Are you a yeller? — How to yell less and love more

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yell

Me. I lovingly say soothing words with matching hugs and kisses when I wake the two younger children around 5am during school days. Twenty minutes after that, I yell at them “Baka dumating na ang service hindi pa kayo tapos, hindi pa nakakain ng breakfast. Dalian nyo na! Blah…blah…blah…” in the effort to hurry them up because they haven’t eaten breakfast yet and the school service is already waiting at the gate. Yes, I have done this, at 5:30am. Tsk.
BJ, a teenager. “I hate it when my mom yells. She makes me feel like I’m stupid. The more she yells, the more I want to do what she doesn’t want me to do. Talking to me and not yelling is better because the more she yells, the more I shut down my brain and stop listening to her.”
HK, a pre-teen. “Natatakot ako pag sumisigaw si Mama ko. Parang lagi na lang mali ang ginagawa ko. Baka sa galit niya pag sumisigaw siya, masaktan niya ako.”
YA, office worker. “Our boss is a yeller. He loses his temper quickly and does not hesitate to yell at anyone of us if we make a mistake. Sana kung ginagawa niya yun in private, eh hindi, sa harap pa ng mga officemates namin. We are not happy in the office anymore. We are thinking of a mass resignation, para matauhan siya.”

Why yell when you can perfectly say your piece in peace?

We have yelled for a thousand different reasons but first and foremost of these reasons would be because we want to assert that, yes, we are right and that the other person is wrong.

We yell because we want to prove a point and get our message across.
We yell because we want to be heard.
We yell because we feel superior to the one we are yelling at.
We yell because we are in a hurry and the others are slowing us down.
Why, we even yell virtually when we use ALL CAPS and end these with a lot of !!!!!
Sometimes we yell just because …

On the other hand, have you ever been yelled at?

Do you like the feeling of being yelled at, whether you made a mistake or not?

Do you feel small and want the ground to open up and swallow you to escape being yelled at?

Do you feel like yelling back? Do you want to hit the person yelling at you? Or do you just turn your back before you do something you’d regret later?

No matter what the circumstances are, being yelled at is not something we look forward to — not at the receiving end, ever.

Do you remember the last time you were yelled at?

How did you feel? Check all that applies below:

o Disrespected
o Ashamed
o Angry
o Misunderstood
o Afraid
o Lonely
o Rebellious
o Frustrated
o Hurt
o Guilty

Mothers who yell

Mothers are known to yell at their children, whether to ask them to hurry up, or to finish whatever tasks they are doing. More often than not, mothers yell to be heard and to stress a point especially if there is discord among the brood. Yelling for the children to brush their teeth is at times unavoidable but to add some words that demean them and hurt their feelings is definitely unnecessary.

To habitually yell at the children when there is no reason to will create a lot of negativity. At the end of the day, mothers who habitually yell feel guilty and sometimes fall all over themselves to correct what they have done.  However, since they are so used to yelling, the next day finds them back to the same yelling cycle.

Yelling makes children feel inferior and mentally anguished at not being able to live up to the expectations and standards that their mother (or father) has for them.  Children who are in the teenage years are as vulnerable to being yelled  at as much as the younger children. On the bridge to maturity, these teens will carry the burden of insecurity as they meet other teens outside the home setting. Yelling is detrimental to the sound development of teenagers.

Habitual yelling

Yelling, name-calling and swearing are not ways to solve conflicts. Habitual reactions that include yelling breaks down a person’s inhibitions and may draw out harmful tendencies that do not manifest when there is peace and quiet. Habits are patterns that are easy to repeat but difficult to break. Yelling breeds hostility that is harmful not just to others but to the person himself, alienating him from loved ones he may not have a real intention to hurt.

We feel guilty for yelling at others, especially if the reason is trivial and could have been talked through in a quiet manner.

Alternatives to yelling

It is difficult not to yell especially when we feel pressed for time, tired and stressed. It takes a lot of will power to refrain from habitual yelling, but over time, it can be done. How?

o Cool off by staying physically away from the situation and assessing what needs to be said and done.
o Count to ten or even up to fifty.
o Breathe deeply before saying anything.
o Put a hand on your mouth to keep yourself from yelling.
o Think of how hurtful it is when being yelled at.
o Ask others to give you a heads up once they feel like you are about to yell.
o Plan ahead to avoid mishaps.

Breaking the yelling cycle is not easy

Life is too short to be spent in a continuous state of being upset. We should fill our hearts with joy and love and not hurt and pain. There will always be missing socks and spilled water but living in peace and harmony, in as much as we can try to achieve is more important.

Are we ready to take the challenge to yell less and love more?

Let’s save our voices for situations that need us to really yell like “Run!!!” or “Fire!!!”

 

Photo: from flickr, some rights reserved

 

As originally posted by Julie Fuertes on the Philippine Online Chronicles.

Know what to do during a random search by the police

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What should you do during a random search by policemen without a warrant? Know your rights.

 

police random search

Photo by Shubert Ciencia. Some rights reserved.

“I can’t believe I have to sit my kids down and teach them how to protect themselves against people whose job is to protect others.”

