what my holiday had in store.
When out of nowhere, there arose such a sound,
I sprang to my feet and was looking around,
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash
The sight that I saw took my breath away,
And my tears turned to smiles in the light of the day.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a cluster of butterflies fluttering near.
With beauty and grace they performed a dance,
I knew in a moment this wasn’t by chance.
The hope that they gave me was a sign from above,
That my child was still near me and that I was loved.
The message they brought was my holiday gift,
And I cried when I saw them in spite of myself.
As I knelt closer to get a better view,
One allowed me to pet it – as if it knew –
That I needed the touch of its fragile wings,
To help me get through the holiday scene.
In the days that followed I carried the thought,
Of the message the butterflies left in my heart –
That no matter what happens or what days lie ahead,
Our children are with us – they’re not really dead.
Yes, the message of the butterflies still rings in my ears,
A message of hope – a message so dear.
And I imagined they sang as they flew out of sight,
“To all bereaved parents – We love you tonight!”

By Faye McCord

christmas message

Luijoe and my family, 1998

No Christmas Tree?

by ⋅ Leave a Comment

The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others’ burdens, easing other’s loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas.
-W. C. Jones

antiChristmasTree
““I have not put up any Christmas ornaments for the past 19 years. Never! What for when my family is not here. I cannot enjoy Christmas without them,” a bereaved parent once said.

He is not alone in his feelings. It is difficult to celebrate what once were beautiful, happy days. I remember how my husband dreaded Christmas day, the first without our son. He didn’t like to see the Christmas tree but I placed it anyway because I had two girls looking forward to Christmas day which has always been a joyful day to celebrate. I am thankful I opened my heart to my children and allowed them to help me embrace Christmas that year. In doing so, we renewed our strength and spirit together and we found the courage we needed to go on and enjoy life. It wasn’t the same reaction with my husband. It took him five more years to let Christmas come back to his life. And that was the year he learned that life can become good and whole and complete once again.

Why does Christmas or the holidays just make it difficult?

While most of the world seems to be addressing holiday greeting cards and planning holiday menus, the bereaved are struggling with other concerns: HOW LONG DOES GRIEF LAST? WILL THE HOLIDAYS ALWAYS BE THIS AWFUL? WHAT DO WE DO WITH THE EMPTY PLACE AT THE TABLE? WHAT IS THERE TO BE THANKFUL FOR THIS YEAR?

For many, Christmas is a special time of year. Although pretty packages and twinkling lights are the window dressing for this exciting festivity, it is the warmth and love of family and friends that make the holiday season so memorable. It can be a painful time for those experiencing the recent loss of a loved one.

I know there are others out there feeling similar losses.

If you are facing Christmas alone for the first time, I encourage you to reach out to someone you trust and share your feelings with them. Devote a place and time before Christmas Day in which you can openly honor your loved one and acknowledge your feelings. On Christmas Day, intentionally set your focus on family and friends who not only share in your loss, but who bring precious gifts of love and support to aid in your healing journey.

How To Help Yourself Through The Holidays

sad_happy_face_christmas_card

At this time you will be acutely aware of the voids in your life. You may find yourself wishing to go straight from December 24 to December 26; it is hard to continually hear Christmas carols playing and people saying ““Merry Christmas”, or to see the perfect gift and realize the person is no longer alive to enjoy it.

Here are some suggestions that may help to make your holiday season a little easier.

1. Family gatherings may be extremely difficult. Be honest with each other about your feelings; sit down and decide what you all want to do for the holiday season. Don’t set expectations too high for yourself or other family members on that day.

2. There is no right or wrong way to handle the day. Some people prefer to follow family traditions, while others decide to change them . It may help to do things just a little differently. Remember, what you choose to do this time can always be changed next year.

3. Be careful of “shoulds” it is better to do what feels best for you and your family, not what you or others think you should do. Give yourself permission to not do things. Once you have decided how your family will handle the holidays, let others know.

4. Do the Christmas preparations that you enjoy and look for alternatives for those you don’t. For example, this year you could buy baked goods, let others bake for you or do without.

