Baguio City in September

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johnhay.jpgMy husband and I just arrived from an overnight trip from Baguio. Oh I just love Baguio on a non-peak month. Traffic was so smooth all the way to Baguio and back. We were supposed to stay at the Baguio Country Club but the club gave such a lovely promo to its members , like pay one night for a two nights stay . Naturally, all the rooms were fully booked. We decided to stay at my husband’s ancestral home instead. Not quite the romantic interlude I expected for the weekend but oh well, at least I was with my loving husband. Revisiting Baguio is such a bittersweet experience. Every summer and Christmas season, we bring the three kids to bond with their roots or rather with their father’s roots. I also bring them to Cebu, where I grew up. Camp John Hay is one of the places that my son and I use to play during the summer months. I have not been here for such a long time since his death. I cannot help but miss his physical presence so I breathe in the cold pine scent hoping to feel a spiritual connection with him. Knowing he was here at one point in his life is enough to make me smile.

I looked around for a wifi enabled coffee shop on an early sunday morning.

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The best place to get an internet wi-fi is at the Filling Station in Camp John Hay. It’s quiet and has a spectacular view of the pine trees. There is a butterfly farm beside it but the rains prevented me from strolling further. So there I was sipping coffee and looking out at the pine trees hoping to catch a moment in time. Those moments when the laughter of my son and girls used to reverberate the cool air of this city. God, how I miss those days.

The Taboo on Grief and the Filipino Culture

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butterflyA few days ago , a friend ( a member of The Compassionate Friends) and myself agreed to have an interview with Sociology students from the University of the Philippines Diliman . They are currently taking the course Sociology 182 on Qualitative Research Methods. As part of their requirements, they were tasked to accomplish a research paper with a topic of their interest. They chose the topic, “Death and Dying: The Experiences of a Mother at the Sudden Death of her Child“. That’s not a usual topic that students might choose and I was pleased at their choice. Five of us at the Compassionate Friends agreed to help out with their paper. I learned that two members of INA Foundation also participated .

What surprised me is that their professor discouraged them at the choice of their topic. In fact, they were told to drop this topic and choose another one. The professor said that they will not be able to get mothers to talk about their [tag]grief[/tag]. She added that grief is a private matter. But these girls defended their topic and believed that they will be able to get the cooperation of bereaved mothers. True enough, they got the interviews from members of INA Foundation and The Compassionate Friends. In fact they got more mothers than they initially planned.

Unfortunately, we still live in a world where grief is a taboo topic. People who don’t outwardly show grief are said to be ‘strong’ and ‘brave’ while those who show and express feelings are spoken of in derogatory terms such as ‘falling apart’ and ‘going to pieces’ or ‘breaking down’ etc. “She’s not moving on”…In reality the latter are the strong ones, as they don’t care what people think of them when they are responding to grief in a way that is right for them, (crying or being angry etc.) It takes courage to show our emotional pain in public.

Why was it not difficult to talk about our grief? [tag]Bereaved mothers[/tag] (or even fathers) need to talk about the child they have lost. It not only gives us something to do with the energy of grief, but also establishes the continuity of memory and spirit of one who was so much a part of our lives.

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Diabetes and My Eyesight

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eyes.jpgFor the past 3 days, I have been taking it easy by minimizing my online time. I even took a one day leave. See , last Monday after working for two hours on the internet, a hairlike strand just appeared in my field of vision. It felt like I had hair in my eyes which refused to go away. Oh no, I panicked. Am I getting blind? I am aware that diabetics like me are prone to diabetic retinopathy. Everyone with diabetes will develop diabetic retinopathy. Regular eye exams when first diagnosed with diabetes, and then at least every two years, will reduce the risk of vision loss and blindness. I couldn’t believe this was it. The start of my blindness. But I protested silently. I just had an eye angiogram 8 months ago and it was normal.

I paid a visit to my Philamacare-HMO opthalmologist who in turn referred me to a retina specialist for a retinal pathology. The opthalmologist saw some fluid in the retina but wasn’t so sure about it as my pupils were not dilated when he examined me. Yesterday, I waited for Dr. Chan at the Medical Center Manila for two hours. While waiting, I befriended some of the patients whose eye problem stories made me even more nervous. A diabetic woman who is a few years older than me is almost blind. She underwent a laser operation to save her eyesight. Before the operation, she could only see headless people . Though she still has blurry vision, at least the people she sees have heads on their shoulders. Eek, I thought. So that’s how it is to be partially blind? I comforted myself with the thought that perhaps my defective eyesight is still in its early stages. The nurse checked my long distance vision and I still had a 20-20 vision. Hm, that’s good news. Then she placed a few eyedrops to fully dilate my pupils. Good thing my husband dropped me off so I didn’t have to drive home with dilated pupils.