“Who will police the police?”

These are anxious questions by mothers who are disturbed by policemen doing a bag search inside bars in the Katipunan area. Many of my friends’ kids study in the Katipunan area so I find such operations very alarming. Whether the “Oplan Bakal” operations were all done aboveboard, it is a violation of our privacy.

The question is how can our kids protect themselves?

How can parents educate their children?

Dino De Leon tells parents to “please orient your kids and check if you have an immediate contact with a lawyer.” The police are supposed to protect us but with the recent killings of kids, can the police really do its job in protecting our children? His friendly legal advice is “as a general rule, the police cannot just randomly search you without a search warrant.” So, If a police officer approaches you, check what you can do:

1. Be relaxed. Smile. Ask why you are being approached.

2. If they ask to touch you or inspect your belongings, politely decline and ask for legal basis/reason why they want to search your things or frisk you. Again, politely decline.

3. If they insist, politely and calmly demand for their names and identification. Send the names to your closest relatives ASAP if still practicable. Call your parents or closest kin ASAP and ask them to contact a lawyer as well as soon as possible.

4. Ask friends to take a video or personally record what’s happening if possible.

5. While everything is happening, as much as possible, stay with friends who can hear and/or see everything that is happening.

6. Remember the names and faces of the police officers as this may be important later on.

7. After the inspection and if your are not taken into custody, check the surroundings. Check if there’s a CCTV. Secure copies if need be. Check as well with security, if it is inside an establishment, if they were able to log-in the indentities of the police officers.

8. If you are taken into custody, demand to be able to make a call ASAP and tell those who are seeing what’s happening to call your parents/relatives/closest kin. Be vigilant and remember as much as possible where they are taking you. Do not antagonize them and remain calm.

9. Equally important, after everything, study the possibility of filing a case against the police officers afterwards if there are violations. This is crucial to put an end to these things.

10. For relatives called, immediately a) call a lawyer; b) find out where your kin has been taken; c) proceed to the location of your kin as soon as you find out where. Ask for a copy of the report of the arresting police officers and show to your lawyer ASAP. Secure the things mentioned in number 7 and the written accounts of witnesses.

Image via NGO Karapatan. Some rights reserved.

This right is found in our Philippine Constitution in Article III Section 2.

Section 2. The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects against unreasonable searches and seizures of whatever nature and for any purpose shall be inviolable, and no search warrant or warrant of arrest shall issue except upon probable cause to be determined personally by the judge after examination under oath or affirmation of the complainant and the witnesses he may produce, and particularly describing the place to be searched and the persons or things to be seized.

The government, especially the police, cannot search nor seize anything from you without a warrant subject only to some exemptions.

The advice given by a lawyer below as concurred by my husband-lawyer is useful advice in addition to that given by Dino.

police random search

police random search

All of us need to be vigilant.

Dino is right . “It’s time to take part in standing up for our rights. Let’s be courageous and collectively fight.”

 

The best thing a dad can do for his kids is love their mom

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Familiarity breeds contempt. This is likely to happen in a marriage.

father-and-child

Day in, day out you wake up to the same man, drooling beside you in deep sleep while you can hardly take a wink with his deep resounding snore coupled with wheezes bugging you through the night. Then he wonders why your face is all wrinkled up with frowns as he wakes up and sees you in the morning. Hardly energized, you have to face the challenges of parenthood with children practically screaming for attention, go through the same old tiring chores before hitting the road and welcome another stressful day at work. Most of the time you are at your wit’s end and wish there was some kind of remote control to give you a breather.

Press STOP. That’s more like it. Silence helps us catch up with our breath and refocus. This is not exactly the happy scenario you saw in your mind as the church bells joyfully pealed over the exchange of I dos. Something went wrong somewhere and it turned into a nasty habit. The sweet-nothings of the honeymoon days turned into sour-graping. The high praises turned into put downs. The attentiveness turned into deadpan silence. With resentment piling up, big fights start with the slightest provocation.

It is so easy to get lost in the middle of a messy life where the objective of the day is to score a hurt towards your spouse or wallow in self-pity if you get to the losing end. Where do the children figure in all these? They get caught in the crossfire.

Rudy and Jelly had to come to terms with the ugly realities of their marriage. Rudy is an only child who was used to having his way. Jelly is a head strong activist whose feministic views fuelled the insistence on her right to equality. After the whirlwind romance, the honeymoon ended when it barely started. The head-on collision of opinions graduated to bitter arguments and nearly escalated to violence. This went on until their first child was born. Blinded by deep-seated resentments, they usually forgot the innocent baby’s presence. At first, the child’s troubled wails were merely drowned by her parents’ loud screaming matches. The couple got to their senses as their daughter learned to talk. They got into another verbal brawl when their barely two year-old daughter tearfully pulled her mommy’s shirt and said, “Sorry Mommy, Sorry Daddy” in between sobs. Shaken, the high pitched row suddenly stopped. The parents’ hearts melted at the thought of how their innocent toddler took the blame for their anger.