5. Holidays are tiring; get lots of rest. You will need every bit of your strength.

6. If you decide to decorate your home, let children, other family members or friends help you. It’s okay to do something different, or to do no decorating at all.

7. How do you respond to “Merry Christmas”? You could say ““best wishes to you” or ““thank you”. Think of how you might answer ahead of time.

8. For Christmas dinner, you may decide to visit relatives or friends this year. If you have dinner at home, try changing the menu, the time or the room. You may want to be involved in preparing the meal, or not.

9. Be gentle with yourself and don’t expect too much. If you cry, don’t let that ruin the day for you. It may allow others to grieve and feel sad on a “happy” day.

10. Consider cutting back or not sending Christmas cards this year. It is not essential to send cards, especially to those people you will see over the holidays.

11. As the holiday approaches, share you concerns, feelings and apprehensions with someone. Let them know what is difficult for you; accept their offers of help. Holidays often magnify feelings of loss; allow yourself to experience the sadness that comes.

12. Christmas shopping can be upsetting and it may help you to shop early, to shop by telephone and catalogue, or to take along an understanding friend. Family may be willing to shop for you if they realize how difficult this is for you.

Often, after the first year of bereavement, people expect you to be ““over it”…..you will never be ““over it”. However, most people do find that eventually they are able to enjoy holidays

I wish I can tell those who have lost a loved one this message, “May you find hope and peace and ways to remember the life of your loved one, not just the death. May Love be what you remember most”.

Source for “How To Help Yourself Through The Holidays”
From Victoria Hospice, British Columbia

Unspeakable grief : The death of a child #JusticeForKian

by ⋅ Leave a Comment

The most unspeakable grief is losing a child, a death of a child… and what more to allegations that Kian Loyd Delos Santos “died amid allegations that he was framed by three police officers”. The police said Kian fought back which prompted the police to shoot him back. CCTV footage shows otherwise. How could Kian pull out a gun from his gartered shorts ? The police should have frisked the boy first before dragging him away. It is unbelievable. If this won’t outrage you , nothing will.

unspeakable grief kian death

When the unthinkable and the unspeakable happens like the death of a child especially one that has been killed in the custody of the police, who wouldn’t feel outraged by it all ? Yes , the death of any child killed under horrendous circumstances must be condemned. And to those saying there should be just as much outrage over the death of child from drug addicts…well, excuse me, I have written about death of a child under any circumstances in this blog and place them under the “Grief in the News” category.

The death of a child under police custody caused a huge  outrage because the police is supposed to protect our children. Is this what the police means on its motto to “serve & protect” the people?

Take note, 31 children have been killed so far amid the government’s war on drugs.

Imagine the grief of the mother. They will not be able to bring back their child but they can certainly look forward to filing a case. The father of Kian says even if they won’t win the case, they want to seek justice.

Imagine if Kian is your child or your friend’s child.

Anak natin sila. Betty adds : “And how we treat them–how we stand up for them, or not, may very well determine our future as a nation.”

I have not seen so much outrage. Will this now translate into action? My friend Inday says this is what we can do.

The survivors, the families of the fallen, do not need our pity. They need our empathy. They need our rage.They are us. Mother and father, brother and sister, son and daughter, friend and lover.Their fight is our fight.

We don’t fight to dispense charity. We fight for our future.
There, on the mean streets and the pockmarked trails, they need us.
We need THEM. They are the spark to conscience.
Small huddles and big rallies; home visits or funeral vigils; the painting of schools or the staging to protest art exhibits.
The ways of protest are many.
But we must start NOW.

Two days after Kian’s death, there is more outrage on social media.

Nothing can bring Kian back to his parents but justice over their son’s death will save the future lives of your children. How many more precious lives does our country have to lose on a War On Drugs that is implemented wrongly?

Farewell, Fallen Forty Four! #Fallen44 #SAF44

by ⋅ Leave a Comment

By Lakwatserang Paruparo as originally posted on Blog Watch, Philippine Online Chronicles

They chose to become policemen.
They strived to be the best they can be.
They didn’t really want to be heroes.
They just wanted to do the job they loved to do.
And that job is to defend the country and their countrymen.