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A Unique Shop in Makati: “I love You Store”

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I love you
My daughter who is turning nineteen on Tuesday already made plans for a birthday gift. A funky new look from this cool and unique underground basement shop, the “I Love You Store”, new wardrobe, a hair dye and new contact lenses. Friday night is horror night in the streets of Makati Avenue. “I Love You Store” is located in 7849 Underground Pilar Place, Makati Avenue and the hairdresser is only available at night. We travelled all the way from UP Diliman for one hour and a half only to be informed by the charming owner that Maribel, the hair stylist would arrive from a styling gig at 9:30 PM. It was 7:30 PM. Knowing that it would take me another hour to drive to our house in Makati because of the horrendous traffic, I opted to wait . Fortunately, the shop had internet wi-fi and while my daughter shopped for clothes, I worked on my online business.

In the one hour and a half wait, I found out so many interesting facts about this shop :

1. The owners are Fine Arts Graduates. No wonder the place reeks of creativity.
2. Each piece of clothing is one of kind. That’s why each item of clothing is a labor of love. Hence the label “I love you Store”
3. The haircut is not really their main source of business. The professional fee of the hair stylist is by donation-basis. Pay what you can afford.
4. The owners are obviously having fun while doing their business. You can see it in the glow of their faces.
5. Every piece of item, the walls and every nook in that store is an art piece. check out the “I Love You Store photos I took of almost every corner of the shop.

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Philippine Idol Top 12 Male Performers Live

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What an exciting night. Tonight was the first semi-finals of the [tag]Philippine Idol[/tag] Top 12 male performers which was held at SM Megacinema 3. Watching it in a live studio setting is definitely a change over watching it live on the TV set. It’s a different form of entertainment. It’s not the same as watching a concert or a movie. This is reality TV entertainment. So my husband and I kept an open mind to this new adventure.

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I noticed a number of ABC 5 staff swarming all over the place. Fans are holding banners of their favorite Idol contestant. Heavy muscled bouncers were stationed at the start of the queue. When the door opened at 7:30 PM, the guard disallowed me from entering because I had a digital camera. Ugh, I wanted to sneak in photos so I wasn’t about to give up my camera. I let the crowd pass before I made another attempt at another guard. Hehe

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Slander in Blog Comments

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After reading ShoeMoney.com Involved In A Landmark Blog Case – Slander In Comments, I got reminded of the subpoena sent to my sister in San Francisco to provide information on my daughter’s comment poster (Take note: it was not even her post but that of a co-blogger. It’s the comment that was questioned). This incident happened more than a year ago. Obviously, the Philippines is not within the California jurisdiction. They ended up harassing my poor sister who had to hire a lawyer, And you know legal fees in the US are not cheap. My sister didn’t want to be involved in the case because first , she doesn’t own the blog. Second, they will require her to appear Los Angeles for hearings. It is such a waste of time

As a backgrounder, the subpoena pertained to a comment placed by an anonymous and random visitor in one of my daughter’s blog site. Since the blog has long been “neglected”, the comment just showed up for google to pick up. (it pays to moderate your comments). The comment poster accused a certain person of financing the alleged pedophile activity of an old guy. Ugh. Can you imagine the slanderous nature of that comment? The comment poster also wrote the same comments in other blogs. Basically, the subpoena asked for information on the comment poster, his/her name and the location of the computer. Haha. Crazy. If they were smart enough, they should have hired IT consultants before sending out the subpoena. Their lawyers should be more intelligent than that. Why harass my sister who is ignorant of blogs?

The lawyer’s sleazy tactic of obtaining my sister’s contact address is also questionable. They pretended to be FEDEX people who called my other sister . They said that my daughter had a package that needed to be picked up. When they learned of the suspicious nature of the calls, they refused to entertain further calls until one day the lawyer went to her house and personally served the summons. How awful to be bothered by lawyers! Not to mention the fact that my sister is innocent. It just so happened my daughter lived with her for two months.

It would have been a landmark case if their lawyers can file a case in the Philippines just to require my daughter to provide the measly information on that comments poster. Even if they filed a case, it is hard to prove it too. I know there are previous cases such as Court Rules in Favor of Anonymous Blogger. This site Blog Law & Blogging for Lawyers: Evan Brown on Defamation says that “We’ve yet to see any cases where a blogger is found liable for comments poster.”