This could not go on, they both decided. Swallowing their pride, Rudy and Jelly sought forgiveness from each other and promised not to let the ugly fights happen again. Habits die hard so it was with hard work for Rudy and Jelly to at least be nice to each other.

the greatest gift...

START WITH KIND WORDS. Preacher in Blue Jeans, Bro. Bo Sanchez puts weight on what you say, ““If you want to change your life, change your words. I believe that if you change your vocabulary, you change your life story.”

This goes along with the concept of self-fulfilling prophecies. If you tell your child how hard-headed he is at every given opportunity, expect that he will grow up rebellious. The same principle applies with couples. If you hype up on your spouse’s insensitivity every day, expect him to be indifferent to your needs and worse, that of your child’s.

Reverse the process. If Rudy and Jelly were once quick to nitpick, they now bite their tongues when the temptation is strong. Jelly would take a deep breath and make a mental account of all her husband’s good qualities.

She would then decide to choose to see the better side of him and replace the unsaid disdain with a praise or two.

FOLLOW THROUGH WITH ACTIONS. Note the word “decide”. It is a conscious effort to be a better person so that your partner will be a better spouse. Rudy did not just agree to choose kind utterances in dealing with his wife, he also initiated a tradition for them to honor each other during their “monthsery” celebrations.

After the cozy dinner, both of them go through a list of ten things to be thankful about each other. This practice boosted Rudy and Jelly’s morale and strive to be a better husband and wife. As a consequence, they become better parents.

Deb HIrschham, PhD, of goodtherapy.org affirms the positive effects of making your partner feel good about himself/herself. “Although opposites do attract, the fundamental, deep-down attraction comes from a reflection of oneself. Not only is this person validating you, but his very being (because it’s so much like yours) validates you all the more.”

Dr. Hirschham adds that this is not an easy task but it could be done, “If you don’t see this, you do have to plumb the depths to find it. It is not on the surface. The surface includes a host of differences, but deep down you’ll find the sameness.)”

END EACH DAY WITH LOVE. In her singlehood, Jelly has grown accustomed to giving the silent treatment when mad at someone. She carried this into her marriage much to her husband’s disappointment.

Rudy, on the other hand, would pester his wife thinking that this would settle their differences. Instead, Rudy’s peskiness annoyed Jelly and the cold treatment would escalate into a full blown word war.

After agreeing to attend a couple’s spiritual renewal seminar, Rudy and Jelly adhered to the Christian teaching, “When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down.” (Ephisians 4:26).

It was initially difficult for Jelly to practice this teaching but with Rudy’s more loving approach, opening up about deep hurts and settling differences came easier. They both have peaceful slumbers as differences are settled at the end of the day.

Seven years into their marriage, Rudy and Jelly’s relationship is going stronger. Yes, there are still lapses and angry outbursts (but this time not in the presence of the children). As they learn to deepen each other’s love with respect and sensitivity to each other’s needs, they become better spouses and parents. And their little tot? She is growing into a well adjusted child, knowing that her Daddy’s love towards Mommy ensures all the security she needs in the world.

Written by Jasmine Barrios as originally posted at the Philippine Online Chronicles.

Photo: “Father and Child” by , c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved

A breastfeeding room in the office

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A breastfeeding room in the offices makes a more comfortable, happier mom which will equate to a more productive employee

It was 1986 when I went back to work when my daughter was only 4 months old. I was still breastfeeding her at that time so I had to bring along bottles and an insulated container to bring home, my breast milk filled bottles. Mommies are so blessed these days. There are so many aids to help breastfeeding moms and now , even a law that encourages breastfeeding in the workplace.

I didn’t have a breastmilk pump so I chose to express breast milk by hand. You can just imagine how I juggled my work with hand expression. Even with limited resources back then, I felt motivated the breastmilk to my baby girl.

While visiting the breastfeeding room at Philips Philippines Inc., I marveled at the array of breastfeeding paraphernalia.

This Breastfeeding month, Philips Philippines Inc. is partnering with different private institutions in the country to raise awareness on the importance of breastfeeding by creating environments that are comfortable for a nursing mother.

This means providing support for moms who wish to breastfeed– in public, at home, at work or out-and-about – providing guidance and designing products to make their journey comfortable.

To help every mother in the community understand the essential benefits of breast milk, Philips AVENT provides nursing mothers with innovations that enhance her breastfeeding journey even after mothers return to work.

Look at this breastfeeding container. A mom need not bring bottles to work.

A sterilizer completes the breastfeeding aids. Moms don’t need to bring their breast pump to work .

I believe breastfeeding moms should feel comfortable wherever they choose to breastfeed, whether at home or at work.  This breastfeeding room really looks so comfy.

I am glad there are more breastfeeding friendly workplaces and companies who believe a more comfortable, happier mom would equal to a more productive employee.