They lived by their core values of Service, Integrity and Excellence and their motto is “By skill and virtue, we triumph.”

But life can really be cruel sometimes. Despite the intensive training they got for being an elite group known as “The Philippine National Police Special Action Force” or “PNP-SAF,” it is unfortunate that the bullets that killed them knew no training to recognize them. Instead, the ones who pulled the trigger on them were the ones highly trained to recognize them as the enemy.

And so they fell.

Image from @MisterBanatero. Some rights reserved

Image from @MisterBanatero. Some rights reserved

Forty four brave young men fell doing their duty to their motherland. They fell on an unfortunate day, a Sunday. They fell on a day when people were mostly worshipping and praying for peace. They even fell on the birth anniversary of the late President Corazon C. Aquino on January 25. Incidentally, on January 29, 1991, or 24 years ago, she signed Republic Act 6975 and with it, the PC-SAF became the PNP-SAF. The objective of the said Act was the need to reshuffle and revamp every government agency to facilitate the transition of the government from Dictatorship to Democracy.

Those who have seen the photographs of the Fallen 44 on television cannot help but feel a tinge of sadness as if they know them personally. There is an invisible thread that somehow linked the country to them and their loved ones, a link that understood the grief, never mind the reason for their deaths. I watched and felt sad. As a mother, I couldn’t imagine what their own grieving mothers are feeling right now. I could only reach out in prayer that their souls journey and rest in blissful peace after their bodies have been brutally massacred.

President Benigno Simeon Aquino III, son of the late President Cory, declared January 30, 2015 a “Day of Mourning” for these brave and fearless officers of the Special Action Force.

As in the days of Typhoon Yolanda, or the early days of the Pork Barrel and DAP controversies, or even the recent papal visit, nothing divides our country more than opinions relating to the words and actions of the President. I know he cannot please everyone: there will always be dissenters, bashers and critics and there will also be the perennially jaundiced followers and apologists but amidst all these, surely, there’s the right thing to be done at the right time and the right place. It’s not giving in to popular demand or riding the tide of a politically correct decision. It is simply being human and humane devoid of political trappings.

Prior to the “Day of Mourning” were days of waiting and expecting, and eventually, bashing and defending not just in social media but in mainstream media as well. #NasaanAngPangulo trended worldwide more than “TruthfortheFallen44” or “SAF44.” Former Presidents and former Generals joined in the fray as the President, his concerned cabinet members and the officers involved in the cover operation were catapulted into the limelight of notoriety once more. Suddenly, everyone had an opinion. Suddenly, everyone wanted to be heard. Suddenly, the war turned to a word war that burned in cyberspace.

That wouldn’t have been the case had the President did what he should have done as Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces of the Philippines and as a human being. The Head of the Roman Catholic Church, the charismatic Pope Francis just barely stepped out of our country leaving a trail of hope and faith amidst chaos and despair when everyone was suddenly jolted back to reality. The least that the Filipinos wanted to hear from the President during his televised address of the nation last January 28 was an honest-to-goodness admission of accountability instead of a “tour’ of his mind with its intricate and oftentimes misplaced logic that perfectly screamed “evasion!” What’s wrong with saying “I am responsible” the way sacked PNP Chief Supt. Getulio Napeñas stated? What’s wrong with saying “I am sorry” for the botched covert operations? Does he need the blood of 44 more men to write that down?

Then came the day when the 44 bodies in metal caskets arrived at Villamor Air Base where the #Fallen 44 was given the appropriate honors. After the much-criticized speech, the President could have redeemed himself by being present at the ceremonies. Voila! He wasn’t! Instead, he chose to grace the previously scheduled inauguration of the Mitsubishi plant in Sta. Rosa, Laguna. It’s in times like this when I think having a wife would’ve been beneficial to him because a woman’s wisdom sometimes can save a man’s ass. And I wonder, who in the world advised him to put a car above a soldier’s dignity, and never mind going to the arrival of the bodies because he will lead the necrological services anyway?