So bloggers, keep those comments moderated and open only to registered comment posters.

The Globe-Innove Sponsored Blogger’s Meet at Temple Bar

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I had so much fun tonight. Actually the most exciting part of the night was finally meeting and chilling with techies and bloggers in real physical time. I am thankful though that Globe-Innove sponsored this meet. For the first time in my life, I felt that I was not alone in my passion for internet work and online activities. I don’t know many people my age that are into the online world of blogging or even e-commerce.

Before the division into 2 groups, early birds like Jayvee, Abe (such an exuberant guy), Kiven, Bimbo and myself ate and talked about well…Google adsense. Psst, we can share Adsene tips some other time.

What can I say? The food, the company was great!

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An Internet Cafe with Free Wi-Fi

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As a media partner for the upcoming VoIP Convention in 2007, I was tasked to write articles for their souvenir program. My deadline was yesterday, rather last week. Oh dear, I have limited VOIP knowledge and time at my hands. The first thought that entered my mind was to interview Silverback ASP, the only Filipino-owned VOIP Provider (for outbound VOIP calls). I didn’t know Globe, Bayantel, and PLDT were using VOIP resellers (like Vonage, Packet 8 etc from the USA). I immediately got the appointment with Steve Davis, the CEO of Silverback ASP. As I stepped into their office, I was surprised to see the ITX Cafe/Silverback signage by the large window panes. Oh an internet cafe! As I looked in, I liked what I saw.

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An informal ambience of comfortable chairs, swings, gorilla nest and computers in the corner for internet use . I was 30 minutes early for my appointment. You know, I’d rather be early than keep the other party waiting for me. As I eased myself on the chair, I turned on my macbook and was quite pleased that I got a wi-fi connection.

This is my dream business office setup. The virtual office was a plan but a physical office is so much better. Part business office, coffee shop with my baked goodies, and offering free wi-fi to the customers. It’s important to dream about a goal so it can eventually materialize one day. The most important value is having fun and doing business at the same time. Looking at the photos around the ITX cafe, the partners of Silverback ASP appear to be doing both. No wonder they moved to the Philippines and even devloped imindoro.net and providing internet service in Mindoro Island.

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Pregnancy Loss

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home-baby.jpgLast Monday, I was surprised to receive a text message from Cathy to pray for her surgery scheduled for 7:30 AM. That surprised me. I knew she had thyroid consultation and a complaint on Mittelschmertz (German for “middle pain”) and some pre-menopausal symptons. I knew something was up with Cathy because we see each other everyday, well “online” that is. So that worried me when I didn’t see her for two days. Anyway, I thought they found something in her thyroid gland which required an emergency operation. I can imagine the shock of this sudden decision. I thought of visiting her yesterday but then it was my husband’s 47th birthday. Besides , I thought she might not be able to chat because of the pain around her throat area. So I took a chance this morning to visit her at the hospital. Cathy was in high spirits ever grateful for the successful operation and God’s faithfulness.

So they found something in your thyroid?, I was skimming around her throat area wondering where the incision was done.

I was puzzled.

Cathy said “No, I had an ectopic pregnancy”

I was stunned. [tag]Ectopic pregnancy[/tag] can be fatal. In fact , she was already bleeding internally and had lots of clots. No wonder she couldn’t attend our August 19 meeting of the Compassionate Friends. Imagine she was bleeding for more than 10 days not knowing she was pregnant all along. Anyway, Cathy will blog more about God’s faithfulness in delivering her from danger. The question that piqued my curiousity was ” are you grieving?”. She doesn’t know yet as everything happened so soon and she is still processing the past day’s events.

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That Monday, I also received word that my sister-in-law lost her more than 8 weeks old baby. I know they wanted this baby so much as they only have one child. .

A baby did not have to be born after nine months in order to be loved and treasured. A baby was anticipated and wanted and it was taken away without permission, consent or notice. The loss needs to be grieved and mourned by the parents but they need to be reassured that there is no timeline on the grief process. A [tag]pregnancy loss[/tag] is not something that someone just ““gets over” in a matter of days. It is a true loss, just like the loss of a pet, the death of a family member or a friend. A pregnancy loss is a real loss. Their feelings should not be minimized with an unkind comment and their loss must not be trivialized. Too often, those closest to us – our friends and family members – tell us what they think is the right thing to say but is really the last thing we should hear:

““It was God’s way”
““It was better that it happened now, rather than later”
““At least you have other children”

Each of the above statements might be true but none of them offer comfort or take away the pain. Support for preganncy loss is available around the world and even in our mission, The Compassionate Friends Philippines.