Unspeakable grief : The death of a child #JusticeForKian

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The most unspeakable grief is losing a child, a death of a child… and what more to allegations that Kian Loyd Delos Santos “died amid allegations that he was framed by three police officers”. The police said Kian fought back which prompted the police to shoot him back. CCTV footage shows otherwise. How could Kian pull out a gun from his gartered shorts ? The police should have frisked the boy first before dragging him away. It is unbelievable. If this won’t outrage you , nothing will.

unspeakable grief kian death

When the unthinkable and the unspeakable happens like the death of a child especially one that has been killed in the custody of the police, who wouldn’t feel outraged by it all ? Yes , the death of any child killed under horrendous circumstances must be condemned. And to those saying there should be just as much outrage over the death of child from drug addicts…well, excuse me, I have written about death of a child under any circumstances in this blog and place them under the “Grief in the News” category.

The death of a child under police custody caused a huge  outrage because the police is supposed to protect our children. Is this what the police means on its motto to “serve & protect” the people?

Take note, 31 children have been killed so far amid the government’s war on drugs.

Imagine the grief of the mother. They will not be able to bring back their child but they can certainly look forward to filing a case. The father of Kian says even if they won’t win the case, they want to seek justice.

Imagine if Kian is your child or your friend’s child.

Anak natin sila. Betty adds : “And how we treat them–how we stand up for them, or not, may very well determine our future as a nation.”

I have not seen so much outrage. Will this now translate into action? My friend Inday says this is what we can do.

The survivors, the families of the fallen, do not need our pity. They need our empathy. They need our rage.They are us. Mother and father, brother and sister, son and daughter, friend and lover.Their fight is our fight.

We don’t fight to dispense charity. We fight for our future.
There, on the mean streets and the pockmarked trails, they need us.
We need THEM. They are the spark to conscience.
Small huddles and big rallies; home visits or funeral vigils; the painting of schools or the staging to protest art exhibits.
The ways of protest are many.
But we must start NOW.

Two days after Kian’s death, there is more outrage on social media.

Nothing can bring Kian back to his parents but justice over their son’s death will save the future lives of your children. How many more precious lives does our country have to lose on a War On Drugs that is implemented wrongly?

What the RCBC “We believe in you” philosophy means

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“We believe in you” is not just a tagline for RCBC. “We Believe in you” is “a battle cry to show our unwavering support and trust to the indomitable Filipino spirit. 

I believe in many things. I believe in dreams. I believe in the power of love. I believe affirmations fill my life with abundance.  I believe balance is not something I find, rather it is in something I create.

My husband and I believe in being together on dates every weekend. This is the balance I create. I look forward to Saturdays as it is our usual lunch date or a time to visit Salcedo market to buy our regular stock of organic vegetables and fruits. One Saturday, I needed to drop by the RCBC ATM machine to withdraw some cash before proceeding to the market. That’s when I spotted the new RCBC logo behind the closed doors of the bank.

RCBC rebranding

I nudged at my husband to point out the new logo with the tagline “We believe in you”.  Its previous dark blue color is now replaced with a light refreshing sky blue that lifts my spirit . It is interesting to see the traditional elements remain, particularly the prominent hexagon which distinguishes the Yuchengco Group of Companies. My husband and I know this too well because RCBC has been our bank for many years now.

It was a few days later at the launch of the RCBC rebranding that I got to understand that “We believe in you” is not just a tagline for RCBC.

RCBC we believe in you

RCBC President and CEO Gil A. Buenaventura stressed that “We Believe in you” is “a battle cry to show our unwavering support and trust to the indomitable Filipino spirit. At the same time, this new corporate thrust is meant to encourage Filipinos not only to dream, but to pursue their passions and dreams, and turn them into reality – whether it’s traveling to your dream destination, venturing into a new business, or purchasing a new home or car”.

RCBC we believe in you

I like RCBC’s positive tagline because it is an affirmation.   Dreams give me something to hold on to, while I work towards them. “We believe in you” sparked a light inside our head and got us thinking about our financial future during our lunch date.

My husband and I took a fresh look at our dreams and even dared to dream big. The challenging part is transforming those dreams into financial goals.

What do I want to happen in our financial future? What financial problems would I like to solve? What bills would I like to be rid of? What would I like to be earning at the end of this year? The end of next year? Five years from now? Ten years from now?

My husband and I dream to continue working with a passion till we croak ; save enough and continue building our health fund . But most importantly, we envision travelling and visiting our two daughters who are working abroad.  It is one reason we are planning to embark on a Camino de Santiago tour in 2018 and meet up with my daughters in Europe.   All of this will entail a lot of planning but our bank believes in us and will be our partner to help us succeed.

RCBC we believe in you

The tagline, “We Believe In You”, is not just a positive and personalized message to bank clients like myself. The message resonates to a wider and more diverse audience, particularly millennials who now comprise a third of the Philippine population and about 25% of the entire Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN). This tech-savvy generation is also financially knowledgeable and expect varied and individually-tailored banking products and services which RCBC is poised to deliver.  With its new logo and tagline, RCBC wants to show that it offers an easier, more accessible and rewarding banking experience for its present and future clients.

Start believing today.

RCBC we believe in you

Love your Inner Child

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So, like a forgotten fire, a childhood can always flare up again within us. ~Gaston Bachelard

nurture-inner-child
Photo credit: mindbodysmile.com
A young blogger once asked me “what should I settle now before I get married?”