And people continue to ask, where is his mercy and compassion? If the Pope himself expressed his desire to be with the Yolanda victims as soon as he heard about the disaster in Leyte, and if he insisted on flying to Tacloban amidst a Signal No. 2 typhoon, why couldn’t the President personally condole with the bereaved loved ones and be at the arrival of the slain SAF officers? Why, oh, why?

Image by Paolo Arevalo. Some rights reserved.

Image by Paolo Arevalo. Some rights reserved.

Being there for someone in times of loss is more than enough comfort. It means a lot to have someone like the President of the country to be there to show he truly cares, that he has a heart for those fallen soldiers who he called heroes. Never mind if he doesn’t admit that he gave the marching orders and sent those men to their graves. There is no need for words, a strong presence is more than enough to show his big heart, if he really has one.

People of the Philippines: “Sir, where were you when your presence was needed most?”

President: “I don’t think I was ever asked that question. At the same token, parang it’s a rhetorical question, ‘di ba?”

People of the Philippines: Was that to much to ask, Mr. President?

Mismo!

Farewell #Fallen44

Gut-wrenching, heartfelt statements from the family of Robin Williams

by ⋅ Leave a Comment

A death in the family is always so heartbreaking. Losing my only son, two brothers and both my parents took me to a roller coaster ride of grief and recovery. Love never goes away when  I found myself grieving  over the loss of my loved ones . It is not often I get affected over a death of a celebrity. When I read on  my twitter feed about the death of Robin Williams,  I was in shock, denial and numb. This funny guy brought so much laughter going as far back as my college days when Mork and Mindy first came out on Television in 1978. So much joy and happiness has been  shared with my children when we watched “Hook”, “Aladdin” and even “Mrs. Doubtfire”. I can only remember Robin Williams as funny man . Though I am aware of depression and suicide, I would never truly understand how Robin Williams experienced depression or what happened in his “life to drive him to suicide, or if there was any way it could have been prevented.” All I know is “when a person experiences the ultimate tragic end to any illness, let it be a lesson as to how little we know rather than how much.” All I can do is share my Suicide prevention page because suicide prevention is everybody’s business. Educate our community that suicide is a preventable public health problem in the Philippines. Suicide should no longer be considered a taboo topic, and that through raising awareness and educating the public, we can SAVE lives.

Robin Williams lives on in his movies and in our memories of feeling good after watching these movies. His family feels the same too.

robin williams children

Let me share the touching statements from Robin Williams’ family members via eonline.com

Zak, Cody and Zelda Williams have all released statements just hours after the Oscar winner’s official cause of death was released by the local police department.

Williams’ second wife, Marsha Garces Williams, also broke her silence with a gut-wrenching, heartfelt statement of her own.

Zak: “Yesterday, I lost my father and a best friend and the world got a little grayer. I will carry his heart with me every day. I would ask those that loved him to remember him by being as gentle, kind, and generous as he would be. Seek to bring joy to the world as he sought.”

Cody: “There are no words strong enough to describe the love and respect I have for my father. The world will never be the same without him. I will miss him and take him with me everywhere I go for the rest of my life, and will look forward, forever, to the moment when I get to see him again.”

Zelda: “My family has always been private about our time spent together. It was our way of keeping one thing that was ours, with a man we shared with an entire world. But now that’s gone, and I feel stripped bare. My last day with him was his birthday, and I will be forever grateful that my brothers and I got to spend that time alone with him, sharing gifts and laughter. He was always warm, even in his darkest moments. While I’ll never, ever understand how he could be loved so deeply and not find it in his heart to stay, there’s minor comfort in knowing our grief and loss, in some small way, is shared with millions. It doesn’t help the pain, but at least it’s a burden countless others now know we carry, and so many have offered to help lighten the load. Thank you for that.

“To those he touched who are sending kind words, know that one of his favorite things in the world was to make you all laugh. As for those who are sending negativity, know that some small, giggling part of him is sending a flock of pigeons to your house to poop on your car. Right after you’ve had it washed. After all, he loved to laugh too…

“Dad was, is and always will be one of the kindest, most generous, gentlest souls I’ve ever known, and while there are few things I know for certain right now, one of them is that not just my world, but the entire world is forever a little darker, less colorful and less full of laughter in his absence. We’ll just have to work twice as hard to fill it back up again.”