My answer to similar questions is this: release hurts of the past and love your inner child. I told her to resolve and release hurts of the past especially unresolved issues with parents…it is important to nurture one’s inner child even until our adult life.

No matter how old you are, a little child lives within who needs love and acceptance. My mother died just before I turned twenty years old and I was never able to let go of my hurts until much later in life when I thought I had breast cancer. While waiting for my surgery in 1996, I felt the fear and anxiety that mom had to go through with her breast cancer. I told mom in my heart that I forgave her for all the hurts that she inflicted upon me and sought the same forgiveness for anything that I had caused to hurt her. The tears just fell and I felt a baggage unload from my heart.

I understood much later in life that unresolved hurts tend to haunt you back in future relationships. Reflecting down memory lane, I think I was attracted to my ex-boyfriend because his personality somehow resembled my mother. My mother was difficult, emotional and hot-tempered. Of course, I didn’t want a difficult husband but unconsciously I ended up with one, at least in the first few years of our married life.

See, my mother rarely praised me or validated my self-worth. She wasn’t even loving or at least she was not demonstrative with her love except to our youngest brother. Instead, she continually criticized and berated me and even indulged in slapping and pinching even if I was already in high school. She didn’t know any better too. I found it difficult to understand why she was so mean to me. Now that I am an adult, I know it was not about me. She had problems but turned her ire on my siblings and myself.

innerchild-image
(Photo credit: Edgarandallenpoe.com)

I learned the art of loving my inner child after I realized that there were many aspects that were left unresolved. As a child, when something went wrong, I believed that there was something wrong with me. Soon the idea came that if I could only do it right, then mom would love me, and she wouldn’t punish me. Since I was only a child, I thought parents were supposed to do that. In time, I believed I was never good enough. Sadly, it was only after my mom’s death that I blossomed under the love of my dad who was a silent parent when mom was alive.

Without a mom and far away from my dad (since I became independent after college), I learned to summon my the parent inside me. True, there is a parent inside each of us, as well as a child. Louise Hay explains :

And most of the time, the parent scolds the child almost nonstop! If we listen to our inner dialogue, we can hear the scolding. We can hear the parent tell the child what it is doing wrong or how it is not good enough. We need to allow our parent to become more nurturing to our child.

I have found that working with the inner child is most valuable in helping to heal the hurts of the past. At this point in our lives, right now, we need to begin to make ourselves whole and accept every part of who we are. We need to communicate with our inner child and let it know that we accept the part that did all the stupid things, the part that was funny looking, the part that was scared, the part that was very foolish and silly,every single part of ourselves.

Love is the greatest healing power I know. Love can heal even the deepest and most painful memories because love brings the light of understanding to the dark corners of our mind. No matter how painful our early childhood was, loving our inner child now will help us to heal it. In the privacy of our own minds we can make new choices and think new thoughts. Thoughts of forgiveness and love for our inner child will open pathways, and the Universe will support us in our efforts.

bpdinnerchild
(Photo credit: Phoenixrisingpublications.ca

It was through forgiving my mother that I was able to unburden the past and move forward as a parent to my children and as a loving wife to my husband.

If you’re a woman, no matter how self-reliant you are, there is a little girl who’s very tender inside you that needs help. If you’re a man, no matter how macho you are, a little boy inside you craves warmth and affection.

As I said earlier, if you plan to settle down, resolve the conflicts of the past. Learn to forgive yourself and the one who hurt you. Continue to nurture and love yourself.

These days, I embrace my inner child by treating myself once in a while to fun events, ice cream, candy or a new toy (er gadget). I allow myself to laugh and play more.

Use the affirmation: I am perfect, whole, and complete, just as I am. The more you repeat this statement of truth about yourself, the quicker you will release the past.

Covering the ASEAN events #ASEAN2017

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Updated  August 7, 2017: I first wrote this last May . I  updated this blog post to add the media accreditation for the ASEAN 50th anniversary celebration 

Some of you have probably noticed I’ve been tweeting a lot about ASEAN 2017 since January this year. It is part of my work as senior consultant for the Committee on Media Affairs and Strategic Communications, led by the Presidential Communications Operations Office (PCOO). Finally, the first big event , the ASEAN 30th Summit and Related Meetings finally happened. This is it!

Before I write about my views on the statements released by ASEAN , let me share my experience covering the summit.

asean 30th summit

Read my other articles on ASEAN:

– ASEAN beyond 50: What does the future hold for the youth?

– “This is our future” – the school children at the ASEAN School Tour

– Opportunities and challenges of women in the ASEAN

– 10 opportunities and benefits for the citizens in ASEAN

– Opportunities for your children in the ASEAN

–Sharing my social media experience at the 1st ASEAN Social Media Strategy Meeting

– The Philippines as ASEAN Chair: Six thematic priorities

– The ASEAN community 2025 vision: What is in it for me?

– ASEAN, a region of opportunities for the citizens 

It’s my first time as a blogger  to cover an international event. I applied for the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) Economic Leaders’ Meeting held on 18–19 November 2015 in Manila but it was revoked at the last minute.  Don’t look at me.