She also tweeted to fans, thanking them for making donations in honor of her beloved father.

“Thank you to all those donating to @StJude in memory of my father. I’m overwhelmed. The charity meant the world to him, as it does to me,” the 25-year-old actress wrote. “Knowing that so many children will be helped in his honor is all I could’ve asked for. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you.”

Marsha: “My heart is split wide open and scattered over the planet with all of you. Please remember the gentle, loving, generous – and yes, brilliant and funny – man that was Robin Williams. My arms are wrapped around our children as we attempt to grapple with celebrating the man we love, while dealing with this immeasurable loss.”

If you need help, here is my Suicide prevention page

 

USA hotline
In an emergency, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK

Philippine Suicide Prevention Hotline (Updated October 23, 2012)

The Philippines’ FIRST depression and suicide prevention hotline is now open. Call 804-4673 (HOPE). Open 24/7.

If outside Manila text/call these nos: 0917-558-HOPE (4673) or 0917-852-HOPE (4673

In Touch
Crisis Lines:
0917-572-HOPE or (632)211-1305
(632) 893-7606 (24/7)
(632)893-7603 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5pm)
Globe (63917) 800.1123 or (632) 506.7314
Sun (63922) 893.8944 or (632) 346.8776

Source of photo: (April 23, 2006 – Source: Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment)

A wedding that will touch you because love never dies

by ⋅ Leave a Comment

True love never dies, it lives on in the people who believe in it.

Rowden and Leizl planned their wedding date  on July 8, 2014, Rowden’s 30th birthday. Together with their adorable 2-year-old daughter, they already had a perfect family and a wedding was just needed to seal their future. Alas, the date had to be moved at an earlier date.

In the youtube channel of Chef Hasset Go,  he explained that “Rowden got diagnosed with stage IV liver cancer in late May. His last request was to marry his one true love. After 12hours of preparations, his dream was fulfilled. Unable to take him outside the hospital, we brought the church to him. It was like a heartbreaking fairytale.”

Rowden Go Pangcoga

The wedding took place in the Philippine General Hospital with close friends and relatives. As I watched the video, I was hopeful.

wedding that will touch you

But Rowden Go Pangcoga, who was only 29-years-old, passed away on June 11, 2014, less than 10 hours after their wedding. He is survived by his wife Leizel May, daughter Zakiah Rowzel, mother Lorelei, and brothers Hasset & Hisham.

As I watched the video the second time, the tears could not stop falling. I did not cry when I first saw the video because I was not aware that he would die that soon. Even though cancer struck two of my family members , I can only imagine the pain of his family. There is always hope even when others have given up.

When the reality hits , I can only offer this same prayer that I offered to my brother.

God saw you getting tired,
And a cure was not to be,
So He put his arms around you,
And whispered “Come to Me”
With tearful eyes we watched you suffer,
And saw you fall away.
Although we couldn’t bear to lose you,
We could not ask you to stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Hardworking hands laid to rest.
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
That He only takes the best.

Then I know that love never dies.

love never dies

Screencaps from Hasset Go Youtube channel. Some rights reserved.

Let #AndreaRosal bury her child

by ⋅ Leave a Comment

Originally posted at Compassionate justice is allowing #AndreaRosal to bury her child

“Malungkot na malungkot ako. Hindi na nga ako pinayagang makasama sa libing ng anak ko, sobrang iksi pa ng oras para makita ko siya sa burol,” – Andrea Rosal

Andrea is heartbroken that she will only be allowed three hours to attend the wake of her beloved daughter Diona Andrea. Her two day old daughter died due to persistent pulmonary hypertension.

baby of andrea rosal

“If my baby were still alive, I would not mind even if I just had a little time with her. I know that once I am free, I would be with her. Three hours is not enough for our last time together.”

My heart goes out to Andrea.