Asean information booth

This time around, bloggers got accredited to cover the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) 30th Summit. The thing is, I could not cover the meetings just like the rest of the media due to security reasons and also because we were more than 1,400 . There was an information channel, email blast , international broadcast center, and press releases . Nothing beats being right there at  an event and I will get to that experience in a bit.

Media Accreditation

Like the past media accreditation for ASEAN , I had to sign up at the Asean2017.ph website. The registration is buggy. I had to repeat the process all over again and then I get this duplicate record

As to the agency I represent, I put Blog Watch and wrote a letter of request which I needed to be attached in the form. Within 24 hours, I received a confirmation.

READ MORE: Jane’s post on What is all this ado about bloggers at #ASEAN2017?

READ MORE: Sonnie’s post on recent media accreditation of bloggers and other issues.

READ MORE: Juned’s post Asean and Social Media Coverage

The International Media Center

The International Media Center was something new for me.

Main Briefing Room.

Bloggers (Left to right) Jane , Tess Termulo and Marvin Germo

Fortunately, those without laptops had desktops for their use at the main briefing room.  Each table had a charging station for our gadgets.

asean 30th summit

Bloggers at the main briefing room at the ASEAN 30th Summit (Left to right): Ace Gapuz, Sonnie Santos, Mark Macanas, Tess Termulo and Jane Uymatiao

The social media lounge was for everyone to use , especially for those that didn’t bring their laptops…or when their laptops died from overuse.

Social media corner

It was the place to chit-chat, sip coffee  and socialize as the main briefing room is meant for writing in peace and quiet.

READ : Notes on ASEAN Summit 2017, Part I: My Personal Story

bloggers at the social media lounge

The  RFID card was or the Radio-Frequency IDentification is so cool. I think everyone stopped to get their photo taken. Awesome, isn’t it?

The social media coverage

One needed to sign up at the Information desk for Pool Coverage . I was fortunate to get a slot to take photos till the Opening statement of the ASEAN Foreign Ministers Meeting .

A van took the photographers and social media practitioners like myself from the Pool Waiting area to the Philippine International Convention Center (PICC).  The thing is I don’t carry huge gadgets like those professional DSLR and a step ladder so I am told to step back to give way to them.

This is why my photo of the ASEAN Foreign Ministers is not taken from the center. Hmm, maybe I should bring my humongous DSLR next time just so I get a better view.

The iPhone7 Plus has an excellent  zoom feature so I managed to get a shot of Acting Foreign Secretary Manalo in his Opening Statement.

The ASEAN foreign ministers released a statement shortly after their meeting.

“ASEAN is mindful that instability in the Korean Peninsula seriously impacts the region and beyond.”

What a strong statement but silent on China?

There was limited media slots for the Opening Ceremony but if I got an invitation , I could cover it. As a guest of the the Opening Ceremony of the ASEAN 30th Summit, one needed an invitation. I was lucky to get an invite just the night before April 29 from my friends at PCOO .

A shuttle  brought us to the International Media Center to PICC.

Yes, it felt like a fiesta with all the dancers at the lobby.

Everyone had to be inside the PICC by 9:00 AM even if the Opening Ceremony would start  at 10:30 AM.  I understand all these security precautions for the sake of our  10 Asean leaders and even for us, the audience.

I was early enough because the shuttle took me there around 7:30 AM.

The President then delivered his Opening Statement where he emphasized the importance of unity, solidarity, and cooperation among the ASEAN member states.

What stood out is that ASEAN leaders be resolute in achieving a drug-free ASEAN which I hope puts an end to killings and that the drug lords are caught  and charged.

Before the family photo was taken, the ASEAN spirit was sung accompanied by a beautiful dance number. I took this live on facebook and a lot of viewers enjoyed the scene. With my left hand on my iPhone taking the video , I used my right hand to take photos. Notice the shakiness of my live video. It still got a modest number of hits .

This is such a historical moment for me, seeing all the 10 ASEAN leaders.

The ASEAN family photo

The Opening ceremony was pretty  quick but I still had to wait for the press conference by President Duterte . It is my first press conference with a President . Only 150 who signed up got access.

The press conference schedule was  at 7:10 PM but by 5:00 PM, we were brought to the PICC holding area. One line was formed for reporters while the other line for photographers and videographers before we could walk out towards the PICC Meeting room.

The bloggers got a good position just a row behind the seats assigned to the government officials.

The President arrived late , and was probably tired but he mustered to say in jest, “Anak ka ng… Kung ganito lang ang summit, kanselado na ‘yung sa November (If summits are like this, then let’s just cancel the one in November)”

The President then  read a prepared statement but he seemed eager  for the questions from the media. He appeared to be in high spirits with the press that  Saturday night, “even joking that the media should have been invited to the gala dinner with ASEAN leaders and other dignitaries.”

Here is a video of the press conference:

His guests at the Gala dinner were waiting for him so he cut short his press conference . We only had 30 minutes. He had already left the podium but went back to announce that women can have their photos taken with him.

“I am not trying to be a show-off, but I’ve noticed that after every conference, a lot of mostly women would want to have a picture with me. Women, come up and we’ll have the pictures”

I thought he was kidding.  Of course, I wanted a photo with the President. For Prosperity’s sake just as I had the chance with four past Philippine presidents. (The next day , I was surprised our selfies  got featured on page 4 of the Philippine Inquirer)

Lastly ,  not all media got the same giveaways and bag . An Inquirer reporter made such a big deal out of it.   There was another bag distributed to “others” and no phone was in it. Instead, a USB charging/power port was in the bag along with a  notebook and pen, dried mangoes, utility bag and a bamboo speaker. PCOO explains the giveaways in a press statement.

I will write a commentary   about the issues raised at the ASEAN 30th Summit

  1. Why was ASEAN silent about the “the subject of China’s  reclamation activities and military build up in the disputed South China Sea”? (Update: Our Blogwatch article on the South China Sea)
  2.  The Chairman’s statement 30th ASEAN Summit .
  3. The budget for the Philippine hosting.

The controversial  issues left behind by the ASEAN summit  are disappointing but, I must say the Philippine hosting is a success. No major security threat while the delegates and leaders were in our country. The small successes of Asean  include the Philippines and Indonesia allowing a roll-on, roll-off (Roro) vessel route from Davao to General Santos then to Bitung, Indonesia, which cuts the trip from two to three weeks to one or two days. There is much room for improvement in the media access especially for bloggers . But let’s take a look at the last two paragraphs of the President’s opening speech  that look at the positives.

Let us remember: ASEAN has a compelling narrative of positive change [that] we can hold up to the world. Through our distinct ASEAN way, our region – with all its promise – stands at the center of the future of the Asia-Pacific region.

Let us with brave hearts and firm mind resolve to do all we can to make all our aspirations a reality. [This] will be the lasting legacy of ASEAN not just for our peoples but for the whole world.

Each one of us play a part in the vision of ASEAN.

Covering the 50th anniversary celebration

Fitness essentials: a peek into my workout routines, must-have gear, & fitness tips.

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It is not vanity that makes me show off my photos. Okay fine, I am proud of where I am today and I want to share these moments to my friends and relatives through my blog or social media posts. I want to offer hope for those who think a healthy lifestyle is not attainable beyond 40 years old. It is never too late.

Not too long ago, I was unhealthy and borderline obese.

The photo below shows me some 15 years ago. Don't you just love before and after pics? Overweight at 165 pounds then, my blood sugar was pretty high at 180 mg/dl. Perhaps it was because of my deep sadness over my son’s death that I had no desire to take care of myself.

No glow. I hated having my photos taken back then. I didn't even know how to smile.   I struggled with my overweight body until there came a time that my blood pressure shot up to 160/90 which seemed so scary. My stress test showed distressing results that the doctor thought I needed Angioplasty. An angiogram revealed no major arteries were blocked. Phew what a relief. I had to make a choice: Healthy or unhealthy lifestyle?

I know most of you will ask: Is it possible to lead a healthy lifestyle even at past 40?

I’m not too proud of the fact that I became borderline obese but if you’re struggling with health issues and overweight problems at past 40 years old, there is hope. I enrolled at Fitness First in May 2005 and embarked on a healthy diet as planned by nutritionist. I will talk more on the diet in another post.

Let me tell you how frustrating it was to lose weight during the first few weeks. Inspite of the strict diet and exercise, I lost only a measly 3 pounds for the first two weeks. The fat cells just refused to burn. But I thought eventually these fat cells would start burning. My concentration was focused on having a healthy body. I also decided not to weigh myself until someone would say:

oy, you lost weight.

And that didn’t happen until 3 months later. I was excited. I squealed with delight. Finally someone outside the family (your family won’t notice because they see you everyday) noticed. When I weighed myself, I saw that I had lost 20 pounds. Finally…

You can check out my weight loss story here. Even if I lost over 40 pounds, it was hard keeping the weight. I know my metabolism is not that fast anymore and one needs to continue with a consistent fitness and healthy lifestyle program. It is important to have fitness goals and they don't need to be complicated or expensive. My fitness goal is not weight loss anymore but health maintenance.

Here they are:

  1. Get a fitness tracker

A step count goal can motivate you to increase your activity and exercise. If you walk or run 10,000 steps a day — about 8 kilometers, depending on your stride — you’re all good.

It is good to own a fitness tracker, a device or application for monitoring and tracking fitness-related metrics such as distance walked or run, calorie consumption, and in some cases heartbeat and quality of sleep. I use fitbit but there are many other brands out there like Garmin or Samsung fit gear.

I started out with a goal of 7,500 steps but slowly increased to 15,000 steps a day.

"The Mayo Clinic recommends adding 1000 daily steps each week, so if your baseline is 4000 steps per day, set your goal at 5000 steps each day. Meeting your goal may be as simple as an extra five-minute walk, or even parking a few cars further away at the supermarket, depending on your speed and stride."