The Pasig City Regional Trial Court (RTC) Branch 266 denied the petition of Andrea Rosal to attend the funeral of her newborn daughter. She is only allowed to attend the wake at the Iglesia Filipina Independiente on May 21, 2014, 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. I find it insensitive that the RTC won’t allow Andrea to bury her child.

andrea rosal statement

I first saw the reactions to the Court’s decision on twitter. @ChiliMedley, a lawyer and a mother herself, asked “What kind of lawyer would oppose a mother’s attendance at her child’s burial, in the face of all the leniency for Mrs. Napoles?”

I know how it is to lose a child. Do you know what it feels like? It feels like being thrown into a pit of darkness. The death of a child is the most devastating and debilitating pain that anyone will ever know. The news that our child is dead thrusts us into an experience that is horrendous beyond our wildest imagination. The pain is beyond comprehension. “Grief consumes us. It takes us over so completely that we feel we are the epitomy of pain and anguish”. There are things one can do to ease the pain. I believe one of the most helpful ways to ease the grief journey is to engage in rituals.

The grief ritual starts with the funeral. Burying one’s child is part of this ritual to move forward with the grieving process. Other rituals come along the way like : Lighting a candle at certain, special times of the day or week ; Planting a tree or flowers in your loved one’s memory; Making a donation to a charity that your loved one supported; Visiting your loved one’s burial site and many more.

I’d like to think that our government is ignorant of these rituals. It is too concerned about the “high risk detainee” category because she is allegedly a top official of the New People’s Army (NPA) in Southern Tagalog region. @Chilimedley adds “If they can set up security to move around a woman accused of stealing P10Bn, there is no reason why they cannot do it for”Andrea Rosal. Hazel aka @1nutty_hazel believes that even if Andrea “is so “high-risk”, I wouldn’t protest to additional security so she can attend her child’s burial.” Hazel says that with the huge amount of money we spend daily for the detention of Janet Napoles “why not spend a bit more for Andrea Rosal?” Andrea Lim points out that “GMA was allowed to spend her birthday w family in her hometown while #AndreaRosal isn’t even allowed an extra few days to bury her daughter.”

baby diona

” sobrang iksi pa nang oras para makita ko siya sa burol. Hindi ba sapat na nawalan ako ng anak?”

Andrea Rosal is a mother. There is nothing more devastating than the death of a child. As a mother who lost a precious son 14 years ago, I know the pain Andrea is going through. Let Andrea Rosal bury her child.

This is compassionate justice.

Here are some of the reactions on twitter.


Photo via Renato Reyes and Andrea Lim. Some rights reserved.

Paul Walker lives forever through his Reach Out WorldWide

by ⋅ Leave a Comment

I live by ‘Go big or go home.’ That’s with everything. It’s like either commit and go for it or don’t do it at all. I apply that to everything. I apply that to relationships, I apply that to like sports, I apply that to everything. That’s what I live by. That’s how I like it. Paul Walker

I first saw the news about Paul Walker’s death shortly before noon from TMZ but it was a developing story, hoping against hope that it was not true. I thought nothing about it and now as I read my twitter feed, it is confirmed that he really died when a Porsche sports car crashed and burst into flames in Valencia together with another passenger.

Here is probably the last photo of Paul Walker as he got inside the Porsche.

paul walker

Someone was able to take a photo of the fiery scene.

It is really sad to see such a fine young man die especially knowing he was in Santa Clarita for a car show to support the Philippines typhoon relief efforts. “Several of his friends were at the event … and the accident happened very near to the event.”. Paul even had a video appealing for help in his relief efforts for Typhoon Yolanda victims .Paul Walker was joined by the cast of Fast & Furious 7 on the set and made a appeal to join “Reach Out WorldWide” efforts with a donation

Paul Walker will surely be remembered by the Filipinos not because he is a movie actor but as a beautiful person reaching out to help countries in post-disaster situations. While part of a relief team responding to the massive earthquakes that devastated Haiti on January 12, 2010, he saw a gap between the availability of skilled resources and the requirement for such personnel in post-disaster situations. Following the trip he contacted a group of his friends to assist him in forming Reach Out WorldWide (ROWW) with the purpose of filling this unmet need. ROWW is a non-profit rapid response team that focuses our efforts on victims of natural disasters.

reach out worldwide

The “Reach Out WorldWide” mission is simple. ROWW use their network of professionals with first responder skill-sets to fulfill the unmet need in times of chaos, tragedy, and destruction.

“Paving the way for long term disaster relief, leaving it better than when we got there” is a mission ROWW is all about.

In fact, ROWW was one of the first organizations in the 2011 Sendong disaster after the storm had cleared. “We had no idea what to expect. Reports coming in had been pretty vague and we just wanted to make sure we could get out to the people in need as quick as we could and get to work. As soon as we landed we never stopped moving. Whatever we could do to help we did” ,recalled one team member.

paul walker ROWW

It is inspiring to see the selflessness that Reach Out WorldWide believes in so strongly and Paul Walker envisioned the same relief efforts for Yolanda. What man is a man who does not make the world better?

Paul Walker will live forever in the hearts of all the people he has helped through “Reach Out WorldWide”.

My condolences to the loved ones left behind by Paul Walker and Roger Rodus, was also killed in the tragic accident,

The Compassionate Friends will hold a virtual 24-hour wave of light on December 8

by ⋅ Leave a Comment

Lighting our candles and remembering our children’s smiles,
Is the perfect combination of our children’s lights and lives.
For their lights still shine brightly and help us to see the way,

The 17th annual Worldwide Candle Lighting of The Compassionate Friends will be held on Sunday, December 8, 2013 at the Kiosk area, Church of the Risen Lord (UP Diliman) Quezon City, Philippines (map here) from 6:00 to 8:00 PM. Please contact me at noemidado @ gmail.com to join the ceremonies

candles 23Yes it still hurts. The tears flow as I remember his handsome face, the tight hugs that follow with “I love you very much mama” and a bunch of wild flowers. The pain reminds me that death did not stop me from loving my son. The tears are not a sign that I have not recovered from my grief, the loss of my son even if it has happened 10 years ago. I am surely not alone with these feelings because LOVE NEVER DIES….

As Christmas approaches and families prepare for gatherings with food and holiday cheer, some remember the one noticeably absent from the dinner table. For some parents this Christmas will be the first without their child. While for others it’s been years, but the memories remain fresh.

candle lighting ceremony 4
Butch lights a candle for Luijoe

Together with other parents, The Compassionate Friends Philippines will organize the 17th Worldwide candle lighting event , the eight in the Philippines. The Compassionate Friends have organized a Worldwide Candle Lighting event for the past 17 years, with candles burning for an hour beginning at 7 p.m. in every time zone on the planet. The 24-hour wave of continuous light begins and ends at the International Date Line. As parents who’ve lost children, we know that absence is a presence that needs to be acknowledged, and that, during the holidays, love for a lost child can be decorated and displayed.

This is how I resolve my grief of my beloved son by sharing stories, memories and thoughts with those with similar losses. It’s my chance to honor my child and his memory with other people who have been in the same place.

candle-lights
The wave of light across the world is in memory of children who died but have not been forgotten.

Lighting a candle is a way to show that the families are united with bereaved families everywhere in the love they have for the child who have died.

Many people think that, after a while, you should get over our child’s death and move on with our life, but you never get over the death of your child. You learn to incorporate it into your life, but you never, ever stop thinking about it. Every day, something reminds you of that person.

I have learned to live with that pain.The task I faced was creating my new normal to something that, in some measure redeems my suffering.

candle lighting ceremony

For those facing Christmas alone for the first time due to death of a loved one, I encourage you to reach out to someone you trust and share your feelings with them. Devote a place and time before Christmas Day in which you can openly honor your loved one and acknowledge your feelings. On Christmas Day, intentionally set your focus on family and friends who not only share in your loss, but who bring precious gifts of love and support to aid in your healing journey.

Be aware that the hurts of a loss, a broken relationship, or simply of being alone are magnified during the holiday. Look for those around you who are hurting and care for them, spend time with them, love them.

A little prayer can go a long way. This video of “The Prayer” is very comforting.

The children are with us, a friendly band. They know the meaning of these candles best. They hear the love, they see the message move Around the world, alive from east to west.