2. Of course, get good walking shoes that fits you best

The best shoe should give you proper support, flexibility, and cushioning, and compensate for any stride problems.

"You must be able to bend and twist the shoes. When you take a walking step, your foot will flex as you roll through a step from heel to toe. If the shoe is too stiff, your foot will fight it with each step. "

3. Weights for strengthening my triceps

The excess fats will always be my flabby arms so I use weights for strengthening my triceps.

I continue on at home with my five pound weights to get those leaner arms

4.  Burn calories using aerobics like walking on a treadmill or  under the trees

There is the treadmill at the gym but I get bored after 30 minutes. There is nothing like walking with nature.

The UP Academic oval is such a beautiful place to walk. I can imagine the oxygen I breathe in. All these lovely trees bring so much positive vibes. I can only go here during the weekends because there is just so much traffic during the weekdays.  During rainy weather, I walk inside huge malls.

Walking gives me a happy feeling that I look forward to. When I need additional steps and can’t walk outside for some reason , I turn on the video, Jane Fonda: Walking Cardio Workout : Level 1. I know some of you will laugh “JANE FONDA”. She is a role model for prime time women like myself. When I was 23 years old , I followed her exercises and lost 20 pounds back then.

5. Intermittent fasting , my pattern of eating

NOTE: You have to consult your doctor or monitor your blood sugar (for diabetics) before you start on your intermittent fasting.

"Intermittent fasting is not a diet, it's a pattern of eating. It's a way of scheduling your meals so that you get the most out of them. Intermittent fasting doesn’t change what you eat, it changes when you eat."

 

I have been on intermittent fasting since 2010.  I skip dinner each day and eat two meals, the first around 7:00 AM and the second around 11:00 PM. I take a light snack at 3:00 PM. Then, I fast for 16 hours until I start eating again the next day at 6:00 AM. It is dangerous for diabetics to do intermittent fasting but I have monitored my blood sugar and I am still within the normal levels.

Intermittent fasting is one of the simplest strategies  for taking bad weight off while keeping good weight on because it requires very little behavior change.

So now that you know my fitness essentials and tips, the next question is

"Which OPPO #SelfieExpert smartphone will help you show those good looks?"

 

It is none other than the  OPPO F3 #SelfieExpert Dual Selfie Camera.  To see and experience is to believem so I dropped at the nearest OPPO outlet to check it the Oppo F3.

Imagine the possibilities.

1. The dual 16 megapixels f/2.0 + 8 megapixels f/2.4 secondary camera allows you to fit your friends and you into the frame and get that perfect selfie.

2.  Selfie lovers will love the other options Oppo offer such as the live filters, a gif mode, and double exposure and even panorama selfies. I love the bokeh feature. Take a look at my selfie.

3. The Oppo F3 allows you to capture sharp selfies and 120-degree wide-angle view which is great for groupfie shot especially at the gym.

4. The OPPO F3 has an internal storage of 64 gigabytes with 4 gigabytes RAM which means lots of storage space for all your photos, selfies without affecting the performance of your phone.

5. The 3,200mAh battery is good enough to last an entire day with moderate use. And you don’t have to worry about charging. The Oppo F3  comes bundled with fast charging (2A output current) to quickly charge the phone in about an-hour-and-a-half.

6.  Even if not taking selfies, the  rear camera has 13-megapixel sensor  phase detection autofocus  which is handy.

I can imagine taking more selfie moments at the gym  with the Oppo F3 , the #SelfieExpert and mind you, I just want to share you the joys and trials of my fitness journey.

This is my new normal

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Finding my new normal after a loss of a child was something I figured out along the way. Being a blogger is my new normal because I would not have blogged about my recovery if I didn’t have my stories of hope.

The last few days took my breath away. Nothing can ever prepare me whenever triggers of my loved ones’ memories hit me. I have never spoken of the 5 deaths in my family in a span of one hour. Truly, the death of my loved ones shifted the whole foundation of my life. Nothing is as it was.

One effect of losing a loved one especially if death is sudden and unexpected, is that we become newly aware of fragility of life. In the early years of my grief journey… I had this frame of mind. If this tragedy can befall me, what next? It made me fearful and almost paranoid. A mom whose daughter was killed in an auto accident tells me she cannot bear to have her other children come home later than she expected Text me if you’re going to be late. Even 10 minutes. She tells her.

Our security in this world is threatened. Our inner lives are in turmoil. Following the patterns of the day gave me some sense of order so that I will not break apart. I tend to be such a neat freak too. Yet, I recognize that these are primal and irrational fears but the loss I have gone through are not rational, either.

In time, I had the energy and courage to cope with the change. Learning to live a new normal is like learning a new language, a new way of seeing. In a way, I entered a new country. Though the terrain looks very much the same and many of the people are the same people, there is a different light over everything.

Remember how long it took when you moved into your new home or a new town, for it to seem like home? It is the same with a major life change. I had to get used to this new land, this new arrangement of people and relationships. It took time–time to look around, to be surprised, to be brought up short, over and over again. An inner tug of protest inside where I finally acknowledged ….Oh yes, it is different now.

This is my new normal. It is a blessing.